Dr Lupin, MA
by shakespeare's sister
Summary: AU. Remus is teaching Muggle English literature at an English university. Someone from his past shows up in the first lecture of the new year, precipitating some unexpected events. Slash RLSB .
1. A Strange Meeting

Remus remembered the first lesson he had ever taught, although such a momentous occasion would be hard to forget. He was 17, a few months shy of his NEWTs, and the Hufflepuff first-years had needed someone to cover a Defence Against the Dark Arts class. Remus had been among the most talented in his class, no mean feat as it had contained Lily Evans, James Potter and Sirius Black, but he was also the student with the temperament most obviously suited to teach the clueless tiddlers about Lincolnshire pixies (much like their southern counterparts only less malicious, and a less conspicuous shade of blue).

He sat in the lecture theatre awaiting the arrival of his class, thinking back. Back then, he had never dreamed teaching would be what he ended up doing, but as conscientiously and carefully as always he had drawn a meticulous diagram on the blackboard and had explained the pixies' diet, habitat and habits to the first-years, their mouths hanging open at their Head Boy so competently taking their lesson.

Dumbledore had been well pleased with him, Remus thought, recalling meeting with the headmaster in his study after the lesson. Dumbledore had suggested teaching was the ideal future for Remus, but he remembered just shaking his head and laughing, saying he was determined to be a St. Mungo's healer like his maternal grandparents. But now here he was, teaching Muggle literature! Dr. Lupin... he had been so proud the day he had got his Masters. Shame he had had no one to tell...

His face darkened as it always did when he thought about the past. Lily and James had died of course, as had his mother and father. Peter Pettigrew had been thrown into Azkaban when the Dark Lord had been vanquished... and Sirius, well, he had always been a bit rootless, restless... James's betrayal and murder had hit him hard, and he had taken off. Remus and he had severed contact, not due to disagreement... they had just lost touch. Any reminder of the past made it that much harder to get on with life and its living.

Remus was proud of the way he had picked himself up and carried on, though. Lots of hard work and not a few years had passed and now, aged 36, he had earned his place teaching English at a university. Muggle disciplines had been difficult to adjust to at first, the painstaking methods, the lateral thinking and the leaps of imagination. Many had been the time when he had missed the black and white magic study of his earlier life. But now, he was fully immersed in the Muggle world and his wand was buried in the back of his bottom drawer.

And the best thing, he thought to himself, was none of that lycanthropy nonsense. He had been unceremoniously booted out of his St. Mungo's healing apprenticeship at 19 when a patient had discovered his secret. Sheer blind prejudice; after all, if he wasn't working on the night of full moon there was absolutely no danger of him hurting or 'infecting' anyone whatsoever, and not working one night a month wasn't exactly difficult to arrange. But what _is_ lycanthropy? Remus wondered dreamily, sipping at his coffee. He had been over this so many times before, and as always he came to the conclusion, probably some kind of virus that fluctuated in its effects, but how can you possibly tell with magical maladies? Perhaps he should get his blood analysed... no, too risky.

At that moment, the door swung open at the back of the lecture theatre and the first few students of the new year walked in hesitantly, looking around nervously. Remus gave them a welcoming smile and they smiled tightly back. Remus remembered indulgently how he had felt the first day: completely terrified. "It won't take them long to get used to it!" he thought before turning on the computer on the lectern and then leaning back to await the arrival of the rest of the class.

A few minutes later, the lecture theatre was full. No one wanted to be late on their first day. As the clock moved onto 9am, Remus stood up.

'Welcome,' he said warmly. 'My name is Dr. Lupin, and I'm an English literature lecturer, specialising in the nineteenth century. As this is an introductory lecture, I'm just going to give you a bit of historical and cultural background about Victorian England and talk about a few of the most important novels of that time.'

He paused and surveyed the room. All the new students were staring eagerly down at him until he tried to meet their eyes, when they cut their gaze away and stared down at their feet. All, that is, except one. An older, black-haired man looked right back at him and smiled slightly.

The shock of recognition was so strong that Remus felt his knees quake. He gripped the lectern with one hand to steady himself, but his stomach still felt as though he had eaten a hundred Peppermint Toads one after the other.

He swallowed, and with a massive effort, continued.

'So, the nineteenth century. In terms of politics, the century was dominated by the reign of Queen Victoria, from 1837 until 1901, although by this time the power of the monarch had decreased much compared to earlier centuries -'

He gave the lecture mechanically, his mind still fully occupied with the dark-haired man in the middle of the crowd of students. How could it be? But then, how could he possibly mistake...? "But he's fifteen years older," he reminded himself, "he'll have changed a lot..."

At long last, he concluded his lecture, but then the dread settled in the bottom of his stomach. Now surely he was going to find out... what if it wasn't...?

But sure enough, the dark-haired man walked with an easy gait down the stairs of the lecture theatre.

'Done well for yourself, Re,' he grinned, that same old maddening grin and the same old nickname Remus hadn't heard for 15 years, and he felt tears prick his eyes as all the memories of the magical world he had repressed hit him like a physical blow to the solar plexus.

'Sirius,' Remus muttered, 'gods, it is you, I knew it must be. But – why are you here?'

'Same reason as all the others,' Sirius grinned, 'to learn a bit about Muggle books.'

'But – why?'

'You were always reading _something_,' Sirius replied, suddenly becoming entirely serious. 'I always trusted your judgement... even though I lost my way a bit for a while. And in the end, I thought, "hey, better than doing nothing!"' he laughed self-consciously.

'But – why Muggle university? Why nothing magical?'

'I don't know about you Remus, but judging from what you've chosen to do with your life, I'd guess you've done the same as me – distanced yourself from magic and wizards and everything connected with that. People would know me, they'd whisper, "look, Sirius Black! Remember all that Voldemort business? And, remember his family?!", and I didn't want any part of that. I'm happier as a Muggle.'

'But why _here_? Did you know I was here?'

'No, I didn't... but why here? No sure, really, but I always remembered you talking about the Moors and the Peaks, how they were your favourite places in the world... you made them sound nice...'

There was a lot unsaid in that last speech and Remus found it impossible to read between the lines as he used to. This Sirius – he had changed so much, grown up so much, since before.

'Shall we have coffee?' Remus asked suddenly, trying to pull himself together. After all, he was a lecturer and a doctor of English, he wouldn't let himself be upset at reminders of things that had happened aeons ago.

Sirius smiled. 'How delightfully grown up and non-magical,' he commented wryly, and Remus laughed.

He put on his worn old brown jacket, picked up his tatty briefcase and led the way out of the auditorium. Sirius followed in his jeans and grey jacket.

Once outside, where the sun was shining but the air was chilly, Remus stopped and turned to Sirius.

'Do you mind if we don't go to the Union?' he asked. 'Just – I don't think it would be quite the thing for me to be fraternising with you in full view of every student in this place.'

'Of course,' nodded Sirius. "So Remus is still sensible," he thought to himself, and grinned inwardly.

They walked down the hill and found a tiny coffee shop, almost empty because of the time of day, and ordered. Remus had a strong black coffee, Sirius a Coke.

'Bit early in the day, isn't it?' Remus asked with a raised eyebrow.

'Better than your rocket fuel,' Sirius retorted and drank his Coke through a straw like a kid out with his dad.

Remus added three brown sugars to his coffee and stirred it meditatively. There were a lot of questions he was dying to ask; he just didn't know how to begin. He shrugged off his jacket again, loosened his tie and rolled up his shirt sleeves. Sirius stared at his slender white wrists and hands, covered in fine, even whiter scars, and Remus sensed his gaze

'People have said these are doctor's hands... they didn't know about Mungo's, of course...' he said absently, and stretched out his long thin fingers. 'Do you remember?'

'Of course,' Sirius said. 'It would be hard to forget. I don't think I have ever seen you that upset.'

'Except... yes, I was distraught. I was only nineteen; it felt like the end of the world.'

'But you're happy now?'

'Yes – yes.'

'Sure about that?'

'Yes! I have friends here, I love my work...'

'But?'

'But nothing, Sirius! You can't just waltz back here assuming there's something wrong with me just because the things I want and expect from life are a bit different from fifteen years ago!'

'Sorry, sorry,' Sirius said quickly, his eyes widening in alarm at this outburst, which was most uncharacteristic of the Remus he remembered from the old days.

'No. _I'm_ sorry. I shouldn't snap at you; it was a perfectly reasonable question. I'm sure from the outside I look like a dry old don, thirty-six going on sixty. Lost in my work and all that.'

'I could never think you were a dry old don, Re!' Sirius exclaimed. Remus just smiled sadly and pulled a cigarette from a packet in his jacket pocket, lit it and inhaled with his eyes half-closed.

'Then you are in the minority,' he said quietly.

Sirius didn't know what to say. He watched the smoke curl up from Remus's lips, and then met his eyes.

'So no wife and two-point-four children then?' he asked, trying to lighten the tone somewhat.

'Sirius, I may have changed a lot, but I am still a werewolf.'

'And?'

'How many people do you think there are in the world who would be willing to marry a man who turns into a bloodthirsty killer once a month?'

'I don't know, but I'm sure there are _some_,' Sirius replied.

'Maybe. I don't know. How could I tell a Muggle that, anyway? And I couldn't hide it. No, it would have to be someone magical, but aside from all the prejudice and myth which would make them run away anyway, I've decided to have nothing more to do with magic. It would take someone quite extraordinary...' He lapsed into silence, his eyes unfocused behind rectangular glasses. 'So how about you?' he asked finally, aware that the silence was uncomfortable and Sirius was regarding him nervously. 'Haven't found yourself a lovely wee wifey yet? Slow going for the heart throb of Hogwarts!'

Sirius laughed. 'I forgot you didn't know!' he said. 'I'm gay, so no wife for Sirius Black! And sadly no husband either, as yet.'

Remus took off his glasses. His face was naked and somehow vulnerable without them.

'You're _gay_?' he said incredulously. 'But – no offence mate – you were the biggest slut in Gryffindor!'

'Denial, I suppose,' Sirius said uncertainly. 'Didn't really think it was all it was cracked up to be, no idea why – then I found out. Because I'd been having it away with the wrong sex!'

'When did you decide this? When did you find out?' Remus asked curiously.

'Er, must have been a couple of years after – oh – after the last time I saw you. I was about twenty-three I guess, very naïve, accidentally found myself in some weird club in Berlin full of blokes kissing. Thought I'd give it a go – some nice German lad initiated me! And history was made...'

'So it would appear,' Remus smiled, his earlier eruption seemingly forgotten. 'So, what are your plans once you graduate? – although I suppose it's a bit early, it's only your first day!'

'I'm not sure, but I do think I'd like to travel again. Maybe teach English abroad? But I can't see myself settling down in England, that's for sure.'

'Why did you come back?'

'Because I thought I ought to study English literature in England!'

Remus laughed. 'Snob,' he said affectionately. 'So you don't fancy being a journalist or a writer, something like that?'

'No – too much hassle, too all-consuming. I want something I wouldn't think about constantly, and something I think will actually be doing something for someone.'

'Funny. I'd picture you as something glamorous and exciting with loads of flair and dash!' Remus commented.

'I've changed quite a bit since I was a kid, Re,' Sirius said very seriously, and for the first time he was virtually unrecognisable as the laughing Padfoot, one quarter of the Marauders.

'I have no doubt,' Remus said quietly. Then, to make idle conversation, he asked, 'Do you think you'll do any research whilst you're here? Good for your career, you know...'

'Research! I've changed, but not that much! Do you seriously think I'd have the patience, Moony?'

The inadvertent use of the old nickname hung tensely in the air between them.

'I imagine you could do anything you put your mind to,' Remus said lightly to try to fill the uncomfortable gap. 'That is, unless you've changed beyond all recognition.'

'I hope not beyond _all_ recognition,' Sirius said. 'I think I was a great kid!'

They both laughed and then fell silent.

'So, do you have any other classes today?' Remus asked eventually.

'Nope, I'm free 'til Thursday now. I love studying English!' Sirius said.

'Just you wait until your dissertation's due,' Remus said wryly. 'But I'm free too. Do you want to go for a wander around, maybe? I could orientate you, show you the places the cool thirty-somethings in this city hang out!'

Behind the casual words there was an almost pitiful desperation. Sirius's heart melted at the sight of his dignified, intelligent friend virtually begging for his company.

'Of course I'll come,' he agreed. 'But only if you let me pay for this.'

'Deal,' Remus smiled, and Sirius left some change on the table and they exited the café together.


	2. Remus's Flat

Sorry about the delay, anyone who's read the first chapter. My boyfriend came to stay (and I came out to him as a Harry fanficcer and Sirius/Remus shipper! Yay!) and I have been ridiculously bogged down by work. Excuses excuses. Anyway, hope this is worth the wait. Hopefully chapter three arrives sooner rather than later.

* * *

'So Remus, what do you do with your free time?' Sirius asked as they started down the long hill to the city centre.

'Oh, not much, reading usually, sometimes I go out to the Peaks to walk… well, actually, I just started writing something too, so I work on that quite a lot.'

'Writing something? What?' Sirius inquired interestedly.

'Well, it's kind of fictional but kind of not – there's a lot of stuff about, you know, about the things we have carefully not talked about for the last half hour or so. It's mostly true but I suppose Muggles would consider it 'fantasy'.'

'And what will you do with it when you finish?'

'Oh, nothing, it's just for catharsis. I found that I couldn't exorcise all those memories just by not thinking about them so I thought I would give writing it all down a go.'

'And do you think it will work?'

'I don't know. It's bloody hard so I hope so,' Remus replied, his lips tightening as he remembered sleepless nights in his study staring at the pages he had written, eruptions of sobbing brought about by unearthing memories he had forgotten.

'It sounds like a good idea. I know it's just for you personally but… maybe, if you wanted someone else to read over it… I'd be happy to.'

'If you want to.'

'I _do_. I want to know what you've been doing with yourself since I went away.'

'Not much to tell; I'm as boring as ever. Started at university, stayed on after I graduated to do a Masters, did more research and wrote papers that my professors praised and journals published but no one ever read.'

'That's _it_? That's all you have to say about your life?'

'Pretty much – oh, except a few years ago, Severus Snape invented this potion, Wolfsbane, that lets me keep my mind when I transform. That's the most exciting thing that's happened to me since I saw you last.'

'Does it make things easier?' Sirius asked tentatively. Remus had always been very sensitive about his lycanthropy and had never uttered a single word of complaint in all the years he had known him.

'Yes,' Remus said simply, stoical as ever.

'Well then, maybe it's a reason not to hate Snivellus on sight… were I ever to have the misfortune to see him again.'

'He's changed a bit. He's Potions master at Hogwarts, and Head of Slytherin, but I think he's still as miserable and lonely and unprepossessing as ever. I feel more sorry for him now than I ever did.'

'Don't you think you're going a bit too far?' Sirius asked with a wink.

'No,' Remus replied seriously. 'Before, I didn't really understand what we did to him; I didn't understand what it would feel like to be all alone with no friends. Now I do.'

'Oh, Re,' Sirius began weakly. 'I'm sorry for leaving you all alone.'

'It's hardly _your_ fault,' Remus replied with a flash of pride. 'You are not my keeper. What I have made of my life, and failed to make of it, is my own business.'

Sirius smiled. 'Yes, you've changed,' he said suddenly, and Remus looked sideways at him, startled. 'You never used to snap at me, even when I definitely deserved it,' he carried on. 'You allowed me free reign, you were too – I don't know – you wouldn't rebuke me ever. I used to think it was a little strange.'

'The reason,' Remus said, 'that I never said anything was that I was too afraid of losing you three. Ironic really, that I should lose you all anyway despite all my efforts to the contrary.'

'Not all three, not any more,' Sirius replied. 'Not unless you _want_ to lose me, anyway. I've found you again Remus Lupin and this time I won't abandon you for anything!'

'Oh, you say that, but you'll graduate and you'll get some exciting job in some far-flung country and settle down with a nice girl – bloke, sorry – and who can blame you?' Remus said with a grin that didn't reach his eyes.

'Maybe,' Sirius said, not sounding convinced, 'but if I leave again, this time I'm _definitely_ keeping in contact with you, and maybe you'll even convince me to use the floo network so I can come back to visit!'

Remus smiled again but he still didn't look happy. Sirius noted this and elbowed him in the ribs.

'I'm not leaving for years, if at all, and besides, you might want to come with me! I'm sure it's possible to get bored of England!'

'I'm sure you're right… hasn't happened yet, I'm not bored with England exactly… just a bit bored of life.'

'Bored of life! Gods Re, sounds quite serious! Bored how? With work?'

'No, not so much, I do love what I do… but, don't know, I think it's the clichéd 'something missing', you know? Although I'm not sure what it is…'

'Perhaps it's the clichéd 'love'…'

Remus smiled and his eyes crinkled up but he shook his head.

'I think I've resigned myself to that never happening for me.'

And the way he said it, the look on his face, was the saddest thing Sirius had seen for years. Being Sirius, he just got angry.

'Why the hell not? Don't give up Re! Things are getting better for werewolves all the time; they're making regulations…'

'Maybe when you left, they were, some sort of reaction to what happened with Voldemort, the dark creatures joining him because he promised more than the Ministry ever would. But now… it seems people have forgotten that… now, what am I not allowed to do? Leave the country without informing the Ministry; marry; have children; get a Ministry job; get even a Muggle job without explicit written Ministry consent; Apparate more than 50 miles… anything more? Lots, but I think those are the important ones.'

'Merlin…' Sirius breathed, before getting angry once more. 'This is a disgrace! How can they do this to you?'

'Well, I'm used to it,' Remus shrugged. 'What's the point in fighting it all? I'll end up in Azkaban or worse… they still shoot werewolves you know… silver bullets… and frankly, I think my life would be worth less than nothing if I started making a scene. So I'm afraid. Can you blame me? It's not like I _want_ to marry or have children or leave England… well, it's not like I _can_. So why worry?'

Sirius bit his lip. It pained him that his oldest friend was being so passive about vicious discrimination against him, but after all, Remus was talking sense. As ever. He knew how much Remus hated being treated like an animal; more than the actual transformations themselves. However, there was nothing he could do, Sirius saw that; he agreed that the Ministry would come down violently on any werewolf agitators. The pale semblance of a life it seemed Remus led was after all better than no life at all. And since the Wolfsbane, not having to fear killing people, Remus's life must be greatly improved.

He changed the subject, clumsily.

'So who do you hang around with now then?' he asked randomly.

Remus noted the subject change and was grateful. He smiled at Sirius.

'There are a few people in my department, postgrad students, younger lecturers, that I go out with occasionally for drinks. That's pretty much it; I've never been a great one for making friends.'

'I'm always shocked when you say that,' Sirius said, feeling the years drop away as he remembered a shy 11-year old Remus saying the exact same thing. 'Why not? You're funny, you're clever, you're a pleasure to be with.' Remus blushed in pleasure. 'Don't you deny it! I always enjoyed your company just as much as James' you know.'

'What a compliment!' Remus smiled wryly. 'Thank you Sirius. You always know the right thing to say to me.'

'I do know you ridiculously well, having slept in your room for seven years,' Sirius said with a wink.

'I suppose there would be no excuse for you not knowing me well, then,' Remus agreed. 'But – oh, I can't tell you how glad I am to see you. I wondered about you a lot, you know. And what a coincidence – you showing up in my lecture!'

'Well, actually, not entirely a coincidence,' Sirius admitted. 'I wanted to study English, and away from London… but when I saw your name on the website, well, that was it. I was desperate to sit in on your lectures – and see your reaction when I first appeared!'

'Did it live up to expectation?' Remus laughed.

'Oh yes!' Sirius grinned. 'Confusion and utter bafflement followed by pleasure.'

'But why did you never get in touch with me?' Remus asked.

'I'm not sure… I was nervous, very nervous. Worried I would disrupt your orderly life.'

'You have done that – not that there was much to disrupt.'

'So if I wasn't here, what would you be doing?'

'Sitting in a café, smoking and drinking coffee.'

'Aha.'

'But I can't tell you how glad I am that I'm not alone. I seem to spend the vast majority of time on my own. Bad for my lungs… too many cigarettes.'

'Yes, Remus, I'm surprised to see _you_ smoking. Not very health-conscious eh.'

'No, not very… I'm sorry,' he said with a smile.

'Not to worry. As a matter of fact, I've kicked the habit. A couple of months ago. Still crave the bastards, not the nicotine any more, just the habit. Like you, a lot of time alone. Can't stop myself reaching for the fuckers and lighting just one more…'

'I have a twisted notion that it makes me more continental and cool,' Remus confessed. 'Stupid of course. But hey, life is for the living. I don't live for anyone else, so why should I stop?'

'Maybe now I'm back I will give you a reason to stop!' Sirius said.

'Hope so,' Remus replied. 'It's about the only time I wish I had a significant other – someone to nag me to stop.'

'Surely not the _only_ time,' Sirius said before he could stop himself. "Of course not the only time, you dolt!" he lectured himself inwardly. "Tactless as ever, aren't we?"

'Don't worry,' Remus said, clearly seeing some of his inner turmoil. 'Of course it's not the only time, but I have to make light of it, don't I?'

'Being Remus, of course you do,' Sirius replied.

'I think that's a compliment. I shall take it as such,' Remus observed.

After a pause, Sirius asked, 'Where are we going?'

'Not entirely sure,' Remus replied. 'Thought we could have a wander… unless there's something else you want to do?'

'If you don't mind, could we save it for another day?' Sirius asked. Remus looked hurt but nodded. 'But I don't want to rid you of my no doubt tedious company yet! I want to find somewhere, catch up… hell, Re, I just want to chat!'

Remus' face brightened. 'How about my flat?' he suggested. 'We're pretty near… I have a fine selection of Muggle liquor if you fancy… and lots of food in.'

'Sounds good! I'm starving!' Sirius replied.

'I live just down there – in the so-called 'bohemian quarter',' Remus said. 'About five minutes.'

'Excellent,' Sirius replied. 'Sure you don't mind me coming for a nosy?'

'Not at all!' Remus said. 'Where are you staying?'

'Oh, in a uni flat, with a couple of well-meaning but annoying 18 year olds, a few twenty-somethings and another thirty-something like myself.'

'What's the thirty-something like then?'

'Oh, she's a nice girl. Woman. Studying medicine, all due respect. I think it sounds like a nightmare! Five years of hard slog! I'm glad I'm doing a lovely airy-fairy arty-farty subject.'

'Oi, that's my extremely strenuous discipline you're belittling,' Remus said, pretending to be annoyed.

They took the piss all the way down the hill to Remus's home. He stopped in front of a lovely old building and took out his key.

'This is gorgeous!' Sirius exclaimed.

'The plumbing's crap and the electricity's dodgy but I – er – _fixed_ it remarkably quickly and now I'm Mr Popular,' Remus said.

'How long have you lived here? What are the other people like?'

'About five years, and very nice,' Remus said as he let them in.

The hall was dark. Remus led them up the stairs and along a dark passage and then opened another door.

'Et voila,' he said self-consciously. 'My humble abode.'

'It's pretty cool,' Sirius said honestly. It was light and airy; the old dark floor boards were bare and the walls were white. Old film prints hung on them, and white curtains fluttered in the breeze. There wasn't much furniture; a white sofa, a dark coffee table, a little television with a huge stack of videos next to it. 'Just right for you,' he continued.

'_I_ like it,' Remus said. 'The kitchen is through there,' he pointed to a dark door with a stained glass panel at the top, 'bedroom's there,' a door hanging open to reveal more white walls and a huge white bed, 'bathroom off the bedroom, and that's it.'

'I like it,' Sirius said decisively. 'Can I use the loo…'

'Go for it,' Remus said, and moved towards the kitchen door. 'Sandwiches okay?'

'Yes, great,' Sirius said. He went off through the door into Remus's bedroom and stared around. More film posters, hundreds and hundreds of books in a bookshelf and stacked everywhere and an old-fashioned wardrobe. It felt very bare and clean; Remus-ish, he decided. He went through the bathroom door. No more white here. The walls were bright aquamarine with marbled greyish tiles on the floor and a big white bathtub.

When he came out, he heard a kettle whistling and went into the kitchen. It was almost freakishly clean like the rest of the flat. Remus stood staring out of the window at the people passing below.

'Nice flat,' Sirius said conversationally.

'Better than student accommodation, I trust?'

'Oh yes, definitely.'

'Salad okay? I don't have much… I'm a vegetarian still.'

'Wow – that must be, what, fifteen years? Blimey mate!'

Remus smiled, and sliced baguettes whilst Sirius drifted around the kitchen, opening cupboards.

'You are _so tidy_,' he announced in an awed whisper.

'Wasn't I always? Jane teases me that I have OCD,' Remus laughed.

'Jane? Who?'

'I work with her. She's a nice woman, friendly. She comes round here quite a lot.'

'And…?' Sirius asked with a glint in his eye.

Remus laughed. 'Gay,' he said. 'Apparently I am 'non-threatening'. She said all her friendships with straight men end when they hit on her. I promised not to… we get on well.'

'Glad to hear it,' Sirius said. A tiny bit of him was jealous that Remus should have such a good friend, but he laughed at himself. "A few minutes ago you were worrying that he didn't have any friends. Now you're worrying because he does?" 'As if you'd hit on anyone who didn't want to be hit on – or even if they did,' he said out loud.

'What, you think I'm some sort of nervous wreck?' Remus demanded.

They both laughed. 'No mate… you're just a tad more reticent than most men when it comes to discussing sex with women.'

'Is that a bad thing?'

'Nope – just you. No wonder they love you so much. But they must get frustrated when they _want_ to be hit on.'

'Better they're frustrated now than scared – no, _terrified_ - off later on, hey?' Remus said, and went back to making their lunch.


	3. A Couple of Phone Calls

Little quiz for you ;-) anyone know what city they're in?! Hope you enjoy!

* * *

'Seriously, I think you think that you being a werewolf is a bigger barrier than it actually is. James and me and – Peter – didn't mind it, did we? It didn't bother us. We liked you before and it made no difference to that.'

'Sirius. Do I have to spell it out? What woman in the world wants a man who transforms hideously into an evil beast once a month? Especially when the man can't even commit to marriage or children or anything like that. That's what women want; a nice dependable normal man who wants to settle down and have a nice dependable normal life. And I can't offer that. I have accepted that; it's taken a while but I _have_. I'm happy with my life, though it might not look like much.'

'Remus! Don't be so defeatist! Have you ever even told a person, apart from me and James and Peter – and Dumbledore?'

'I've been over this! A muggle couldn't cope with it, and a witch wouldn't want to.'

'They might be willing – for _you_.'

'Oh come on. An embittered, mentally and physically scarred, poor lecturer who happens to be a wolf every full moon? I don't have any traits that would even make up for that, let alone make a woman disregard them to the extent that she would still want to be with me.'

Sirius stared open-mouthed at Remus. His face was composed and calm but terribly pale and sad. He clearly wasn't fishing for compliments. This was obviously what he himself believed.

'But – _Re_! How can you think such a thing! No traits to make up for that my arse. You can't see past your only fault! And it's not even a fault – not _your_ fault. Gods – where shall I start? You're clever and -'

'You don't have to give me a eulogy on what you perceive as my good points, you know.'

'I _want_ to! If only I could make you believe it yourself!'

'I think I'm a lost cause, Sirius.'

'Please Remus,' Sirius almost pleaded. If he had stopped to consider his actions, he would have been mystified at his own behaviour, his lack of pride and dignity, but he didn't stop. 'What do I have to do to convince you?'

'Stop, okay, just stop. I don't – I don't want to hear…' Remus stuttered. He bit his lip but tears filled his eyes. Sirius looked horrified. In two bounds he had gathered Remus up in his arms.

'Oh man, now I've made you cry, god I'm useless, I'm so so sorry Remus… you just don't understand how frustrating it is for me to look at you saying that stuff and just try to _accept_ it. There's no way I can _agree_ with it. Oh, hey, shh now, it's okay,' he murmured as his frustration gave way to empathy. For all his tactlessness, Sirius Black was a kind man who would give his life for his friends. And despite the long time gap that had passed, he felt as though he and Remus had just picked up where they left off and were best mates again. He stroked Remus's back and murmured soothingly into his brown and grey hair whilst the werewolf fought to regain his self-control.

Eventually Remus pulled away from his grasp.

'Sorry Paddy,' he said with a feeble attempt at his usual wry smile. His eyes were red and he sniffed. 'Going to the bathroom.'

And Sirius was left alone in the kitchen, wondering what exactly had just happened.

When Remus reappeared, he looked much like his usual self, although his hair was wet round the edges where he had washed his face. He ran a distracted hand through it and it stuck up in tufts. When they were at school, Sirius had wondered for a while whether this quintessential Remus gesture was as put on at James Potter's. He had realised that in fact Remus only did it at times when his mind was preoccupied with other things and did it unconsciously.

'I finished the sandwiches,' Sirius said. He had indeed; they were sitting on plates and everything else was neatly put away.

'Thanks,' Remus said with a smile, and grabbed a bottle of wine standing in a corner. 'Shall we?'

They repaired to the lounge where Sirius sprawled on the sofa and Remus perched on the upright chair in the corner.

'What are you doing over there? Doesn't look comfy!' Sirius remarked.

Remus giggled – actually giggled! 'I feel a bit weird,' he admitted nervously. 'I mean – sobbing on your shoulder and now eating lunch as if nothing had happened.'

'I've seen you cry before, Moony,' Sirius said sombrely.

'I know that – but it's been a while eh?'

'It doesn't feel like it, really. Strange how it feels like time has gone backwards and I'm reduced to 18 year old Remus again. Not sure how much I like it…'

'Come here… come on… tell me. Tell me why you cried.'

Remus obeyed, standing up and padding softly on bare feet over to the sofa, where he curled his legs up under him in the way that Sirius remembered well and ran his hand through his hair once more.

'I cried -' he began. 'I cried because, Merlin, I realised I've just been deluding myself ever since I've been here. I realised how much I don't want to be alone. I realised I do want love and all that romantic to-do that I never thought I needed. And you gave me hope, just a little, that I can have all that. I can meet the woman, the right woman, and she won't mind me being a wolf, and I can finally be _normal_.'

Sirius grinned. 'Nothing to cry about, Moony!' he announced cheerfully. 'It might take a bit of looking but I'm sure you'll find her right enough.'

'I've wasted a lot of time, though, time I should have been looking and getting out and having experience so at least I know what I'm looking for,' Remus mused.

'No matter about that. You've got plenty of time. You're only 36!' Sirius said. 'And, I might add from the point of view of a biased middle-aged poofter, still as devastatingly handsome as ever.' He nudged Remus in the ribs conspiratorially and laughed, and Remus laughed too, shakily, still accustoming himself to the idea that from here on in, for the first time ever, he was on the look-out for a lover. 'So what's the plan of action?' Sirius continued.

'Oh – uh – plan?' Remus managed to gasp.

'Yes, plan, you dolt! Ms. Right isn't just going to show up on your doorstep begging to marry you, you know.'

'So – what would you advise?'

'Well Moony m'lad, I'd advise asking your mate Jane if she knows any likely lasses… open-minded would be good….'

'Sounds like a plan…'

'Course it does! I'm Padfoot, master Marauder! So, you've got one of those muggle telephones. Ring her up now!'

'N-now? But Sirius, I thought -'

'You think too much! Go on!'

Remus shot Sirius an 'I-don't-know-whether-to-hug-you-or-kill-you' look and picked up the old telephone off the table. He dialled the number from memory and soon Jane was on the line.

'Hey mate,' she said warmly. 'How are you?'

'I'm good actually. Great!' Remus said nervously. 'I've just met up with an old friend from school…'

'Oh, that's pretty cool. Male or female?'

'Male.'

'Damn! Still – good for you eh?' she said mischievously and Remus could visualise her winking. Then he realised what she had said.

'Good for me? _How_?'

'Oh don't come over all coy with me, Remus Lupin. I knew there was a reason we got on so well, why you didn't try and cop a feel every time I bent over,' she said, and laughed.

'Jane! I'm not gay!'

Her laughter stopped.

'No?'

'_No_.'

'You're sure?'

'_Yes_ I'm sure!'

'Ah,' she said. 'Well…'

'Actually, that was why I was ringing. You see, Sirius -'

'Random names the kids had at your school.'

'You're not wrong.'

'Sorry, carry on.'

'Yes, anyway, Sirius was wondering why it was I didn't have a girlfriend. And he made me wonder. And so, we were wondering, that is to say, _I_ was wondering…'

'Wondering _what_ Reme?' she asked, her voice clearly amused.

'Wondering if you had any friends who'd want to go out with a thirty-something bachelor with greying hair and a boring job.'

'Hmm…' Jane thought deeply for a few moments. 'Actually, yeah, I know a het chick from uni, we've kept in contact, she lives down past Ranmoor, near the Peaks. Studied History, now she's a secondary school teacher. Into books, films and the like. Reckon you'd get on pretty well…'

'Oh really?' Remus asked, feeling butterflies in his stomach for the second time that day.

'I'll give her your number, get her to give you a call. I think she'll be pretty interested…'

'Thank you!'

'No probs. Good luck! You deserve someone as nice as you,' Jane said. 'So,' she continued, 'when am I going to see you again?'

Remus smiled. 'How about Friday – it's Climax, isn't it?' he joked.

'I _will_ get you to come one day,' she threatened darkly.

'Sadly for the male of the species, I like women,' Remus said firmly. 'And I imagine everyone thinks the same as you – I don't want to enhance my gay image any more than I already have!'

Jane giggled. 'Your loss!' she announced. 'So, I'll give you a ring later in the week, find out how things went with Anna, and then we can get together for films and popcorn and muchos alcohol?'

'Sounds lovely,' Remus acquiesced. 'Speak to you soon.'

'Bye, love,' she said, and hung up. Remus turned to Sirius.

'I did it!' he said, shocked and somewhat dazed.

'Good one! You'll be getting it on in no time,' Sirius said and winked. To his surprise, Remus blushed dark red.

'Yeah,' he muttered.

Sirius stared hard at him for a few moments before recognition stunned him. '_Re_! You're still a virgin! _Aren't_ you?!'

'Yeah,' Remus said again, even quieter this time.

'Oh blimey, if I'd have known I'd have come back a decade sooner! Remus Lupin!'

'Oh, come on Sirius, it's not that big a deal,' Remus said, embarrassed.

'No? Then how come…'

'I just didn't want to do it with anyone, you know? Just get it out of the way. I wanted it to be more than a quick fuck with a stranger.'

'That's sweet,' Sirius whispered. 'Remus-ish.'

Remus smiled gratefully at him, and the subject under discussion wheeled around to Sirius's love life.

'So you'll be going to Climax then?' Remus asked curiously.

'Climax?'

'Big gay night at the Students' Union!' Remus explained.

'Oh, I should think so! Time for a boogie… time to unleash Sirius Black on an unsuspecting England once more!' Sirius said, and pulled a face. 'Maybe Re, but I don't fancy it by myself. Could I perhaps persuade you…?'

Remus bit his lip. 'I suppose I owe you a favour,' he decided. 'Okay – but promise me you won't kiss any blokes right in front of me?'

'Promise!' Sirius laughed. 'As long as you don't flaunt your new girlfriend in front of _me_!'

'Deal. And now, perhaps, time to eat, and crack open that rather good bottle of Sauvignon being neglected on the table.'

'Now _that_ sounds like a plan,' Sirius agreed.

They began eating in silence but soon the peace was broken by Remus, first smiling and then chuckling to himself, and finally choking inelegantly on a bite of sandwich.

Sirius thumped him on the back.

'What was _that_ all about?' he demanded.

'I was just thinking – oh, you've been back in my life for five minutes and it's already wildly disrupted. Going on dates… going to a gay club!'

'It's my speciality,' Sirius told him smugly. 'Wreaking havoc.'

'I can see _why_ you think it's your speciality,' Remus agreed, recovering his breath before laughing again. 'Do you remember that time you hid miniature Dungbombs on the Slytherins' quills, and then when they held them to write they burst the bombs and the Potions room had to be evacuated. Merlin, may I never smell anything like that again!'

Sirius chuckled richly. 'Ah, those were the days,' he agreed. 'And what about when we somehow got hold of that bottle of Firewhiskey, and you drank us all under the table? Damn werewolf… I can still remember just how bad I felt the next day, all because I was absolutely determined to beat you! Took me years to drink Firewhiskey again, I tell you!'

They carried on swapping reminiscences, drinking wine and laughing madly at all the stupid things they had done at Hogwarts. By common assent they refrained from mentioning Peter Pettigrew, and also any events after they had left school, when things had turned horribly sour.

The hours went by. Their sides ached from laughing, Sirius slightly tipsy and Remus light-headed with the feeling of companionship, not having to pretend anything or keep any secrets. He teased Sirius about his terrible ('sluttish!') ways with the women and just how hypocritical of him it was to come out as gay, and Sirius teased him right back about his unconquerable shyness of females while they were at school. But very gently.

Suddenly, the phone rang. Both men jumped, and then Remus paled.

'It's her!' he said.

'Pick it up then!' Sirius encouraged him.

Shaking, Remus did just that.

'Hello?' he said hesitantly.

'Hello – Remus?' a strange female voice asked.

'Yes, that's me… Anna?'

'Yes – Jane just rang me, said she thought – you thought – well…'

Remus laughed nervously. 'Yes – she promised she'd ask you if you wanted to – well, do you want go out for a drink sometime?'

'Yes – that sounds lovely. How about down on Division Street – the old fire station?'

'Great, great… Wednesday at seven okay?'

'Yes, that sounds fine. See you there!'

'Bye,' Remus said bemused, and hung up. 'I have a date,' he announced.

'Good one!' Sirius held up his hand to high-five, and Remus grinned and smacked it.

'I have a date!' he said again. 'Good lord!'


	4. A Date

The rest of the day passed smoothly in pleasant reminiscences of the usual type between two old friends who hadn't seen each other in over a decade. Still they agreed by unspoken assent not to discuss James and Lily's deaths but aside from that, nothing was sacred. Sirius told Remus about discovering he was gay but having no one to actually tell, and Remus told Sirius about getting his doctorate but having no one to tell. They smiled sadly, hugged, and swore never to be parted like that again, or at least to maintain contact if either of them ever moved away.

They finished the wine and moved onto the next bottle.

Remus began to confide in Sirius his doubts about this date with Anna. He told him the history of his love life to date; it didn't take very long. Kissed three women, anything else with none. He had never seen anyone else naked; no one had ever seen _him_ naked.

'Except me, Moon,' Sirius reminded him archly when the conversation seemed to be becoming a little uncomfortable for Remus.

'Merlin, yes, I forgot about that! When I was changing and you just barged on in to the bathroom…'

'I was hideously embarrassed to be standing there looking at you in the altogether…'

'How did you think _I_ felt? Mr. Virgin that I am?!'

Sirius cackled evilly and Remus poked him.

'Hopefully Anna can change that,' Sirius said with a lewd wink.

'That's not the _only_ reason I'm going out with her,' Remus declared. 'I happen to rather be hoping she will be the love of my life.'

Sirius's eyes were soft and kind. 'I hope so too,' he said. 'But don't pin _all_ your hopes on her. Plenty more fish in the sea.'

'Yes, I know,' Remus said and his eyes took on a faraway look as Sirius watched him.

'What's sex like?' he asked suddenly, startling Sirius by snapping back into everyday conversational Remus.

Sirius gawped.

'Er – fun?' he spluttered. He thought about it for a second. 'I am the wrong person to ask,' he said. 'I have always heard sex with someone you love is something more than just physical pleasure… I wouldn't know.'

'You have never been in love _and_ had sex with them?'

'I have done one and the other, but not both.'

'Who did you love?'

'Oh – someone a long time ago… only ever one person… and I didn't even realise until years after! Stupid, aren't I?'

'Oh I don't think so,' Remus said with his eyes dreamy again. 'It's hard to tell till after, sometimes… after all, love's not exactly something you expect to happen.'

'You're not wrong,' Sirius said emphatically. Then he stared at Remus. 'Have _you_ ever been in love?' he asked incredulously.

'Is it really so hard to believe?' Remus asked, amused. 'But since you ask… I don't exactly know. Perhaps… I mean, if the person had been someone else – something else – then I would say yes. But as things are – I just don't know…'

'Who?'

'_Someone a long time ago_,' Remus mimicked Sirius perfectly and Sirius smiled, but Remus still thought he looked curious. "I shouldn't have even brought it up – he'll _never_ let it rest now!" he thought. But to his relief Sirius did not pursue the subject.

Instead, he asked Remus, 'So what will you do on Wednesday if she asks to come back to your flat?'

Remus blinked once or twice. 'It depends how much I like her,' he said thoughtfully. 'If I don't really – if we don't – I don't know, but I don't think I need to be _in love_ to sleep with her. I've been waiting too long. I don't want to make it to 40 still a virgin… but equally, I don't want the experience to be something I regret, and I won't do anything unless I like her.'

'Very wise,' Sirius commented. 'Are you nervous?' he asked.

Remus just laughed. 'As if you'd understand nervousness when it comes to – I don't know – affairs of the heart, shall we say? Yes Sirius, I am nervous. I'm nervous about what to say, how to act, whether she'll like me, everything. But it will be fine. _She'll_ know what she's doing, even if _I_ don't.'

'Fair enough… you know, Remus, I don't believe you've never had opportunities for – stuff – before. What made you turn down hordes of women?'

'Hordes? I think you overestimate my attractiveness to the opposite sex,' Remus said.

'You're too modest!' Sirius exclaimed. And it was true. Even if Remus had been less attractive than he was, Sirius would still have said that, like the good friend he was. But Remus had grown up well. He was slightly taller than average height, slender and graceful, longish wavy brown hair falling around his pointed, pale face with his strange amber eyes as always making his gaze intense and unnerving for the observed. True, his hair was greying and his skin was creased into lines around his eyes and mouth, but somehow it just made him look mature, trustworthy; as if he knew something of life.

Feeling himself under scrutiny, Remus laughed self-consciously and drew the conversation back to their schooldays. That was safe, and less embarrassing all round. The day passed quickly and the sky darkened outside.

Remus interrupted the conversation with the remark that they were sitting in the gloom, and he got up and switched the light on. Sirius yawned and stretched himself luxuriously.

'I suppose I'd better go,' he said reluctantly. 'I've already got an essay to be getting on with, and I bet you have work you've been neglecting for me.'

'It's true,' Remus said, his eyes twinkling, 'but it's definitely been worth it.'

'We have to get together again – how about Thursday?' Sirius asked. 'I have a couple of lectures – one by you! – and then I'm free from 3pm onwards.'

'Excellent plan,' Remus said happily. 'Do you want to come here? I only have your class's lecture all day and I'm free, so I'll occupy myself till whenever you arrive…'

'I'll be here at quarter past 3 or so,' Sirius said, 'if that's okay?' Remus nodded. 'And we can dissect your date!' he added roguishly, before leaping out of his seat and down the stairs with Remus chasing him playfully. 'I'll see you on Thursday!' he yelled as he walked out into the evening and soon disappeared amongst the crowds. Remus watched him go, lost in thought, before he eventually realised he was cold, and closed the front door.

Remus stood nervously in the bar on Wednesday evening, waiting. He had spent a good few minutes deciding what to wear, and had eventually settled on an untucked, fairly fitted white shirt and black linen trousers. He wanted to look smart, but not too smart, but as he waited in a bar filled with chattering youngsters in their glad rags he wondered if perhaps he had gone too low key. He bit his lip and took a drag on his cigarette.

As he watched the door, a thirty-something woman walked through it. She was, he admitted to himself, very beautiful; tall for a woman, slim and elegant, in a black wraparound dress that showed her figure, with heavy brown hair falling to her shoulders. She walked up to the bar and stood next to Remus. Both of them held their breath and willed the other to speak.

Eventually Remus broke the silence.

'Anna?'

'Yes,' she smiled, 'that's me. And you're Remus?'

'Yes,' Remus smiled back. 'Can I get you a drink?'

From all the films he had watched, he had gathered that this was accepted dating protocol. Anna seemed to have been expecting it, because she nodded immediately.

'Red wine, please,' she said.

Remus turned to the barman, who had appeared in front of them, and ordered two glasses of red wine. They quickly arrived and he handed Anna's to her without incident.

'Shall we sit down?' she asked.

'Yes – yes,' Remus agreed, and followed her into a dark corner which had a vacant sofa. They settled themselves, not too far apart but not too close either, and started to chat, awkwardly at first but soon more fluently.

'Jane told me she knew you from university,' Remus asked. 'What were you studying?'

'Ah – history. But we knew each other from our very first year, in halls. We were on the same corridor, then lived together for years; during our degrees and then whilst she did her Masters and I took a teaching course. We only moved out when we both got jobs and thought it was probably about time to start growing up a bit, and decrease our alcohol consumption… we still see each other a lot though. What about you? You two seem pretty good friends… you're an academic as well?'

'Yes – I lecture in English lit.'

'You enjoy it?'

'Oh, I love it! Literature is my passion… but teaching comes a close second. I'm not much of a fan of lecturing but I really enjoy the seminars and tutorials I teach.'

'I know what you mean… teaching small groups, you just see the students get so much more out of it: the extra attention I suppose.'

'Everyone needs a little attention,' Remus said thoughtlessly, and Anna laughed.

'You're very right,' she smiled. There was a pause, and then she said, 'Do you mind me asking a personal question?'

Remus looked a little apprehensive, and she smiled reassuringly. 'Nothing bad, I promise. Just – I was wondering about your name. Remus Lupin. Where are you – your parents – from?'

Remus smiled in relief. That question was easy. 'They're Welsh, and so am I – can't you tell from the accent?'

'Why did you leave Wales?'

'I take it you've never been…' Remus commented wryly, and Anna laughed. 'I went to boarding school when I was 11, so I only spent school holidays there anyway, and then once I had finished I just never really went back. Still got the accent though, just a bit.'

'I like it,' Anna said decisively. 'I like a man with an accent.'

Remus felt his heart speed up. "Oh goodness, she's flirting with me." He supposed he should feel pleased, but instead he felt vaguely trapped, and more than a little nervous.

'So, er, where are you from, originally?' he asked quickly.

'I was born in Bristol but escaped as soon as possible – when I was 18, to come to uni here.'

'I've heard Bristol is very beautiful.'

'Beautiful, but full of junkies and thieves and god knows what else. It's pretty rough, and the people aren't friendly. Not like here. And, importantly, it doesn't snow down south!'

'You like the snow?'

'Love it! It's so romantic…'

Remus squirmed a bit, before realising he was doing it and consciously forcing himself to stop. Instead he withdrew his battered cigarette packet and lit a Camel, and inhaled like a drowning man gasping in oxygen before his head bobs under the sea once more. Anna smiled at him and he managed a quick grimace that looked slightly like a smile in return before sucking on his cigarette once more.

'You oughtn't smoke,' she told him lightly. 'Very bad for you. Unsociable habit.'

'I'm an unsociable man,' Remus replied, and she laughed. "I wasn't joking!" he thought to himself.

The evening continued much along the same vein. Remus kept casting about for safe topics of conversation - film, sport, music, art – but every time Anna made even the slightest suggestive comment, he lost his head and desperately searched for something new to talk about. Even the three glasses of wine didn't manage to relax him sufficiently to just enjoy the woman's company.

Eventually it was ten to eleven and the bell rang for last orders. Remus drank the dregs of his wine, more relieved than he could possibly have articulated, and Anna followed suit. They stood up and exited the bar together.

'Thank you for a lovely evening,' Remus lied politely. 'I'll walk you to the taxi rank.'

'Oh, do you not need a cab?'

'No, I live just off Division Street… only about five minutes walk.'

'Well – could I possibly come back for coffee? I could order the taxi to come there… there won't be one at the rank at this time.'

Remus's heart sank, but he smiled civilly and nodded. They walked in silence down the road, and then paused in front of his house while he fumbled for his key. He let them in and led Anna up the stairs and into his flat.

'Coffee?' he asked.

'White, no sugar, please,' she asked cheerfully. He went into the kitchen and stared at the kettle as it boiled. Then there was a tiny noise behind him and he started round.

'Hello,' Anna said quietly. 'I wondered if perhaps… I could stay the night?' Then she closed the few feet between them and gently touched Remus's lips with her own before sliding her hands around his waist and slipping her tongue into his mouth.

"It could maybe be nice, if I just closed my eyes…" Remus thought despairingly, but he was too fundamentally decent to be kissing some girl and thinking of someone else. He moved backwards, out of Anna's arms, and she blushed with embarrassment.

'I'm sorry,' she muttered. 'I thought -'

'No, it's my fault,' Remus apologised unhappily. 'I should – well, I should never have gone out with you in the first place. It's not – oh, this is such a cliché – it's not you, it's me.'

'You like someone else?'

Remus nodded. Easier to let her think that…

'Ah well,' she said with a sad smile. 'All the best ones are taken. I hope you get your girl, Remus. You deserve someone nice.'

'Thank you,' he said in a low voice. 'I'm so sorry about this whole debacle. Please don't blame Jane – I did ask her to do this; she had no idea about – my feelings.'

'Oh Remus – is it _Jane_? You don't know she's -'

'Gay. Yes. But no, I'm not in love with Jane.'

Anna didn't look convinced but she let it slide.

'Well, I still had a good evening,' she said determinedly. 'Take care of yourself, Remus, and good luck.'

'Thank you,' Remus said again, and stood helplessly, arms by his sides, as she let herself out. As the front door clicked shut he clenched his fists and ground his teeth together, before striding into his room and, throwing himself on his bed, wept stormily for a few minutes like the frustrated adolescent he had been twenty years ago. Then he sat up, pulled himself together – wiped his eyes, blew his nose, got up to make tea, lit a cigarette and perched on the counter waiting for the kettle to boil again whilst running over the same few facts over and over again in his mind.

"Anna is a beautiful woman. I am a single straight man. Single straight men fuck beautiful women even if they don't love them. I couldn't even kiss Anna. What is wrong with me?"


	5. Uncomfortable Occurrence

Sorry for updating delay once more, but I'm a lazy cow.

* * *

Remus dragged himself out of bed the next day for his nine o'clock lecture to Sirius's class. He was tired - hadn't slept well – and when he glanced in the mirror it was painfully obvious. He showered quickly, grabbed a banana and headed out into the street. For once it was sunny, and he squinted as the sun hit him full in the face.

He walked quickly up to the university and took his place at the front of the theatre. Most of the students were there already. He quickly scanned the crowd for Sirius – yes, there he was, near the front, sitting with a couple of girls. Remus grinned to himself. In the olden days, those girls would have been entertaining high hopes as to their chances of getting intimate with Sirius Black. Remus hoped they had been disabused of their aspirations by his friend.

"Wouldn't be fair to let them trail about after you, thinking they have a chance with you when they really don't," he thought to himself. Without pausing to think what emotion that sudden notion stemmed from, he glanced up at the clock 9 am. Time to start.

'Glad to see you're all surviving freshers' week,' he smiled at them. Quite a few groaned, a faint greenish tinge to their skin, and he laughed. 'I wouldn't hit the bottle quite so hard in future before a 9 o'clock start. You'll never live it down if you vomit in a lecture theatre in front of all your classmates.'

There was an appreciative laugh, and Remus smiled happily.

'Well, down to business I suppose. As I told you, I'm a lecturer in nineteenth-century novels. My speciality is George Eliot, and it is she whom we will be discussing this morning.

'Now, Eliot had an interesting life, considering the fact that she was a woman in a time when women's roles in life consisted of little more than giving birth every 9 months and looking after their husbands. Ironic really, seeing as the ruler of the country was a woman… but I digress.

'Eliot, as I _hope_ you all know, is a pseudonym. Her real name was Mary Ann Evans, but she chose the masculine _nom de plume_ because she felt her work would not be taken as seriously if people knew she was a woman… she was probably right…'

Remus carried on, the students all paying far more attention than he himself to what he was saying. He had given this lecture so many times, he knew the life and work of George Eliot so well; there was no need for total concentration. Instead he concentrated on Sirius. He was sitting, scribbling furiously most of the time but occasionally looking up and, when he met Remus's eye, grinning and winking. Every time he winked, Remus couldn't help himself smiling just a little.

'… and so, that in essence is why I consider Middlemarch one of the greatest literary achievements of the nineteenth century, and George Eliot one of the greatest writers.

'Your first essay, which isn't worth any of your final mark but which you will get into a lot of trouble if you don't bother to submit, can be one of about twenty questions on the sheets being passed round. It's due at 12 noon on November the first… any questions?'

'H-how long does it have to be?' one timid voice sounded out from near the back.

'It says on the sheet – 2000 to 2500 words will be sufficient. For this, I would like it to be all your own views and interpretations, so I would prefer you not to use any other texts apart from the book itself and the notes contained within the Penguin edition.'

Sirius raised his hand.

'Yes?' Remus grinned at him.

'When will we find out how we've done?' he asked.

'Ah, hopefully by the last week in November. You have no idea how long it takes to mark fifty essays! Well… if that's all…'

The class began packing up, and Remus shoved all his papers back into his briefcase. Sirius came down to the front again.

'Re you old dog! Sorry…' as Remus groaned. 'How was your date?'

Remus looked at Sirius. 'Bloody terrible,' he replied.

Sirius's face fell. 'Why? What was wrong? Was she awful?'

'It's a long story. Why don't you come by at 3 and I'll tell you all about it. If you really want to hear about your friend humiliating yourself.'

'Oh Re,' Sirius said. 'It can't've been that bad.'

'It can, and it was. But nothing a cup of tea and a bit of whinging can't help.'

'You poor thing,' Sirius said, and stroked Remus's back affectionately. Remus stiffened involuntarily, and Sirius removed his hand as though it had been burnt.

'Sorry, Sir,' Remus said. 'Just – someone might be watching, you know?'

'Yeah, I know,' Sirius said, and gave an apologetic smile. 'Well, I'll come round later then. Got to rush – I have my first seminar!'

'Who with?' Remus asked.

'Dr. Jenny Saunders.'

'Ah, she's nice – and a great teacher. Have fun, and I'll see you later!'

'Bye,' Sirius said, and with a final fleeting smile he raced up the stairs of the theatre, leaving Remus to pick up his possessions and make his way home to await his friend's arrival.

* * *

About five hours of marking and planning later, Remus wearily raised his head as he heard his buzzer go off. He went downstairs to meet Sirius, who looked happy.

'Good day,' he explained.

'Good. Come in.'

They went upstairs and Remus made a pot of tea.

'Are you hungry?'

'No, I ate in the Union… a delicious and nutritious burger and chips.'

'No wonder freshers all gain weight,' Remus teased him.

'Does my bum look big in this?' Sirius asked plaintively, and pouted, and Remus laughed as he poured the tea and they went to the lounge.

'So, young man,' Sirius began once they were comfortably ensconced on the sofa. 'What the buggery fuck went wrong?'

'It was nothing with Anna – she was a lovely woman – interesting and funny and no doubt sexy. I liked her a lot – but then she'd be flirting with me and it just made me really nervous. And then she tried to kiss me – and I panicked, and told her I couldn't.'

'Why on earth not?'

'I – it's a bit silly, I don't know – but there wasn't this, this _thing_, that I'd imagined there ought to be for me to kiss someone. Maybe I just didn't fancy her? But why on earth not? She's my ideal woman – Jane was right – she and I have loads in common – and on top of that she's improbably good looking to still be single -'

'As are you,' Sirius butted in. Remus favoured him with a half-grateful, half-exasperated look. 'Sorry.'

'It's fine,' Remus smiled at him. 'But yes,' he carried on, frowning once more, 'that _thing_ wasn't there. Looking back, it never has been. Why not? What's wrong with me?'

'You just haven't met the right person yet, perhaps,' Sirius said gently.

'But I'm _thirty-six_! Time is running out! And if I can't even give kissing someone a go to even see if they _are_ the right person…' Remus said meditatively.

"_Bless_ you, Re," Sirius thought to himself. He didn't think saying it out loud would help matters, so instead he said, 'You've only just started this relationships malarkey. I wouldn't worry. You just need to get used to it.'

'I'll tell you what I _do_ need,' Remus said suddenly, savagely. 'I need whisky.'

'Er – are you sure?' Sirius asked cautiously.

'Yes, I am positive.' Remus got up gracefully as ever and withdrew to the kitchen. A few seconds later he appeared with an almost-full bottle of Glenfiddich and a couple of tumblers.

'You want?' he asked as he poured himself a ridiculously generous measure.

'Oh – just a little one for me,' Sirius replied. He was as fond of good whisky as anyone, but 3pm seemed a little early, and besides Remus seemed somewhat reckless and emotional.

Remus handed him a tumbler with a double in it, and downed his own virtually brimming glass in two swigs. He coughed and his eyes watered as he collapsed back onto the sofa.

'As a werewolf, getting embarrassingly drunk takes quite a lot of work,' he mused. 'It really gets rather expensive.'

'Do you want to get drunk _this_ early?' Sirius asked.

'Yes. I'm sorry. You can leave if you want.'

'I don't intend to leave you in a state with a bottle of booze.'

Remus smiled in a slightly off-centre fashion. 'It's a bit of a blow to realise just what a fool you've been,' he explained. 'I just can't believe that I thought _I_ would be able to meet a girl and go to bed with her just like that. I can't believe I thought I'd want to. I don't want some random woman – I don't want all the awkwardness and weirdness of explaining, 'well, I'm a thirty-six year old virgin' and having someone laugh at me.'

'I don't think they'd laugh,' Sirius said. 'I think they'd be rather pleased.'

'Oh come on. No one wants a fumbling, clueless virgin.'

Sirius bit his lip. How best to play this?

'I don't think you need to worry about that. I think the main thing is to find someone you really like – the rest will follow, and if she feels the same, well, it won't be a problem.'

'Maybe,' Remus said. He leaned forward and poured himself another massive measure, and tossed it back. Sirius sipped at his drink and felt his throat burn.

'Gods, I just can't tell you how frustrated I am!' he said finally. 'How lonely and empty and all-round _shit_ my life feels. You coming back, you've made me realise just how meaningless living for yourself alone is.'

'Remus -' Sirius began helplessly.

'I don't want you to feel bad,' Remus said quickly. 'In fact, you should feel good. You have made me open my eyes. At least now I can do something about it instead of carrying on living this shell, this semblance of a life, for too long until it's too late. But maybe it _is_ too late…'

'It's not too late for anything,' Sirius said sincerely. 'You're young, you've got years ahead of you. Really, there's no need for worrying… I mean, look at me; same age as you, same lack of family or lover or anyone to care about – except you. In fact – I have something to confess.'

Remus looked at him quizzically.

'I knew you taught here. I asked around, searched the internet, and I found out you were a lecturer here, for English lit. And so, I applied.'

'But why?'

'Isn't it obvious? So I could have a good reason for coming back and seeing you again. I felt like too much time had elapsed – no contact of any kind – for me to just waltz back in regardless. So I thought I could come here and by some 'strange coincidence' be in your class on the first day of term.'

Remus stared at him. 'Do you like English lit?' he asked eventually.

The monumental irrelevance of the question struck Sirius as amusing, and he laughed a quick bark.

'Yes,' he replied honestly. 'I love it.'

'Well – good,' Remus said in a slightly bemused fashion. 'Blimey,' he said, shaking his head. Then he reached out and poured more whisky.

'Don't you think you ought to slow down?' Sirius asked.

'No. I think I deserve this one after that rather startling revelation.'

A fair point, so Sirius said nothing.

They sat in silence as Remus knocked back his third glass and Sirius bit his thumbnail. Finally Remus spoke.

'You could just have written to me, you know. You didn't have to commit yourself to three years of studying.'

'I know; in theory that's what I should have done. But I was afraid you'd be annoyed with me for not contacting you for so long and you wouldn't want to see me.'

'How could you think I'd be annoyed?' Remus asked rhetorically, but Sirius answered him.

'I don't really know, to be honest. Stupid of me, definitely. But I'd forgotten how forgiving you are…'

'Ah, I'm only forgiving because I'm desperate for your company,' Remus joked, and gave Sirius a wink. Sirius smiled gratefully for the levity, and took a gulp of his whisky.

'Shall we watch a film?' Remus asked eventually. 'I mean… well,' he giggled, 'I am really quite pissed all of a sudden.'

Sirius agreed. 'Stay there – I'll pick one,' he insisted, leaving Remus on the sofa still giggling to himself.

'How's "The Talented Mr. Ripley"?'

'Bit heavy.'

'"Life of Brian"?'

'Go on, whack it in. It's very funny, although better if you know about that muggle religion stuff.'

So Sirius slid it into the VCR and handed Remus the remote. He started the film and soon both of them were laughing hysterically at the abject silliness of the Pythons.

Soon, a particularly funny bit came on, but Remus didn't laugh. Sirius looked at him worriedly, but soon smiled. He had fallen asleep, the whisky and insomnia hitting him hard. Sirius turned the volume down and carried on watching.

Eventually the film came to a close. After laughing at the darkly funny denouement, Sirius switched off the television. Remus was still sleeping, his face flushed with alcohol, his hair wild about his face. Sirius smiled a strangely tender smile, moved closer, and slipped an arm around his sleeping friend. Remus's head soon came to rest on his shoulder, and Sirius moved slightly so he could kiss the top of his tousled head. He wrapped his other arm around his sleeping form, rested his own cheek against the dishevelled hair and closed his eyes. In a few minutes he too was slumbering peacefully.

* * *

Remus awoke first. He sat for a few moments savouring the warmth and the strange feeling of safety that being encircled by someone's arms gave him, and the loving sensation of someone's head lying against his own. Then he blinked rapidly and realised _who_ it was who was holding him so gently.

He leapt up.

'_Sirius_!' he exclaimed.

Sirius, who had begun waking when the warmth he had been snuggled against departed so suddenly, woke very rapidly at this.

He smiled a groggy, charming smile.

'Hey,' he said softly.

'What were you doing?' Remus demanded.

'You were asleep – you were cold…'

'Sirius, do I have to tell you again? I am _not gay_! And I don't think it's right for you to be – doing that to me! I might be an old friend but I am your _lecturer_! You took advantage of me being asleep!'

'Look, Re, don't be angry. I didn't think – I just – well…'

'What?'

'I just wanted to hold you… you were so peaceful, vulnerable-looking…'

'I am _not_ vulnerable!'

'I know, I know,' Sirius said, although inside he knew this was less true than Remus himself would like to think. 'But you were shivering…' "Liar!" he thought. 'I just wanted to keep you warm… you know alcohol makes you lose body heat, after all… and being a werewolf makes you more susceptible…'

Remus appeared to calm down somewhat at this irrefutable logic.

'I'm sorry,' he apologised quietly. 'I overreacted. But I think you should leave.'

Then he turned and walked out of the room.


	6. Alcohol and a Gay Bar

Hope this strikes people as better than my previous effort. Patience, my lambs. You know what's coming; you just have to wait a little longer! And sorry it's taken so long, by the way, if you cared. The next instalment should come sooner (no pun intended…)

* * *

Remus shut his bedroom door behind it and leaned against it, panting slightly. He only had a brief respite before there was soft knocking on the other side.

'Remus?' he heard Sirius's muffled voice.

"Just go away, please, just go," he pleaded, but only with his conscious mind. His subconscious had other ideas.

He turned around and let Sirius in.

'Re, I'm so sorry,' Sirius said. He looked heartbroken and, yes, those were tears glistening in his grey eyes. 'I don't know why you're so upset with me, but I promise I didn't mean to do anything to make you upset.'

Remus's heart just melted.

'It should be me apologising,' he said, looking Sirius frankly in the eye. 'I had no right at all to behave the way I did.'

Sirius smiled a little smile, and Remus stepped forward and hugged him. A platonic bear hug; both men's eyes tightly shut.

'Friends?' Remus asked.

'Yes – yes,' Sirius replied eagerly.

'I suppose this means I have to go your infernal gay nightclub tomorrow,' Remus teased gently.

'I suppose it does,' Sirius said. 'But I have to go home I think and start your confounded essay.'

'You're not a proper fresher!' Remus said in mock horror. 'Don't you know you have to leave it till the last minute and then stay up all night?'

Sirius replied with dignity; 'I am a 'mature student', and as such I should behave like one.'

Both men cracked up laughing, and Sirius led the way downstairs where he went out into the street still smiling.

'I'll meet you tomorrow at 8 in the Interval bar?' Remus asked.

'Yeah, that'll do it.'

'Anyone else going?'

'Nope – you've got me all to yourself.'

'Until some gorgeous man comes and snatches you away from me.'

'Well, until then,' Sirius agreed. He winked at Remus and then walked swiftly off towards his digs. Remus watched his retreating back in the gloaming before going back inside to make himself a lonely thoughtful supper.

Remus spent all that evening wondering why he had overreacted so badly to Sirius's physical affection. "He's an old friend," he thought. "It's hardly out of order for him to hug me while I was asleep – especially if I was cold." Ignoring the frisson that thought gave him, he took a long bath, did the Guardian crossword and then went to bed.

* * *

The next day went quickly, and before he knew it, Remus Lupin was standing in the Interval bar wearing jeans, a black t-shirt and a nervous expression. He clutched at his already half-drunk pint and looked around for Sirius.

Suddenly a hand tapped him on the shoulder, and he whirled round.

'Gods! You startled me!'

'No kidding… wow Re, you look good!'

Despite himself, Remus smiled.

'Thanks. You don't scrub up so badly yourself.'

Sirius, it could not be denied, looked hot. He was wearing tight black trousers and a dark green t-shirt. Short hair suited him, decided Remus. Perhaps he should get his own cut…

'So, anyway, I've been thinking,' Sirius plunged straight into a monologue that sounded like he'd been preparing it previously. 'you know one of your problems with meeting people is,' he lowered his voice, 'that you're a werewolf. Well, why don't you try to find some other werewolves to meet? I mean, you wouldn't have to have that particular conversation with them at least. They'd be understanding and all; you'd always have someone to spend full moons with…'

Despite himself, Remus smiled. Sirius was so obviously eager to help.

'It's a good idea, I suppose,' he admitted. 'But I don't know how I'd go about finding other werewolves – I mean, the Ministry hardly runs a lycanthrope's dating agency.'

'Probably they'd be willing to put you in touch, if you went about it the right way?'

'"Dear Minister, I'm desperate for a fuck. Please could you give me the addresses of some nice young werewolf chicks?"?'

'What about, "Dear Minister, please could I possibly have the addresses of some werewolves as I am doing research about the condition and how best to treat it,",' Sirius suggested, ignoring Remus's bitter sarcasm.

Remus smiled again. 'It's a good idea,' he admitted. To his relief, Sirius didn't pursue the subject any further, instead preferring to chat about the essay he was writing for Remus's class and the other lectures he had had so far. Remus happily gave him brief exegeses on who were the popular lecturers and who most members of the faculty couldn't stand.

They talked away for quite a while, until Sirius drained his drink and asked, 'Ready to disco?'

Remus gave a wry smile and nodded, before downing the rest of his second pint, and they descended the stairs down into the bowels of the student's union. They showed their tickets and then went through the double doors into a small atrium between two larger rooms.

'Left or right?' Remus asked. Despite Sirius's presence, he was slightly nervous. He knew that his students would definitely catch wind of this little excursion, and would draw their own conclusions. He wasn't happy about this.

'You don't have to come; you can leave if you want,' Sirius said, eerily managing to divine Remus's thoughts.

'What? Oh – no, no, I don't want to leave. I promised I would accompany you to protect your innocence!' Remus replied. Sirius grabbed his arm and squeezed it softly before letting go and leading off to the left.

He wasn't so sure this was a good idea as soon as he entered the room. It was filled with mostly men in tight clothes, a few very dubious 'women', and several women, mostly in couples. The music was loud and throbbing and, worst of all, the queue for the bar was enormous.

'Drink?' Sirius yelled above the din, and mimed to convey his intention.

Remus nodded; "I'm going to need a drink to make it through this," he thought to himself.

They waited for an inordinately long time to get served, but finally both had a drink in hand.

'Do you want to dance?' Sirius bawled.

Remus nodded reluctantly. It was clear that Sirius wanted to get out and shake his thang, and he didn't want to put a damper on the evening. They hit the dance floor, and as the drink went down Remus began to feel slightly less inhibited. He started to throw himself into the music, to the amusement of his friend.

Sirius, however, soon had other concerns than watching his friend's great rhythm. Someone tapped him on the shoulder and he found himself looking into a pair of friendly brown eyes.

'Hi,' the owner of the eyes said. 'Can I buy you a drink? I'm Matt, by the way,' he held out a hand, which Sirius shook. Matt held it a millisecond longer than necessary and then started threading his way to the bar.

'Er – Re?' Sirius said loudly, and Remus nodded indulgently.

'Go!' he said.

But Sirius actually went.

Remus was surprised to realise he felt more than slightly abandoned. He stopped dancing, and made his way out of the room, in the opposite direction of the bar.

Once outside in the relatively empty, quiet corridor, he dropped onto his haunches and stared into the remaining inch in his glass.

"Don't be stupid," he told himself sternly. "You are, after all, only here to please Sirius, and he wants to meet someone. Of course he does!"

But he still felt a little pathetic. He decided to get a drink and then go outside for a smoke to make himself feel better. Drawing in a deep breath, he reopened the door and stepped back into the chaos.

This time he managed to attract the barman's attention fairly quickly, and was handed his request; two plastic cups containing double whiskies. He handed over a note, took his change distractedly, then downed one of the drinks. Turning to go, his attention was arrested by someone shouting his name.

'Dr. Lupin!'

His heart sank. Arranging his features in a mild smile, he searched for the source of the voice.

Before him stood one of his third-year pupils, Will. Will was tastefully arrayed in a neon pink fishnet vest, a skintight pair of PVC trousers and platforms.

'Hi Will,' Remus replied, hoping his emotions could not be read in his voice.

'Well, Doc, I didn't know you were – well, you know,' Will teased him.

"Good god, one of my students is flirting with me in a gay club," Remus thought, and he almost laughed out loud.

'I'm not,' he replied easily. 'I'm here with an old schoolfriend.'

'Really? He hot?' Will asked, clearly disbelieving.

'What do you think?' Remus asked him, as at that moment Sirius had come into view, Matt trailing after him.

He received no reply.

'Will,' Will said, thrusting his hand out. '_Very_ pleased to meet you. I'm one of Dr Lupin's _best_ students.' He gave his best grin and, behind his back, Remus smirked at Sirius's discomfiture. And Matt's, he had to admit.

'Hello Will,' Sirius said, being polite for Remus's sake. Remus was suddenly absurdly grateful. 'I'm Sirius, and this is – er – Matt.'

Remus felt his heart leap somewhat at this little note of uncertainty. By the looks of him, Will was pleased as well. Matt frowned slightly, then pasted on a grin.

'Ta ra, Will,' he said and waved before marching off, dragging Sirius off by the hand.

'Well, how _rude_,' Will exclaimed, and flounced off.

'Thank god,' Remus said quietly, finding himself alone again. He turned his attention to the other whiskey and disposed of it as quickly as the first, before ordering four doubles at the bar (to the barman's slight consternation) and then taking them outside.

He sat on a step, sipping at the whiskey and dragging thoughtfully on a cigarette.

'I wish I was gay,' he said jocularly to nobody in particular. 'They're all so bloody proud and sure and _happy_. Bastards'

Time dragged on. His cigarettes were all finished, and so was the alcohol. He stood up and his head swam.

'Twice in two days, Lupin. You're getting too old for this,' he admonished himself. A young couple nearby sniggered at him. 'Just you wait till you're my age,' he told them, and they laughed harder. 'Damn kids – oh Merlin, I sound like my father. Noooo!' He started giggling madly. 'At least my father managed to snag himself a lady! Bloody wanker like him! Although, mind you, he had one massive advantage over me… he wasn't a fucking -'

'_Moony_,' Sirius's voice was suddenly audible. 'Honestly, I leave you alone for half an hour,' he sounded mildly amused.

'Siriush,' Remus said. 'Glad to see you, old chap, pip pip, eh what, what?'

Sirius shook his head exasperatedly. 'Again?' he queried. 'You're pissed _again_?'

''S what I told those chaps,' Remus said, gesticulating wildly. 'Where've they gone, eh? What sort of a disgrace am I? A doctor,' he said, and started laughing before he could finish. Finally gaining control of himself, he continued, 'a doctor, at a gay club, pissed! A fucking lycanthropic literature lecturer,' he started to giggle again. 'Ah, fuckit. Who cares?'

'What are you going on about, Re?' Sirius asked. He sounded slightly worried now, although Remus wouldn't have been able to tell.

'Just the usual self-pity. Ignore me,' Remus said. 'Hey – where's whatsisname?'

'He got annoyed and left when I told him I was going to look for you,' Sirius replied with dignity.

'Ahhh! Siriush! You love me more than Mr Stranger!' Remus said delightedly, and embraced his friend.

'Come on, Remus, you disgrace,' Sirius said gently. He slid an arm round Remus's back, under his arms, and propelled him towards the taxi rank.

* * *

A very short ride later, Remus staggered out of a taxi, followed by Sirius.

'Don't have to come,' Remus said. He was very flushed and he looked ill.

'Don't be silly,' Sirius said briskly. He paid the driver and escorted Remus up the steps to the porch, then confiscated the key and opened the door. The steep narrow stairs up to the first floor were tricky, but eventually he managed to negotiate them, almost carrying Remus, before letting them into his friend's flat.

'Home, sweet home,' Remus said, and laughed.

'You need juice,' Sirius decided. 'Otherwise you're going to feel like hell tomorrow. Stay there -' he deposited his burden on the sofa.

'I can't move,' Remus laughed to himself. Sirius grinned at him before going off the kitchen and then returning with a glass and a carton of apple juice.

'Drink up,' he said, pouring a glass. 'Hey – slowly! Or you'll make yourself sick.'

Remus stopped bolting his drink, and instead sipped at it sedately.

'C'n I have a fag?' he asked sweetly. 'On the desk in my room…'

Sirius tutted. 'They're bad for you, you know.'

'Pleeease?'

'Oh very well.'

A couple of moments later, Remus had a lighted cigarette in one hand and the half-full glass in the other.

'Happy?' Sirius asked ironically.

'Sort of,' Remus said confusedly.

Sirius didn't ask. He thought it best to just get Remus to bed as quickly as possible before the werewolf embarrassed himself even more than he already had. They didn't speak again until Remus had finished his juice and his cigarette.

'Bed time?' Sirius queried. Remus nodded. 'Pyjamas?'

'Nah…' Remus staggered unevenly to his feet and began stripping off in the lounge. Sirius averted his eyes. 'Don't worry Paddy. I'm not going all the way,' he giggled.

Sirius laughed against his better judgement. 'Jolly good,' he replied.

Remus kicked off his trousers and stood in his black boxers, scars luminescent under the halogen lights. He tiredly ruffled up his hair.

'Bed – bed bed bed. But first – teeth,' he said to himself. 'I have a spare toothbrush,' he said to Sirius, before wandering off into the bathroom.

'So I'm staying, am I?' Sirius muttered to himself, but he wasn't annoyed at all; rather endeared by Remus's casual assumption, and warmed by the thought that their friendship was still as close as it ever was. He padded into the bathroom and retrieved the aforementioned toothbrush before cleaning his teeth beside Remus. Glancing into the mirror, he almost choked at the scene. To a stranger it would have looked incredibly intimate… "Well, we're old friends, aren't we?" he thought, and spat.

'Have you got a blanket?' he asked Remus when the drunken werewolf had finished.

'Why?' Remus asked confusedly.

'For the sofa…'

'Ah, don't be silly Sirius. My bed's huge. No need to get within a foot of me…' he laughed. Sirius laughed too.

'Fair enough… if you promise not to jump me in the night.'

'_Moi_? I'm not the one who's into men, remember!'

'Oh go to bed Remus,' Sirius laughed. Remus took him at his word, staggering out of the bathroom and collapsing on one side of the bed. Sirius quickly undressed down to his pants and followed him, quickly switching off all the lights before lying down next to him. Remus was already snoring softly, and Sirius gently tugged the quilt down from under him and covered him with it. Then he got into bed next to his friend.

As far away on the bed as he could inch, he still felt Remus's warmth. Sure he would never sleep that night, he turned onto his front, but before he could begin to analyse the very strange night, sleep overtook him and he relaxed closer to his slumbering bed mate.


	7. The Peaks

If you've been awaiting this, thank you for your patience! Please be kind! Chapter (is it?) 8 will be up _reasonably_ soon.

* * *

For the second time in two days, Remus Lupin woke up with a headache. He rolled over onto his back.

'Fuck!'

Sirius sleepily opened one eye.

'Morning sunshine,' he said lazily.

Deciding now was not the time to question, Remus concentrated on fighting the tide of nausea that swept over him. Sirius's eyes opened wide and he chuckled before hopping out of bed and going off into the kitchen for water.

'There you are,' he said unnecessarily, placing the glass on the bedside table. 'Where's your paracetamol?'

'Don't have any,' Remus said, and moaned. 'I'm an idiot. I thought I never got hangovers.'

'You're getting old,' Sirius teased him gently, before quickly wriggling into his smoky clothes. 'Where are your keys? Oh – I had them,' he retrieved them from the lounge. 'Be right back.'

True to his word, fifteen minutes later Remus dimly heard him letting himself in.

'Painkillers, super strength, and antacid. Here you are, lad,' he said, handing Remus a few white tablets.

Remus sat up enough to swallow them with a few sips of water, then lay back down and dragged his pillow over his head. 'Owww…'

He slipped back into sleep.

When he woke up half an hour later, he felt miraculously better. 'Muggle medicine's better than I thought,' he said to himself, and struggled to sit up. His head swam slightly but he didn't feel like his stomach was about to expel its contents. 'Where's Sirius?'

He heard a little noise in the kitchen and padded through.

'Ah, tiny patient is still alive!' Sirius said gleefully. 'Feeling better?'

'Much, thank you. I am so sorry…'

'That can wait. Go and have a shower – you'll feel loads better. And then breakfast,' and Remus noticed for the first time the pan sizzling on the hob, and realised how hungry he was. He smiled gratefully at Sirius, who smiled back. 'Go on now!'

And so he went. The hot water revived him astoundingly, and when he re-emerged, shaking back his tangled wet hair, the table was laid and Sirius was just about to start dishing up.

'Coffee?'

'Oh, yes please.'

They ate in silence. When they were finally sated, Remus sat back in his chair and ran his fingers through his hair.

'Thank you so much, Sirius.'

'It was really my fault in the first place; making you come out somewhere you didn't really want to go. So it's only right that I should be the one to sort you out the next day.'

'That's not true at all. It's all my -'

'We can spend hours arguing over this, or we can go out for a nice bracing walk in the peaks and then pub lunch, and talk about interesting and exciting things instead.'

'Well – okay. That sounds lovely.'

'So we're settled. Now, if you'd care to finish your coffee, I shall wash up – nope, no arguing, remember? – and then I just need to pop home and get some more, er, suitable clothing on.'

Remus looked at Sirius, clad in his dancing best, and acquiesced with a laugh.

* * *

They walked together to Broad Lane Court, and Sirius swiped them in.

'Aren't you excited?' he demanded. 'You get to see real student digs!'

Suddenly, Remus looked worried. 'It's a bit off, isn't it, if I get seen by one of my students in here?'

'Ah, you're safe, nobody will be up at this hour.'

Remus glanced at his watch. 9.37. 'What time did we come home last night, then?'

'It was early,' chuckled Sirius. 'About, oh, half 11?'

'Oh my goodness,' Remus said, and flushed, but Sirius looked warningly at him and he didn't say another word.

Sirius opened the door of his flat with a flourish. 'My room's down the hall,' he whispered. And Remus followed him down the dark hallway and into his room. 'Bit small, but hey, it's only for a year,' Sirius commented.

The room was pretty messy, as Remus remembered Sirius's corner of the dormitory had always been. Books were strewn all over his unmade bed and a tangled heap of clothes lay in the corner.

'Sirius Black, perpetual adolescent,' Remus commented wryly, and Sirius pulled a face as he grabbed some clothes.

'Make yourself at home. I'll be two secs.'

'Don't you want a shower?'

'Had one at yours while you were slumbering… be right back.'

Remus sat on the corner of the bed and picked up a book. He had a shock of recognition when he discovered that this was in fact a book he himself had written, on his love, George Eliot. He flicked through it. It was dog-eared, and heavily annotated. Pausing to read a couple of comments, he saw they were mostly academic, but a few here and there were things like, "Very Remus-ish," and "So he hasn't forgotten!!"

He blushed, but he didn't know why.

When Sirius came back in the room, Remus held up his book wordlessly.

To his surprise, Sirius seemed slightly discomfited.

'Not recommended reading for first-year undergrads?' Remus said. 'Still, glad to see you're getting the right opinions!'

Sirius laughed along, slightly uncomfortably, Remus noticed. He dropped the subject, and Sirius pulled on his hiking boots in silence.

'What sort of walk are you intending to take us on?' Remus asked apprehensively.

'Oh, a good old ramble!' Sirius said, looking up from doing his laces with slightly flushed cheeks.

'But you promise we can stop at a pub after?!'

'Honestly Remus Lupin, will you never learn from your mistakes?' Sirius mocked.

'I might be better but I'm still a bit fragile!'

'Oh, a good walk will clear your head no end… okay, shall we go?'

They walked out into the morning sun.

'Let's take my car.'

'You have a car?' Remus asked, slightly surprised.

'Yeah – all the gold in the family vault is mine. My dear old mum popped off about four years ago so I'm absolutely rolling in it. Figured I might as well have a car. I plan on making lots of trips…'

'To where?'

'Oh, just around Blighty. I realised while I was away that I had seen so much of the world but so little of where I was actually born.'

Remus nodded.

'And here she is!'

'Bit more sedate than that old motorbike you used to have…'

'You haven't seen my driving yet, you know. Don't speak too soon.'

They climbed into the battered old Ford Escort and were trundling out of Sheffield and up and down the beautiful rolling hills, still partially swathed in tattered shreds of morning mist.

'Beautiful,' Sirius said softly, gazing round.

'Yes, isn't – oh! _Sirius_!'

Sirius swerved madly to avoid an oncoming car as it sped by, beeping furiously. Remus was laughing hysterically.

'You know – I thought – I thought you were joking – about your driving,' he choked between peals of laughter.

Sirius glanced sideways at him, adrenaline still coursing through him at their near miss but happy to hear his best friend laugh properly. Even if it took other near car crashes, he vowed he would hear it more often. Remus had always been slightly withdrawn at school but he didn't remember this sad-eyed man and he didn't like that he had probably caused some of the misery.

They pulled into a little stony car park empty of other cars amongst the desolate hills and just sat for a second, appreciating the lovely view.

Sirius, characteristically, broke the mood.

'Let's go!' he said eagerly, and Remus nodded.

They followed a little path down into the valley, mostly in silence. When they reached the riverbank, they by mutual agreement sat on the damp grass.

'I have something for you,' Sirius said. He seemed serious, and Remus looked at him penetratingly. 'Close your eyes and put out your hands.'

Remus obeyed, as he always did. He felt Sirius's warm breath and shivered in nervous anticipation, but his amber eyes flew open and danced with amusement as he felt the foil wrapping of a chocolate bar touch his palm.

'Thank you!' he exclaimed, and laughed, but opened it eagerly and they ate companionably.

'Is the river water drinkable, do you know?' Sirius asked when it had all disappeared almost as fast as it had arrived.

'Yes, it comes from a spring not too far up the valley,' Remus answered knowledgably. Sirius grinned at him.

'I _knew_ you'd know,' he said triumphantly. 'But come on. I'm not drinking it alone… I refuse to be the only one to suffer if you're wrong.'

'Was I _ever_ wrong at school?' Remus teased him. 'Who was the prefect, eh?'

Sirius shook his head, and leaped to his feet. 'C'mon,' he said, and dragged Remus up and over to the water.

'_Looks_ pretty clear,' he said dubiously.

'Ah Sirius, where's your daring gone?' Remus asked him jokingly.

Their eyes met like eyes do.

'I'm sorry,' Remus muttered. 'That was tactless. Sorry.'

'I thought we agreed, no apologising today,' Sirius told him. 'And besides, I like it. It seems I'm not 'the reckless one' anymore!'

'It would seem like it,' Remus concurred. And on that note, they knelt by the river and scooped up handfuls of the icy water until, sated, they sat back and then lay down, staring at the sky.

'Have you got a long walk planned?' Remus asked. 'Should we get going?'

'No – no,' Sirius said lazily. 'This was as far as I got when I looked at the map on your wall.'

Remus laughed.

'Should I navigate us further, or should we go back up the hill and then find a pub?'

'Er…'

'Pub it is.'

'Can we stay here just a little bit longer?'

'Of course – of course,' Remus murmured. He closed his eyes and felt the watery autumn sun beating on his eyelids, seeing a haze of red. He thought languidly about all the tiny capillaries wending their intricate way through his skin, and was just drifting off to sleep when he felt Sirius shiver beside him.

'Cold?'

'I didn't want to disturb you – you looked peaceful…'

'I wasn't asleep – well, nearly. But come on. We should get moving before you get hypothermia!'

He stood up and tucked his still-damp hair behind his ears before offering a hand to Sirius. Then they began the long slow ascent back to the car.

'So do you come here, when you come out to the peaks?' Sirius asked slightly breathlessly.

'Sometimes – but I like to rent a car if I'm feeling a bit rich and, very early, drive out further, far from any villages or main roads,' said Remus. 'I bring a blanket and food, and a book or notepad or something, and just walk out as far as I can, find somewhere new and beautiful and just, I don't know, write or read. Sounds a bit boring and altogether weird, hey?' he finished self-consciously.

'No,' Sirius said seriously, 'it doesn't. It sounds lovely – and very like you.'

'Are you calling me lovely?' Remus teased him gently.

'I might be,' he replied with a fleeting grin.

* * *

'So, do you know any good pubs around here?' Sirius asked once they were back inside his car.

'You're talking to 'alcoholic lecturer of the year',' Remus said self-consciously. 'Of course I know. You want to carry on up this lane – I'll tell you when to turn off.'

A little further down the road he indicated a tiny winding road, and Sirius swung the car in. Soon enough they arrived in front of a sprawling old building, with a sign swaying in the breeze.

'"The King's Arms",' read Sirius. 'Not much imagination, pub owners.'

Remus chuckled. Once more they climbed out of the car, and walked into the dark pub. It was deserted. The barman looked up in surprise from the pump he was cleaning, and grinned.

'Customers!' he announced happily. 'What can I get you?'

'Oh – tomato juice please,' Remus said, his stomach turning at the thought of alcohol.

'I'll have a Coke,' Sirius said.

They paid, and left the barman to his boring task before finding a small and secluded table beside an empty fireplace.

'So have you come here a lot?' Sirius asked Remus, who was sipping his juice.

'A fair amount – I sometimes come here with Jane… it's the only place for miles around.'

'I like it,' Sirius said decidedly.

'Well, that's lucky,' Remus replied. 'Otherwise it's a long way to go for some food - and I'm starving.'

'Why didn't you say? We could have come here earlier…'

'I was the one who was almost asleep, remember? Anyway, your chocolate kept me going.'

They exchanged a smile.

'So what do you fancy?'

'Oh – something huge and very possibly unhealthy.'

'I hear a fry-up is the supreme hangover cure.'

'Well then, I'll go for that – is there a -'

'Here's the vegetarian one,' Sirius indicated on the menu.

'Oh. Thank you.'

'You're most welcome. As a matter of fact, I think I'll join you. I'll go and order.'

'How much is it?'

'Oh, it's on me. And don't forget. You're not allowed to argue with me!'

'But -' Sirius shot him a warning look. 'Thank you. Thank you very much.'

He sat and waited for Sirius to return, which he did swiftly.

'Well. Remus.' Sirius said when he had sat back down.

'Well Remus what?'

'Oh, I don't know. Just filling the silence.'

'…'

'Actually, yes, I wanted to thank you for looking after me so far. It's made my transition into student life much easier, knowing you're around.'

'Oh, _Sirius_, I haven't done anything at all!' Remus said, embarrassed.

Sirius just laughed. 'You're the king of self-deprecation, you know that?' he asked rhetorically, and Remus just blushed and looked into his juice. 'You don't even realise you're doing it! Just accept the fact that since I've come here, seeing you has been the only thing that I've really looked forward to. I mean, the people I've met are nice, lectures are interesting – but still… in fact, seeing you has been what I've been looking forward to most for quite some time now…' he trailed off, suddenly looking quite disconcerted.

'Thank you,' Remus said for the umpteenth time, very touched. 'I – well – since you came here, my life's been a lot more interesting – and enjoyable. So thank you again.'

'You thank me far too much,' Sirius laughed. 'I get just as much out of seeing you as you do more – probably far more. So there. Thank _you_!'

Remus smiled ruefully and ceded gracefully to his friend's gratitude.

'So what shall we do for the rest of the day?' he asked after a little pause.

'I suggest staying here for a few hours, and then going back to Sheffield and then – don't know – I'm sure you've got things to do -'

'No,' Remus said definitely. 'Why don't we – oh, let's go ice skating! I've always wondered whether you'd be any good, I mean, after seeing Padfoot on the lake when it froze over…'

'Oh yes! Yeah, I wasn't too keen on that, myself, but skating will be fun! Are you sure you're not busy…?'

'Positive. You've only really interrupted a truly dedicated aim to watch all the films ever made and read all the books ever written, you know. I'm not too ambitious; maybe one day I'll do a PhD but to be honest, I've just been floating on for the last few years. It's almost like I was waiting for you to come back and kick me up the arse.'

'And I've obliged?'

'More than obliged… my optician will thank you.'

Sirius grinned fleetingly, then they drank in silence for some minutes before their food arrived. They stayed in the pub a couple more hours, chatting away on things which somehow seemed a lot more inconsequential than a few weeks previously: Remus's career and his academic writing, his personal writing; Sirius's travelling, his family.

Two drinks and three cigarettes later, they finally touched on the subject they had been dancing around since Remus had brought up Padfoot.

'Do you think much about – before?' Sirius asked curiously.

'I tried not to for a very long time,' Remus said frankly. 'I was all alone, I knew I couldn't dwell on things. But since my life became a bit more secure, a bit more routine, when I got the lecturing job, I couldn't force it down any more. I couldn't stop thinking about it, about James and Lily dying, about little Harry, and about Peter. It was driving me mad. So I started writing… what about you? Do you think about it all?'

'Pretty hard not to, I should think. But yes – same as you – I tried not for ages. And then I couldn't not any longer – and I suppose that's part of the reason I'm here. I want to go and see Harry – have _you_ seen him?'

Ignoring an irrational pang of – jealousy, was it? - that he wasn't the only reason for Sirius's return to England, Remus replied, 'No, no I haven't, not since he was about one and they gave him to his aunt and uncle to look after. He must be -' he counted up on his fingers, 'thirteen or fourteen by now… and he's at Hogwarts. Severus told me.'

Sirius nodded.

It was this which made Remus suddenly, forcibly, realise that his friend really was grown up. "He used to never miss the chance to criticise Severus," Remus thought. "But now – things are more important – less clear. It's not just black – Black – and white anymore, and he knows it."

'You're looking very thoughtful,' he said suddenly, and Remus jumped.

'Oh, just thinking about – things,' he smiled. "We should go and see Harry together," he decided. "Would Sirius want to come with me?"

And at that moment, Sirius said, 'I'm going to write to Dumbledore – do you want to come with me?'

Remus laughed. 'You read my mind!' And he couldn't explain to even himself just how happy the idea made him.

'Let's do it tonight, after skating.'

'Sounds good...'


	8. Skating and Baths

I know, I know, I'm Ms. Unreliable. Hope this makes up for my extreme slowness in updating. And you should know, the story doesn't end with them getting together (hey, surely you'd figured out where it was going by now!) - that's only the beginning! Mwahahaha! The thousand-chaptered saga of 'Dr. Lupin, M.A.'!

* * *

And so the day wore on. They drove back to town through the darkening early evening, and as they climbed out of the car and mounted the steps to Remus's home, rain began to fall.

'Sheffield weather,' Remus said wryly. 'Rain.'

'I like it,' Sirius said. 'Never understood why people don't. Mind you, that doesn't mean I want to hang around outside – fancy letting us in anytime soon?'

Remus took the hint and turned the key in the lock. They went eagerly into the dry, where Remus quickly checked his answerphone.

'Two messages,' the mechanical woman told him. 'First new message – left today at 13.20.'

Then it cut to Jane's voice, sounding slightly worried. 'Hey Remus – how're you doing? Haven't heard from you for a while; just wondering if you're still alive. Phone me soon, okay? I'm bored! No one to play with!' She chuckled and then hung up.

'Second message – left today at 16.05,' the woman announced.

'Hey – Remus – it's Anna. Look, I'm not pestering you, but I just wondered if you fancied having another drink. No – nothing – well, you know, but I had fun last time and, well, it sounded as though you had a few things you'd like – well, I don't know what I'm saying, and you don't have to phone me back if you don't want, but... yeah. Hopefully I'll hear from you sometime. My number's 2847585. Bye.'

'A few things you'd like to what?' Sirius asked quietly, taking a sip from a glass of water he had poured.

'Ah, just, you know, things,' Remus replied, sounding almost as uncomfortable as Anna's recording. 'I should phone her, you know. We had fun. I could do with a few more friends.'

'But you have me!' Sirius joked. 'What more could any red-blooded male want!'

'Hate to break it to you Sirius, but I'm hoping for a bit of sexual initiation and I don't think -'

'Hey, I'm a pal; I'd do it for you. And I wouldn't even charge.'

Remus blushed.

'Ah, sorry, just teasing you Re,' Sirius apologised instantly. 'I wasn't trying to make you feel awkward.'

'At the rate things are going Sirius, I think I might actually have to take you up on that some time.'

'Oh don't give up! Much as I hate to view myself as your last resort… you've been out with one woman! Only one! There's about 3 billion of them out there – maybe, I don't know – 500,000 million in your age group! There's got to be _one_ you'll like!'

'Sorry, we've been through this. Didn't mean to be boring.'

'_Stop apologising_!' Sirius exclaimed light-heartedly. 'Now, it's show time. You get to watch the Noble Sirius Black absolutely disgrace himself in public. I shouldn't have to remind you that this isn't an opportunity which arises every day, so make the most of it. Ready to go? Got what you need? Good!'

He herded Remus out of the house and down the road to the tram stop, where they boarded, paid and then sat down in an almost-empty carriage.

'This is the first time I've ever taken the tram, you know,' Sirius commented.

'And how do you find it?' Remus asked with a twisted little grin.

'Extremely agreeable, thank you.'

They laughed and then sat in silence, the landscape of Sheffield scrolling by outside. There were rows and rows of little terraced houses lit by street lamps, interspersed with giant floodlit warehouses and a few factories. The sky hung darkly purple and oppressive, the light pollution of the city illuminating the clouds which floated overhead, almost invisible.

'Little bit grim,' Remus said.

'Suits me. After all, I'm more than a little Grim,' Sirius joked, and Remus groaned and punched him like he used to, in the old days. They shared a glance, nothing more, and then both returned to gazing out the window, watching the other out of the corner of their eye.

The tram pulled up to their stop, and they hopped off and walked around to the ice rink. Money changed hands and before they knew it, Remus was doing up Sirius's boots whilst laughing hysterically as his friend's previous attempt.

'I think it's a bad omen for your skills,' Remus said. He was right.

Sirius put one foot on the ice and fell over. He hauled himself up, attempted a glide like the other skaters skimming around, and fell over again.

Beside him, Remus was bent double, laughing.

'Are you going to help me or not?' Sirius demanded from the floor. 'Only, it's a little chilly down here…'

Remus spluttered as he attempted to pull himself together. He extended a hand and pulled Sirius to his feet, then caught him as he immediately fell over. It was too much as his self-control failed him and once more he began to giggle.

'I don't know if this was such a good idea,' Sirius said. His feet went out from under him and he pitched forward, only to be rescued by Remus in the nick of time.

'Okay Sir. I'm going to try to teach you, and if I succeed I'll be prouder than if you get a First,' Remus announced. He took a firm grip on Sirius's icy wet hand.

'Right, you need to be gliding your feet forward – like this, see? Yeah – that's good – I think – oh Merlin!' Sirius's feet had slid forward away from him and he was only saved from cracking his head on the ice by Remus's hand. Remus meanwhile was concentrating on hauling him to his feet but couldn't refrain from chuckling at his predicament.

'You need to keep your weight central – bend forward – that's it. Bend your knees – off we go!'

Sirius quickly became accustomed to the unfamiliar terrain, and they made their way slowly round the rink without any major mishaps. Remus glanced at his face, full of concentration, and smiled to himself without quite knowing why.

Time passed. Sirius improved rapidly, and after an hour or so they were skimming round, even overtaking some people. Remus made no attempt to free his hand from Sirius's grasp though. "After all," he reasoned to himself, "if I let go, he'll probably fall. He'll let go when he's ready." It seemed that Sirius wasn't ready.

'Fancy a drink, Mr Dean – or should I say, Ms Torvill?' Remus asked.

Sirius laughed and they made their way over to a bank of vending machines.

Sitting at a table, Remus asked, 'Are you enjoying yourself?'

'Am I? Of course! It's brilliant fun once you've got going!' Sirius exclaimed, his cheeks pink from exertion and cold. 'And you're a great teacher!' Remus ran his hand through his disordered hair and smiled at him.

'This doesn't mean you don't have to try and get a First though,' he warned him.

'Oh believe me, I'll not disgrace you,' Sirius said confidently.

'And no pranks in my lectures!'

'As if I would!' Sirius replied, sounding horrified. 'I'm past the age where pulling pranks is endearing or – heaven forbid – _cool_. From now on in, it's work for me all the way.'

'Work all the time? Sounds a little bit depressing…'

'Well, not _all_ the time,' Sirius admitted with his charming grin. 'But more than I did at Hogwarts.'

'I am most relieved to hear that,' Remus commented. 'It would appear that the perpetual adolescent Sirius Black has finally grown up.'

'Hey!'

Remus just laughed. 'Are you ready to go home?' he asked. 'Only I'm exhausted – and I reckon you could do with a hot bath so you're not horribly stiff tomorrow.' He blushed slightly.

'I don't have a bath in my flat,' Sirius replied absent-mindedly.

'Then you have to come home with me. I have the best bath in South Yorkshire…'

'Sure?'

'Of course! I don't want to be responsible for you being miserable and no doubt whinging all day tomorrow.'

'Glad to hear you're so selfless and only concerned about my welfare,' Sirius said bitingly, and Remus laughed in his face.

* * *

The tram arrived quickly. Sirius winced as he sat down – the bruises from his falls were developing nicely. Remus laughed at him, and then they sat tiredly, shoulders just touching, leaning back against the seats and staring out at the night.

The ride back was fast and quiet. They trailed back up the street to Remus's house, and as soon as they entered, Remus was running Sirius a bath and making tea. Sirius just flopped onto the sofa and showed no inclination to get up again.

'Come on Sir,' Remus said, grabbing his hands and trying to pull him up. 'Bath's ready.'

'Uuuurrrgh,' Sirius replied pathetically, and Remus laughed. He let go of his hands and exited the room, returning a second later with a pint of water.

'If you won't go for a bath, I'll just have to give you one there,' he threatened.

Sirius eyed him nervously.

'I'm serious.'

Sirius got up in a hurry and rushed off to the bathroom.

'_Bubbles_, Remus?' his voice floated through to the kitchen where Remus was pouring tea.

'What? Threaten your masculinity, do they?'

There was no reply, and Remus chuckled to himself. He poured the boiling water onto the teabags, then fished them out and added milk.

"Should I take Sirius's through? It'll be cold by the time he finishes… and I could just knock and leave it on the floor… yes, I'll do that," he decided.

He rapped sharply on the bathroom door, Sirius's tea in the other hand.

'Come in!'

'Are you decent?'

'Yeah, yeah!'

Remus hesitantly grasped the handle, then turned it.

Sirius _was_ decent – in a manner of speaking. He was in the bath, foam piled high around him, his hair sleek and blue-black, clinging wetly to his head. Nothing was visible, but Remus felt suddenly acutely, excessively, uncomfortable.

'Sorry,' he muttered.

'What? Oh Re, don't be a prude. There's nothing on display! Go and get your tea and come and talk to me. I'm bored in here by myself.'

'Er – okay…'

He was gone half a minute, long enough to get his tea and give himself a stern talking-to. "Honestly Lupin, how old are you?"

'So,' Sirius said at soon as he came back in, 'what shall we do tonight?'

'I was thinking in terms of a good book and bed,' Remus replied tiredly, rubbing his face with the heel of his palm.

'Well, that sounds good to me… got a nice novel I can borrow? I've got nothing fluffy and entertaining back at the flat…'

'Do you want to stay the night?' Remus asked, then stopped. What was he doing? Why would Sirius want to stay the night? And where would he sleep? It was all very well sleeping in the same bed when he had passed out drunkenly, but stone cold sober? But all of a sudden he felt most anxious that Sirius shouldn't leave the flat. He had no time to analyse this though, as Sirius was replying.

'I'd like to – if you don't mind… I'll stay on the sofa, of course.'

'No – you can share with me again, it's fine.' _What_? What was up with him? He knew Sirius was looking curiously at him, and he felt himself blushing slightly. He leaned against the wall and slid down so he was sitting on his haunches, staring at the floor.

As for Sirius, he was mystified, but not at all displeased. He was desperate to know what was going on in Remus's head, but he decided that just asking wouldn't yield the best results. So he sat quietly, sipped his tea and planned his attack on Remus's defences.

'Do you want to get in?' he asked suddenly.

Remus's head jerked upwards and his eyes went wide and round. His mouth fell open as he began stammering.

"Hmm, interesting," thought Sirius. 'Not while I'm in here, you idiot!' he laughed outwardly. 'Much as that would be an interesting experience, I think it would be a little cramped. I know you awfully well, but not _that_ well!'

Remus went even redder, if possible, and muttered something confusedly as he scrambled to his feet. He returned with a towel, and then vanished again.

Sirius stood up and quickly soaped himself, then rinsed, and climbed out of the bath and towelled himself vigorously. He was about to put on his clothes again, when he changed his mind and instead wrapped the towel round his hips.

'Re,' he called as he left the bathroom. 'Have you got any pyjamas I could borrow, please? My clothes are all sweaty, and soaking wet from ice skating…'

'Yes, of course,' Remus replied. He grabbed some stripy navy and grey ones from a drawer and handed them over. He seemed to have regained most of his composure, and met Sirius's eyes boldly enough.

'I'll be in the bath,' he said. And Sirius heard the bolt shoot behind him.

He donned his pyjamas thoughtfully. They were soft and comfortable, and fitted him fairly well. He towelled his hair quickly and then chose a book and retired to the lounge. He didn't get much reading done though; he was too busy thinking.

"Remus, what's going on?" he pondered, biting his lip and furrowing his brow. "Well – what's going on with you? I know what's going on with _me_… some things never change, do they? But Re, I can't deny you're confusing me a little. Straight? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I'm imagining things. But I think I'd like to know, one way or the other. I mean, of course you're lonely, I'm an old friend, you want to see me. But, well, this much? I just don't know."

And in the bathroom, Remus shampooed his hair moodily and, his eyes screwed shut, was thinking something along the same lines.

"What on earth is going on with me? I swear this isn't what things used to be like at school. This is something new. But it's very – I don't know – offputting? Confusing? Frightening? I'd like to know – well, I think I'd like to know just what it is that's making me this completely bewildered. I think. Remus Lupin, I hope you know what you're getting yourself into. I have a feeling this can only get worse. Or do I mean better? Fuck. I think I might – yes, I think I should phone Anna…"

He dunked his head under the water and rinsed his hair before getting out of the bath, relieved that he'd reached some sort of resolution, but more than a little nervous of the evening ahead.


	9. Chinese Food

I know, it's been ages, I'm crap, I'm sorry. Only excuse is the Yankee boyfriend's been here for a month and I, er, haven't had time to write laughs wickedly but now I'm back at uni. Exams in two months but hey, who cares? There's fanfic to be written!

* * *

'Hey,' Sirius greeted him, when he emerged pink-cheeked and clean from the steamy bathroom.

'Hey,' Remus said with a smile. He ran a hand through his hair, and plucked the book that Sirius was holding loosely out of his hands. 'Merlin, I didn't know I still had this trash! Let me find you something worth reading, you English student you.'

He put the book back on the untidy shelf and pondered for a second before withdrawing _Brideshead Revisited_.

'At any rate, this should make you glad to be back in England,' he told Sirius, who smiled up at him. 'Plus I think this should be required reading for all undergrads – English or no. I wish I could have gone to university then, you know…'

'When's it set?'

'Oh, twenties I think. Yes, pre-World War II, and I'm pretty sure post-World War I. My goodness, you'd have thought I at least knew that, wouldn't you?'

'So what's it about?'

'Hmm… I think I couldn't possibly tell you anything like as well as Evelyn Waugh can, so I suggest you start reading while I phone out for food. How's Chinese?'

'Lovely!'

Remus picked up the phone and walked through to his bedroom, oh-so casually shutting the door after him. Sirius immediately laid down his book and stared very hard at the door. If he just got a little bit closer – no. None of that. He reluctantly returned his attention to Charles Ryder, with an occasional backwards glance at the door.

Meanwhile, Remus was nervously dialling Anna's number. After a few rings she picked up.

'Hello?' she said uncertainly.

'Hey, Anna, it's Remus,' Remus said softly. 'Thanks for your call – I'm sorry I was out.'

'Not a problem,' she replied. 'So – I assume you _do_ want to go out again? As friends, I mean,' she added quickly, to Remus's gratitude.

'Yes, that would be fun… and, like you said – well, it would be nice to have someone to talk to…'

'Still hung up over your mystery love, it sounds.'

'I don't even _have_ a mystery love, per se,' Remus said dreamily. 'I'm trying to figure it out. You can say no if you want… I doubt it'll be very interesting for you.'

'No, I'm sure it will be a fascinating insight into the mind of a thirty-something, single, straight male.'

Remus coughed.

'When's good for you?' she continued.

'Hmm, it's Sunday today, yes? Well, any week day is fine…'

'Tuesday? The Green Room? 8?'

'That sounds great. I'll see you there.'

'See you Remus!'

'Oh, and Anna?'

'Yes?'

'Thanks.'

He could almost see her smiling down the phone lines. Her voice was warm as she replied, 'You're welcome. See you then,' and hung up.

'Well,' he said to himself. 'Well well well. Dinner time, I think.'

He quickly phoned the nearest takeaway and placed his order, before rejoining a suspiciously studious-looking Sirius in the lounge.

'How long'll it be?'

'About twenty minutes… I'll set the table.'

'Nah, let's go with it on our laps. I am, after all, a student. I'll whack on a film or something.'

'Okay. I'll go and open some -'

'Please Merlin, Remus, not wine.'

'I wasn't going to say wine! I was going to say juice!'

Sirius looked sceptical, but said nothing, instead leaping to his feet and selecting a film, then drawing the curtains and lighting the lamps. The room was filled with a soft, warm glow that made Remus smile contentedly when he came back into the room carrying cutlery, bowls, glasses and juice.

'I like evenings in here best,' he remarked as he put everything down on the table. 'It's even better in the winter, when there's snow outside and the sky's all menacing and purple, and you can just shut it all out and cocoon yourself away.'

'You always liked to do that at school too,' Sirius commented thoughtfully. 'I remember, it was winter, we must have been about 15, and me, James and – Peter – had gone to Hogsmeade, and you said you had too much work on. And we got back, and the room was full of candles and the curtains were shut and you were on your bed, reading. Just wanted to be on your own.'

'I do like snow, you know,' Remus said self-consciously, 'and I like company too, but sometimes it's nice to have neither. Sometimes you just have to – I don't know – _commune_.'

'You're a strange one, you know that?' Sirius teased. Remus smiled fleetingly before looking away, and starting to arrange the things on the coffee table.

'I know,' he replied.

'What is it you think about when you're communing, I wonder? What are you thinking now? _I_ think you have a lot of secrets, and that you need to be on your own a lot because when you're with people you have to pretend you don't have those secrets, and pretending wears you down…'

'Maybe,' Remus said vaguely, and headed out of the door.

'Hey, Re, you can't escape me that easily! Come back, please.'

Remus reluctantly turned round and stood with his arms crossed self-protectively.

'Yes?'

'Don't 'yes' me! I just wanted to tell you – well, this sounds awfully trite and really quite horribly clichéd, but – you don't have to pretend with me. And you don't have to keep your secrets. I'll keep them just as well as you could, and maybe it would be nice to have someone else knowing them too. Maybe it would make things easier.'

"If only you knew," Remus thought with a sick, guilty lurch in his abdomen, the cause of which he wasn't sure. 'You already help – make me happy, I mean – by being here and knowing about what I am. For so many years, nobody knew that I was a werewolf. I didn't realise quite how much of a strain it was keeping that secret until you came back.' He knew just how much of the truth that statement missed out, but at least it was part of the truth.

Sirius squatted on his haunches by the video player and stared up at Remus.

'I'm glad,' he said finally. Then he looked back down and concentrated on finding the correct button to press. Remus, feeling dismissed, walked out of the room.

"He knows, he knows. He knows I'm not telling him something," he panicked as he locked himself into the bathroom, mirror still steamed up, and splashed cold water on his hot face.

'Remus, you're panicking,' he said aloud. 'It doesn't matter, d'you hear? Even if he _does_ know, he won't mind. But – perhaps you ought to wait a while, just to be sure. Yes, wait a while – oh, you coward! Well, wait til you've talked to Anna at least. She's a sensible lass. She'll sort you out.'

He wiped his dripping face and returned to the lounge, where Sirius was stretched out full length on the sofa, reading.

'You're right,' he commented. 'This is good stuff. And nice and gay; I like a bit of literary faggotry.'

'Sirius!' Remus exclaimed.

'What? I'm reclaiming! Like 'queer'.'

Remus didn't look convinced. 'So gay people are allowed to say that?'

'Yeah – and good friends of poufs.'

'Hmm.'

The doorbell rang, halting the slightly bizarre conversation, and Remus hurried down the stairs to collect their food. By the time he came back up, the main light was extinguished, the plates were set out, and the video had started. The warning about piracy flicked on the screen, and Remus glanced idly at it.

'What're we watching?'

'_Naked_.'

'Ye gods Sirius, I don't want my appetite spoiled. Stick something a bit fluffier on, will you?'

'It's a bit challenging eh?'

'Challenging isn't the word I'd use. Disturbing. A good film, but one for solitude, I'd say. I love you Sir, but I'm not up for watching rape scenes with you,' he tossed out carelessly before eyeing Sirius cautiously. He, however, had noticed nothing.

'Rape scenes? Lord, okay, I'm changing it. Plenty of spring rolls for me, please.'

'Your wish is my command.'

Remus rapidly served up the food and settled down on the sofa with his plateful. He began eating as Sirius joined him, and once again the video started.

'What now?'

'_L'auberge Espanol_,' Sirius said, in a flawless French accent.

'Ah, now _that's_ a good film for dinnertime,' Remus grinned. 'Ever seen it?'

'Nope.'

'You'll love it! Especially the bit where – oh, I won't spoil it,' he amended, smiling infuriatingly. Sirius bit his lip, fighting back an urge to tackle Remus physically for teasing him, but instead eating a forkful of Chinese.

'Mmm, s'good,' he mumbled.

'I'll take that as you approving,' Remus laughed.

They settled down to watch the film, Sirius laughing out loud frequently.

As the credits began to roll, Remus laid back in his chair.

'Makes me feel I missed out a lot,' he commented. 'Blood film makes me feel old.'

'I know what you mean.'

'At least you've done all that stuff though. You've been away and you've met people from all over the world and got all sorts of exciting stories to tell, and I bet you can speak other languages too.'

'Mais oui, mon vieux. Mais, tu aussi, je crois? Tu parle le gallois, oui?' (i)

'Yes, I can I suppose, and I'm not old!'

'Du bist zu Raffiniert, schweinhund!' (ii)

'Hey now! I'm your lecturer, I'm supposed to know more than you! And I bet you wouldn't have a bloody clue if I said twll tin y twpsyn hoyw.' (iii)

'And what's that?'

'Up yours, you stupid pouf. Hey. It's reclaiming!' he protested as this time, Sirius did indeed leap on him and proceed to tickle him mercilessly.

'Aah, Sirius, you're – ahh! You know how – Merlin! Stoppit!'

Eventually Sirius took pity and ceased tormenting him.

'Ah, Lupin, when will you learn?' he sighed, scrambling off Remus with an unfathomable look in his eyes. Remus stuck his tongue out in a distinctly un-lecturer-ish manner, and raised his eyebrows cheekily.

"I'm flirting!" he realised suddenly, and flushed pink.

Sirius didn't ask. He stood up, stretched and yawned hugely, before picking up all the mess and taking it out towards the kitchen. Remus made moves to help him, but Sirius pushed him back down playfully.

'I can be domestic too,' he teased, before ferrying the rest of the stuff out to the kitchen, and cleaning up swiftly. He rejoined a sleepy Remus not ten minutes later.

'You look tired, mate,' he said, his voice soft and gentle. 'I think it's past a certain werewolf's bedtime.'

'Me too-oo-oo,' Remus said, drawing the word out as he yawned. Sirius yawned in turn, and laughed.

'Funny how infective yawns are,' he commented, before stooping and grabbing Remus's hand. 'Up you get, boyo.'

Remus allowed himself to be hauled upright and led towards the bedroom. He ran his hand tiredly through his grey-sprinkled hair, making it stand up on end. Sirius turned to him and gave a funny little smile.

'My goodness Moony, what have you done to yourself?' he asked rhetorically. He reached out a slim brown hand and ran it soothingly through his friend's hair, rearranging it so it lay flat. Remus shut his eyes and leaned into the caress, and with a start, Sirius realised. "He's probably not been touched gently for a long time – or ever." The thought made him terribly sad, and he carried on stroking the werewolf's soft wavy hair. His touch became more tender than he realised, and drifted down the side of his face, upon which Remus's eyes flew wide open with alarm.

Sirius decided sheer effrontery was the way to go, and smiled gently. 'Bedtime, sleepyhead,' he said. They cleaned their teeth companionably, Remus practically dozing on his feet, before moving over to the bed and lying down.

They lay there in the dark for a while, both pairs of eyes open and gleaming in the faint light from the street that came in through a chink in the curtain.

Remus cleared his throat nervously.

'Would you mind – very much – touching my hair again?' he asked nervously. Sirius smiled in the dark and acquiesced wordlessly. His hand passed again and again hypnotically through his friend's hair, until Remus slept.

Sirius lay alone, his hand still resting softly on Remus's head.

'Forgive me Remus, but I couldn't help myself,' he whispered to himself. 'Damn you for being just the same. I just can't help it.'

* * *

They awoke to the shrill beeping of an electronic alarm. Remus groaned and then stretched sleepily. His arm made contact with flesh, and he remembered. 

'Oi, Sirius, wakey wakey,' he said, but Sirius slept on. Remus shook him gently, but to no avail. 'Sirius!' he all but yelled, and prodded him. Nothing. So Remus took out his final weapon. He pinched Sirius in the waist with his fingers, and he awoke with a shout.

'It was my only option,' Remus said mischievously.

'Only option my arse,' Sirius muttered rudely. 'Oh, fine, I'm getting up.'

'Well, sleep a tiny bit longer. I'm just off for a shower.'

'No, I'll make some brekkie…'

When Remus exited the shower, smartly dressed but shoeless and wet haired, he found Sirius in the kitchen, making toast and scrambling eggs.

'I'll take it from here if you want to show,' Remus offered, and Sirius scarpered to the bathroom.

Both clean, they sat down and ate their food in silence. Remus poured his second cup of coffee and leaned back in his chair.

'I've had a fantastic weekend,' he said sincerely. 'Thank you. You coming back – well, it's the best thing that's happened to me for a long time.'

'Me too,' Sirius agreed fervently. Their eyes locked and they smiled.

After that, it was a rush to get their things together, before walking up the hill to the lecture theatre.

Suddenly, a few minutes from the Arts Tower, Remus stopped dead.

'Merlin, I've spent the night – a few nights – with a student!' he exclaimed.

'Hey, Moony, we didn't _do_ anything!'

Was that a flicker of disappointment on Remus's face?

'Yes, but it's still not done,' he replied. 'You go on ahead. I'll see you in there.'

'Well – okay. Good luck!'

'I don't need luck!' Remus proclaimed, before giggling. 'Go on, away with you, or the faculty busybodies will oust me for stealing the innocence of one of my students. Begone, hence, away from here!'

'I'm going, I'm going!' Sirius chuckled. He strolled away up the concourse, pausing briefly to turn back and wave. Remus smiled in reply, before following him at a safe distance. Then he hurriedly started to marshal his disordered thoughts in readiness for the lecture he was about to give. However, try as he might, they lingered on a certain mature student who he felt quite sure would be sat in the front row of said lecture. Still in a quandary, he walked slowly up the hill, his mind full of Sirius.

* * *

Maybe the language part is showing off just a teeny bit, but in fairness I had to check all these online, despite five years of French and two of German (and, holy buggery, three of Latin, of which I remember only the names of the people in the textbook. Caecilius, Metella, Quintus, Cerberus.) And the Welsh phrase is straight from a website teaching you how to insult in Welsh (?). I always imagine Remus as Welsh – I know we Anglos take the piss but I think their accents are cool and Remus Lupin strikes me as a slightly Welshy name. don't know why. 

'But yes, old chap. But you too, I think? You speak Welsh, don't you?' (in French, in case you didn't notice).

'You are too clever, pig-dog' (favoured German insult culled from my father).

'Up yours, you gay idiot' (but I think my translation's a bit snappier).


	10. Discussions

Look at me, another update after only, what, three days! _Someone's_ exam revision is suffering terribly...

* * *

Remus passed the start of that week in a perpetual dream. His mind was full of disturbing but not entirely unpleasant possibilities, and he yearned for Wednesday to come so he could talk to Anna. A dispassionate spectator: that's what he felt he needed. Someone to talk to. Jane would have been an option, but he felt uncomfortable at the idea of discussing these alien images in his head with a friend so close as she.

He had finished the lecture on Monday somehow, Sirius sitting smiling at him in the front row. Then he had had another lecture to deliver, so he waved goodbye to his friend and departed for another lecture theatre. He gave that in the same state of mind.

He was collecting his papers from the lectern when a familiar face peered around the door.

'Jane!' he exclaimed.

'You bugger, Remus, I haven't seen you in ages.'

'I'm sorry about that… but I do have a good excuse! An old school friend turned up in my first lecture to the newbies, and I felt obligated to show him the sights of Sheffield.' Remus felt slightly guilty dismissing the rapidly building intimacy between Sirius and he as a duty, but he was somehow reluctant to reveal just what pleasure Sirius's company gave him.

'You can't fool me,' Jane announced, coming closer. A small, slender woman with wavy, dark red hair and dancing brown eyes, she often found herself the object of unsolicited male attention. 'It's not unwelcome, per se,' she had explained once, 'I just hate to see them wasting their time on a hopeless case like me!' Remus had laughed and felt relieved that he had never found himself attracted to her. 'I know how independent you are. If you didn't like him, you wouldn't be nannying him. What's his name? Oh, let me guess… you've only told me about two friends of yours. It's not James,' her voice quiet, 'so I'd stake my money, my reputation and my soon-to-be-completed thesis on Sirius.'

'How is your thesis going?' Remus asked.

'Hey now, no slipping and dodging. It's going fine, thanks for asking, but it's Sirius, isn't it? Unless there's some mysterious individual lurking in your past.'

'No, you're right. It's Sirius. Back from the past to haunt me like some very solid and fairly attention-seeking ghost.'

'How poetic, darling. How is he? As gorgeous as when you saw him last?'

'Yes, indeed, and he's gay now!'

'Hmm,' Jane said, but didn't elaborate. 'So what have you chaps been up to?'

'He dragged me to Climax -'

Jane burst out laughing. 'Oh my dear, my dirty mind' she said between chuckles, finally regaining her self-control. 'Sorry, carry on.'

'As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,' Remus grinned. 'I disgraced myself at Climax, if you can believe that. Pissed as a newt. He took me home and put me to bed. The next day, we drove out into the Peaks and had a wander and lunch. Then we returned and had Chinese for dinner.'

'But he didn't her arrive a while ago – you said yourself you saw him at the first lecture?'

'I did indeed. We just had coffee – had a chat.'

'Did he have anything to do with you phoning and asking me to set you up?'

'Yes, indeed. Sirius always made me do things of questionable sensibility.'

'Hey, now! I think it was a great idea. Anna told me you guys didn't click though, but you're going out again, am I right?'

'You are, on both counts. She's lovely but, well, I don't know. I suppose I'm not cut out for love – I'll be a dry and dusty academic before I'm forty.'

'Oh I don't believe that,' Jane said with a glint in her eyes. 'Anna told me -'

'Oh, you weaselled it out of her, didn't you, you interfering old bat!' Remus teased.

'I did, as matter of fact. The poor girl was quite downcast by your rejection of her advances.'

'Oh, I'm sorry,' Remus cried, looking distressed.

'Ah, it's okay. I told her you're not really as sweet and lovely as you seem.'

Remus raised his eyebrows.

'She told me – actually, she told me something quite interesting, all the more so because it was the first I'd caught wind of it. She said that you have a mystery crush!'

Remus blushed.

'Ahhh, how fetching. Now stop blushing and tell me _who_! And I'll tell you if you're, er, barking up the wrong tree, as it were.'

'You mean you'll tell me if you've slept with them?'

'Cheeky so-and-so! But yes, that's what I meant. Either that, or I've heard of her on the grapevine, you know?'

'The infamous Sheffield lesbian network?'

'Indeed.'

'Of which you are the Queen Bee?'

'The very same. But, Remus dear, who _is_ she?'

'If you wouldn't mind, Janey,' Remus said gently, 'I need a couple more days to think about it.'

'You're going to tell Anna before me! But why all this cloak and dagger commotion? Who's so bad that you can't tell your Auntie Jane?'

'Nothing bad – just, I've never really been in this sort of state before, least, not since I left puberty. Completely confused, that's me.'

'Confused…' Jane repeated thoughtfully. Suddenly she drew in a sharp breath and looked at Remus differently. Her analytical brain had drawn its conclusion, and the evidence all fit. Spending hours with his prodigal, handsome, _gay_ friend – suddenly wanting to date a woman, then rejecting his perfect partner – getting dreadfully, out-of-characterly drunk – confusion – unwillingness to disclose details – needing someone to talk to…

'Oh Remus,' she said gently. 'You've fallen for this Sirius, haven't you?'

Remus's jaw dropped.

'Please, don't tell anyone,' he begged. 'I'm still not sure – I'm going to give Anna all the facts and see what she thinks. See if this is – the real thing – and not just loneliness and desperation to be loved. See if she thinks I have a chance, any chance.'

He said no more. His lips were trembling; in fact, his whole body shook as though the room was chill. Jane enveloped him in a warm, comforting hug, which lasted almost a minute before she spoke.

'Hey, sweetheart, it's okay. Don't worry. It'll be okay.'

* * *

The next couple of days passed uneventfully. Remus met Sirius a few times in his flat, where they sat talking about books and foreign lands. He said nothing of his innermost thoughts, but imbued every gesture, every word and deed of Sirius with private meanings, scrutinizing them exhaustively. He was both nervous and excited when Wednesday came around. Finally, he could openly discuss what had been occupying all his contemplations with someone who would be sure to be as honest as she could. "But what _would_ Anna say?" he wondered nervously.

* * *

Remus thought back to Jane's response as he waited in the Green Room for Anna to arrive. He was nervous, but he felt warm as he remembered Jane's hug, and how obviously she cared about him.

'Hello,' came a quiet voice behind him, and he started.

'Oh, Anna, hi,' he greeted her, standing up and kissing her on the cheek. 'Thank you for coming.'

'You're very welcome,' she smiled.

'I'm so sorry about – last time,' Remus began awkwardly, but she waved his apologies aside.

'Me too. But I'm glad I met you. I hope we can be friends?'

'I hope so too.'

'Well then, that's settled,' she smiled. 'Drink?'

'I'll have – oh, double whisky, please.'

'Hard drinker eh? Nothing wrong with that! Be right back.'

The bar was quiet still; a few couples sat chatting at the small tables. The room was dim, but fairy lights twinkled around the large front windows. Music played softly in the background. Remus slumped in his chair and started to think about how he was going to voice what he had come here to discuss.

In what seemed like no time at all, Jane returned with their drinks.

'Cheers,' she said, and held up her glass for him to clink his against.

'Cheers,' Remus repeated, and took a big gulp. The whisky burned slightly as it hit the back of his throat.

'So…' Anna began uncertainly.

Remus bit his lip til it bled.

'Thanks again for coming,' he said, and took another drink.

'You're welcome, again. But really Remus, why do you need me?'

'It's hard to explain… I've never been in this position before. I've never felt like – _this_. And it's a little strange. I don't know if it's – love. I was wondering if you could tell me.'

'Don't know if it's love? Remus, I don't think I can -'

'I'm just afraid that I've been alone for so long that all of a sudden I'll just fall into the arms of the first person who shows me a bit of affection.'

'You didn't fall into _my_ arms,' Anna pointed out, and Remus considered that.

'You're right,' he replied at last. 'I didn't.'

'And you _knew_ I was – interested. How could you not have! And unless I'm much mistaken, you don't even know if this woman is thinking about you like this.'

'Er, there's something else. The person in question is a -' he took a deep breath but his courage failed him. 'A student.'

'Hmm.'

'They're my age, it's not like it's some eighteen-year old kid…'

'I'm pretty sure there are still rules against it – but Remus, she won't be a student forever. If you think you can keep things secret for long enough, then go for it. If she's your age – if you're sure she won't feel coerced by you being their professor…'

'To be honest, I'm not too concerned about that, but, well, there's something else I should tell you…' "Come on Remus, you coward!" he thought. 'It's not a woman I'm talking about.'

He was startled by her response – uncontrollable laughter.

'That bloody Jane,' she said. 'She bloody knew, didn't she! She kept saying the weirdest things earlier – kept calling me a queer Mother Confessor or something – I thought she was talking about her! Oh gosh Remus, I'm sorry,' she said quickly.

Remus's face was fairly mystified at first, but soon he let out a giggle and Anna began to laugh again.

'I'm a thirty-something year old virgin who's just decided he's gay!' he gasped, and started laughing again.

'I'm a thirty-something year old who's so desperate she'll try and seduce you!' Anna replied, her shoulders shaking with laughter.

'Lord, we're a fine pair,' Remus commented, calming down somewhat. 'Ah, I need that… thanks!'

'You're most welcome,' Anna smiled, still hiccupping from time to time.

'But where was I? Oh yes, a queer virgin – oh, I didn't tell you who I've fallen for… a ridiculously good-looking old schoolfriend!' He started laughing again and Anna joined in once more. 'So, Agony Aunt, what do you suggest?'

'What agony aunts _always_ suggest. Talk to him.'

'But what if – what if it's not – you know – _it_?'

'The only person who can decide that is _you_, Remus, and you know it. Stop procrastinating, and decide. Do you smile when you think about him? Do you tingle when you see him? Do you melt when your skin touches his? Is he always on your mind? Would you like to kiss him? Does he make your life better in every way?'

'Yes. Yes to all of those.'

'Is he fit?'

They started giggling again.

'Extremely,' Remus assured Anna.

'Do you think he feels the same?' she asked, suddenly serious.

'I suppose I'll just have to find out,' Remus said, half to himself.

'Good for you,' Anna exclaimed, nonetheless looking slightly longing. She smiled with a hint of melancholy. 'He'd be mad to turn you down.'

Remus glanced at her. 'Perhaps you could tell him so yourself when I get rejected and spend the rest of my days mourning for my one lost chance.'

'Remus, you underestimate yourself,' Anna said gravely. 'If, for some reason, this man doesn't feel this way about you, there are thousands of other people who would love you – in Sheffield alone.'

'But would _I_ love _them_? I don't know.'

'We'll cross that bridge when we come to it,' Anna said, suddenly becoming brisk. 'Now, I think we should go dancing!'

'Dancing?'

'Yep! Now where do thirty-somethings go to dance? The Leadmill!'

Remus groaned. 'Really?'

'Yes! And they play decent music there, stuff you can dance to – oh my goodness, I sound like my mother. You'll have to take me out and get me pissed so I can reassure myself I'm not actually her.'

Remus grinned. 'Sounds like an emergency. Guess I'd better then! Let's get out of here!'

They drank up, got their coats and went out into the clear, cool night. A short taxi ride later, they embarked outside a dingy-looking club in the industrial quarter of town. It was early so the usual drunken queue hadn't formed yet, and they were inside quickly. Anna proceeded to make a beeline for the bar, and Remus followed her.

She lined up shots on the bar and downed them all, Remus looking on slightly anxiously.

'Anna, do you -'

'Come on Remus! Let's dance!'

She dragged Remus onto the dance floor, clutching his bottle of beer and looking fairly nervous.

'C'mon, relax!' she yelled.

One of the few perks of lycanthropy, Remus reflected, was the ability to move. He was a pretty good dancer, and now he was gay, there was no need to stifle it! He grinned to himself, and Anna gave him a hug.

'You look happy!' she shouted.

'I feel it,' Remus replied truthfully. At least now he felt like a decision was made. He'd worry about implementing it later.

They danced again. A few admirers came up and danced meaningfully behind both Anna and Remus, but she put her arms around his neck and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

'Hands off ladies!' she yelled.

'Er, Anna, I think perhaps it's time to go home?'

'Oh, don't be a spoilsport, Remus!'

He smiled ruefully and surrendered. A minute later he was glad.

'Oh I love this song!' he mouthed at her.

_I would go out tonight,_

_but I haven't got a stitch to wear_

_This man said 'It's gruesome that_

_someone so handsome should care!' _(i)

Time passed quickly. The club filled up rapidly, and Anna drank more and more. Remus kept shooting her worried looks, which she chose to ignore, before she hurriedly excused herself and rushed off to the bathroom.

She returned ten minutes later, flushed and suspiciously bright-eyed.

'I think it's time to go,' she said into his ear, and he nodded gratefully.

They hailed a taxi with minimal difficulty, and Remus helped Anna in.

'Thank you,' she said as they got in. 'Ah Remus, if only you were straight.'

'I'm sorry about – all this,' he said awkwardly.

'S'alright, don't mind. At least we met, eh. And I'm glad to've been of 'ssistance to you.'

'Oh, you have, very much so.'

The taxi stopped outside Remus's flat, and he climbed out. 'You sure you've got enough money?' he asked, but handed her a fiver anyway.

He let himself in as the taxi drove off, and paused inside the open door. The night air was cold but he stared up at the stars for a minute with an otherwordly smile on his face, before closing the door and going upstairs. Meanwhile in the taxi, Anna was crying, just a little bit. It seemed that, after all, Remus was more in demand than he might think.

* * *

Sorry about all the alcoholism in this story! What can I say, I'm a student, and a medic at that!

The song is 'This Charming Man' by the Smiths, the best band in the world ever, no contest.


	11. A Long Awaited Confession

It's official - I am the queen of updates this week! So without further ado... what you (and I) have all been waiting for...

* * *

Remus woke up bright and early with the sun in his eyes. He had forgotten to close the curtains the previous night. He lay in bed smiling at the recollection of the previous night, until the alarm rudely interrupted his musings. He leapt out of bed and padded naked to the bathroom, where he showered happily, singing all the while, before towelling off vigorously and making some breakfast. After a coffee and a cigarette, he left his flat and walked up to the university, a spring in his step.

"Today's the day!" he swore to himself.

Sirius's class sat attentively as he delivered a lecture on the theme of religion in _Middlemarch_ with verve and spirit. Sirius was in the front row again, and Remus kept catching his eye and smiling all the way through. He decided he liked the butterflies that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in his stomach.

Sirius came up to him afterwards.

'Remus!' he said. 'You were great! Why are you so happy?'

'Oh, no reason,' Remus said, smiling at him while his stomach contorted into pleasurable knots. 'How are you?'

'Ah, same old. But I remembered, we forgot to write that letter to Albus about Harry after we went skating. Do you want to do it now?'

'Er – yes, good idea. I've got a seminar at twelve, but we'll be done by then.'

'Hell, Remy, we're not writing one of these bloody long-winded novels you're so fond of! Let's go and find a room.'

'How about my office?'

'Oh, you have an office! Good idea!'

They walked to the lift, Sirius chattering about things that had occurred to him when he read _Middlemarch_ for the first time, and Remus indulgently verifying them.

'It's your favourite of her books, isn't it?'

'I suppose it is… although I find some of the characters extremely irritating.'

'Like Dorothea? Well, I can see where you're coming from, but she's got the courage of her convictions, hasn't she? She's so strong-minded and definite about what she wants; she was just born at the wrong time.'

'Like Eliot herself, I suppose,' Remus commented absently.

'Yeah! Do you think she's based on Eliot herself?'

'I once read an interesting paper on that – I'll see if I can find it – but here we are. The inner sanctum of Dr Lupin.'

The office was small but immaculate, like Remus's flat. There were a couple of chairs next to a dark oak desk and a massive bookcase full of books.

'_More_ books,' Sirius said.

'I'm a literature professor!' Remus defended himself. 'Have a seat.'

Sirius had seated himself in the chair behind the desk and was swinging on it like a kid. Remus shuffled a few bits of paper on his desk, looked at a couple of memos, and turned his computer on.

'Move it, you,' he demanded.

'Nope!'

'Fine…' and with a long-suffering sigh, Remus sat himself on Sirius's lap. He promptly let out a squawk, and Remus laughed at his distress. 'Just got to check my emails.'

Sirius peered round him and stared at the screen. A couple of emails came up, and were promptly deleted by Remus.

'Nothing important,' he announced, and got up off Sirius's lap. He picked up a notebook off the desk and walked over to the window.

'_Dear Professor Dumbledore_, he wrote, _I am aware that this letter comes somewhat out of the blue. The fact is, I have been living a Muggle life for so long, I had forgotten how much time had passed. That is, until Sirius Black turned up in one of my lectures (I am a Muggle lecturer in literature). We have been catching up, and we both agree that we have neglected Harry terribly, considering that we are his godparents. We wondered perhaps if you thought Harry would welcome the opportunity to meet us, and whether it would be appropriate for us to come to Hogwarts to see him? We will, of course, wait until you tell us we can come, but we would very much appreciate your blessing._

_Yours, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black_

'Want to read it?'

'Sure.'

Remus handed the book over.

'Yeah, that's all good,' Sirius agreed. 'Now, how shall we get it to Hogwarts?'

Remus looked thoughtful. 'I do vaguely remember reading about a spell that could transcend the magical barriers at Hogwarts to convey correspondence back and forth. Now, how did it go… ah, _transmitio epistolium_! I'll need my wand though…'

Sirius was looking fondly at him.

'What?'

'You and your obscure and highly useful knowledge,' Sirius said with a smile. 'Now, you've got ages til your class. What shall we do?'

'Why don't we go down to my flat? We can send the letter to Hogwarts, and I can have some decent coffee!'

'Deal. Let's go!' Sirius jumped up and donned his backpack. Remus picked up his rather more sedate briefcase, before discarding it and withdrawing his cigarettes. Pocketing them, he led the way out of his office, and down the road, Sirius talking all the while about what Harry would say when he saw them and what they would talk about.

'I'm sure you won't have much trouble finding something,' Remus said dryly after Sirius had exhausted himself with worry.

'Hey!' Sirius exclaimed, before grabbing Remus and dancing him round. 'We're going to see Harry!'

'Hold your horses, Mr Eager,' Remus cautioned him. 'He might not want to see us. We have abandoned him for quite a while, after all.'

'Ah, he won't mind. He's been living with his aunt and uncle, from what I've heard. He'll be okay!'

Sirius stopped dancing, but his arm was still slung loosely around his friend. Remus savoured the contact, the warmth of someone else's body so close to his. And it being _Sirius's_… the thought made him feel faint with – desire? He withdrew a cigarette and lit it with shaking hands. "When we get back," he promised himself. "When we get back, I'll tell him."

They reached his home fairly quickly. Remus dug his wand out from the drawer and brought it into the lounge.

'Thirteen inches, silver birch wood, core of one of your own hairs from when you're a wolf; am I right?'

'You are indeed,' Remus told him. He held the letter out in front of him. 'Okay…_ transmitio epistolium _Dumbledore!'

The letter leapt out of Remus's hand. There was a crack and a flash of silver light, and it disappeared.

'Remus, you're a genius,' Sirius said fondly. 'Now, how does tea sound?'

'Tea sounds beautiful,' Remus replied. He smiled. He had forgotten how satisfying it was when a spell went right. "After tea," he told himself.

Soon they were sitting with tea in hand.

'Sirius – I have to tell you something,' Remus said. 'Last night, I went out again with Anna.'

'Oh did you?' Sirius said. He seemed slightly disinterested, staring down at his tea.

Remus felt a devastating pang, but continued.

'Yes, just as friends.'

'Oh!' Sirius suddenly looked upright, and smiled. 'How was it?'

'Okay – she's pretty nice, you know. I think you'd like her. We went to the Leadmill -'

'You'll have to take me there sometime!'

'I will – but she drank like a fish and we had to leave early…'

'Reminds me of someone,' Sirius said with a wicked glint to his eyes.

'I wonder who,' Remus said in all innocence. 'Anyway, as I was saying… she'd phoned me that Sunday because she thought I had something I needed to get off my chest. She was right. I've recently realised something…' His words dried up. Now was the perfect moment. He hadn't missed how upset Sirius had seemed when he had told him about going out with Anna again, and how relieved he had appeared to hear it was just as friends. He hoped it meant – but no. He couldn't allow himself to think like that. Still, he'd find out soon enough. It wasn't fair to let Sirius think they were just friends, when his feelings were so much more complicated than that. He had to tell him.

'I've recently realised,' he continued, 'that for -'

His words were interrupted by a blinding flash of blue light. A letter appeared, spinning in midair before falling to the floor.

'Dumbledore!' Sirius cried, and dashed to pick it up. It was a heavy piece of yellowed parchment, covered in Dumbledore's spiky hand.

_Remus, Sirius, how delightful to hear from you both, and together again!_ it read. _I was extremely pleased to receive your letter, as you can guess from the immediacy of this reply! Disregarding Harry for a moment, I would be very pleased to see you both again, and would love you to come to Hogwarts whenever you can. You can Floo in from any fireplace with this password: _Tooth-flossing Stringmints

_Regarding Harry – his has not been a happy childhood so far, I fear. His aunt and uncle do not treat him kindly, and he sorely misses his parents. I think he may harbour some resentment towards you both for leaving him in this situation, but I shall explain to him what a shock James and Lily's murders were to you, and he should be forgiving. I shall also inform him that for his own safety, he would have had to remain with his aunt and uncle even if you had been around._

_I shall talk to him as soon as his classes are finished for today, so this is only a provisional agreement on his behalf, but on my own, I should very much like to see you both again._

_Albus Dumbledore_

_P.S. A neat bit of spellwork there. Remus's, I assume? Ah Sirius, I can just imagine the look on your face when you read that!_

_A.D._

The look on Sirius's face was indeed comical, but then he laughed. 'We're going to see Harry!' he exclaimed.

Remus smiled. "I just hope he can forgive us," he thought to himself, but said nothing. Instead, he decided it was time for another cigarette.

'So what did you want to say?' Sirius asked him as he inhaled.

He burst into a coughing fit, spluttering and shaking ash everywhere. Sirius thumped him on the back until he recovered, upon which he leaned back exhaustedly, smoking his cigarette.

'You really should quit,' Sirius said, eyeing it balefully.

'I know, I know,' Remus said irritably.

'Don't you get like that with me! Now, tell me what you were going to say. It looked important.'

'It is. I'm extremely worried about saying it, but it needs saying if we're going to be friends…'

It was Sirius's turn to look worried.

Remus dragged deep on his cigarette before crushing it out. He took a swallow of tea and stared into Sirius's anxious grey eyes.

He started again.

'I have, well, something of the nature of a confession to make to you…'

Sirius nodded.

'It's, well, it's quite difficult to just come out and say it, you know… I'm a bit worried about how you're going to take it.'

'Why?'

'Well, I've been denying it so long, you see…'

Sirius was silent. His face was eager, eyebrows raised, and he was leaning slightly forward.

'So it's best to just come out and say it – oh, this is strange and difficult. Why do you find it so easy?'

'Find what easy?'

'Telling everyone you're gay!' Remus burst out. 'Oh, _I'm_ gay!'

Sirius grinned, although it was possible to detect a tiny flicker of disappointment on his face.

'Well done old chap!' he congratulated Remus, before shuffling up the couch and hugging him.

'It should have been obvious to me – I've been so bloody stupid! The truth is – gods, why do you think every attempt at relationships with women has failed? Why do you think I couldn't kiss Anna? Because I like – men! Me, Remus Lupin, I like men. Not women.'

'So, my newly found gay compadre, what are you going to do about it?'

'Umm… I'm not quite finished yet with the confession malarkey, and Merlin, that was the easy bit.'

'What makes this bit so hard?'

'Because it concerns you – pretty directly – you and me…'

Sirius inhaled sharply and swallowed. Remus saw he was shaking. He realised he himself was trembling from head to toe.

"He knows what I'm going to say!" he suddenly thought, and looked pleadingly at Sirius, but Sirius slowly shook his head, as if to say _you have to do this. I've been waiting patiently, and I'll wait as long as it takes, but I'm not going to pressurise you. _You've_ got to make the leap._

'You are so infuriating, Sirius!' Remus cried, but Sirius just shook his head again with a smile. 'I bloody well love you, you bastard! Making me do all the talking and confessing, and you already knew! You probably bloody knew before _me_! I bloody love you!'

'Are you sure?' Sirius whispered, a last ditch attempt to confirm the state of things before he went ahead and threw himself off the cliff. 'Are you sure this isn't just because – well, I'm here, I know you – I'm _convenient_?'

'Yes!' Remus replied almost angrily.

Sirius said nothing. He placed his own cup on the coffee table and relieved Remus of his. Then he leaned forward and kissed Remus, very very gently, on the lips before leaning back again.

'It makes things very easy,' he said with a twinkle in his eyes, 'because I happen to love you too. I thought you'd never reciprocate – well, I thought maybe you might, but you were so insistent on being 'straight' and finding a woman – and I thought I'd better just leave it till you said something. And you have. So now I can tell you. I love you.'

He stared into Remus's eyes. The amber was cloudy with tears, but he looked incredibly happy. Sirius felt tears prick at his own eyes. "So this is what love feels like, when you know you are loved in return," he thought.

But he had no more time for thinking. Suddenly Remus was on him, kissing him again and again almost fiercely, devouring him. Sirius responded with enthusiasm, his hands snaking up Remus's shirt, caressing his skin as they lay pressed against each other, kissing with absolute passionate abandon. Remus's fingers tangled themselves in Sirius's hair as their lips found each other again and again.

Sirius felt wet on his cheeks. He stopped the kiss and gazed up at Remus.

'You're crying,' he said with wonderment.

'I can't help it,' Remus said with a small sob. 'I didn't know I could be this happy.'

Sirius withdrew his arms and encircled his slight lover in a bear hug as he sobbed himself out before growing quiet.

'Done?' Sirius asked gently.

'I – I think so,' Remus sniffed. 'I have to blow my nose.'

Sirius roared with laughter and shook his head. Remus got up and walked out to the bathroom, and when he had finished sorting himself out, Sirius was waiting for him, standing in the middle of the bedroom.

'You've got a class to teach, my love,' he said ruefully.

'Class? What class?' Remus replied, before closing the gap between them with two long strides.

* * *

Heaves a huge sigh

Satisfactory? I hope so! Next update soon (and I think it may well be a little smutty...)


	12. Pillow Talk

Thank you so so much to all my reviewers. I appreciate it muchly, guys! Without you, this fic would have crashed and burned. Although I will blame you all when I fail my exams because I've spent too much time doing this…

Congrats to FlamencoPenguin, by the way (digging the name!) on being my 100th reviewer! Woot! This fichas beenmore reviewed than I could ever have imagined!

(And Goddess of the Sacred River, my name is lifted from a Smiths song takes a quick break to worship Morrissey at the shrine of miserableness thought it may be construed the wrong way (i.e. as arrogant) but I have the notion that it rocks, so it's staying…)

This is a mighty long prelude I know, but I just had to give a shout-out to Old Holborn and Rizlas, without which this story would never have been written. Tobacco saves! Er, kids, smoking's bad.

* * *

Remus lay naked on his bed. Sirius was curled up next to him, sound asleep, his head against Remus's shoulder. From time to time, Remus glanced down at him, disbelieving that, at last, all the things he had dreamed of should have come to pass. He could still taste Sirius on his tongue, could still hear his own moans of passion echoing in his ears. Impossible, really, that they should have done all those things together – he and _Sirius_.

He had been nervous, very nervous. He had trembled as Sirius held him and kissed him, but it had been he who first began to shed their clothes. He had lifted Sirius's t shirt over his head, stroking his lean chest, burying his head into his neck to just inhale the scent of him. He had kissed those beautiful clavicles before wrapping his arms around Sirius's warm back and then burying his tongue in Sirius's welcoming mouth. And then – he blushed to remember – he had unbuttoned Sirius's trousers and let them drop heavily to the floor. He had thought there was nothing more beautiful than Sirius with his shirt off, but Sirius standing there in only his boxers with his cock straining to be free had been yet more beautiful. He had held him at arm's length just to _look_ at him, to drink in the sight of him as if for the last time instead of the first.

'You are _perfect_,' he had breathed, and Sirius had grinned bashfully before reaching forward and pulling him into an embrace once more.

And Sirius had wanted to see _him_ naked – see him stand there with all his scars and his pale skin. And when all the clothes had come off, Sirius had stared hungrily at him, running his hands all over his body, even over _it_. And though he knew that Sirius loved him, this action made him sure. He knew he was loved, absolutely and unconditionally, and he had had to bite his lip hard to make sure he didn't sob with the rightness and wonderfulness of it all.

'I love you, all of you,' Sirius had said. 'I love Remus Lupin. Scars and all. You don't have to hide anything from me. If it is yours, I will love it.'

"What person could hear that and not cry?" Remus wondered to himself.

Sirius had licked each falling tear with the tip of his tongue, and when they kissed again, he tasted salty. He had used the same precise, gentle strokes when he ran his tongue over Remus's body minutes later, on his nipples and his scars and then, something Remus had seen on films he used to watch on long, lonely nights when his frustrated desires became too much, his cock. And Sirius seemed to enjoy it – enjoy his moaning and shaking, enjoy the taste when he could hold back no longer and came hard. Then Sirius had sucked and licked until he was done and sank exhaustedly into the mattress.

They had kissed and caressed each other, Remus remembered, until he got hard again. It had taken hardly any time, and Sirius had teased him about werewolf stamina. Remus hadn't cared. He had not talked to anyone who knew about his lycanthropy for so long that it was a relief to have it in the open. And besides, he could easily forgive Sirius when he made him feel so happy and sated, so alive, so young.

He had slid his hand down Sirius's flat belly, down to where his cock stood out proudly from the dark hair. He had tried to repeat what Sirius had done to him with his mouth. Judging by Sirius's reactions, he had succeeded admirably. His whole body had gone tense and then spasmed as he came into Remus's mouth. It was a bit of a shock, Remus thought, but he decided it tasted quite nice, and even if it had been vile, it would have been worth it to see Sirius thrash on the bed, his eyes closed tight and his cheeks flushed.

And – goodness, he had been nervous – Sirius had taken his hard cock in his hand and asked – requested – that he please put it – _inside him_.

Remus shivered and grew hard at the memory of how that had felt, his cock slick with Vaseline, sliding slowly into Sirius. Sirius had panted as he penetrated him and then cried out with pleasure at one specific moment. Remus had repeated what he had unwittingly done the moment before, and was rewarded with another cry. Sirius had got hard again, and he had rocked in and out of him, clutching at his hip with one hand and with the other, stroking his lover's erection, trying and succeeding to hit that place until Sirius's body tensed around him and he came all over his stomach. Seeing the pleasure he gave to the one he loved had tipped Remus over the edge, and he himself came with a stifled cry inside his lover.

So Remus lay there, eagerly awaiting Sirius waking, but at the moment happy to reminisce about all the things they had done together.

'And I'm not a virgin anymore,' he suddenly thought, and couldn't suppress a chuckle. He slid out of bed and ambled into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of juice. Then he listened to the messages on his phone.

'Hey Remy boy, you didn't turn up to your seminar today. I assume you didn't just forget,' said Jane's voice, 'so I hope you're alright and not sick. Oh, but those faculty dogs are after you, so if you're _not_ sick, better say you are, eh? Phone us when you get this. Love ya.'

The second message was far more formal. 'Remus,' came the voice of the Undergraduate Dean of English Literature, 'This is Eleanor Fogerty. I am informed that you did not attend your seminar 156, _George Eliot and Nineteenth-Century Politics_, earlier today. I would like to discuss this with you at your convenience. Please phone or email me as soon as you can.'

Even this stern message couldn't dampen Remus's good mood. Peeking in on Sirius to check he was still asleep, he dialled Jane's mobile phone number.

'Hello?' she said distractedly, picking up after the eighth ring. Jane's phone always found its way to the very bottom of her bag.

'Janey, hello,' Remus whispered. 'Thanks for the warning – just got a message from Eleanor on my phone.'

'Oh, poor you,' Jane sympathised. 'But where the devil are you? Why weren't you there? And why are you whispering?'

'Well,' Remus said. 'I have a man asleep in my bed and I don't want to wake him. Oh, and yes it _is_ what you think!'

He held the phone away from his ear at Jane's victory roar. She then collapsed into giggles and he returned the phone to his ear.

'Quick work Remy!' she said, and he could almost hear her beaming smile over the phone. 'At last! How was it?'

'Oh, crikey, I can't even begin to tell you,' Remus murmured, almost purring with contentment. Jane let out another shout of laughter, and he smiled.

'So I take it your feelings are reciprocated fully?'

'So it would appear…'

'Well, good for you. You deserve it. Now, unlike _some_ people, I have a class to teach now, so I'll talk to you soon. I want to hear everything!'

'_Everything_?'

'Ew, god no, not _everything_. But you'd better phone me soon, okay? Good luck with Eleanor! Bye!'

'Bye!' Remus replied and hung up, before returning to his room. It was chilly, and he gently pulled the cover from under Sirius and laid it over him before getting under himself and snuggling up closer to his lover, and promptly falling into a deep dreamless sleep.

* * *

When he awoke again, after only a short time, Sirius was staring at him with a smile.

'I was willing you to wake up, and you did,' he said with a tiny smile.

'Are you sure you didn't poke me til I woke up?' Remus teased him groggily.

'Nonsense… as if I'd do such a thing!'

'I wouldn't be surprised…'

'How can you say such things to me when I was going to be all charming and lovely?'

'You? Charming and lovely?'

'Hey now!'

'Well, what were you going to do?'

'I was going to tell you how sweet you look when you're asleep, actually.'

'What, I don't look sweet _all_ the time?'

Sirius chuckled. 'Course you do, love,' he said easily, and Remus could have wept at the feeling that one word gave him. Instead he smiled so widely his cheeks ached.

'So what are we doing with ourselves now?' Sirius asked.

'S'up to you,' Remus said non-committally. What he really wanted to do was stay in bed for the rest of his life and find out what else his sorry excuse for a love life had made him miss, but he knew he had to phone Eleanor and do preparations for next day's classes.

'What _I_ really want to do,' Sirius said, eerily echoing Remus's thoughts, 'is stay here with you forever and ever. But I can see by the look on your face that you have things to do, and I don't want to be responsible for you getting sacked. So how about you do whatever it is, and I write back to Dumbledore and sort out a day to go up?'

'That sounds great,' Remus said gratefully. 'So, adjournment for an hour or so, and then carrying on where we left off?'

'Oh, I think so,' Sirius said with a wicked grin. 'We have much to do. Luckily, we've got all the time in the world to do it.'

Remus gave him a tight hug. 'I love you,' he whispered.

'I love you too,' Sirius replied, 'but if you're going to do that to me, we're never going to get out of bed…'

An hour later, Remus finally made it to a vertical position.

'What've you got to do?' Sirius asked him.

'Phone the dean and explain why I didn't show up for my seminar,' Remus said laconically. 'Then find some stuff to talk about with my third-years tomorrow.'

'Then I'll make it a really long letter to Dumbledore,' Sirius laughed. 'But bring your preps to bed… no need to get up, eh?'

'You make a fair point,' Remus said deadpan. He bent to kiss Sirius and then grabbed his pants from the floor where they had been carelessly discarded.

'Nuh uh!' Sirius said suddenly. 'No clothes!'

'Phone the dean naked!'

'She can't see you…'

'But it'll feel – weird.'

But Remus bowed to Sirius's piercing, lascivious gaze, and obediently went and got the phone, his books and a notebook.

He returned to the bedroom. He was about to dial the Dean's number when he had a sudden thought. He left the room again briefly, and returned, wand in hand. Then, tapping his throat, he muttered '_vox raucisonus_.'

'Remus, you badass!' Sirius said admiringly, and Remus giggled huskily.

He then proceeded to dial the dean's number, standing naked in the middle of the room.

'Hello? Eleanor?' he croaked. 'Yes, it's Remus… no, no, I know… yes, I'm terribly sorry about it, but – no, it came on really quick… yes, one of the dratted students must have given me Freshers' flu… well, I'm sure it won't last long… yes, I will… thanks… see you soon. Bye.'

He picked up his wand, tapped his throat and said '_vox normalis_.'

'Convincing?' he asked Sirius in his usual slightly hoarse tones.

His lover nodded admiringly. 'Extremely.'

'She told me to rest up… I suppose that means I should get back into bed.'

'I suppose so… how about we write to Albus together?'

'Okay – here you go -' Remus handed Sirius a pen and a sheet of paper.

'I have nothing to lean on!'

Remus obligingly rolled over and Sirius, laughing, used his bony back as a not-too-efficacious table.

'_Dear Albus_,' he said aloud as he wrote. '_Thanks for your quick reply! We look forward very much to coming…_' Remus broke into dirty chuckles. 'Stop it you! Okay – how's this weekend? Saturday?'

'Great!'

'_This Saturday would be good, if that doesn't clash with anything in particular. We hope that you get a chance to speak to Harry – would you let us know how it goes? Warn us if he's going to be angry – not that we blame him._'

'Poor little Harry. How do you think he's going to take his godparents being – you know?' Remus asked contemplatively. Then, 'Do you think we should say something about – this? Us?'

'Nah,' Sirius said easily. 'They'll find out soon enough, won't they? And I don't want to miss Albus's face when he sees me kiss you!'

Remus laughed, and his back shook. 'Stay still! Bad desk!' Sirius admonished him. _'We look forward to seeing you then, if that's okay. Please don't tell anyone that we're coming, apart from Harry – we'd like to give Minerva a surprise!'_

'Ah, imagine – two male ex-pupils kissing in the dining hall!' Remus said.

'Good idea!' Sirius exclaimed, and Remus groaned.

'It was a joke! You might be used to all these public displays of affection but I am not!'

'You soon will be…'

'Is that a threat or a promise?'

'I rather think it's a bit of both,' Sirius said, leaning over to bestow a kiss on Remus's messy hair.

'Finish quick!' Remus cried. Sirius laughed.

'_Don't forget to let us know about Harry. Thank you! See you soon! Sirius and Remus._ Done!'

'I'll send it,' Remus said, scrambling to his feet. In a second, the letter had vanished. He plucked the pen from Sirius's hand and threw it on the floor before scrambling back into bed and his lover's embrace.

'What do you think Albus will say?' he asked as Sirius held him and softly stroked his hair.

'I should think he'll be completely unsurprised, as by everything we ever did,' Sirius replied meditatively. 'He has an uncanny knack for knowing what we're up to.'

'True…'

'What I want to know is how I'm going to get through a whole day without _this_. We've been – lovers – now, for all of,' he glanced at the clock, 'four hours and thirteen or so minutes, and already I think I'm completely dependent on being naked in bed with you. I don't know how I'll function when we have to wear clothes.'

Remus laughed quietly. 'It's ages away,' he murmured. 'Days. I'm sure by then you'll want to get a bit of fresh air.'

'I don't know about that. I don't think I ever want to be further away from you than this, ever again.'

* * *

As promised, a little smut... hope it wasn't too clunky... I'm already looking forward to writing the Hogwarts chapter! Exam retakes hereI come!


	13. Meeting Harry

Note – in this AU, Sirius obviously didn't go to Azkaban. I've taken this that Peter got caught in his duplicitous role, and got sent to prison instead. Voldy's been coming back, like he did in books 1 and 2, but book 3 is wildly different in my little world…

As always, cheers for reviews. They make my day!

* * *

The rest of the week sped by. Sirius didn't leave Remus's house; in fact, he barely left his side. Remus did work here and there but he didn't attend any of his classes. To himself, he promised that after they had met Harry he would try and return to normal, but he knew 'normal' was never going to be the way it had before.

For the first time in his life, he truly understood happiness. He understood why all the Muggle songs he listened to made such a palaver over love. For now his life was not wholly his own; he had someone else to think about when he made decisions, he had something else to occupy his time other than endless lecture preparations and marking. He found that he liked it very much indeed.

Sirius, too, was in a state which he decided 'bliss' pretty well summed up. He found he spent hours just looking at Remus – watching him cook, work, shower. He had never known one person could be so fascinating. He studied his mannerisms and his way of speaking. He learned to distinguish his constantly shifting moods, and soon he could predict with accuracy what Remus was thinking. He could read the emotions in those shining amber eyes – and what he saw there made him happier than he though he had ever been.

Every time Remus looked at him, he saw as though looking into a mirror a reflection of his own feelings. When they awoke in the mornings, as soon as he sensed the warm presence of his lover next to him through his sleep-drugged consciousness, he felt the utter contentment that he was just getting used to, and that life had never given him before.

And when they made love – not just vaguely soulless fucking – he learned to please Remus, what areas of his slender-hipped pale body he liked touched, where on his pointed, expressive face he wanted to be kissed next. The erotic grateful moans he received were more than payment for his labours.

But all too soon Saturday arrived. They showered together in near silence. Sirius noticed Remus trembling slightly even though the water was hot. They ate no breakfast – Remus had coffee and a cigarette, Sirius juice.

'You said you'd give up,' Sirius said, attempting to lighten the atmosphere.

'I know,' Remus said tersely. 'Soon.'

Sirius knew it was not a reprimand – how could he not, having spent so long in his task of learning Remus? But he realised that Remus did not want the tension in the room lessened. He wanted to face Harry fully prepared for the possibility of rejection. Sirius gazed at Remus, noting the grey shadows under his eyes. He had felt him tossing and turning all night long, anxious about the day ahead.

Albus's letter confirming they could visit Harry had contained a cautionary note.

'_Young Harry was amazed to find he had two godfathers living, and even more amazed that they had never made an effort to see him. I explained to him the circumstances surrounding his parents' death, and though he took it in I fear he is not fully convinced. You must be kind to him, my boys. I will explain more on Saturday. What time do you intend arriving?'_

He had also said that Severus Snape had been notified about their impending arrival, and was preparing the Wolfsbane for Remus to collect. Remus had given a sad little half-smile on reading these words, and Sirius had gathered him up in his arms.

'I'm looking forward to meeting you as the wolf,' he had murmured. 'And I'm also looking forward to thanking Snape for doing this thing for you. You know I hadn't forgotten about full moons…'

Remus had just buried his head in Sirius's shoulder and said nothing. He had stayed like that for a while. Finally he drew away.

'You make me feel more normal than I have for decades – or ever,' he said softly. 'But there's always some reminder that I'm _not_ normal – I'll never be normal.'

'Remus,' Sirius had said, shaking his head. 'I love you – and if possible, I love you more _because_ you're not normal. You're so much better than normal… A lot of people never have their quality tested in their whole life the way you do every month – and very few people could be as brave and accepting as you. I wish with every part of me that you weren't made to suffer like this, but I can't help you, except to tell you how much I admire you. How much I love you.'

At this Remus' self-control had failed him, and he let a few tears fall. 'I'm so lucky,' he whispered. 'I don't deserve to be this lucky.'

Sirius's heart nearly broke at the thought of Remus counting himself as lucky, just because of _him_. And yet, to an outsider, he was. Most werewolves never found a lover, very few indeed found such rewarding paid work, and fewest of all had access to the Wolfsbane that Snape brewed him so devotedly. Yet his poor Remus still suffered as no innocent should have to.

He was wrenched away from his musings by Remus bending over to kiss him.

'Come on, dreamy,' he teased gently. 'Time to go.'

Sirius swallowed hard before standing. He had retrieved his wand from his digs, and it was tucked into his jeans pocket. Neither of them wore robes – Sirius had several but he had no desire to go back to wizard dress, and he suspected that Remus had got rid of all his.

They stood in front of the fireplace. Remus had dug up some Floo powder from somewhere and it stood in a wooden box on the mantelpiece. Sirius muttered a quick spell to start a fire, which burnt pink. Remus chuckled to himself and Sirius gave him an indignant dig in the ribs. Then Remus took a pinch of the powder and threw it into the fire.

'Hogwarts, Dumbledore's office!' he said loudly. Immediately, a portly, elderly witch appeared.

'Password please!' she sang out.

'Toothflossing Stringmints,' Remus said clearly, and remembered Albus's fondness for sweets as the witch nodded and vanished and he stepped into the flames.

There was the usual wrenching feeling in the pit of his stomach, then it was all over and he was clambering out into Albus's office, brushing ash off himself. In a second or two, Sirius followed him. They stood side by side in the empty office, staring round wide-eyed. Sirius felt for Remus's hand, and held it tightly. Remus gave a tiny grateful lopsided grin.

'What shall we do?' Sirius asked quietly.

Remus shook his head.

They need not have worried. A second later, the door swung open and a very familiar figure stood framed in the doorway, before rushing forward.

'Remus! Sirius! My dear, dear boys, I've missed you so much!' Albus cried. 'I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you – I was in the library, until Ophelia came to tell me two young men were waiting in my office!' He rushed forward, arms outstretched, and gathered both of them into a hug. They exchanged wry smiles behind his white head.

'And I have someone else eager to see you again – please, Minerva, come in!'

In came Minerva McGonagall, looking older but no less shrewd, with a warm smile on her sharp features.

'It's good to see you again,' she said, shaking hands with both of them. 'And you both look so well! What on earth have you been up to all these years?'

They all sat down, and Remus looked over at Sirius. 'You go first,' he grinned.

Sirius immediately launched into a brief (and heavily censored) description of his time overseas, confining himself to places visited. Then he came to tell how he had found Remus again.

'Well, after I got in from Hong Kong, I was thinking about what to do next. So I went to this internet café – it's a Muggle thing, you can find out whatever you like on this device called a _computer_, and I searched for Remus Lupin. And I found out where he was – well, Re, you tell them what you do.'

'I'm a lecturer, teaching Muggles about their literature – you know, Charles Dickens, Shakespeare, that sort of thing. I work at the University of Sheffield, in South Yorkshire.'

'So I found him on the uni website! So I thought I'd apply! And they let me in, and there I was in the first lecture of the new term! Put him off terribly, I did!'

'I'll say,' Remus agreed, looking tenderly across at Sirius.

The look was not lost on anyone in the room. Albus and Minerva exchanged a look of their own.

'And now…?'

'I _told_ you he'd know!' Remus laughed in Sirius's direction. 'Go on, you say… I'm not used to it yet!'

'Remus and I – well, we're…'

'Having it away?' Albus suggested.

Three pairs of eyebrows flew up, and Albus looked around quizzically. 'I'll take that as a _yes_ then,' he said eventually when neither Sirius nor Remus seemed inclined to refute that.

'If you'd like to put it like that…' Remus said.

'A better description would be _together_, Albus,' Minerva said.

Remus and Sirius glanced at each other to stifle their giggles. They felt as though they had been involved in a particularly outrageous prank, being interrogated in this familiar room once more.

'It's strange for you to be back?' Albus asked, changing the subject at which they were both pretty thankful.

'Very,' Remus said fervently. 'I haven't had any wizard contact – well, unless you count Sirius, which frankly I _don't_! – since, er, since James and Lily died.'

'Me neither,' Sirius said quietly.

The room fell silent for a few moments as all four were lost in their memories, most of them painful and almost impossible to voice.

'Well,' Albus said, after a long pause. 'How about I go and fetch Harry?'

Sirius nodded. Minerva and Albus left the room, and immediately he stood up and crouched by Remus's chair. He took his hand and stroked it gently.

'It'll be fine,' he said softly. Then he lowered his head and laid his cheek against Remus's hand. Remus caressed his face abstractedly.

They stayed like this before a tentative knock at the door came. They sprang apart, and stood up. Then the door opened and in walked Albus, followed by a skinny, black-haired teenager.

'_James_,' Sirius and Remus breathed in unison, and Albus smiled sympathetically.

'I'm Harry,' said James's carbon copy.

'Sirius,' he introduced himself. 'And this is Remus,' as Remus seemed unable to speak. 'Pleased to meet you.'

He walked forward and proffered a hand which Harry took tentatively. Remus seemed to come to his senses, and walked forward, and he too shook Harry's hand.

'I will leave you alone for a while,' Albus said, before gently closing the door. All three glanced after him somewhat helplessly, but he was gone.

'So… Harry… how old are you now?' Remus asked.

'I'm thirteen,' Harry said.

'You're a third year?'

'Yes.'

'Uhh… Gryffindor?'

'Yep,' Harry said with a flash of pride. 'Like Mum and Dad.'

'And Remus and I,' Sirius said.

'That's how you knew them. You were at school together. Dumbledore said. You three were best friends.'

'We were,' Remus said, and it was Sirius's turn to be lost for words, biting his lip at being confronted by a ghost of the past so solid as this.

'So how come I've never met you before?' Harry asked belligerently.

'Harry, we can only apologise,' Remus began hesitantly.

'You have to understand – how it was,' Sirius supplemented.

'Your mum and dad – we – we were very close. And close to Pettigrew too – you know…'

'Yes, I know about him,' Harry said, his jaw clenched.

'And there's no excuse,' Sirius continued, 'but we both – well, we separated too. We both went into the Muggle world. We knew you had to stay with your aunt and uncle, Dumbledore said…'

'And I just couldn't face seeing you,' Remus said sadly. 'You, the baby they died protecting…'

'I left the country,' Sirius said. 'I wanted to get away.'

'I just stayed at home, reading, trying to forget, until I decided to try and make something of my life. I went to Muggle university – got a degree – then got a job…'

'We'd both more or less succeeded in leaving the Muggle world, Harry,' Sirius said. 'But I decided I wanted to see you and Remus again – so I went to Remus's university, to study his course…'

'And then we got talking and we decided we should come and see you together.'

Harry still looked mutinous. His hair hung, dishevelled, over his face, but his gleaming green eyes stared at them, flicking from Sirius to Remus and back again.

'I know, believe us, I _know_ there's no excuse for us leaving you for so long,' Sirius pleaded. 'But we knew your aunt and uncle wanted you to be apart from the wizard world too – we knew they wouldn't let us see you…'

'We're sorry, Harry,' Remus said sincerely. 'But we want to get to know you now. We know we don't deserve it, but we'd like to be part of your life.'

There was a heavy silence.

'Okay,' Harry said eventually. 'Okay. I still – I'm not – well, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon probably wouldn't have let me see you anyway, you're right. And there's no point in being angry with you forever.'

Remus and Sirius exchanged a brief, brilliant smile, before returning their attention to the uncertain teenager in front of them.

'Thank you,' said Sirius.

'I'm glad you've come,' Harry said. 'I'd like to hear about my mum and dad, and you knew them best, I suppose.'

'If you've got any questions about James, you're better off asking _him_,' Remus said, indicating Sirius. 'He and James were best mates all along.'

'And he knew Lily better than I did,' Sirius said. 'I think she ran off with the notion that I dragged James into trouble, instead of it being the other way round!'

'Sirius!' Remus exclaimed. 'You were just as bad as he was!'

Harry was smiling happily.

'We've got something to say, Harry, before – well, we think you ought to know something about us.'

'What?' Harry asked curiously.

'Sirius is my boyfriend,' Remus said prosaically.

'_What_?'

'I know you're probably not used to this, but…'

'Did Mum and Dad know?'

'No – this is a very recent thing. We hope it won't make any difference to you…'

Harry was eyeing them both unsurely.

'Weeell,' he said finally, drawing the word out. 'I suppose it doesn't matter… are there many people like you?'

'Lots of Muggles,' Sirius said gratefully, whilst Remus exhaled a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding.

'Muggles are _weird_,' Harry said decidedly. 'But – well, it's not a big issue, is it.'

'Not at all,' Remus said. 'Not to you, at least. It doesn't change how we feel about you, or about James and Lily.'

'Never mind then, eh?' Harry said, and gave a strangely Lily-like smile.

'Harry. There's one more thing,' Remus said, steeling himself. 'I'm sorry to be laying all this on you at once, but we think it's best to get it over with.'

'What else?' Harry asked, nervous again, but nowhere near as nervous as Remus was. Sirius unobtrusively took his hand, knowing what he was going to say.

'I'm a werewolf,' Remus said in a low voice.

Harry blinked a few times. Then he backed away before turning, running to the door and wrenching it open, all the time fumbling for his wand.

Remus made a step towards him, but Harry had managed to find his wand, and brandished it threateningly.

'Stay back!' he yelled. 'Stay back, werewolf!'


	14. Explanations and Nostalgia

Yeah, yeah, I'm cruel. Trust me, I know (and so does my boyfriend, the elusive Yankee). Forgive me, please.

Sorry this has taken so long, but work, exams, ho hum.

* * *

Remus's shoulders sagged. He raised one hand and pushed back his hair.

'I'm not going to hurt you, Harry,' he said in an indescribably weary voice, the voice of one who had had this conversation before.

'You're a _werewolf_!' Harry shouted.

'Please – Harry…'

Sirius took a quick step forward and caught Remus in his arms.

'Shh… love,' he murmured impotently.

'He's right!' Remus cried passionately. 'I could hurt him! I could hurt anyone! I could kill anyone, and not even know I was doing it!'

'Not anymore,' Sirius reminded him. They seemed to have forgotten Harry's presence. He stood there on the periphery, his instinct to run overcome by his curiosity. 'You're safe now.'

'You must be mad if you think there's such a thing as a _safe werewolf_!' Remus shouted, springing away from him.

'I'm not mad,' said Sirius calmly. 'I trust you to take your potion – and god knows, I trust Snape to make it right, even if he is a – well, even if we don't see eye to eye, Merlin, if anyone'd make a potion right it'd be _him_. And fuck Re, I don't give a shit if you're _not_ safe. I'd help you to keep yourself so you didn't hurt anyone! And while you might be a werewolf, first and foremost you're a _man_. A person. The wolf's you too, course it is, but a small part. And the kid doesn't know you as a person yet. It's too early for that, but better he knows now. When he gets to know you, he'll realise. You're the gentlest, kindest man I know, and that's why I love you. So please. Come here.'

Remus obeyed. Sirius enfolded him in his arms, and glancing over the top of his head met Harry's wide-eyed gaze.

'You hurt him,' he addressed Harry. 'But it's not your fault. Bloody wizards are full of prejudices they seem eager to pass on to each generation. Werewolves are dangerous, sure they are, every full moon and only then. The rest of the time, they're people. Just like you, only scared that people are going to find out and denounce them for what they are, what they can't help being. And they're scared of hurting people. Re here cares much more about hurting people than he does himself. Every month – Merlin, if you could only _see_. Every month, before the potion, he tore himself to bits. But every month he'd wake up in the morning, a man again, and the first thing he'd ask was – _did I hurt anyone_?'

'What potion?' Harry asked timidly. He had lowered his wand, and seemed somewhat regretful of his hasty retreat.

'Severus Snape, your Potions Master, brews me a potion each month which allows me to keep my own mind when I transform, so I have the body of a wolf but I can think and feel the same as I do now. It's called Wolfsbane,' Remus answered him.

'Snape does _that_?'

'Yes – although I fear he doesn't do it willingly,' Remus replied. 'You see – when we were younger, Sirius played a joke…'

'One that I regret every single day,' Sirius interjected, hanging his head, his face burning with shame.

'He told him where they put me during each full moon – in the Shrieking Shack, at Hogsmeade. You know it? Anyway, Severus followed me because – he was curious about where I went every month. I would have bitten him, or killed him. Your father heard what Sirius had done, Harry, and went after him to rescue him, at great risk to his own life. Oddly, Severus never forgave James…'

'But my dad saved him!'

'It's hard to accept that you are safe because your greatest enemy saved you,' Remus answered sagely.

Harry stood looking awkward for a moment. Then he re-entered the room, hand extended.

'I want to apologise for the way I reacted,' he said. 'I was wrong, I understand that now. I suppose I'd just heard things about werewolves that weren't true, and I'd never met one before. I'm sorry.'

'It's okay,' Remus said, shaking his hand. 'You weren't to know. It's forgotten.'

'So!' Sirius said, rubbing his hands to break the solemn mood. 'What shall we do first? I have a hankering to roam Hogwarts once more – what do you say, Harry? Re?'

'Sounds good,' Remus agreed warmly, and Harry nodded.

'Where do you want to go first?' he asked.

'Well, how about the Gryff tower?' Sirius suggested. 'Then we can go and have lunch. I'm half-starved.'

'Alright,' Harry said, and led the way out of Dumbledore's office. They descended the winding staircase and found themselves in a corridor which Sirius recognised far better than Remus.

'I always had to wait here before getting summoned up for a bollocking!' he said happily. 'Ah, those were the days!'

Remus gave him a withering look. 'You were a little shit,' he told him, and Harry giggled. 'I'm surprised the teachers didn't pack you right back to the Black HQ.'

'Me too,' Sirius said frankly.

'I don't know if you know this, Harry,' Remus said to the boy, 'but your dad and Sirius here were the biggest troublemakers Hogwarts had ever known. Anything bad or Slytherin-annoying they could think of to do, they did. And I, the prefect, was meant to keep them in line! As if…'

Harry was chuckling. 'I think you should meet Fred and George Weasley,' he commented.

'Weasley? I remember an Arthur Weasley… he was the head boy when I was, must've been, second year? Anything to do with him, are they?'

'Yeah! He's their dad!' Harry said. 'And my friend Ron's dad too, and his sister Ginny, and Percy, and there's Charlie and Bill but they're older…'

'Blimey…'

'Their mum's Molly… did you know her?'

'I knew one Molly… hmm… Brooke, I think. Quite small, very red hair. Arthur's year – and head girl.'

'Yes! That must be her!'

'And they have – what, seven children? Good grief, they worked fast,' Sirius commented.

Harry said nothing. He could think of nothing to say. At that happy juncture they reached the Fat Lady who guarded the entrance to Gryffindor tower. She was engaged in reading a fabulously thick book which, they discovered, was a well-known seventeenth century romance.

'Yes?' she said, peering at them. 'Password? Oh… my goodness me! It can't be! Remus Lupin! And Sirius Black!'

'You recognise us!' Sirius exclaimed.

'But of course! Many's the time I had to wake up to let you and your friends in after some late-night carousing,' she chuckled. Remus blushed and Sirius laughed. 'And that's how you always reacted! Remus blushing and apologising, and you, you scamp, laughing in my face!'

'It's good to see you again,' Remus said warmly, and the Fat Lady smiled indulgently at him.

'You're looking too thin,' she remarked. 'I hope you're looking after him?' – this to Sirius.

'Oh yes, _extremely_ well,' Sirius said mischievously.

'I always knew that you two ought to be together,' the Fat Lady said dreamily, and Sirius and Remus's mouths fell open. 'Anyway,' she returned to briskness, 'better let you in, hadn't I? Password, young whippersnapper?'

'_Fandabidozia _(i),' Harry told her, and the portrait swung open. The three clambered through, and there they were, in the Gryffindor common room.

'Wow! It hasn't changed at _all_!' Sirius gasped. The students in there, mostly sixth or seventh years with free periods, all turned round to look at the adult intruders.

'They used to come here, ages ago,' Harry explained.

'Not _that_ long,' Sirius retorted.

'My favourite chair!' Remus cried suddenly. 'It's still here!' And he sank back into a cracked red leather armchair by the window with a happy sigh.

'Do you remember that time that all four of us were on this, drunk on Firewhisky?' Sirius asked, and Harry laughed at the idea of his schoolboy dad being pissed with his friends.

'Of course,' Remus replied. 'I was on the top!'

'Aren't you always?' Sirius teased him. Remus went pink, and Sirius walked over and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

'Can we go up to the dormitory?' Remus asked to cover his own embarrassment.

'Yeah, sure,' Harry said, and led the way up the winding stair. 'This is our dormitory,' he said, pointing at a tall oak door.

'Yes, that was ours too,' Remus told him. 'Can we go in?'

'Course – it's a bit of a mess though, sorry.'

'I live with Sirius – I'm immune to mess,' Remus replied with a tiny half-smile. 'Oh, Merlin! This hasn't changed either!'

The four-poster beds were in exactly the same position, the curtains hanging by the windows were the same deep shade of Gryffindor red, the chests of drawers with their contents spilling out as though the Marauders had only vacated it yesterday.

'Wow,' Sirius said softly. 'Takes you back, doesn't it?'

'I feel eleven again,' Remus said softly. 'Unpacking my things with three strange boys chattering around me.'

'I was a wreck,' Sirius said frankly. 'The one good thing my family ever did was to put on a brave face… but I'd just been sorted away from Slytherin and I knew there would be a Howler coming my way soon.'

'You were right,' Remus remembered. 'At breakfast, must've been a couple of days later… and I was so impressed by you, how nonchalantly you took it. That was my idea of hell, back then – everyone turning and staring at me, people teasing me… I just wanted to blend in.'

'You did a damn good job, Re,' Sirius said fondly. 'I don't think I even heard your voice after you introduced yourself for, what, a month? And then we were planning to attack the Slytherins, and you were nearby listening, and you pointed out the fatal flaw in the plan, and suggested an improvement. I knew then that we had to be friends!'

'I think that was one of the happiest days of my life. Where I found the bottle to talk to you, I don't know. But thank god I did.'

Sirius slipped a warm hand into his. 'Thank god,' he echoed.

'So Harry, who are your friends?' Remus asked.

'Well, there's Ron Weasley, remember I said about him… he's tall and lanky and red haired, he likes Quiddich as much as me -'

'Genes, must be,' Sirius interrupted.

'Both your parents loved Quiddich maniacally,' Remus told Harry.

'Yeah, Madam Hooch said,' Harry replied.

'Sorry Harry, carry on,' Sirius said, and Remus gently squeezed the hand he was still holding.

'And there's Hermione – she's a muggle-born but the cleverest person in our year – probably in the whole school! People wonder why the Hat didn't sort her into Ravenclaw, but I reckon it knew what it was doing – she's dead brave, Hermione.'

'Sounds like you, Re,' Sirius commented. Remus raised his eyebrows.

'Can we meet them?' he asked.

'Sure – but, er, can I tell them – about _you_ – first?' Harry stammered. He thought the details of his godfathers' unusual relationship, and also the fact that one of them was a werewolf, would come better from him.

'Good idea,' Remus said, as if sensing what Harry was thinking. 'How about after lunch?'

'Great,' Harry said with relief. 'So what do you want to do now?'

'The library,' Remus said as Sirius replied 'The Quiddich pitch,' at the same time.

'How about I go to the library and see Madam Pince – if it's still her?' Harry nodded, 'And you two go down and talk sporty things.'

'Sure?' Sirius asked.

'Yes – I don't think you'll miss my input when you're discussing all those crazy-named tactics,' Remus said with a grin. 'I'll see you at lunch?'

'Okay,' Harry said. Sirius leant forward and gave Remus a tiny kiss on the forehead before all three descended the stairs, exited the portrait hole, and then went their separate ways.

* * *

'So Harry, what broomstick have you got?' Sirius asked as they strolled along the corridors to the main door out to the grounds.

'It's a Nimbus 2000,' Harry told him. 'Pretty good acceleration from the ground but its braking isn't all that great. Apparently the 2001 has better braking, but _Malfoy's_ got that one, and besides, mine's perfectly good.'

'Malfoy?'

'Yeah, Draco. He's the most annoying bastard -' quick sidelong glance at Sirius to check for a rebuke, but none came – 'in the whole of Hogwarts – Slytherin, of course.'

'I knew a Lucius Malfoy at Hogwarts,' Sirius said pensively. 'He was a wanker too…'

'That's his dad!' Harry said excitedly. Then more sombrely – 'I heard he was a Death Eater…'

'You heard right,' Sirius said gravely. 'One of Voldemort's most trusted and feared allies. I'm still not sure how he evaded Azkaban.'

'Draco says he lied to the Ministry – told them he was acting under the Imperius curse – gave them a big donation and the Ministry let him off.'

'That sounds about right,' Sirius said bitterly. 'So Draco took against you, did he? No surprise really, growing up the son of Lucius.'

'He tried to be friendly on the train, in first year,' Harry said. 'But I didn't like him. I thought he was rude, and arrogant, and he didn't seem too fun. So I hung out with Ron instead.'

'But surely – Ron's a pureblood,' Sirius said. 'He didn't like him?'

'Ron's family's really poor,' Harry explained. 'And his dad works in the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts department in the Ministry. Apparently the Malfoys don't approve of anyone who doesn't think the same thing they do.'

'Bloody weirdos, those pureblood freaks,' Sirius muttered. He saw Harry's face and laughed. 'I should know. I'm a Black.'

This didn't elicit the immediate response he had imagined so he hastened to explain.

'The Blacks are one of the oldest and most respected pureblood families – well, respected if you like murdering, hate-filled lunatics. There's been a lot of intermarriage between them and the Malfoys – after all, if you're only going to marry a pureblood, there's not many to choose from. I'm dear little Draco's cousin, more's the pity. My insane family all loved the Malfoys, and they supported Voldemort, although not as overtly as some others. They were furious when the Hat sorted me into Gryffindor – and dear lord I wish some of them were still alive. I'd love to see their faces when I told them I'm in love with a half-blood male werewolf!'

'They're dead?' Harry asked.

'Yep – my dear old mum and dad died a few years ago, and my charming little brother Regulus was killed by his master – Voldemort. He was a Death Eater too.'

Harry gasped.

'So how come you're not like them?' he asked.

'No idea. Must just be inherently decent,' Sirius grinned. 'Can't be genetic, or due to my upbringing. I honestly have no idea. But I'm not the only nice Black. I have a cousin, Andromeda, who wasn't buying into all the pureblood nonsense. She was a Gryffindor too – married a muggle-born wizard, Ted Tonks. But they were Aurors, and they died in the war,' he finished sadly. 'I think they had a daughter, although I'm not sure what happened to her.'

'I hope she didn't get sent to live with muggles,' Harry said bitterly.

'You don't get on with your aunt and uncle?'

'No. They hate me. They hate magic and wizards and everything. They tell people I go to some crackpot school for criminal boys, and they make me stay here for Christmases and Easters. They hate the summer, because I _have_ to go home.'

'I'm sorry Harry,' Sirius said sincerely. 'I wish things were better for you. In fact – well, I haven't asked Remus this, the thought's only just popped into my head – but would you like to come and stay with us sometimes? We'd love to have you – Remus's flat's small but you could have the sofa…'

'That would be so cool!' Harry exclaimed, his face lighting up. Already he had begun to hero-worship this tall, handsome man with his careless, funny words, his bright smile and his obvious affection for Harry and his parents. Then it fell. 'What about full moons?' he asked cautiously.

'You've got nothing to fear,' Sirius said gently. 'Your potion master is very competent – Remus tells me that when he transforms, it's exactly like his mind being in a strange body. He's no more threat than an overgrown puppy, so he says. I have to say, I haven't seen him transform for over ten years, so not since the Wolfsbane, but I'm sure it'll be fine. Really, don't be afraid.'

'Well, if Dumbledore says it's okay, I'd love to come!' Harry said.

'Great stuff! Now, let's talk Quiddich! So what position are you?'

And so the talk turned to an enthusiastic discussion, laughing and chattering as they swapped anecdotes of that most excellent wizarding sport.

* * *

(i) I couldn't resist. This is a magicalisation of Wee Jimmy Krankie's catchphrase, fandabidozi (in case you're young and American and it passed you by – you didn't miss much). Bless the little transvestite Scots dwarf. 


	15. Wolf's Bane

Blimey, it's been months. Apologies, anyone who still cares about where this story's going. I've been hyper-busy this term, though now it's the holidays, hurray! I've got the whole of _Dr Lupin_ mapped out in my head, the difficulty is finding some bloody time to write it in!

And this chapter, whilst not the greatest, is a necessary preamble, I feel. A quick dive into the cavernous, dripping mind of everyone's favourite potions master (and I'm not talking about Slughorn) is always called for. Next chapter should wind up this Hogwarts expedition, and then it all goes a little bit dramatic... (gasp!)

As always, my thanks go out to people who read this and (especially) review it. Uber-thanks to Conn JS1 for giving me a poke (if you're reading this, you owe her/him!). Thanks too to Drum mild, though I'm planning on giving up soon, and cheap Netto red wine. Unthanks go to my university's medical school, my employers who make me work every hour Merlin sends, and the new boyfriend, who's a terrible distraction (and doesn't know about my little writing habit yet). Enough! On with the story!

* * *

Meanwhile, Remus made his solitary way down to the main library, his hands in his pockets. He amused himself by smiling at the few students who passed, who gawped back at him, a strange grown-up man with grey-brown hair, worn-out jeans and a sage-green t-shirt, and those strangely captivating eyes. 

He found his way to the library with no difficulty at all, unsurprising since it had been his favoured haunt throughout his schooldays. Pausing at the desk, he spoke to a grey head that was crouched down organising books.

'Madam Pince?'

'Can't you see I'm busy, dear Merlin, students get more and more demanding every year,' she grumbled, straightening up. And then, 'Dear Merlin!' she repeated. 'Remus Lupin! How on earth…?'

'It's great to see you again,' Remus said sincerely, proffering a hand for her to shake. She ignored it, scurrying round the desk instead to give him a warm hug.

'How are you, m'boy?' she asked animatedly.

'Ah, fine,' he replied happily. 'I swear it's as if I never left! You haven't aged at all!'

'No thanks to bloody students,' she snapped. 'So what have you been up to?'

'I've been living with muggles,' Remus said, and her eyes widened.

'Doing what, exactly?'

'You'll be proud of me! I'm lecturing, muggle literature!'

'Well, I never!'

'I came back with Sirius Black,' he said, and laughed inwardly at the thundercloud which passed over her thin, pinched face.

'That ruffian,' she said. 'Never treated books with the respect they deserve. Not like _you_, dear,' she added fondly.

'Well, he's grown up a bit since then,' Remus remarked. 'We came to see Harry Potter, actually.'

'Potter, Potter, yes, I know him. Doesn't spend enough time in here, and when he does, he's usually planning some devilry. Of course, Black's his godfather, yes?'

'Yes… though I'm afraid neither of us have been very good friends to Harry.'

'Don't blame you boy,' she said gruffly. 'I remember all that happened. No wonder you're living with muggles now. And Black? What's he been up to?'

'Travelling around, seeing the world mostly. Mostly trying to forget everything that went on.'

'But he's come back.'

'To study at my university. He found out I was working there and showed up at the first lecture of the new year.'

'Hmm.'

'Yes.'

'So what do the pair of you intend to do?'

'Not sure, really. He's off getting to know Harry – but Harry, well, he didn't take kindly to – well, I think he and Sirius need some time on their own together.'

'Course, you're a werewolf. I know all that's going on with the Ministry – sticking their noses in where they're not wanted, bunch of hooligans. Do you know, I heard they actually write notes in their books – deface them, the depraved villains! Can't trust people like that you know, Lupin.'

'I know,' grinned Remus. 'Well, you're obviously busy. I'll leave you to it. Good to see you again, Madam Pince.'

'And you, boy. Take care of yourself, and that Black.'

Remus chuckled a bit, and blushed as he walked off. He had no idea what we was going to do with himself now, but the staircases of Hogwarts decided for him. No matter which one he tried to go up, they swished away from him, until he attempted to go down. That, apparently, was acceptable, and before he knew it, he found himself in the dungeons.

A gang of burly Slytherins looked at him in a hostile fashion as he traversed the dank corridors of Snape's domain. It reminded him of his own schooldays, and he shivered slightly, remembering the pitched battles between the Slytherins and Gryffindors.

But then he was reminded much more forcibly of those days. Standing before him, arms crossed, was the skinny black-robed figure of Severus Snape.

Despite his words to Sirius, Remus still felt mildly uncomfortable around Snape. It was one thing to have accepted your nature and overcome your guilt about things beyond your control, but it was quite another to confront once more a person who knew these dark things, and was repulsed by them. And yet more uncomfortable was confronting someone repulsed by you, but who was strongly drawn to you, and consequently consumed by self-loathing.

'Severus,' he said pleasantly.

'Well, well. Lupin. To what can we owe this unexpected pleasure?'

'I came with Sirius. We've come to see Harry.'

'Potter. Hmm. A mediocre student, and that is being generous. Arrogant, too, like his father.'

'You two don't see eye to eye.'

'Is it any wonder?'

'I had hoped that perhaps you could have buried the past sufficiently to judge him on his own merits.'

'Ah, so I'm pathetically clinging to the vestiges of the past, unable to exorcise from my mind the memory the boy who made my schooldays a misery.'

'I didn't say that, Severus.'

'Of course not. You're _far_ too well-bred.'

'I should hope so.'

'So why are you not consorting with Black and Potter?'

'I – Harry took the news about my – condition, rather badly. Sirius is talking to him now. I think they'll get on as well as Sirius and James did.'

'How touching. But Potter found it hard to accept that his father's friend was a werewolf? How disappointing for you, to find the younger generation just as judgemental as the older.'

'It is a little,' Remus admitted.

'Possibly something to do with the inherently evil and terrifying nature of the werewolf – I just hazard a guess, Lupin.'

'I shouldn't have come down here and disturbed you,' Remus said, his manner easy but his eyes speaking plainly of his subdued anger and hurt.

'No, but now you are here, I may as well give you this month's Wolfsbane. Come.'

Unwilling, Remus followed Snape's brusque command. They walked down deep into the catacombs of Hogwarts, eventually coming to a standstill outside Snape's office.

'After you,' Snape said, his manner elaborately polite.

So Remus found himself in the office of the Head of Slytherin for the first time since school, when he had been summoned by Professors Dumbledore and Slughorn to discuss potential treatments for his lycanthropy when he first started at school. Admittedly, his memory of that was vague, but he was sure the dungeon room had felt much larger, lighter and airier then. Less books, though, he remembered, and fewer slimy things in jars, back then.

Snape disappeared into an anteroom, and returned carrying a steaming goblet and a small sealed travelling cauldron.

'Your good health,' he said dryly, presenting a reluctant Lupin with the goblet. He drained it in three large gulps and set it down, shuddering slightly.

'Ah, the flavour is not to your taste? My humble apologies.'

'Thank you, Severus,' Remus said, and took the cauldron before turning to leave.

'How are you finding teaching the ignorant muggle bourgeoisie?' Snape asked suddenly.

Remus just about managed to bite back 'Is that an enquiry into the state of my life?', instead confining himself to 'I enjoy it still.'

'I am so glad. I must ask, how is that you and Black are so touchingly reunited after so long?'

'He found out where I teach, and enrolled in my course,' Remus told him.

'He always loved his element of surprise, his little joke,' Snape said.

'He's changed quite a lot,' Remus blurted out. 'He's – thoughtful.'

'How poignant. Am I to surmise from that that you and he have finally managed to step beyond friendship?'

_Curse Snape and his ridiculous insight. And his damn legilimency,_ Remus thought.

'Yes. We have.'

'I am so glad. It has only taken him, what, twenty-odd years to realise your worth?'

Remus's jaw dropped, and he stammered incoherently.

'I simply hope he lives up to your expectations – and your merits.'

Remus stammered a little more.

'Lupin, Lupin, where is your famed composure? Surely you have been well aware for decades of the feelings I harbour for you. Unfortunately this causes me much pain, as you are of course conscious of my attitude towards your kind.'

'Severus, I - '

'There is no need for platitudes. You have made your choice, and though of course I value Black less than this,' he snapped his fingers, 'I do not believe he would intentionally hurt you.'

'No. He wouldn't.'

'Your faith, however misplaced, is moving.'

'I don't believe my faith is misplaced, Severus. Can you still not forgive him? One stupid mistake, more than twenty years ago, and you still can't get past it.'

'It was a little more than a _stupid mistake_. He was attempting to murder me – murder me with his fearsome werewolf pet. He knew that no matter what he did, you'd still forgive him, come running back to him. He always knew he could do whatever he pleased to you and you'd simply smile and move on.'

'I didn't just smile and move on, Severus, and well you know it. It took six months for us to speak again, and that was only due to James tirelessly acting as go-between. And I couldn't trust him again, not really, and then… James and Lily were killed… and he ran off. But this time, it's different; it's like starting from scratch. He's a different person now, and so am I. We've grown up.'

'I am extremely glad to hear Black has attained maturity at last,' sneered Snape.

'That makes two of us, then,' came Sirius's voice from behind them, Harry trotting nervously alongside him. 'I had hoped that after all this time you could have stopped baiting Remus, but it appears not. No matter.'

'How did you find me?' Remus asked.

'Oh, just had an inkling you'd be down here,' said Sirius breezily, but his grey eyes met Remus's and out of the blue, the werewolf recalled the Marauders' Map and hid a smile. _So Harry's got it! James would be ecstatic._

'So, my dear Black, you too have come here to disturb my peace. And you've brought Potter, excellent.'

Harry glowered at Snape. Sirius looked as though he'd like to say something angry but bit his tongue – because he was older, wiser and more forbearing, or because he didn't want to upset the maker of his lover's Wolfsbane, Remus couldn't tell.

'We just came to make sure Remus got his potion and to get him for lunch,' Sirius replied equably.

'Thank you,' smiled Remus.

'Shall we go?'

'Yes – thank you, Severus, as always. I am sorry I have not seen you recently and been able to thank you in person, but I am thanking you now. It makes such a difference, the Wolfsbane.'

Snape inclined his head in acknowledgment before disappearing off into his rooms and shutting the door.

'That was fun,' Sirius said, deadpan, and Harry giggled. Remus smiled at them both.

'Harry, do you want to forewarn your friends?' he asked. 'We'll go and see Albus – and I expect we'll be eating at the staff table, so you could tell them over lunch and then we'll come and say hello to them afterwards – if that's okay?'

'Yes, that's fine,' agreed Harry before speeding off to go to the dining hall.

'Shall we?' said Remus, offering a crooked arm to his lover.

'Why yes, my love,' Sirius replied and took the proffered arm. It soon turned into an arm slung round Remus's shoulders, and another arm around Sirius's waist; it is so difficult to observe proprieties when you've fallen in love for the first time.

As expected, Albus made room for them at the staff table in the dining hall. Snape looked rather unimpressed but as he was seated at the opposite end, he had no real cause for complaint.

Sirius and Remus had not wished Dumbledore to introduce them to the school, but throughout the meal there was an unprecedented buzz of chatter and they felt hundreds of pairs of eyes on them all through it so, at the end, feeling that Harry had surely wasted no time in explaining to his friends who they were, they let him announce to the school who they were.

The plates vanished magically but before everyone rose to go, Albus stood up and raised a hand.

'Quiet please,' he said, and instantly the great hall was silent. 'I have noticed that you are all curious about these two strangers in our midst. I am pleased to tell you that they are two ex-pupils who have come back to make a visit; Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. I trust that will satisfy your need for information, so you are free to go.'

The chatter crescendoed, and Sirius and Remus looked at each other wryly. They remembered how interesting it was when strange people visited Hogwarts from their own schooldays. But at last the students started to depart, and they could sit back and relax.

'I'd forgotten how delicious Hogwarts food was, Albus,' Remus said happily. 'if I ate any more, I'd burst.'

'You certainly look like you need a square meal or two,' Minerva McGonagall interjected. Remus blushed and Sirius laughed.

'I intend to take care of him,' he announced. 'Next time you see us, you'll not recognise us; he'll be twenty stone, and I'll be a wraith from constant cooking.'

The staff laughed and smiled fondly at the boys. Of course they remembered what a terror Sirius in particular had been, but long time had dimmed that particular recollection, and all that remained was an indulgent reminiscence of two clever boys who, along with their heroic companion James (the memory of whom, and Lily Evans his remarkable wife, was constantly harped upon by the presence of young Harry), had been loyal friends. And if they had made life a little difficult every so often, well, that only served to break up the monotony.

And now, well, their relationship was a little unorthodox, that was true, but it was impossible not to sanction it when they saw how happy both men were every time they looked at each other. Remus's eyes glowed softly and there was colour in his pale cheeks, and Sirius's handsome features softened into gentleness.

'I think we'd better go off and meet Harry's friends,' Remus said.

'Oh, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger,' Minerva nodded. 'Yes, they're very nice children, and Hermione, well, she's miles ahead of her year in every subject.'

'Sounds like Lily,' Remus commented, and Minerva nodded and smiled sadly.

'Don't go getting that idea though!' she warned him. 'I rather think young Ron holds a torch for her, not Harry…'

'Hope they're not going to fall out over a woman!' Sirius laughed. 'Come on, Re, up you get,' and he hauled his gormandising lover out of his seat and hand in hand they went off to find Harry and his friends.


	16. Ominous Optimism

My my, what a quick update. Just goes to show what I can achieve when I don't have class/work nagging at my time! This'll probably be the last update before the new year, as I'm going home tomorrow and I'd prefer to keep my little writing habit to myself (my family think I'm weird enough without knowing about this too!). So, happy insert religious festival here to religious people, and to atheists (like me), what the hell, happy New Year!

* * *

The three Gryffindors were lurking outside the dining hall, looking as though they were trying to decide whether to go back in or not. Harry caught sight of Remus and Sirius first, and waved enthusiastically. 

'Hi, Harry,' said Remus. 'And you must be Hermione and Ron?'

They nodded shyly, the tall gangly red-haired boy and the shorted, curly-haired girl.

'I'm Hermione… obviously…' said the girl, and smiled, and stuck out her hand for first Remus and then Sirius to shake it.

'Uh, I'm Ron,' said the boy, and followed her lead.

'We thought Harry didn't have any relatives or anything except for the Dursleys,' said Hermione.

'Well, you know we're not his actual relatives,' explained Sirius. 'I'm his godfather, and Remus here was another of his dad's best friends at school.'

'Harry told us that,' Hermione said. 'But why have you only just come to see him?'

Her tone was innocuous but the words sounded accusing to both men, and they both looked somewhat embarrassed.

'We – well, after Harry's parents died – we both found our own ways of dealing with things…' Remus said.

'I went away, kept wandering round the earth, and Remus taught muggles,' Sirius added.

'We both found it too hard to dwell on the past. We both tried to hide it away in our memories.'

'But when I came back, and saw Remus – we knew we'd done you a disservice, Harry,' said Sirius.

'We knew that as hard as things had been for us, they were harder still for you. After all, we had known James and Lily well, we'd had the pleasure of their company for years, and you could barely remember them.'

'So we thought we should come back, and see if you wanted us,' concluded Sirius.

'I do,' Harry said fervently. 'I understand how hard things must have been; I mean, I barely knew my parents so I can't really miss them the way that you two do.'

'It's no excuse,' said Remus, 'but we're sorry, and we're here now, and we will be for as long as you like. And you always have a home with us.'

Sirius looked a little uncomfortable all of a sudden.

'Actually – I already invited Harry to stay with us,' he said to Remus.

'Great! When's your next holiday?' Remus asked enthusiastically, and Harry grinned from ear to ear at the obvious eagerness of this strange werewolf to have him to visit.

It was true, it had been hard to accept these strangers after their apparent abandonment of him twelve years ago, but the holding of a grudge would have stopped him from starting a friendship with them, and he definitely didn't want anything to come between he and his new 'family'.

'You're welcome too,' Remus told Ron and Hermione. 'My flat is small but I can always arrange a little extra space,' he tapped his wand in his pocket, 'and Harry might get bored with just us two old fogies. And you can explore Sheffield – it's a beautiful city, very northern, friendly people with the best accents…'

'Thank you,' Hermione said happily. 'I've always wanted to see the Peak District.'

She poked Ron.

'Thanks,' he said, still looking a bit shell-shocked by all that had transpired recently.

'I think we'd better go and leave you to it,' Remus said, knowing that the children would be itching to discuss this. 'If you want to owl us, I'm sure your owl will know the way, and you could floo us if you like; 435B Division Street, Sheffield. We'll be in touch.'

'Thanks,' Harry said. 'Actually – if you guys don't mind – I'd like to have a quick word -' he gestured towards Sirius and Remus.

'Of course,' Hermione said, and dragged Ron away.

'I just – wanted to explain again, and apologise, about the whole overreaction thing, I mean when you told me about you being a werewolf,' Harry said uneasily and somewhat incoherently. 'I read, well, Hermione, my friend, she read in the Daily Prophet the other day that all werewolves would have to check in to a safe room at the Ministry at each full moon to make sure they didn't bite anyone… I thought that meant they were really dangerous between full moons, you know, they couldn't control themselves or something… they couldn't be trusted to make sure they were locked up while they transformed… It's obviously not true, and I'm really sorry.'

'Did you know about this?' Sirius asked Remus dumbfounded. The werewolf nodded sadly.

'I got a letter just before the start of term,' he said. 'But I'm exempt – because of Snape's potion. Dumbledore apparently took responsibility for me, and I didn't even know; first I heard was this letter telling me that I didn't have to go every month.'

'Fucking _bastards_,' Sirius growled, and unconsciously made his hands into tight fists.

'It's okay, Sirius,' Remus said. Harry looked a bit scared and he wanted to diffuse the situation and leave on a high note.

'It's not okay, Re! They treat you like animals!'

'In their eyes, we are. But Sirius, please…' His eyes flicked towards Harry, and Sirius understood. He made an almighty effort to conquer his rage, and was doing fairly well…

Unfortunately, Snape chose that moment to come and bid them goodbye.

'It's been an absolute pleasure,' he said sardonically. 'I _do_ hope we can expect a repeat visit sometime in the near future; I have so enjoyed seeing you and your pet werewolf, Black.'

The thunder that had been clearing from Sirius's brow reappeared, along with reinforcements.

'Shut the hell up, you poisonous bastard,' he snarled through clenched teeth.

'Dear dear, _not_ very friendly.'

'Severus, please, could you leave us alone?' Remus pleaded, but Snape seemed to be enjoying himself too much now he had finally wormed his way under Sirius's skin to leave well alone.

'You know, if it weren't for me, your charming boyfriend would have to go to the dungeons under the Ministry headquarters every month, and Merlin knows how well, or otherwise, he'd get on with the other werewolves.'

'I'm fully aware of that, thank you Severus,' Sirius spat. 'It is the only reason that I haven't hexed you into oblivion.'

'I should very much like to see you try. Don't think you've had much practice lately, Black? At least, not on your own _wand_… your boyfriend's, perhaps…'

'Oh of course, that's what this is about. Poor little Snape, all alone and jealous of someone else's happiness… Remus would never have chosen you, even if I didn't exist. And why? Because you're a complete and utter _cunt_.'

'Please!' Remus shouted, putting his slight body between the two taller men. 'Harry's still here! And so am I!'

'I'm sorry, Re,' Sirius blurted, immediately recollecting himself.

'Please leave, Severus,' Remus said.

Snape gave them both a hatred-filled look, and swept off to torture some students as a consolation for having his fight curtailed.

Meanwhile, Remus was trembling all over. 'I'm so dreadfully sorry about that, Harry,' he said. 'Sirius and Severus never got on very well at school, I'm afraid.'

'I'm really sorry,' Sirius echoed. 'I just can't stand that man.'

'Me neither,' Harry said ardently.

'Well, if he's being a bastard to you in class, just you owl us and we'll -'

'Have a word with Professor Dumbledore,' finished Remus, with a warning glance at Sirius.

'Yes, exactly,' Sirius nodded.

'I'd better go. I've got loads of Potions homework to do,' Harry said. 'Don't need to give Snape -'

'_Professor_ Snape.' Remus, of course.

'- any more reasons to hate me.'

'I'm sure he has plenty, especially now,' said Sirius shame-facedly. 'I really am sorry, Harry. Didn't want you to find out this early that your esteemed godfather can't control his temper.'

'It's okay,' Harry said blithely. 'Wish I could tell him where to get off sometimes too… it's been brilliant to meet you. I'll owl you soon.'

'We'd love that,' said Remus. 'Take care of yourself, and we'll see you soon, I hope.'

'Yes, take care Harry,' said Sirius warmly.

'Bye!' Harry said, and they parted with awkwardness of people who do not yet know each other very well but who like what they have seen, when neither has an urgent reason for leaving. (i)

'I'm so sorry, Re. I thought I'd grown out of being annoyed by his ridiculous taunting.'

'It's alright, Sir,' said Remus. Secretly, though he didn't want to tell his lover, he was pleased that Sirius could take all taunts except those about Remus. It argued that he meant more to Sirius than his own self, and the idea of this made his heart swell pleasurably. And yet, the only reason stopping Sirius from physically assaulting Snape was the fact that he made Remus's Wolfsbane. 'I do love you,' he said suddenly, and gave Sirius a squeeze.

'Love my macho side, eh?' teased Sirius. 'I love you too, Moony. Come on, let's go home.'

Hand in hand, they made the trek back to Dumbledore's office. He bid them a protracted farewell, and then they flooed back to Remus's flat.

* * *

'Gosh, it gets dark early,' Sirius said. The flat had the empty, neglected air a house has when darkness is falling but no lights are on.

'We're so far north!' laughed Remus. They went round the flat, drawing curtains against the deepening twilight and lighting lamps. Remus put the kettle on and made tea, and together they went into the lounge.

'That went pretty well,' Sirius remarked when they were comfortably ensconced on the sofa, covered with a cosy grey blanket.

'Harry was very forgiving, considering our neglect of him,' agreed Remus.

'He's Lily's son as well as James's,' Sirius reminded Remus.

'As if I could forget that when I see his eyes… I've never seen eyes that green, except hers.'

'But the rest of him is all James. James's ridiculous messy hair – do you remember how he used to rumple it up on purpose to make it look as if he'd just got off his broom?'

'Yes! And he loved it when he had a Quiddich wound! Would show all the girls, and they'd all sympathise, when all he wanted was for Lily to say something kind.'

'And she never did, at least, not 'til he'd stopped being such a cock.'

'Took long enough, eh,' laughed Remus leniently. It was all well and good criticising their friend, but justified as the criticisms undoubtedly were, it was impossible to look harshly upon James's various misdemeanours.

'He'd never listen to your sterling advice to stop being so ridiculously big-headed until she told him herself.'

'Do you remember what she said? "Potter, I'd go out with you if you'd just control your incredible ego and stop pushing other people around".'

Sirius laughed, a sardonic bark, and Remus hugged him closer.

'I miss them,' he said.

'Me too,' said Sirius gravely. 'But there's Harry to think about now.'

'I can't imagine how hard it must have been for him, growing up with those muggles.'

'I don't want to think about it. I can't exorcise my guilt for my part in that.'

'Me neither.'

'But it'll be better now. Now he's got us, and we'll look after him when he needs it.'

'Everything's just so fantastic. We've got Harry there, now, and we've got each other. I just can't believe how happy I am.'

'You deserve to be happy at last,' said Sirius. Remus grinned and the arm around the werewolf tightened. 'You're so good and kind and sweet and sensible and funny… I just can't help but love you.'

Remus smiled so wide his cheeks hurt, and that still wasn't wide enough.

'Life's pretty great, hmm?' he said, and Sirius nodded violently.

'I'd say it's more or less perfect right now.'

* * *

(i) There needs to be a word for this. I propose fliffling – to fliffle, flifflness, flifflism. 


	17. The Letter

This is just a wee revamp of this chapter, hardly any changes, just my obsessive perfectionism asserting itself.

* * *

No matter how passionately two people love each other, the outside world always intervenes. Bills have to be paid and food needs buying, and, rich though Sirius undoubtedly had been when he had inherited the family vault, that had been over a decade ago. And so, work had to be done.

Though Remus loved his job, it was a dreadful wrench having to leave a warm bed and a sleepy Sirius every morning. But he knew that when he quitted the shower and got dressed, Sirius would have made him something delicious for breakfast and they would eat together, continually glancing up and smiling at each other, telling each other about their dreams and having fun attempting to analyse them.

Then they would drink coffee and Remus would always have to dash off because he always lost track of the time. The first morning after their Hogwarts visit, Sirius had wanted to accompany him up the hill.

'I don't think that's a good idea,' Remus said sadly.

'Professionalism and all that?' Sirius asked.

'Yes. I don't suppose the dean would be too happy to hear about a lecturer holding hands with a student as they walk into university.'

'You're right. Mr Sensible, sorry, Dr Sensible. But can I meet you for lunch?'

'Okay. But no displays of affection,' Remus said seriously.

'You underestimate my self-control!' Sirius laughed.

That morning, Remus had been late because at that remark, he had had to test Sirius's self-control and had found it sadly wanting.

Things had been extraordinarily happy. Remus had cornered Jane and invited her round for dinner, to which she eagerly acquiesced.

'I'm simply _gagging_ to meet this Sirius!' she said. 'But Re – you've got to be careful. Don't go telling anyone about it. I reckon they could kick you out for this, and loverboy too.'

'I know,' Remus said. 'But it's so hard to keep it secret. I know it's a cliché, but I want to tell everyone I've ever met.'

Jane smiled kindly at him. 'When shall I come?'

'How's Thursday, at seven?'

'I'll be there, with bells on.'

And so she was. The doorbell rang at seven exactly, and Remus left Sirius alone in the kitchen to go and let her in. She was stood outside looking eager and clutching a bottle of wine.

'I didn't know what we're having, so I brought red, because it's better.'

'Vegetable lasagne, so good choice!'

She virtually raced up the stairs, pursued by Remus, and then slowed down and walked sedately into the kitchen.

'Hi Jane,' said Sirius with his most charming smile. 'I'm -'

'Sirius – yes, I know!'

'My reputation precedes me… should I be worried?'

'Oh no… I've heard nothing to your detriment, you're alright. Have you got a corkscrew?'

Sirius handed her one, and she expertly cracked open the bottle of wine whilst Sirius finished off his patented salad dressing and Remus stood to one side, not entirely sure what to say.

Jane helped herself to glasses and poured out three generous servings of the wine. She handed one to Remus and one to Sirius, and then held hers aloft.

'Cheers!' she said. 'To Remus finally coming out and finding someone lovely all in one go.'

'To Remus,' Sirius echoed with a grin at his blushing lover and then drank.

'Thanks Jane,' Remus muttered good-humouredly. 'Dinner's nearly ready -' he was interrupted by the cooker's timer beeping madly – 'dinner's ready! If you'd like to sit down…'

'Remus, I know you've never done this before, but you don't have to treat me as an esteemed guest,' Jane said gently, with a little smile.

Remus laughed. 'No, I suppose not,' he admitted. 'But I don't need any help – just got to dish up.'

'_I'll_ dish up,' Sirius said. 'Sit down! And Jane can whisper her first impressions to you!'

Jane laughed. 'No need to whisper! I approve! You're certainly handsome enough for him… I just hope you love books enough to keep up.'

'So do I!' Sirius said fervently. 'He's already got me going on _Brideshead Revisited_, and I just know there's going to be some George Eliot soon.'

'I shan't force you to read them!' Remus said, sitting down. 'Just strongly encourage you…'

He intercepted a pitying glance from Jane to Sirius, and pulled a horrible face at her. 'You leave me alone, woman. I didn't bring you here so you could gang up on me with my very new boyfriend.'

'You poor downtrodden thing,' Sirius said, setting a plate down in front of Jane and then Remus, dropping a kiss on his lover's head as he did so.

'I'm glad to see he knows his place,' Jane commented as Sirius brought salad and bread over and then grabbed his own plate. 'Mmm… this is delicious.'

'Sirius made it,' Remus confessed. 'I was just his skivvy – chopping and washing and that.'

'I learned to cook in Italy,' Sirius said. 'But I've never had a kitchen-maid before.'

'Don't get used to it,' Remus warned him. 'I'm the breadwinner – you can keep my house tidy and have dinner on the table every evening for me.'

'As long as you keep in the manner to which I'll soon become accustomed,' Sirius told him.

And so, after the initial awkwardness (mostly on Remus's part), Sirius and Jane got on like a house on fire. Jane had had her reservations at first, which had seemed to be confirmed by Sirius's darkly handsome good looks, but as relations warmed and she observed his palpable devotion to Remus, she decided that, in fact, he was good enough for her shy, love-starved friend. Sirius, on the other hand, had been most eager to meet this woman who seemed to be Remus's main social outlet, and was won over by her easy manner and light-heartedness.

In short, everything was dandy, and Remus was feeling very chuffed as he piled the plates into the washing up bowl and made a cafetiere of coffee. At his insistence, Jane and Sirius had repaired to the lounge and the few minutes he had alone he spent happily congratulating himself on having such a lovely boyfriend and best friend.

Jane and Sirius had settled themselves, Sirius on the sofa and Jane in the comfy armchair in the corner and, as people do when they have just met and are suddenly alone together, began talking about the person who brought them together; namely, Remus.

'You met at school, then?'

'Yes – we got put into the same house, so the same dormitory. Couldn't really help but be friends!'

'Was it all very Jennings?'

'Jennings?'

'Oh you English lit students nowadays. Jennings was a famous character in a boarding school series.'

'I've got no idea what that's like, but it's probably not what you'd expect…'

'Yes, Remus said it was - unusual. Mind you, anything like that is unusual to me – I went to my local comp!'

'It was good fun, though school really absorbed your whole life. I quite liked that, myself.'

'Did Remus enjoy his schooldays, do you think?'

'Hmm… I think so. He doesn't get on brilliantly with his parents, but at school, the four of us, he and I and James Potter and Peter Pettigrew, were always together. We looked out for each other. And of course, he liked learning things, and the teachers liked him. He was quite quiet, though. Took us a while to get to know him.'

'He still is… I think every time I invited him out for a drink he thought I was trying to seduce him and he didn't want to be seduced, obviously! But my persistence paid off – well, to be honest, I think it was more me stopping asking and just engaging him in heated debates about books. Then I went in for the kill, and his defences were down, and he gave in… I knew there was something about him I liked very much; I suppose that's why I didn't give up trying to befriend him.'

'There's something so lonely and vulnerable and little-boy-lost about him, isn't there? Though don't tell him I said that. He thinks he's so tough and doesn't need anyone – well, he doesn't _need_ anyone; he just closes himself off so he doesn't notice what he's missing. He was like that at school, I think, though of course I was just a stupid careless teenager then and didn't notice it. I always knew he'd be there for me if anything bad happened, but I never used to think he needed anyone to do that for him.'

'I suppose he's got used to coping on his own. Don't go breaking down all those defences and then running off, Sirius.'

Her words were thrown out in a flippant way, but Sirius met her eyes and knew how deadly serious she was.

'I won't,' he said, meeting her gaze head-on.

She relaxed and smiled her infectious smile.

'Good. You know, if I only liked boys, I'd have been after him myself. Oh, which reminds me. You were behind the Anna debacle, weren't you?'

Sirius had the grace to look slightly abashed.

'Er, yes. I wanted him to find someone, even if it wasn't me, and he wouldn't manage it sitting around with long-dead authors…'

'And a lesbian! You're right. I've always been trying to make him go out, and sometimes he did to get me off his back, but he never really enjoyed himself.'

'Was Anna upset?'

'She was, rather. You can get very attached to Remus very quickly.'

'I think he still feels bad about that whole thing.

'He needn't. She understands.'

'He wants to heal the world's miseries!'

'He wants everyone to be as happy as he is,' Jane said shyly.

At that point, Remus reappeared with his steaming cafetiere and a sugar bowl. As he left the room for mugs, Sirius and Jane exchanged smiles. This evening had definitely been a good idea.

Their days weren't too exciting to the impartial observer.

* * *

True, there was the pillow fight after Remus accused Sirius of stealing the quilt, and the time when Sirius screamed so loudly at being startled by Remus sneaking into the shower behind him, and Remus's monthly change into a werewolf, Sirius taking him on a midnight walk down to the park. There were weekend trips to Hogwarts to get to know Harry and his friends. There was the 'walk' on a secluded countryside path which deteriorated into something much more carnal. There was the two days in which Remus gave up smoking and almost drove Sirius mad by talking about how much he loved tobacco ('Only one notch down from you'). There was the essay that Sirius was supposed to be writing for Remus, and which his lecturer could not help but aid him with ('This is what you call 'boyfriend with benefits', I think'). There was the time they both got soaked to the skin during a trip to town, Sirius cursing the dreadful weather of the land he was born in. There were one hundred little moments of quiet respite from everyday concerns, whispered words of love and snatched kisses, gently subtle physical contact in public places.

In short, it was a normal relationship between two men in the first throes of love, a love that had taken twenty-odd years to mature and reach its zenith, and both men were happy like they'd never been before.

One day in late November, Remus had got up as usual. Noticing something different in the quality of the light filtering in through the curtains, he drew one back a little and peeped outside.

The next moment, he had pounced on Sirius, sleepily muffled up in his quilt.

'Wake up! Wake up! It's snowed!'

'Mrr,' said Sirius. Then he realised what Remus had said. 'It's snowed!'

He leapt up and rushed to the window.

'Quick! Let's get dressed!' he shouted, and began throwing on his clothes willy-nilly. Remus grinned at him, but followed his example.

Two minutes later, muffled against the cold, they ran out of the front door and down to the park down the road, hand in hand. Snowballs flew wildly, snow was stuffed down backs and then, when they were both exhausted, they collapsed onto the ground and made snow angels.

Remus then glanced idly at his watch.

'Shit!'

He scrambled to his feet. 'Got a class in five minutes,' he said. Sirius made a sympathetic face, before jumping up and running back up the hill with him. Remus grabbed his computer and books, glanced at himself in the mirror, grimaced, and then gave Sirius a quick kiss and departed hurriedly.

And so, he didn't get round to checking his pigeonhole until mid-morning.

There was a thin white envelope in there. He pulled it out, opened it and skimmed through the contents. Then, as if unable to believe what he saw written there, he went through it again more slowly.

_Dear Dr. Lupin,_ said the letter,

_It has come to our attention that you are conducting an inappropriate relationship with one of your first year students, Sirius Black._

_As you are no doubt aware, this contravenes university regulations._

_Therefore, you are asked to attend a meeting to discuss the repercussions of this on Friday November the 30th at 4.00 p.m. in the Arts Tower, floor 14, seminar room 7._

_Your classes will all be supervised by a member of staff until then._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Prof. Eleanor Fogerty_

At this moment, Jane came up behind Remus.

'How's it going?' she said carelessly, before glancing up at his face. 'Remus – what is it? Is it Sirius?'

'No – well, yes,' Remus said, and took a shaky breath before handing Jane the letter. 'I think I'm fucked.'


	18. On Trial

I don't want to think about how long this story's gone without an update. I have approximately 17,648 excuses as to why it's taken so long, but mostly it's down to (drum roll please) laziness. Anyway, a new term, and a new update! I can't pretend I enjoyed writing all of this (it's so hard to make characters be cruel to Remus!) but hopefully there will be another update before 2007. Joking. Of course there will! Course. Er, yeah.

(Sorry, had to change a wee bit. Perfectionism again).

* * *

'Remus – is he okay?' Jane asked worriedly, holding the letter gingerly.

'Yes, yes, far as I know he's fine… read it.'

She bent her head over the paper and read it quickly, before looking up again. Remus knew her well enough to be able to tell that she was putting on a brave face when she said,

'They might just want to discuss it. You don't know it's that bad. After all, he's your age, you knew each other before; you could argue your relationship started before he started studying here…' She knew even as she said it that it wouldn't work. Remus, for his faults, was completely honest. He would never lie to make things easier for himself. She knew that his future lay solely in the hands and morals of the grandees of the university.

'They think I used my position to take advantage of him,' Remus said dully.

'They only have to ask him! Ask me! Anyone who knows you knows that's not true.'

'Why should they believe us?'

'Because it's the truth! Really, this isn't as bad as it seems. Try not to worry about it.'

Remus laughed hollowly. 'I'm going to lose my job.'

'That's not necessarily the case. Remus, please, don't just give up. They'll talk to Sirius, they'll see reason.'

'A gay relationship between a student and a lecturer? No, Jane, it's okay. I knew what I was getting myself into. I have to take the consequences.'

'Do you want to go and get some food? Have a talk about it?'

'No, I'm sorry. I want to go home. I'm finished for today, anyway.'

'Come here,' Jane said, and she gave him a big hug. 'Go and talk to Sirius.'

'Thank you,' Remus said, with a weak smile. 'I'll see you soon, hey?'

'See you soon,' echoed Jane, and watched him as he walked dejectedly down the corridor to the stairs. Her smile slipped as he went out of sight, and she laid a despairing palm on her forehead. 'He's fucked,' she said to herself, and she wasn't surprised to feel tears prick her eyes.

* * *

Remus walked home, his head hanging down, clutching the letter. The snow was already turning to grey morasses clinging to his shoes. The sky was threatening more snow, or more likely rain, before much more time passed.

It seemed no time had elapsed before he arrived home. He let himself in, noting the delicious smell that meant Sirius had cooked something for lunch.

'Hello?' he called.

Sirius emerged from the kitchen looking hot and sweaty, a lock of hair sticking straight up.

'Hello gorgeous,' he said, and walked up to Remus. 'Hey – what's up?'

Remus proffered the letter for his lover's examination.

'Shit.'

'Yes.'

'What's going to happen?'

'I'm not sure, but I should think they'll sack me.'

'Oh Remus, no, they can't do that, I'll tell them what I did, it's not like you're taking advantage of me – I'm older than you!'

'By three months,' Remus replied, smiling in spite of himself. Then, 'no, it's no good, they don't want this getting into the papers or anything. They'll make an example of me.'

'You need a good lawyer,' Sirius said decisively.

'If I get a solicitor, that'll make it look like I'm guilty, and I'm not… well, I did what they said I did, but I don't _feel_ guilty.'

'You've done nothing wrong!' Sirius thundered. 'So don't feel guilty!'

'I just – well. I don't know. But I want you to know that had I known this was going to happen, I still wouldn't have done anything differently.'

Sirius gathered his lover up in a hug, burying his face in that grey-brown hair that he loved.

'Thank you,' he said in a muffled voice.

'There's nothing we can do, anyway,' Remus said with an attempt at briskness that didn't quite come off. 'Just wait 'til Friday.'

At that moment, a fire sprang to life in the grate, making both of them jump, and the tall, daunting figure of Severus Snape unfolded itself from the fireplace.

'I have brought your Wolfsbane,' he announced.

'Oh – oh, yes,' Remus stammered. 'Thank you.'

'You do, of course, know that the full moon falls on Friday of this week, Lupin. Surely seeing me is not such a surprise as it appears to be.'

'Yes, yes, thank you Severus. I'm just a bit – all over the place.'

'I need hardly remind you that that is not a state in which you can be permitted to take the precautions necessary. Perhaps I should owl the ministry?'

'I will take all the precautions, _of course_, Severus,' Remus snapped.

Snape raised his eyebrows.

'I would simply be doing my duty,' he said.

'Get out of here!' Sirius shouted. 'He doesn't need any more shit!'

'A charming reception,' Snape commented, before throwing a handful of powder in the flames, saying 'Hogwarts, headmaster's office,' and stepping in.

'Bastard,' muttered Sirius.

* * *

The next few days were spent miserably counting down the hours, Remus teaching classes in front of one of his colleagues, which excited curious murmurs from the students and made him stammer over his words and drop things constantly, and Sirius skiving all of his classes but Remus's.

There was a diurnal unwelcome distraction in the shape of Snape. The obvious misery of the two men he confronted every day before handing over the precious potion spurred him to greater and greater heights of malice. He took especial delight in needling Sirius, as usual, but Sirius's fuse was even shorter than usual and Remus had to intervene when Sirius grabbed Snape by the neck and then Snape held him at wandpoint. After that, Remus made sure he was alone when he collected the potion.

Remus did his best to stay normal and cheerful, but Sirius saw the look of anxiety and sadness in his face at repose and his heart ached and he would vow every day not to let Snape rile him. No matter what Remus said, he knew that this whole situation was all his fault, and that fighting with Snape simply made things worse.

Friday dawned, cold still, but grey clouds hanging low over the hills and slushy brown snow still lying in patches. Remus woke early, and lay still, staring up at the ceiling. He could just about feel the wolf surging below his consciousness, and it reminded him that tonight was the full moon. He lay there for a long time, how long he didn't know. He also didn't know that Sirius had woken and was lying watching him. When at last a tear wended its way down his face, heading for the bed clothes, he jumped as Sirius wiped it gently away with his hand.

'It'll be okay,' Sirius said.

'And if it's not…?'

'We'll cross that bridge when we come to it,' he said decisively.

Remus managed a pallid grin, before turning and snuggling closer to Sirius. His dark-haired lover held him, stroking his hair, whispering nonsensical sweet nothings into his ear, and he felt calmer, stronger.

_Even if – if it goes wrong, _he thought,_ I'll still have Sirius. And he's worth a hundred jobs. I just wish… Well, there's nothing I can do but tell the truth, and hope they'll understand._

Remus had no classes all day. He and Sirius sat quietly, trying to read, but neither of them had any idea what books they had open in front of them. Time passed excruciatingly slowly. They barely spoke, they didn't eat. Both sat, Remus wrapped in his thoughts, worries encroaching on him from all sides. Sirius thought only about Remus.

Eventually, Remus gave a sigh of relief as he looked at his watch for the umpteenth time. It wasn't completely unreasonably early to leave, at last. Sirius walked him up to the Arts Tower, where he was teaching on the fourteenth floor. They took the old-fashioned lift up, and when Sirius turned to leave, giving Remus just a quick hand squeeze and a glance so full of love it nearly melted him right there, Remus pulled him back.

'They know now,' he said. 'We don't have to hide.'

And he slid his arms round Sirius's waist and kissed him gently, lingeringly, in the dusty corridor.

When they broke apart, still holding each other, Sirius looked down at Remus.

'I love you,' he said quietly.

Remus smiled, a smile both ecstatically happy and devastatingly sad. 'I love you too,' he said.

A voice coming from behind them made them jump apart.

'Dr. Lupin,' said Eleanor Fogerty, the English literature Dean.

Despite her gruff bluntness, Remus had always liked and respected her, and her 'Dr. Lupin,' made him wince.

'And you - Sirius Black?' Sirius nodded mutely. 'Good, good, you're prompt. I imagine the others are waiting inside.'

'Eleanor… Sirius… he has to come too?'

'Of course,' she said, drawing her brows together. 'What did you expect? He should have received his summons by letter, and email. He too is in danger of being made to leave.' With that, she swept off down the corridor.

Sirius turned to Remus, his eyes wide. 'I've not checked my mail for a while,' he said ruefully.

Remus gave him a tiny apologetic smile before they trotted after Professor Fogerty, and followed her into the room.

There were two empty chairs, one at the end of the rectangular table, and another just round the corner from it.

'Please,' Professor Fogerty said to Remus, gesturing towards the end chair, opposite her.

He sank into the seat and scanned the faces of the other people around the table. He recognised them all, knew a couple fairly well, and – there was Jane, sitting very still, her hands folded on the table in front of her. She met his eyes and he saw pity there, and anxiety. He gave her a little smile, and she smiled back but only with her mouth. Her eyes stayed sad.

'Right, everybody is here, let's begin,' said Eleanor Fogerty, as a young man on her right scribbled down everything in shorthand. 'You're clear why you're here, Dr. Lupin?'

'Please, call me Remus, Eleanor,' Remus said uncomfortably. 'And yes, I know why I'm here.'

'And Mr. Black? You are clear also?'

'I know what we've been accused of,' Sirius said evenly, 'but I don't know why it requires disciplinary action.'

Fogerty's eyebrows shot up into her iron-grey fringe.

'Are you not aware that it is a dismissible offence for _both_ parties for a lecturer and a student to conduct a romantic relationship?'

'I don't see why,' Sirius said, still very controlled. 'I am a consenting adult, as is Remus.'

'The fact remains, Lupin holds a position of authority over you,' barked a youngish, brown-haired man next to the stenographer who Remus knew enough to say hello to; John Harding, a fellow Victorian literature specialist. 'It is entirely possible that he wielded that power inappropriately.'

'But he _didn't_,' Sirius said emphatically. 'It was all me – I mean, he's never done anything like this before, has he?'

'That's not true!' Remus retorted. 'You sat back and waited. _I _came to _you_! It's _my_ fault!'

'Remus, no! I was the one who came back in the first place, wasn't I? So it's all -'

'You two are old school friends, is that correct?' broke in Dolores Jones, a middle-aged Welsh literature professor. She had interrupted, but her voice was kind, and Remus, knowing her, had the feeling she had stopped them from making things any worse.

'Yes,' Remus said. 'We've known each other since we were 11.'

'And was there any hint of this sort of relationship, before Sirius enrolled in September?'

'No. We'd not seen each other for years.'

'And why is that? One assumes that from your present situation that you were always close?' There was a nasty note in Harding's voice.

'We were,' Sirius shot back. 'But our best friend was killed when we were, oh, 23 or so. I couldn't cope; I left the country.'

'But now you've come back, and straight away you fall into bed together?'

'That's enough, John!' rapped out Fogerty. 'The job of this hearing today is to decide whether or not this is sufficient violation of the rules of this university to merit Remus's dismissal, and whether or not to send down Mr Black, not to debate the ins and outs of their relationship.'

At that unfortunate phrase, Remus and Sirius shared a look which, despite the gravity of the situation, meant that both had to struggle hard not to snigger. Luckily, Professor Fogerty appeared not to realise this.

'Professor,' Harding said, 'Lupin has clearly violated the rules. He makes no attempt to deny it. So why the hearing? Why not just sack him and send down Black straight away?'

'Sirius Black is a new student here, and deserves a fair hearing. And Dr Lupin is an excellent teacher,' snapped back Fogerty, 'with a fine career, both in teaching and research, ahead of him. I think we would not have given the matter sufficient consideration if we were simply to sack him without discussion.'

Remus looked at the table, blushing.

'I don't want to sack you, Remus,' she said, addressing him directly. 'But you have made it very difficult, if not impossible for us to keep as a member of staff.'

'Think if this gets in the papers,' blustered Harding.

'I don't give a hoot about the blasted _Daily Mail_,' Dolores piped up in her reedy Welsh voice. 'Since when do we make our decisions based on other peoples' erroneous morals? Frankly, if the tabloids would want him sacked, it's our duty to keep him on!'

Professor Fogerty had to suppress a grin at this, but Harding was fuming and doing a bad job at hiding it.

'I don't want to make any trouble,' Remus said miserably. 'I know I already have, and you'd be perfectly right to request my resignation.'

'At least Lupin himself knows what a difficult position he has placed our department and the university as a whole,' said a dour tweedy old man.

'He didn't do this on purpose!' Sirius exclaimed. 'People don't choose who they fall in love with!'

'They do, however, choose who they sleep with,' said Harding, raising an eyebrow in a pose clearly intended to be world-weary and unshockable.

'What exactly is your problem, John? I didn't know you were so desperate to get rid of me,' Remus said with a rueful air.

'I wasn't before you shacked up with a male student!' Harding said.

There was a silence. He had been provoked into saying what was secretly at the back of everyone's mind. Did the fact that Sirius and Remus were gay influence their opinion? The pressure to be politically correct and tolerant was inherent throughout the university, or at least to give the appearance of being so. Therefore, that particular angle had been tiptoed around.

'The fact that Sirius is male is neither here nor there,' Fogerty said tentatively. 'Remus isn't the only gay lecturer in the university, or the department for that matter.'

'But the public perception…'

'For goodness' sake give it a rest about the tabloids, John!' scolded Dolores, before catching Eleanor Fogerty's eye. The smile she gave was rather unambiguous but only Remus noticed and interpreted correctly.

'Unfortunately, unpleasantly though he expresses himself, Harding has a point,' Fogerty said reluctantly. 'There is every chance that someone outside the university will get wind of this. And even if that were irrelevant, you _have_ broken the rules, Remus.'

Remus looked at her quizzically.

'How did _you_ get wind of it?' he said suddenly.

'I'm afraid I can't divulge that information,' Eleanor said.

Remus shrugged his shoulders.

'Surely he has the right to know,' Jane said unexpectedly. 'Don't we all?'

'I'm afraid not. The person remained anonymous, and the allegation turned out to be true… Does anyone else have any questions for Remus and Sirius?' Fogerty asked. 'Remus? Sirius? Did you want to ask anything?'

'No,' they answered in unison.

'If I could ask you to wait outside, then,' she said. And they left the room.

Outside, there were no chairs, so they found a corner and slid down the wall to sit there, legs touching.

'Are you okay?' Sirius asked eventually.

'Yes – yes.'

'It seems like your Dean doesn't want to get rid of you – or me,' Sirius said.

'No – she's a good woman,' Remus said ruminatively. 'Sir, why did you try and take all the blame? You know that I made the first move – for the first time in my life…'

'Because you can't lose your job! I would have thought that would have been obvious to you; you're such a smart cookie,' Sirius said. 'I don't give a shit if I get kicked out; it's not like I had aspirations in academia which would be shattered. But you – you're brilliant at what you do. It would be a travesty if you had to stop doing it.'

Remus grinned briefly. 'I love praise from my students,' he commented.

But the thought that maybe he wouldn't have any students in a little while sobered him, and they sat in silence for a quarter of an hour or so.

They heard a door creak, and both looked up, slightly wild-eyed, as Eleanor Fogerty walked towards them. She was far enough away that her face was unreadable as she beckoned them back into the room.


	19. Full Moon

Well, as you can see, I've responded to your lovely reviews/threats, got my arse in gear and updated!

* * *

They walked tentatively back into the seminar room, hands brushing as hey walked side by side, and then took their previous seats. Remus caught Jane's eye, and she gave him a strained smile.

_Shit_, he thought. _What's going on? If it was bad news, she'd look sad, and if it was good she'd be happy. So what on earth are they going to do?_

He found out soon enough.

'Remus, Sirius, we have come to a decision. We are going to ask one of you to leave the university. Who it is is up to you.'

'I'll go,' Sirius said quickly.

'We thought you'd say that,' Eleanor said with a relieved smile. 'We're very sorry; we can arrange for you to transfer to a different department if you'd like.'

'I'd just like to register that I think this is a disgrace,' said Harding suddenly. 'This pathetic subterfuge; using loopholes to wriggle out of having to sack a lecturer who has broken university rules! And making a student a scapegoat because of that lecturer's transgressions! You are letting your affection for a colleague blind you to the gravity of the situation!'

'I think it's a bloody disgrace, too,' retorted Dolores angrily. 'You, sir, have done all you can to make sure Remus was sacked, and now you're bitter because he's not going to be! No, Nell, I'll have my say. There are some things John needs to hear. Just because he's better at his job than you doesn't mean you'd get a promotion if he got kicked out!'

Harding gaped at the diminutive raging Welshwoman but before he could reply, Remus, who had been sitting with his brows drawn together, spoke up.

'Sirius isn't leaving,' he said. 'I am.'

'Remus!' exclaimed Jane, Eleanor and Sirius all at once.

'I can't believe we've been through all this hypocritical rigmarole,' Remus said vehemently. 'I don't want to leave, but to make Sirius take the blame for something I chose to do! I knew what it could mean far better than he did, and I still went ahead and did it. I'm not letting him take the fall for it.'

'Remus, _let_ nothing! I told you well enough, I don't give a toss about my degree! I only came here to have a good excuse to see you! You think it bothers me if now I have to do history or Spanish or chemistry or _nothing_!'

'Sirius, please,' Remus said, and there was an alien note of command and resolve in his voice. 'I will submit my resignation in writing first thing on Monday. I am completely disgusted in the action of this hearing, and I don't want to work here any more. If you could have only been honest about what you intended from the off, Eleanor!' And Eleanor blushed.

'For God's sake, Remus!' Jane shouted. 'Don't go getting all dignified over this! They're giving you a chance to carry on teaching here! It's not worth sacrificing your career for pride! And besides…' she added soberly, 'I'd miss you like nothing else.'

'I'm sorry Jane,' Remus said gently, 'but I won't sit back and take this. One of us has to leave, and we get to choose who? It's totally unprofessional.'

'At least Lupin himself knows what the right thing to do is,' Harding said smugly, 'even if no one else does.'

'Shut the_ fuck _upHarding,' Jane spat.

'Please, Ms Goldmann,' Eleanor Fogerty began.

'He's a poisonous little shit and you know it,' Jane snarled.

'Well, never have I been so insulted!' Harding said, getting to his feet.

'John, sit down. Jane's upset, and she'll apologise.'

Jane laughed unpleasantly.

'Well, we'll talk about this later,' said Fogerty. 'Remus, please, reconsider…'

'No,' Remus said flatly. 'I'm sorry Eleanor, but I'm not doing this.' He stood up. 'I will of course continue with my classes until you find a replacement.'

And with that, he walked out.

Sirius stood up so fast he knocked his chair over. Ignoring it, he said breathlessly, 'I'll try and get him to change his mind,' before rushing after Remus.

'I hoped you'd come,' Remus said as they stepped into the lift together. 'I didn't want to stay, but even if I had… well,' he looked at his watch, 'I have a quarter of an hour to get home, cast all the spells and get ready.'

Sirius looked aghast. 'Of course,' he muttered.

They walked home very fast, and Remus levitated all the furniture out, leaving the room bare and clinical, white walls blank. He brought in an old rug and some water in a dish and stashed them in the corner.

Then he cast all the spells whilst Sirius watched silently. There were anti-werewolf and normal spells to stop him getting out which began the moment of the moonrise, several spells to stop anyone coming in, a silencing charm and fortifying incantations to stop the walls and door of the lounge being broken – or blood-stained.

Then he took off all his clothes but his boxers, put them with the rug and his wand, and stood shivering in the middle of the room.

'Remus,' Sirius said hesitantly. 'Can I stay?'

'If you want,' Remus said. 'But first – can you still become Padfoot?'

Sirius smiled, and a second later a huge black dog was standing in his place. He changed back again, quick as a wink.

'I take the Wolfsbane, you see, but you never know…' Remus trailed off.

'Much as I hate Snape, I don't think he'd screw it up. It's a matter of pride to him,' Sirius said.

Remus nodded, but broke off with moan of pain.

'Quick – change,' he gasped. 'Wolfsbane – not so good – while I change.'

Sirius obeyed. He didn't seriously think Remus would attack him, even if he was in his human form, but from the vantage point of a dog a couple of feet off the floor he saw his lover shake and convulse, biting at himself and tearing pieces of flesh from his own body, clawing holes in his skin, as his limbs lengthened, hair sprouted from his pale skin, a snout grew and his face became canine and finally, he was left standing on four paws, bleeding and trembling.

_Oh, Remus,_ Sirius thought as he licked at wolf-Remus's wounds. _This never gets any easier. I thought since you had the Wolfsbane you didn't hurt yourself any more._

Moony lifted his great grey head and howled at the moon peeping through the white curtains, before tailing off into yelps, dropping onto his stomach and laying his head on his paws in a way that Sirius fancifully thought smacked off frustration and misery.

He padded over and nudged Moony to his feet. The wolf's legs trembled with the effort, exhausted as he was from the transformation and the hurts he had inflicted on himself. Moony winced as Sirius's rough-gentle tongue passed over the new sores all over his body, but he stood patient and still, before trotting to the corner, drinking some water and then laying back down.

Padfoot attempted to pull the rug over him, but as a dog with only teeth and no hands it was too big an ask. He changed back briefly into Sirius, tucked the rug around the snarling Moony, before laying down next to him and then turning back into the dog.

They lay together, Moony tired and hurting, Sirius careful not to press against him. Blood was oozing from countless bites and scratches all over his body and Padfoot whined to see them. Moony nudged him impatiently, as if to say _don't worry about it._

Sirius couldn't help but worry, though. Long after Remus had fallen asleep, he was wakeful in the silvery pallor of the moonlight.

* * *

Sunrise was relatively late the next day. That far north, it came some time after 7am, threading the first watery fingers of sunlight into the room. Remus stirred as he transformed back into a human, but cuddled closer to Padfoot and fell asleep again. His repose didn't last long, though. Bare wooden floor boards are not the most comfortable bed, and an hour or so later he moved in his sleep and ground his hip against the floor.

It woke him up quite satisfactorily, and he sat up. His head span and his stomach heaved, but now awake, he couldn't stay on the floor. He shook Sirius gently.

'I'm going to my bed. Come with me.'

Even an almost wholly asleep Sirius couldn't resist that, and he transformed unconsciously and virtually sleep-walked after Remus and into the big white bed.

Remus laid down with him, but the room span uncontrollably and he had to heave his weary, battered body to the bathroom, where he threw up several times, and then climbed into a blissfully hot shower.

He was dimly aware of his legs giving way under him, but it was so heavenly to sit under the warm water that he protested feebly when Sirius leant in and picked him up.

'You can't sleep in there,' he told him, and carried him to his bed.

Quickly retrieving Remus's wand, he cast a drying charm and then healing spell after healing spell. Remus twitched in his sleep but he didn't properly wake up.

His work done, Sirius clambered into bed next to him and promptly fell asleep again.

* * *

By the time he awoke again, the day was in full swing, and murky sunlight was filling the room. He slid out of bed slowly, careful not to wake Remus, and padded into the kitchen for milk.

Sitting completely naked at the kitchen table, staring into his glass, he thought about the night before. Maybe he'd forgotten the trauma of previous changes… maybe he'd overestimated the powers of Wolfsbane… either way, he was shocked and appalled by what he'd witnessed.

_How can Remus be so sweet and kind and patient?_ he wondered. _How can he, when every month he has to go through that; every month he knows what hell awaits him and yet he carries on with his life and only just before does he think about it. And then only to take the precautions to protect the people who live around him._

He shook his head slowly. It was so unfair. He knew life wasn't fair – god knows he'd seen enough of the imbalance of wealth and luck that was doled out to people solely on the strength of their birth. In Cambodia, he'd seen a child, no more than seven or eight, wheeling her landmine-maimed, legless body around on a skateboard, begging. He'd given her thousands of riels, all the money he had in his pocket, but he still couldn't shake that image. Or of an old man in Bombay, lying in the gutter, if not dead then just barely alive, flies clustered on his face like some evil disease. And even in the Deep South of America, the land of the free, land of opportunity, the wooden shacks flying the Confederate flag that he'd seen nestling in the green countryside whilst his Greyhound bus had whizzed past had shocked him, probably more because they dwelt in the richest land on Earth.

And of course, the Arab Emirates, the Hollywood hills, London, where there had been huge mansions with helipads and swimming pools and multiple cars parked in sweeping drives. Even in Siem Reap, near Angkor, the huge five star hotels in one of the poorest countries of Asia. Only for tourists of course, but they were there.

But still, all that suffering and privilege, didn't hit home to him the way Remus's affliction did.

_It's only natural,_ he told himself. _When people close to you suffer, it matters more than strangers, foreigners. It shouldn't be that way, but it is._

He drained his milk and went back into the bedroom to check on Remus, who was still fast asleep. Grabbing Remus's wand once more, he went into the lounge, first disarming the protective spells. He cleaned the spattered blood from the floor and walls with ease, considering the spells of imperviousness put on them by Remus, removed all the other spells and then replaced all the furniture and pictures and drew the curtains.

It was a cloudy day, the sun breaking through every so often to shed light on the Northern town. Sirius read on the sofa, basking in the intermittent sun, until a noise from the other room alerted him that Remus was finally awake.

'Hey you,' he said softly as Sirius came into the room.

'Hey yourself,' Sirius replied. 'How are you feeling?'

'Shit.'

'Let me have a look at you.'

And he drew the covers back to check his handiwork. Clearly all that time learning restoring spells hadn't been wasted; Remus's skin was flecked only by a few new white scars.

'I wish I could make a healing potion,' Sirius said wistfully.

'Usually, Severus comes with one for me around this time – it's not much later than nine, is it?'

'No… Snape comes here?'

'Albus Dumbledore makes him, of course.'

'But still…'

'You know Severus, Sir. He can't refuse Albus.'

And sure enough, there was a whoosh of new flames and then footsteps coming towards the bedroom. Sirius hurriedly recovered Remus and then stood by the door.

'You look unwell, Lupin,' were Snape's first words. He handed a steaming goblet to the wan werewolf, who drained it and returned it.

'I feel better already. Thank you, Severus.'

Snape merely raised an eyebrow before turning and striding back towards the lounge. They heard him shout, 'Hogwarts, headmaster's office,' and then he was gone.

'I should have paid more attention to potions at school,' Remus smiled, colour already suffusing his cheeks. 'Then I could make that myself.'

'I'm sure you could, if you tried,' said Sirius, surveying him narrowly. 'Or I could.'

'I'll make it my project, then,' Remus said. 'I'll need something to fill my days.'

'Re – I don't know if – well, can you – did you mean what you said yesterday?'

Remus's sweet face hardened. 'Yes.'

'But – but – you're such a good teacher…'

'Nonetheless, my patience has its limits.'

'They were giving you a chance to stay on!'

'At your expense. I won't do it. I won't! And there's no point in you trying to talk me round!'

'Alright, alright,' Sirius said placatingly. 'What will you do instead?'

'I – oh, I don't know,' Remus said. 'I don't have any other skills. I'm just good at reading, and teaching. And it's all I've enjoyed – Merlin knows I've done some awful jobs in my time. I don't know what I'll do,' he repeated plaintively. 'What do you think?'

'I think I made a mistake bringing this up now,' Sirius said firmly. 'You need to rest, not worry. I'll make you some breakfast and then I'll bring you a book or something and we'll spend all day in bed. How's that?'

'That's a good plan,' Remus said, and gave a brave smile which crumpled as Sirius left the room.

A tear rolled down his cheek as he contemplated a life without the university. A day ago, he thought he'd have given anything not to have to leave, anything that involved staying with Sirius, that is. But now – well, now he felt sure that he was doing the right thing.

The tears fell thick and fast to the sound of Sirius clashing pots and pans in the other room.

_Why is the right thing so damned hard to do?_ he thought miserably.


	20. Aftermath

Well, this didn't take long, did it?! It's dedicated to every person who reviews any piece of fanfic; you are what keep us going. Though I write for myself, I would probably have jacked this in long before now if not for all of your many kind words of encouragement. Thank you! And I hope this is worth the wait.

* * *

The rest of the day, Remus slept on and off. When he was awake, Sirius read to him, a little poetry, some novels.

'Poems are better being read aloud,' Remus said sleepily at one point. 'You don't skim over any of it like you do when you read in your head.'

'But surely you can force yourself to read slowly?' Sirius teased him gently.

'Ye-e-es,' (through a yawn). 'But it's so hard because there's always more left, and you want to get through it as fast as you can, so you can know everything they're trying to tell you as quickly as possible. If you're going really slowly, focusing on each bit, then you might be wasting your time.'

'But if you hurtle through it, you're not thinking enough about the bits you're reading whilst you're reading them.'

'You can always go back and read them again,' Remus replied with his eyes closed.

'But the second time's not the same as the first.'

There was no reply. In that disconcerting way he had, Remus had fallen asleep rather suddenly. Sirius shook his head and smiled, before turning back to the book he had in his hand.

_Damn him!_ he thought. _Now _I_ can't read it through slowly!_

But somehow, he didn't mind. When Remus was talking to him, and ruining his literariness, at least he wasn't thinking about what he was going to do for the rest of his life.

Sirius slid out of bed and found a notebook and pencil. He sat on the floor next to Remus's side of the bed, and leaned against it, head near his lover's.

What next? he wrote at the top of a blank page.

_- Persuade Remus to change his mind (chance of success – pretty much nil. He doesn't dig his toes in often, but when he does…)_

_- Sell the car? Probably about £1000, not much. Also £10,000ish in the bank._

_- Get muggle jobs. I won't be able to get a decent one, no qualifications, but it's still money. Remus might be able to get another teaching job? Find out if they'll give him references._

He chewed the end of his pencil ferociously. His situation wasn't all that different to his life before Sheffield. Why, then, did he feel the need for list-making and problem-solving? _It's simple though, isn't it,_ he thought.

_Guilt._

_I lost Remus his job, and now I have to make it alright again._

_And if I can't? I don't know what I'll do._

He carried on chewing, until a thought suddenly occurred to him. Albus. He should write to the headmaster.

_Why, though?_

It just seemed like the right thing to do, somehow… in fact, they should go and visit! They hadn't seen Harry for a while, although they'd exchanged the odd letter. Tomorrow!

Sirius turned to a new page, and wrote.

_Dear Albus,_

_Something terrible has happened, and it's my fault. You see, the university won't let lecturers and students have a relationship like ours (though I don't know how they found out – someone told them, but who?! Who hates Remus that much?), and they said one of us had to leave. I said I would, but Remus wouldn't let me, and he quit yesterday, and then it was the full moon and it was terrible. He won't show that he's unhappy, at least he's hiding it as well as he can, but last night, well, it was bad._

_So now, I don't know what we're going to do. It's not money that's the worry, so much, it's Remus. What will he do? He's so adamant that he's not working there any more, but he loves it so much and I don't know, I think perhaps if we're living in idle poverty he'll resent it and resent me. I just want him to be happy, and that will make me happy._

_But this letter isn't just me whingeing at you! I wanted to know if we're okay to visit tomorrow, and if you could set up the floo network for us again, maybe at 11am? It will be great to see Harry, and I'd like to talk to you and see what you think._

_Yours, Sirius_

He grabbed Remus's wand, and went into the kitchen, then said "_transmitio epistolium"_ and sent the letter off.

He had gone back into Remus's room and had been studying his list again for a little while, when Albus's reply suddenly materialised in front of him.

He plucked it out of midair and opened it eagerly.

_My dear, dear boy,_

_I am so sorry to hear of your misfortune. I understand fully your concerns about Remus. He has always been battling against the common perception of his kind, and I believe his work at the university had really made a difference to his life and his self-esteem. However, do not underestimate your own influence over him. I am sure that he would choose you over teaching, and I am equally sure that he told you that._

_That said, you are both more than welcome tomorrow. Your fireplace will be connected at 11 exactly. I will alert Harry to your impending visit._

_I look forward to seeing you both. Take care of Remus, and take care of yourself, Sirius._

_Albus_

Sirius refolded the letter slowly, feeling somewhat better. Writing to Professor Dumbledore had indeed been the right thing to do.

* * *

Meanwhile at Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore sat in his office, his face sad. Only the arrival of the person he had sent for roused him from his reverie.

'Hello, Severus,' he said.

'Headmaster,' Snape said in a non-committal manner.

'I wanted to talk to you about Remus.'

'Lupin?' No surprise, but then Severus Snape was a past master at hiding his emotions.

'Yes. When you took him the Wolfsbane last night, and the healing potion this morning, how was he?'

'Sir?'

'How did he seem. You know what I mean, Severus.'

'He was in a fairly bad state, headmaster.'

'A fairly bad state?'

'Yes… usually, the Wolfsbane stops him from attacking himself at any point during the full moon, or possibly inflicting minor injuries. However, this morning he appeared unwell.'

'Despite Sirius being there? Hmm… and what would you say to his state of mind?'

'Really, headmaster…'

'No, Severus, please.'

'He was downcast, as was Black.'

'And do you know why that is?'

'No.'

'He has lost his job. Or rather, he has left it. It seems that the university authorities did not take kindly to his relationship with Sirius.'

'Ah.'

'Yes. Well, that's all, Severus. Thank you for coming.'

At this clear dismissal, Snape turned and stalked out. Albus put his fingertips together thoughtfully. Some things you needed Occlumency to find out, and some things you didn't. And after all, he only needed glasses for reading.

* * *

Meanwhile, the shrill ringing of the telephone had roused Remus from his stupor. He sat up groggily, and Sirius wordlessly passed the phone to him.

'Hello?'

'Remus, how could you? How could you just up and quit like that?! They were letting you stay on, for god's sake, which is a minor miracle in itself, and you just -'

'Hello Jane.'

'Yes, well, hello. But anyway…'

'I said all I had to say yesterday,' Remus said wearily. 'Nothing you can say will persuade me to stay on.'

'I knew you'd say that,' came Jane's resigned voice. 'You're always so easy-going and then something like this happens, and you're the stubbornest bastard in the world!'

Remus laughed resignedly. 'Leave me alone! I'm not well!'

'Out drinking again last night, drowning your sorrows?' Jane inferred incorrectly.

'Something like that,' Remus said, pulling a face. He hated lying.

'Well, when can I come and see you and tell you off in person?'

'Tomorrow? Hang on…'

Sirius was making frantic decapitation gestures. 'We're busy in the day!' he hissed.

'Tomorrow evening?'

'Yes, that'd be lovely, but don't think you can butter me up and have good food and Sirius there looking sexy and everything will be alright. I'm going to give you a piece of my mind! As long as you're alright. Are you alright?'

It was amazing how quickly Jane could go from accusatory to gentle. Remus shook his head and wondered at women.

'I'm alright,' he lied. Another one.

'Okay. I'll be at yours at 8ish. And Remus…'

'Yes…?'

'Take of yourself, love,' she said warmly before hanging up.

Some of Remus's bafflement must have shown on his face, because Sirius laughed at him.

'What are we doing tomorrow?' he asked.

'Er – going to Hogwarts. I hope you don't mind…'

'Of course not! It's been a while since we saw Harry. He's a shocking letter writer, isn't he?'

'You're not wrong,' Sirius agreed fervently. Harry's last effort, a reply to a three parchment joint epic about the Marauders' schooldays, had read:

_Dear Sirius and Remus,_

_Thanks for your letter. Hope you're both okay. I'm okay, so are Ron and Hermione. Quiddich is starting on Saturday. I'm on the team, Seeker. We're playing Hufflepuff. Should destroy them._

_Lessons are alright. Snape's still a bastard. Last week he took 50 points off me because I punched Malfoy because he said Gryffindors were mudblood scum._

_Harry_

'I feel much better,' said Remus in a satisfied sort of way.

'You look much better.'

'I probably should stay in bed though.'

'Probably.'

'But it's quite lonely in here…'

'Are you saying you need some company?'

'I, er, might be.'

'S'pose, since I'm looking after you, I ought to oblige…'

'S'pose you ought.'

Remus wriggled over, his face radiant as he got his way, and they discovered that gentle exercise was good for The Day After The Night Before.

* * *

The next day, both were up early, excited but not as nervous as their previous Hogwarts visit. Remus was feeling much better ('Must be your expert nursing!') which gladdened Sirius's heart. It would have taken a more perceptive man than Sirius to discern the latent struggle in his lover's mind to thrust down thoughts of his lost job. Remus could be deceptive when he chose; a lifetime of hiding his true self had taught him well.

They showered and ate breakfast together, Sirius happily chattering about what they would do and how Harry would be pleased to see them, Remus placidly agreeing with him in between sips of coffee.

Soon enough it was 11, and they went into the lounge. Sirius lit the flames, and let Remus go first.

'Remus, my dear boy!' Dumbledore said as he clambered inelegantly from the fireplace.

Remus detected a sympathetic sparkle in his old headmaster's eye, and was grateful for Sirius's arrival at that moment.

'Where's Harry?' Sirius asked, looking around as if he expected Harry to be hiding under the desk, or inside a cabinet.

Albus chuckled. 'I would have brought him up here, but we need to discuss something first. It has to do with Remus,' he continued, suddenly serious.

There was a knock at the door.

'Come in,' said Dumbledore.

In came the cadaverous figure of Severus Snape, clad as ever in black robes, greasy black curtains of hair partially obscuring his face.

'Sirius, it is not necessary that you stay. We wish to discuss the Wolfsbane potion briefly and, if Remus agrees, he could meet you shortly in the dining hall?'

'That's fine by me,' Remus said, a picture of equanimity.

'Well, okay then, if it's okay with you,' Sirius said, looking carefully at Remus.

'Yes it is! Go on, and I'll see you in a bit.'

Sirius nodded and flashed a quick grin before opening the door and heading off down the stairs.

'Sit down, Remus,' said Dumbledore kindly. 'Now, Severus tells me that yesterday morning, you were unwell despite taking the Wolfsbane as usual. Is that correct?'

'Yes...'

'I understand, Severus, that there are some cases in the literature of Wolfsbane decreasing in efficacy over time, is that correct?'

'There are cases in the literature from time to time, although without rigorous investigation into those cases. Also, you must understand that because this is still a new potion, there is not a great amount of research that has been done into the long-term effects of Wolfsbane. Lupin is one of the individuals who have been taking the potion the longest and so if there were any effects that were to be commonly displayed, he would be likely to display them. However, there is no objective way to measure the Wolfsbane's efficacy without putting someone in danger by allowing them to remain with a werewolf throughout the transformation. Therefore, we rely on the reports of werewolves, which are notoriously unreliable.'

'Yes, thank you Severus,' Albus said with a small frown at this barb.

'Er, Severus, I don't think there is a problem with the Wolfsbane in my case,' Remus said hesitantly. 'It's always worked perfectly before – well, it has worked the same since I started taking it.'

'But I am right in thinking you were particularly injured during this month's transformation,' said Dumbledore gently.

'Despite the Wolfsbane, when I am under an - emotional strain - and I transform, I still attack myself. It's only during the transformations themselves, not during the time I am a wolf.'

'And that was the case the night before last?' the headmaster said, looking not at Remus but shooting a glance at Severus who stood in the corner, his face immobile and his eyes expressionless.

'Yes. I would rather not discuss it, if you don't mind. I am satisfied myself that I pose no danger to people at the full moon; I take plenty of precautions as well as the potion, you know.'

'I would expect no less from you, Remus,' said Dumbledore fondly. 'I only hope that such problems that led to your being incapacitated will resolve themselves soon.'

'I wouldn't have thought so,' said Remus quietly. 'But that is my own matter, and as long as no one else is in danger, it concerns only me.'

Snape tightened his jaw. 'Headmaster, could you leave us alone please?' he asked in a dull voice.

Dumbledore inclined his head in assent and left the room. He descended the spiral stair and started walking, outwardly calm but inwardly worrying that what he had done, acting as the catalyst for what was to pass between the two men left in his office, was as far as possible from being the right thing to do.


	21. Snape, Harry and Dumbledore

Inside the office of the head of Hogwarts, the very air seemed to vibrate with tension. Remus clutched the arms of the chair in which he sat. Snape's nervousness was pervasive, and infectious. Remus felt like something bad was about to happen and, being Remus, attempted to stave it off.

'You know, Severus, there really is nothing wrong with the Wolfsbane, I'm sure of it,' he said in what purported to be a conversational tone.

'That is unworthy of you, Lupin,' Snape replied, unreadable eyes looking past Remus and at the portrait of one of Hogwarts' previous headmistresses. 'You are well aware that what I have to say does not pertain to the Wolfsbane.'

Remus nodded slightly then sat still and quiet and waited.

'I have something to tell you, well… a confession to make,' Snape said uncomfortably, and instantly Remus knew. He kept silent.

'It was I who informed the university authorities of your relationship with Black.'

There was silence. Snape looked at Remus almost desperately, but could not hold his gaze.

'I am sorry,' he said in a very low voice.

'Why did you do that?' Remus asked very calmly.

'I – Merlin, I – fucking hell, Lupin, I don't fucking know,' he said savagely.

'That's not good enough, though, is it? I have had to resign my job because they found about Sirius and I. Apparently being both old school friends and consenting adults is not sufficient to convince the authorities that our relationship wasn't a mutually beneficial arrangement. That I wasn't _making_ Sirius fuck me for good marks. So what the hell do you get out of that, then? Some sort of perverted pleasure?'

Snape laughed bitterly. 'I thought you were supposed to be so perceptive,' he spat. 'Merlin alone knows how you got that reputation. I should imagine my reasons were obvious.'

'They are _not_! What the _fuck_ is your problem?' Remus shouted, leaping out of his chair and advancing on Severus. He was far more frightening than he knew; tall and physically imposing though skinny, rage crackled from him like electricity and his wolfish eyes snapped bolts of lightning.

Snape took a step back.

'Scared, are you? You fucking should be! This is all about me and Sirius, isn't it! All that hate for both of us, and now we're so happy together and all you want is to fuck it up!'

Snape's brow crinkled. He was so confused that he forgot to be afraid, and simply blurted out, 'No, it's just you. You know how I feel about you. I just realised you would never love me back.'

'But why would you – oh. Ohhhh.'

Just like that, the rage was gone, and Remus was himself again, mild-mannered and diffident-looking but most certainly fully in command of the situation and his own emotions, a slight flush on his cheeks the only outward sign of any inner confusion.

'So now you know,' rapped out Snape.

Remus said nothing. He was thinking. He would have been perfectly within his rights to continue chastising Snape, or indeed abusing him, but at his core he was a sympathetic and understanding man.

Love is a strange and terrible thing that makes adolescents of us all. The state, being in love, is more or less equivalent to a mental illness, and is essentially a selfish emotion as our most primitive instincts are. Although Remus was a relatively new convert to this way of feeling, he saw this as clearly as one in love can; perhaps the newness of this emotion helped him to appreciate the awful powerlessness of being in love. He saw too the urge of destroying someone you love, dominating and impressing yourself on their consciousness even if it at one stroke also destroys any chance of being loved in return.

To put it more simply, Remus did not love Snape in return. And so, Snape wanted to hurt him.

'I understand why you did it,' he said slowly. 'It was the wrong thing to do, but I can see why you wanted to.'

'Do – do you forgive me?' Severus stammered with an eagerness that almost repulsed Remus. This proud, unbending man had prostrated himself in front of the man he loved, hanging on one word from him.

'I – well, I suppose so,' Remus said, still bemused. 'After all, I owe you so much anyway, things more important than a job.'

'Don't be so melodramatic Lupin. I make a potion for you once a month at the headmaster's behest.'

'Well, anyway.'

Remus picked up his jacket where it had fallen, and made for the door. He was stopped by Snape's voice, as dead-sounding as always.

'I _am_ sorry, Remus.'

Remus paused, then opened the door and slipped out. If he had turned before it had swung shut, he would have seen Snape's face full of grief and disgust and pain. All the things he couldn't bring himself to show in his voice conveyed in his face, against his will. But he didn't, and so he went down the staircase and left Snape to do what he would.

As he walked down the corridor, he heard Dumbledore call his name.

'Remus! Are you alright?'

He turned and faced the headmaster and conjured up a smile from somewhere.

'Yes thank you.'

Dumbledore smiled ruefully. Remus's face was very pale, his bones protruding gauntly, his blazing eyes ringed in shadow.

'Perhaps you would be better taking a moment before you find Sirius and Harry, my boy.'

'Not looking my best?' Remus asked ironically. He rubbed his eyes and raked back messy hair. 'Severus told me -'

'I know. I am so very sorry that I did not respond to the signs sooner… I should have realised what strain he was under.'

'You _knew_?!'

'How he felt? Yes, I did, a long time ago.'

'Poor Severus…'

'He would not want your pity Remus.'

'But I can't help it! Oh, Albus, how am I going to tell Sirius?'

'I suggest you wait until you get home,' Dumbledore said gravely. 'I fear he won't be as understanding as you.'

Remus sighed and changed the subject. 'Right, I'm going outside for a cigarette, then I'll find the boys. The boys!' He laughed tiredly.

Dumbledore laid a gentle hand on his arm for a moment or two. 'Don't worry yourself, Remus. Everything will be alright.'

The headmaster's tone was so gentle that Remus's eyes became suspiciously bright.

'Yes,' he agreed, and walked off down the corridor, his head down. Dumbledore watched him go before returning to his study to find Snape and give what small words of comfort he had to offer.

The familiar actions of hand to mouth and inhalation, and the quieting of screaming nicotine receptors, calmed Remus down somewhat, and by the time he had finished his cigarette he felt much better.

_After all,_ he told himself, _what difference does it make? I'll not behave differently to Severus. I always knew he would hurt any one of us if he could, it's only the reason that is unexpected. I am still newly unemployed. I still have Sirius._

With that, he grinned unexpectedly, and ground his cigarette butt under his heel, before vanishing it with his wand, and walked briskly back off inside.

He decided first on the Gryffindor common room and was let in by a wide-eyed first year. There he found Harry and Sirius, along with Ron and Hermione and a gaggle of students staring at them. The Hogwarts pupils were all used to the famous Harry Potter being in their house, but this new visitor was something unexpected and therefore of interest.

Sirius was telling a story about one of the pranks the four Marauders had pulled on the Slytherins. Hermione looked somewhat disapproving, but Harry and Ron were guffawing along with some of the earwiggers gathered around.

'… and so Jamie grabbed his wand and hexed Snape, and he was in the hospital wing for a week with tentacles instead of limbs!'

'Is this the one when you two were sneaking into the Slytherin common room to try to curse all the furniture so that everyone who touched it would be stuck to it?' asked Remus with a smile as Harry and Ron fell about laughing.

'Yeah, it's gone down pretty well,' Sirius said with a laugh. 'But you boys aren't to try and pull that one off or Professor Dumbledore will know I've been corrupting you!' He carried on, in a lower voice, 'What was all that about?'

'Albus and Severus were worried that the potion wasn't working too well,' replied Remus, acutely aware of Harry's curious face.

'Because of yesterday morning?'

'Yes. But I've set their minds at rest as well as I could. The potion's working fine.'

'You shouldn't let Snape make you potions,' Harry said with a venomous look. 'He's trouble. He hates all the Gryffindors, and I'd be surprised if he didn't hate you almost as much as he hates me.'

'I trust Professor Snape, Harry,' Remus said gently. 'It's a matter of pride for him. He makes me a very difficult and complicated potion every month and it works very well.'

Harry said nothing but didn't look convinced.

'Don't look so worried! Everything's fine,' Sirius told Harry with a smile.

'You know, I remember a time when your dad was going after your mum, Harry. He wanted to do something really impressive, something that would make her aware of his existence as something other than a complete nuisance. So anyway, on Valentine's Day, he decided to fill this very common room with flowers, lilies mostly. And Lily came down in the morning and the moment she walked in the door, she sneezed. James rushed up to her and was asking her out, and she was sneezing and sneezing. She had hayfever, you see! Her eyes swelled up and were streaming, her nose was three times the usual size and she was covered in a rash – it was as though he'd cursed her! She was so angry with Jamie that as soon as she left the hospital wing and came down to breakfast, she hexed him, _histamino_, in front of everyone, and he had the most horrific hayfever for three weeks til it wore off. Goodness knows how he finally managed to convince her to go out with him… well, it wasn't _convincing_ as such…' He looked at Sirius and started giggling like a schoolboy.

'They made a bet,' Sirius continued. 'He promised Lils he'd leave her alone if Gryffindor won the Quiddich cup that year, but if they lost, she had to go on a date with him and make the effort to enjoy herself. She agreed – the idea of not having Jamie following her about like a lovesick puppy was too much to turn down – but she underestimated how much he liked her. He threw the last game of the season, and we lost the cup, but he got his date. They came back that evening holding hands and – well, the rest is history!'

'You were so angry, but so pleased that he'd stopped going on and on about how to get her to go out with him,' Remus reminisced. 'But Corona Borealis, the Gryffindor team captain, was absolutely enraged. Jamie had to beg to be allowed back in the team. Didn't help that she held a candle for him, but Lily and he were so happy together.'

Harry was smiling, all thoughts of Snape forgotten. 'Have you got photos of that time?' he asked. 'I'd like to have a look at them – I only have a couple.'

'I have dozens,' Remus said. 'If you wanted to stay with us some holiday, you could go through them all, or we could send some up to you?'

'That'd be great,' Harry beamed.

The other students in the common room seemed to have melted away, and Hermione glanced at her watch.

'It's lunch time,' she said. 'Shall we go down to the dining hall?'

'Yeah!' Ron said enthusiastically. Hermione narrowed her eyes before laughing good-humouredly and leading the way through the portrait hole. She and Ron walked on ahead, Sirius and Remus flanking Harry.

'So how's your school work going?' asked Remus seriously.

Sirius rolled his eyes. 'Leave him alone, Re!'

Harry grinned. 'I like it,' he said, 'I mean, not school work, I like being asked. It's almost like – well, you know.'

'Yeah,' Sirius said thoughtfully. 'Like having a mum and dad.'

'I'm definitely the mum,' Remus said. 'And how are your studies going?'

Harry laughed. 'Alright. I mean, some stuff I'm not so good at – like Transfiguration. But I like most of it. Potions is awful, but Defence is good, though we always seem to have crap teachers.'

'I hear no one stays more than a year,' said Sirius gravely. Remus glanced at him, but Harry hadn't noticed.

'That's probably a good thing,' he said bluntly. 'We've got Lockhart this year. He's complete crap!'

'Gilderoy Lockhart?' Sirius asked.

'Yeah. All the girls fancy him, but he's rubbish. On our first lesson he let all these Cornish pixies out and then ran away when he couldn't get them back in their cage. Lucky Hermione was there, she knew what to do.'

Remus and Sirius both laughed. 'You'd have thought he'd know all about it,' Sirius said. 'Defence, I mean.'

'It's pretty important for you all to learn,' Remus said with a frown. 'You should all be able to defend yourselves. You never know what might happen.'

'Do you think Voldemort's really dead?' asked Harry suddenly.

'Why do you ask?' Sirius said.

'Just wondered… I don't know if you knew what happened last year…'

'Not really,' Remus said.

'Well, there was a philosopher's stone in Hogwarts, and Voldemort tried to steal it. Well, it was him, but he didn't have a body. He was kind of – attached to Professor Quirrell's head. And I wondered if he could get a body ever.'

Remus and Sirius caught each other's eye. Sirius raised his eyebrows and Remus gave a tiny nod.

'No one knows to be sure, Harry, but Dumbledore doesn't think he is finished, and if anyone has a good idea, it's him.'

'Do you think he'll ever come back?'

'I think it's a distinct possibility,' Remus said slowly. 'But there is nothing to be done until he shows himself. I think it's important to be aware that he may come back.'

'All you can do is keep your eyes open, and if anything happens, tell Dumbledore ,' Sirius said lightheartedly. 'Let's change the subject eh? Talking about it won't help anything.'

They reached the dining hall and took seats next to Ron and Hermione. Remus risked a glance up at the staff table; Snape was absent, but Dumbledore was. He twinkled at Remus, who smiled back, before setting to the important business of eating.

'I'd forgotten how much I liked Hogwarts food,' Sirius said happily, leaning back on his chair and patting his stomach contentedly.

'I hope that's not a dig at my cooking,' Remus teased him archly.

'I wouldn't dare,' Sirius told him mock-earnestly.

The afternoon passed pleasantly enough, the five of them chatting idly about a hundred things, but nothing serious. Time went quickly, and when Remus looked at the clock on the wall, he let out a yelp.

'It's quarter past six! Sorry chaps, we'll have to dash! We've got a guest coming tonight… I haven't got any food in or anything!'

Sirius laughed at his worried face. 'It'll be fine,' he told him.

'It was lovely to see you again, all of you,' Remus said. 'Sorry about the abrupt departure… my friend is desperate to tell me off about something,' a shadow passed across his face, 'and I don't want to be late for her; it'll just be one more thing for her to tell me off about!'

'Great to see you all,' echoed Sirius. He and then Remus gave Harry a bear hug before rushing out to Dumbledore's office.

They stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked at the phoenix.

'Hmm.'

'Yes.'

At that moment, the stairs creaked open, and thankfully, the two men ascended the stairs. Dumbledore was up there, beaming at them.

'I realised I hadn't told you boys the password!' he chuckled. 'Are you leaving us?'

'Yes – we've got someone coming round for dinner,' Sirius said.

'Well, it was lovely to see you both,' Albus said with a smile.

Sirius flooed out first, leaving Remus and Dumbledore standing together in the office.

'Remus – if you ever need any assistance…'

'I know,' Remus replied seriously. 'Thank you, but I'm sure everything will be fine.'

'I hope to see you soon.'

'I'm sure you will,' Remus responded with a lop-sided grin before following Sirius back through the floo network to his house.

Dumbledore was left in his office, staring thoughtfully at the flames. He was interrupted by the grating voice of Scorpius Anderson, a former Slytherin headmaster whose portrait hung also in the office of the Minister of Magic.

'In my opinion, the werewolf is far too optimistic.'

'I fear he may be.'

'Your understandable fondness for him stops you from seeing clearly. You are well aware how things for his kind stand at present. They are treated abominably.'

'I know,' Dumbledore said sternly. He sat down heavily in his chair and attempted to concentrate on school business but anxiety gnawed at his brain, and eventually he gave it up as a bad job and went for a bubble bath.


	22. Dinner with Jane

My dearest dear readers, here's the next installment (along with a recipe I've taken the liberty of including for your enjoyment. See, I love you so much!). I hope you find it satisfactory.

* * *

Remus arrived home even more dishevelled than normal, and immediately began to panic.

'We've got no food in! What on earth am I going to make? I'm such an idiot! Oh Merlin, and Jane's going to have a go and I just don't want to talk about it and -'

'Remus, breathe,' said the calm voice of his lover, and Sirius appeared from the kitchen with a glass of red wine. He handed it over and dropped feathery kisses on Remus's neck, the sort that made his knees tremble. 'I'm sorting it. You've got everything for chilli con carne – well, chilli con veggie mince.'

'I have?'

'Everything but kidney beans, and you're going to trot down to the shops and get some, along with some wine – this is the last glass – and by the time you come back, it'll be almost ready. Then you can have a shower and make sure you're looking your usual, devastatingly handsome self.'

'Sirius Black, I love you!'

'Well, I had rather hoped that you did,' grinned Sirius.

Remus donned his jacket and picked up his wallet and keys.

'Just kidney beans and wine?'

'Yep – oh, and a bit of natural yoghurt or sour cream if they have it.'

Remus dashed a quick kiss on his lover's lips, swigged his wine in a most unglamorous fashion, and left the flat.

Sirius started chopping onions (wiping away tears), chilli peppers, red peppers and mushrooms, and while they softened, dug out the vegetarian mince that seemed a staple part of Remus' diet and added that, along with tinned tomatoes and a dash of Remus's abandoned wine. Then he sniffed, and started adding spices.

Once the olfactory test had been passed, he boiled the kettle and set the rice simmering. Then he chopped ingredients for his patented salsa, before washing up all his used things, turning the heat down, and going for a shower.

He heard the front door open and close, and Remus fiddling about in the kitchen, before the bathroom door opened and a very naked werewolf joined him in the shower.

Twenty minutes later, two very clean and happy men emerged to dress.

'It's lucky Jane's a lesbian,' Remus commented, eyeing up Sirius. He was wearing jeans and a green t shirt, and looking delectable.

'I'll say,' Sirius echoed, a lascivious look in his eyes. He pulled Remus towards him and began kissing him as though recent events had given him some more ideas, but just then the doorbell rang.

'Bugger,' Remus said, brushing his wet hair in a slapdash fashion as Sirius answered the door.

'Hello Sirius you old hound,' he heard Jane greet his lover, and chuckled inwardly at the aptness of her salutation. For the millionth time, he yearned to tell her the truth about his life to date; the _whole_ truth. He knew she loved him and would do her best to understand, but, well…

_I just _could not_ bear it if it drove her away_, he told himself sadly, the way he always ended these grapples with conscience and confidence.

With that, he left the bedroom and made a beeline for his friend. Her red hair was standing on end, testament to the wind outside, and her cheeks were flushed.

'Remus, my love,' she exclaimed and hugged him, almost winding him in the process.

'Hello Jane, sweetheart,' Remus said, beaming warmly down at her. 'How are you?'

'How do you think I am?' she asked, immediately fired up. 'I'm devastated! How could you quit, and leave me like that? You must be mad! You love your job and, if I'm honest, I don't think Sirius gives two hoots about English literature, except insofar as it concerns _you_!'

Sirius grimaced. 'That's a bit harsh Jane!' he said with a smile, trying to lighten the atmosphere and change the subject, if only a little.

'Oh come on,' Jane said with a grin. 'I wasn't born yesterday, even if Remus, bless him, couldn't see what's in front of his face.'

Sirius shrugged. 'Ah, you're right I suppose.'

'Sirius, is dinner nearly ready?' Remus asked suddenly. Sirius recognised this for the blatant attempt at getting rid of him that it was, and obligingly scarpered.

'Jane, I am really sorry about it all,' Remus told her. 'I know you think I'm throwing away my career – and I suppose I am – but I just couldn't bear it if you didn't understand why I did it.'

'Remus love, of course I understand,' Jane replied, her eyes soft and melting. 'You didn't want it all dragged through the mud, I understand. You thought they were taking the easy way out, trying to make Sirius the scapegoat rather than you. And they were, the bastards. If he'd been a girl, or if you had, it wouldn't have been half as much of a big deal. That idiot Meering spends half his days trying to get fresher girls into bed, the wanker, and he gets away with it.'

'I can't imagine he had much success though,' Remus said with a shudder.

'Ooh Remus, you bitch,' Jane teased him, but gently. 'Seriously though, I think you did the right thing – the _noble_ thing, if you will. Oh hark at me, getting all courtly. Just one more thing, and then I promise I'll stop going on about it. Do you have any idea who ratted on you?'

'I know who it was,' Remus said softly, 'but I've not told Sirius. He'll be so angry with the person – they hated each other at school.'

'Another school friend?' Jane asked in a surprised manner. 'I didn't think you kept in touch with anyone from back then.'

'Just this one man, well, and some of the teachers.'

'So why on earth did he do it?'

'He, this is a bit embarrassing, he _likes_ me, you know...'

'He loves you,' Jane corrected.

'Er, yes, so he says. And he doesn't like Sirius at all. A moment of madness, I think, on his part.'

'You've forgiven him, haven't you,' Jane said, having watched him closely.

'Yes, I suppose so,' Remus replied thoughtfully. 'I honestly don't feel angry with him. It's almost as though everything was too perfect before, and I knew it couldn't continue like that, so it's almost like breaking a spell, almost a relief not to be waiting for something to go wrong.'

Jane bit her lip, but did not express the pity she was feeling. _Jesus, what must his life have been, that a boyfriend and a job constitutes 'perfection'?_ she wondered. _Poor Remus._

She hugged him once more, this time gently and affectionately, and stretched up to bestow a kiss on his chin, which was the highest part of him she could reach. At that moment, Sirius poked his head round the door.

'Oi, get off my boyfriend, woman!' he exclaimed.

Jane and Remus both laughed.

'Dinner's ready,' Sirius said, 'when you've _quite_ finished!'

The other two obediently let go of each other and followed him into the kitchen, where a strong and intoxicatingly delicious smell was hanging heavy in the air.

Remus padded over to the hob and was sniffing hungrily at the big pot of chilli simmering there. Sirius picked him up around his waist and carried him over to the table, depositing him with a kiss.

'You'll just have to be patient,' he told him with a smile.

Jane, meanwhile, was opening a bottle of wine and pouring glasses while Sirius dished up the dinner, then they sat down to eat.

'Oh Sirius, you do know the way to a girl's heart,' Jane exclaimed after one bite. 'This is amazing! I wouldn't even be able to tell it was vegetarian,' this last with a face pulled in Remus's direction.

'I can't believe I cook with those rabbit droppings that Remus refers to as mince,' Sirius told her, 'but I have got used to them.'

'They're quite healthy,' Remus told him earnestly.

'That doesn't recommend them to me,' Jane said. 'I like healthy food only if I can't tell it's healthy! No celery for me.'

'I feel like I should eat as well as I can, because of the smoking,' Remus said. 'It's silly though – I might as well eat whatever I want, because the smoking will get me anyway.'

'I see what you mean,' Jane said. 'By the way, weren't you on about giving up sometime soon?'

'I suppose I'd better, now that I'm officially jobless,' Remus said light heartedly. 'It's an expensive habit.'

Sirius and Jane exchanged glances but no more. Remus seemed in a good mood and he was eating with a real appetite. Admittedly, he was getting through his wine rather quickly, but who were they to judge?

Neither of them could truly appreciate how much Remus's job had meant to him. Of course, Sirius could still vividly remember how Remus had been when he had been thrown unceremoniously out of the St Mungo's training program; his brave stoicism but, when he thought no one was looking, his face of desolation. Sirius didn't know but could guess how Remus had strived to find something else worthwhile that he could spend his life working for. Jane probably had a better idea than Sirius of how much Remus loved his job and his books; she had a similar passion, but she freely admitted that she preferred research to teaching.

For Remus, though, the job he had done for so many years had fitted his nature to perfection. His love of the books he taught about was palpable, and many of his students had contracted the same love through his enthusiasm. Teaching open-minded and knowledge-thirsty young people how to understand the literature that people had written years before had satisfied his generous nature immensely. Even the mountains of marking that went with that had not dented his fervour, the occasional truly remarkable essay that someone produced spurring him on to even greater heights. He gave of his time with abandon, and formed close relationships with the few students who valued the novels, plays and poems as he did and wanted to talk about them, but he would also help the less able students. In short, he found something to like about virtually every student who knocked on his door, and was never happier than when one of them contradicted a firmly held critical thought and backed it up with textual evidence.

He was finding it hard to believe that all that was behind him, and that he would never again energetically defend a story-book acquaintance who had erred or an author who had appeared to support something that was anathema to the average modern liberal English student. It was like a bad memory that he tried hard to keep from the forefront of his mind, but which would sometimes escape its restraints and impose itself on his consciousness with the power and pain of a physical blow. Remus, though, had had a lot of practice at not thinking about things, and much of the time he managed to ignore the gaping hole in his existence which his new joblessness had made.

The evening progressed happily. Jane and Sirius had really hit it off, and Remus was happy with how freely they spoke to each other. They both made much of him, and made sure that his glass was always full and that he didn't have to do the washing up. He knew what they were doing, and being loved by two such people made him very happy. He had a full stomach, a warm glow from the wine, and was convinced that all his troubles would resolve themselves somehow. He could find a job tomorrow.

The three of them went into the lounge once the kitchen was spotless. Remus lit a cigarette and flopped onto the sofa, leaning gently against Sirius. Jane took a seat in the battered but comfy old chair in the corner, but sprang up again with a yell.

'What on earth was that? Remus, why do you have a stick in your chair?'

'A stick? What are you – oh, blimey Jane, don't point that – Merlin!'

Jane had set fire to the lamp in the corner. She dropped the wand, for so it was, with a yell.

'What the _hell_ was that?' she demanded.

Remus and Sirius looked at each other with something approaching alarm.

'Come on boys, tell me!' she demanded, kneeling down to inspect the wand. It lay on the floor, looking like nothing more than a shiny stick. She prodded it and it emitted a few sparks, which made her yell again.

'I think you should sit down, Jane,' Sirius said. He walked over to the wand and picked it up. 'It's yours,' he said, and handed it to Remus.

'Yes, I must have just dropped it before I went shopping,' Remus said distractedly. 'I suppose a demonstration would be the best thing.'

He pointed the wand at the lamp and said '_aguamenti_.' Instantly, the fire was doused in a stream of water.

'What – how did you – oh my god!' Jane stammered.

'It's my wand,' Remus said matter-of-factly.

'Your _what_?'

'My wand. I'm a wizard, and so is Sirius. That's why we have such funny names, and why I have a wand.'

'You can't expect me to believe you,' Jane scoffed. 'That's the most bizarre thing I ever heard.'

'Nonetheless,' Sirius said with a twinkle in his eye, 'it's true.'

'Unbe-fucking-lievable! Why didn't you tell me?'

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you,' Remus said apologetically, 'but we're not supposed to tell muggles – non magical people. And besides, I'd put all that in the past until very recently.'

'But why? That's amazing! Holy buggering fuck, this is ridiculous… Will do you another spell?'

Remus grinned. 'Go on then.' He flourished his wand and produced a bouquet of flowers, which he presented to Jane. 'I can also do rabbits out of hats, in case you're interested.'

'Oh _wow_,' Jane said, sniffing the flowers. 'I'm hallucinating, or more pissed than I thought… surely not! But, Remus - you were wasted on the university! You could do anything!'

'I wanted a quiet life,' Remus said with a smile. 'It's not such a big deal when you grow up this way.'

'Good lord,' Jane breathed. 'Well, sadly I don't have any bombshells that will compare to that! But it's brilliant guys. I just don't understand – why do you do such mundane things? Not wanting to be rude – heaven knows, my life's mundane enough – but it just seems like you ought to be – I don't know, out there, magicking stuff. Are there lots of other wizards? Are there witches?'

'There are,' Sirius grinned. 'Plenty of both.'

'But as to why we don't live in that world any more,' Remus continued, 'not all magic people are good. When we were growing up, there was a terrible threat to our world. And, when we were young, our best friends were killed. It took the attraction out of it, you see. Personally speaking, I wanted to be as far away from that as I could. I wanted to move on.'

Sirius nodded. 'I left the country – I abandoned Remus,' his voice cracking slightly, 'to try and find somewhere else that I could be happy. It turns out I was running away from the one thing that could really let me find peace again.' He looked sappily at Remus, and then shook himself like a dog. 'Urgh, sentimental. But it's true.'

Jane listened, spellbound. When they stopped talking, she asked, almost against her better judgement, 'What was this threat?'

Remus looked down at his long white hands, and spoke softly.

'A wizard called Lord Voldemort had gathered an army of wizards and witches that he called Death Eaters. This army was attempting to take over this country, killing wantonly and torturing as they went. They were fought by a group known as the Order of the Phoenix, led by Albus Dumbledore. This is the man who was headmaster of our school, and still is.

'It appeared to all of us as though Lord Voldemort could not be opposed, but then – he decided to go after a baby, Harry Potter. He murdered Harry's parents, Lily and James, and then tried to do the same to Harry. For some reason, no one truly seems to know why, the killing curse he used rebounded from Harry, and struck Voldemort instead.

'After that, the Death Eaters were fragmented, and easily rounded up. Most were put in prison, although some managed to escape this by claiming they were acting under the Imperius charm; it makes you do as the caster of the spell dictates, you see.'

'I do see,' Jane said quietly.

'There's one more bit,' Sirius said suddenly. 'Harry is my godson and we've just got back in contact with him. It's really great… though I feel very ashamed of how long it's taken.'

'I can understand why you decided to live like – what was it you called us? Muggles,' Jane responded. 'This world might be a bit mundane, but I can see why mundanity would be what you wanted. Bloody hellfire boys. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it!' She shook her head. 'Good lord.'

Remus and Sirius smiled at each other. 'You took that surprisingly well,' Sirius said dryly. 'I take it as a personal compliment that you didn't scream and leg it.'

She grinned. 'I've read far too many fantasy novels in my life! It was only a matter of time before one of them turned out to be true! And besides – I know you. I know you're not evil or whatever. I'm not scared of you – whatever you can do with those wands, it can't be worse than what you could do to me without wands, if you were murderous psychopaths – not that I think you are, of course!'

Remus blanched slightly.

'Actually, since we're in the mood for confessions Jane, I have one more.'

Sirius looked at him, his eyes wide with concern. He raised an eyebrow – _are you sure?_

Remus gave a little nod back.

'You know me well… you know I'm a decent person, that I would never hurt someone on purpose -'

'What have you done?' Jane asked sharply, alarmed.

'I haven't done anything, nothing at all. It's more a question of what I am.'

'Something else, as well as a wizard?' Jane asked nervously. 'Something bad?'

'Yes, something else, and something bad.'

'Hang on Re, it's not bad like you're making out – Jane, it sounds worse than it is, and you've not to be scared, Remus would never put anyone in danger…' Sirius put in concernedly.

'What?' demanded Jane, sounding more than a little frightened.

'I'm a werewolf,' Remus admitted, his head down.

Jane's eyes widened. 'Now I _have_ really heard it all,' she said uncertainly.

She sat bolt upright, looking as though some internal struggle was raging in her mind. Eventually, she reached forward and picked up her wine with an unsteady hand. She took a bracing gulp before leaning back in her chair and taking a deep breath.

'So what the hell does _that_ involve then?' she said, in a much more normal voice, and curled up her legs under her.

Remus looked up, his face alight with happiness – and relief. 'You're staying? You're not afraid?'

'Damn right I'm staying. I want to know if all those ridiculous books I've read have got their facts straight,' she said with a twinkle.

At that moment, Sirius could have kissed her.

* * *

Kat and Steve's chilli con veggie mince (with a bit of help from Kat's mum)

Serves four, or thereabouts, but freezes well

**Chilli sauce  
**A dash of olive oil  
One white/red onion  
One red pepper  
A fair few mushrooms (about 10 little ones)  
Half a packet of frozen vegetarian mince  
Three tins of plum tomatoes in juice  
Red wine  
One or two chilli peppers (depends how hot you want it!)  
Chilli powder (ditto)  
Cumin  
Oregano  
Coriander (dried is easier, fresh is nicer)  
Vegetable stock powder  
4-ish bay leaves  
Brown rice

**Salsa  
**One avocado  
Fresh coriander  
Two fresh tomatoes  
Another red onion  
Natural yoghurt/sour cream

**Recipe**

Cut up the onion and chillis and put it to soften on the hob on a low heat with the oil. Follow up with the pepper and then mushrooms, cut up smallish. When the veg seems softish (probably about 10 minutes) whack the veggie mince in. Stick the tinned toms in too, cut up small (or buy chopped tomatoes! I never seem to manage this) and a bit of red wine and stir all together. Stick in maybe 2 teaspoons of stock powder, a fair bit of cumin and coriander (probably about the same, 2 tsp), the bay leaves and one teaspoon-ish of oregano. Then the chilli powder! Caution! Do not touch any tender part of you or your loved one when chilli is on your hands! The chilli powder should be added to taste, dependent on your heat threshold, but I like it hot, at least 3 teaspoons worth.

Leave that on a low heat and put the brown rice on, one small cup per person if you consider yourself an average eater. Brown rice takes maybe 40 minutes of simmering to cook, but keep tasting it.

Now cut up the avocado, fresh tomatoes and red onion into cubes, and shred the coriander and mix it up together. It should look as if the proportions of all four things are roughly equal.

**To serve**

Bosh drained brown rice on plates and add some chilli sauce on top. Then on top of that, put a good dollop of salsa and a blob of sour cream/yoghurt. Et voila!


	23. Werewolf XZ3289735

It might be too soon to say, touch wood, but I might have got my writing groove back. Huzzah! I'm in the midst of exams and I'm updating (it's therapy after a long day of study) - time will tell if I've spent enough time revising or not! I got lovely reviews for the last chapter, thank you all (I think perhaps all of us want to be Jane, and friends with two impossibly charming and charistmatic wizards. I know I do!) - I hope this chapter proves as satisfactory to you. Please let me know!

* * *

'So what do you want to know?' Remus asked Jane light-heartedly.

What he really wanted to say was _thank you Jane; I've not told many people that I am a werewolf, but apart from the Marauders, you're the only who's thought_ wow, a werewolf, that's scary, but it's still Remus, _and believed it enough to not be afraid of me._

Jane thought for a second.

'When you transform – you do it once a month, right? Full moon night only?' and Remus nodded. 'So, when you transform, what do you look like?'

'I think I'll have to refer you to Sirius,' Remus grinned.

'He looks like a normal wolf – big and grey and hairy! Big teeth and the rest. His eyes stay the same colour though.'

'So you stay with him?' Jane asked wonderingly. 'I mean, I thought werewolves – excuse me, Remus, but I thought they liked to bite people?'

'We don't _like to bite people_,' Remus told her, 'we have a compulsion to attack humans. But you mustn't worry about that; Severus Snape, the Hogwarts potions master, now makes me a potion that allows me to keep my mind when I transform. My senses are a bit wolfish – great sense of smell, higher cognitive function not so good – but I know who I am and where I am and who's with me.'

'What did you do before the potion then?'

'Cast hundreds of spells so no one could get in or hear me, and I couldn't get out. Sirius used to be with me during my transformations at school though – show her, Sir.' Remus was enjoying himself. For once in his life, he was openly telling someone about a whole hidden part of his existence that had had to be guarded as a deathly secret, and that person wasn't reacting with disgust or terror, but interest and curiosity and sympathy.

Sirius stood up and shook himself, then changed before their eyes into Padfoot.

'For fuck's sake!' Jane said, laughing. 'This is amazing!' She reached out a hand to pet the big shaggy dog that stood where Sirius had been. 'Surely that's the last surprise! My poor heart won't stand any more!'

'I'm pretty sure that's it,' Remus told her as Sirius changed back into a man.

'So does it hurt? Transforming yourself, I mean.'

'It doesn't hurt me,' said Sirius, seeing Remus was slightly reluctant to attempt putting into words what becoming the wolf cost him each month, 'but it hurts Re. A lot.'

'Oh you poor poor thing,' Jane said sadly. 'And there's no cure, is there?'

Remus shook his head. 'But I'm used to it,' he told her truthfully. 'It's not ideal but I'm used to it. As long as I don't bite anyone, it's fine.'

'If you bite someone, will they become a werewolf?'

'Yes.'

'Have you ever…'

'No, oh no, thank heavens,' Remus said, his voice hoarse.

'Who bit you?'

'A werewolf called Fenrir Greyback. He's amongst the worst of our kind – when he is about to transform, he waits near populous areas in order to have prey. I used to feel sorry for the wolf that bit me, knowing as I do how I should feel, but now I know he is not to be pitied.'

Jane was pale at that but tried to laugh it off. 'So you aren't all nice,' she said unevenly.

'I think there is more potential for evil in the magical world,' Sirius said thoughtfully. 'I mean, lots of you muggles are rather unpleasant – yourself a noble exception – but you generally don't act as badly as us wizards and witches. There is a lot of power in having a wand.'

'You say that, Sirius, but unfortunately the muggle world is full of famine and murder and rape and war and the rest of it,' Jane said. 'We're just as downright nasty as you lot. It seems like it's human nature to seize any opportunity of doing down one's fellows.'

'Gosh, we've got all a bit serious,' Remus said. 'I think it's too early in the evening for evil, isn't it?!'

Jane laughed. 'I for one surely am not drunk enough,' she acquiesced, and refilled her glass. 'Need a top up?'

Glasses refreshed, the three of them settled down for a good long chat – gossip about the university, magical minutiae, Hogwarts school (which Jane listened to open-mouthed and frankly expressed a desire to go and study there), the benefits and downsides of red wine as compared to whiskey (which was the next alcoholic beverage consumed), each of their top five books (Remus of course plumping predictably for _Middlemarch_, Jane selecting _The Canterbury Tales_ – 'Geek!' – and Sirius deciding finally, slightly shamefaced – 'I'm not embarrassed, but both of yours were such literature-y books!' - _The Hound of the Baskervilles_).

'Because it's got a huge spectral hound in it?' asked Jane not-so-innocently, causing she and Remus to crease into drunken laughter while Sirius attempted, in a rambling sort of way, to defend his choice, whilst at the same time admitting that of course, giant magic dogs were the best feature in any story and ought to be far more widespread in the literary canon.

'…even though he's not magic, everyone still thinks he is and that makes it almost as good,' Sirius concluded.

'Hear hear,' Jane said and giggled. 'Good god, you've got me pissed. I should go home.'

'Stay for one more,' Remus attempted to entice her by waggling the whiskey bottle.

'No, no, I'll be sick in the taxi,' Jane told him. 'I've had a lovely time, thank you both, delicious company and amusing food – no, other way… you must keep in touch with me.'

''Bye Jane,' Sirius said, and hugged her.

'I'll walk you down to the taxis,' Remus told her, and donned his coat with some difficulty.

He let them out and they tottered down the stairs and out into the night.

'That really was lovely, thank you,' Jane said, and gave him a smooch on the cheek.

Remus hugged her tight, almost too tightly for comfort, and whispered 'Thank you,' in her ear.

'For what?' she whispered back.

'For being lovely and not scared,' he told her.

She smooched him again, making him laugh.

'It's a pleasure,' she said honestly. 'How many girls can say they're friends with wizards, hmm?'

'About – the other thing, mostly,' Remus said.

'Oh, _that_,' she dismissed it with a wave of her hand, 'fuck it. I don't care. It doesn't make a difference, does it?'

Remus hugged her again before handing her into a black cab.

'I'll see you soon, love,' she called, waving out of the window.

Remus waved until she was out of sight before turning around and meandering back up the stairs and into the warmth of his flat.

'Oi Sirius! Sirius! I want you!' he called.

''m in bed,' called a sleepy voice.

'My favourite place!' Remus cried happily, and was soon in there with him after a slight mishap with a trouser leg that culminated in him falling on the floor and becoming hysterical.

'She's wonderful, isn't she?' he said to Sirius.

'She is,' agreed Sirius, 'although not quite as wonderful as you.'

'Because, you know, apart from you, I can't think of anyone who'd not be scared of me when they found out I was a werewolf.'

'They're all stupid,' Sirius told him certainly.

Remus snuggled up closer. 'Are you sleepy?'

'Yes! Why?'

'Oh, nothing.'

'You know, I'm not _that_ sleepy.'

'Oh good,' said Remus contentedly. 'I'd rather hoped you weren't.' And he laughed, a throaty, hoarse chuckle that sent pleasurable shivers down Sirius's spine.

* * *

Both of them had rather sore heads in the morning, but apparently nothing compared to Jane, who had had not only alcohol but some rather unusual revelations to contend with. She left a message on their answerphone – they'd heard it ring but were too tired and unwell to get up and answer it.

'Good morning you shits. I feel like hell, like some godawful troll was banging about in my head – do you have trolls, by the way, in Magicland? Forgot to ask. Anyway, I was phoning to thank you for yesterday, but thanks for nothing! Got to go and dose myself up on painkillers. Lots of love, bye.'

Remus had laughed wearily, before rolling over and groaning.

He and Sirius spent the day watching old films, talking about inconsequentialities and drinking orange juice whilst the rain beat down outside.

They went to bed early, Remus telling Sirius 'Tomorrow is the day I find a job. Got to send a letter to the Ministry asking about werewolves and jobs in the morning, and then I'll go wandering about the town and see what I can find.

Sirius said nothing, just looked guilty and upset.

'Hey,' Remus said gently, 'Don't get all miserable on me, okay? I don't mind, so neither should you.'

'I feel responsible for all this,' Sirius said helplessly. 'I'm so so sorry Re.'

'I know you are, but I wish you wouldn't be,' Remus told him. 'I'm a grown man and I made my decision, and I know it was the right one.'

'You know you don't have to get a job straight away,' Sirius said. 'I've got plenty of money.'

'I found your accounting notes,' Remus said with a worried little laugh. 'And that's not exactly true, is it? Yes, we'd be fine for months, maybe even a year, but sooner or later it would catch up on us. Better that I get something now. Besides, what would I do all day, if I wasn't working? I'd get bored!'

Sirius smiled reluctantly back at him. 'I know. But, oh Re…'

'Shh,' Remus said masterfully. 'I'll sort this out. And it's _not_ your fault.'

'I wonder who told them about us?' Sirius said idly.

'No idea,' Remus said. His heart failed at the thought of telling Sirius it was Severus Snape. After all, they had to see Snape every month, and although it would be hard for relations between the two men to become any more tense, he thought that the situation probably could get even worse. He knew he ought to tell Sirius at some point, but he kept putting it off.

'You surely don't have enemies,' Sirius said, 'and I don't have that many.'

'Don't think on it,' said Remus firmly. 'It's not worth it. What's done is done, and now we've to make the best of things.'

'You're right,' agreed Sirius. 'I've got a 9 o'clock lecture tomorrow; do you want to get up with me?'

'Sounds good,' Remus said, 'as long as we can set the alarm half an hour early.' And he winked a wink that there was no mistaking.

Sirius laughed. 'Lord, I've heard of stamina, but you are ridiculous!'

Nonetheless, he did as he was bade, and set the alarm before turning in gratefully.

* * *

The next day, Monday, dawned as grey and damp as the previous one. The two men were woken up by the buzzing of the alarm, at which Remus leapt out of bed.

'Up you get, sleepy head!'

'Mrph.'

'Oi! I'll steal the covers if you're not careful!'

'Re, why on earth are you so bloody cheerful?'

'Today's the day I'm going to get a new job!' announced Remus optimistically.

Sirius said nothing, just extricated himself from the covers and peeked out of the window.

'Lovely day for it,' he said ironically.

Remus joined him. 'Urgh,' he said. 'Oh well. I've got a brolly, I'll be okay. What do you want for breakfast?'

'You're a star!' Sirius bestowed a kiss on his lover's stubbly cheek. 'Scrambled eggs please.'

They ate together, eggs and toast and coffee, before Sirius left the flat. Remus cleaned up the breakfast things before gathering a quill, some parchment he'd dug out of a drawer, and a bottle of ink.

_The Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds_

_The Ministry of Magic_

_London_

_Dear Master/Madam,_

_I am registered werewolf number XZ3829735, _he wrote, and grimaced. He hated referring to himself by a number, hated the way it made him feel. Nonetheless, that was what the Department expected, and to get a job offer allowed. He continued -_ currently living in Sheffield, and vouched for by Albus Dumbledore._

_I have recently had cause to leave my job, and am intending to find a new one in a muggle establishment. I believe this is legal. I shall inform you if I receive an offer that I intend to take and will await your permission before commencing employment. I hope this fulfils current policy._

_Yours faithfully,_

_Remus Lupin_

_Werewolf XZ3289735_

He sealed it and paused. Where to get an owl in Sheffield? Or perhaps he could send it with his charm?

He decided to attempt the charm; if it did not manage to penetrate Ministry security then it would be returned instantaneously.

'_Transmitio epistolium_!'

The letter vanished, and showed no sign of reappearing, so Remus quickly wrote out a CV, including references from jobs he had had years ago, but not his most recent post.; he didn't know if he'd be able to get references from the university. It meant that fewer opportunities, and less enticing ones, were open to him, but he promised himself he would find something better if and when he contacted Eleanor and she let him know.

He drew out his wand and waved it, and instantly there were twenty copies of it. Grinning somewhat smugly at his wandwork (after all, it had been a long time since he had practised much magic) he tidied up his writing materials and made himself ready for exposure to the elements. Donning a raincoat, scarf and ridiculous shapeless hat, he picked up his umbrella and stepped reluctantly outside.

True to form, the Sheffield weather was most unpleasant. The rain was heavy and seemed to penetrate with ease even the staunchest wet weather gear. Remus trudged down the road, avoiding the worst puddles but still managing to get his feet wet.

He went in every pub, bar and café he passed; _It'll have to do, at least til I find out_, he thought to himself. Deciding he would leave employment agencies until he found out about his references, he distributed his CVs quickly to bored-seeming, gum-chewing, teenaged-looking staff before making his way back home.

It was heaven to get back in, pull off his dripping clothes and get into the shower. Steam filled the bathroom as he soaped himself and sang happily. It was good to have got things in motion, and now he had the prospect of gainful employment his heart was lighter.

Getting out of the shower, he heard a letter arrive by spell. He dried himself and padded into the living room, leaving steaming footprints on the floor.

_Werewolf XZ3289735,_

_Your letter was satisfactory although we need details as to why you left your previous employment for our figures._

_Send us details of the offer of employment you intend to accept prior to accepting it and we will inform you as to whether you are permitted to accept said offer._

_The Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds_

Remus read it through and grimaced.

Just then, the door opened and an extremely damp Sirius walked in.

'Hello my lovely,' he said. 'What a welcome!'

He walked over and bestowed a deep, voluptuous kiss on his lover's mouth before noticing Remus's face.

'What's up?' he asked, worried.

Remus proffered the letter, which Sirius read.

'The bastards,' he muttered as he saw how they had addressed Remus, then 'the bastards!' he exclaimed loudly once he'd finished. 'The way they talk to you…'

'Like I'm an animal,' Remus said, his brows together. 'Still, that's the first hurdle cleared. Seems like they'll let me take any job I want.'

'That's good,' Sirius said, unconvinced. 'Still…' He crumpled the letter convulsively, and dropped it on the table by the door.

'Why don't you have a shower and I'll make some lunch?' Remus asked him, changing the subject.

'Why don't you help me off with these horrid wet things, and I'll nibble on _you_?' rejoined Sirius.

Remus laughed, approved the new plan, and enthusiastically set it in action, the letter immediately put to the back of his mind.


	24. Job Hunting

Evening all. A little later than anticipated, I humbly offer you chapter 24. As always, reviews are much appreciated but not necessary. Also, I haven't had flames for a long while, so if you're reading this and think it's perverted filth, let me know! I always enjoy a giggle at the expense of the stupid. If you think this is perverted, you should try reading Jack/Ianto _Torchwood_ fics!

Without further ado (except to say that if I put the effort into medicine that I do into fanfiction, I'd be a bloody brain surgeon by now, and I can't tell you how much I wish I owned the lovely Remus, but sadly he is Sirius's) ...

* * *

A couple of days passed, and then Remus received a phone call.

'Hello, is that Remus Lupin?' said a male voice at the other end of the line.

'Yes,' Remus said, and crossed his fingers.

'Hi there. It's Ianto from the Moonlight Café. We received your CV a couple of days ago, and we'd like you to come in and meet us, if that's okay?'

'That's fine,' Remus said, and grinned. The Moonlight Café was a slightly shabby and comfortable establishment in a bohemian quarter of town. It had been in the local papers recently for flouting the smoking ban. Other than that, its most notable feature was the bookcase filled with tatty paperback classics for use by the patrons.

'When can you come?'

'I'm free any time. Today?'

'Today is good. How about two thirty?'

'That's fine. I'll see you then.'

'See you then, Remus.'

Remus replaced the phone on the hook and did a two-fisted air punch and a bit of a whoop. Yes, it was only a job waiting tables, but a job is a job, especially when you're worried about money, and if they wanted to see him, that meant they weren't put off by his lack of waiting experience.

'What on earth is going on?' demanded Sirius, walking in from the kitchen.

'Moonlight Café phoned. They want me to go in this afternoon.'

'How appropriate,' Sirius grinned. 'Good stuff. So I take it you just have to behave like a sensible and mature adult and then they'll give you the job. Gosh, that'll be a struggle,' he teased.

'Oi,' Remus said, and jabbed him in the ribs.

* * *

Later that day, Sirius had gone to a seminar and Remus was attired in a shirt and smart trousers. He put on his jacket and let himself out of the house.

The weather had proffered a brief respite from rain and wind, and the sunshine on his face made him smile. He walked into the half-full café and made his way to the counter.

When he received the attention of the somewhat dour young man who stood at the counter he gave his name and was ushered through a staff door and up some narrow stairs.

There were three doors standing closed, and as he eyed them somewhat nervously, a tall man with a wide smile opened one and offered his hand.

'Ianto Davies,' he said. 'You're Remus, right?'

'Yes.'

'Well, come through. Don't worry, by the way; this is only a formality. You've pretty much got the job. I just wanted to meet you before you started.'

Remus found himself in a clean room where books ruled supreme and furniture took a backseat. Perching himself gingerly on an armchair with a stack of paperbacks already on it, he looked at Ianto.

'So you've waited before? It's not like you need experience though – it's not hard work, easy to learn. I'm sure you'll be fine. I just wanted to ask you – this sounds rude and I'm sorry, but I'd like to know why you left your last job. It's a little incongruous – from lecturer to waiter.'

Remus had rehearsed a conventional answer but he liked the look of this Welsh man with his multitude of books, and instead answered naturally.

'I was offered the chance for either my partner or myself to leave the university. He's a student there. It's not sordid like it sounds – we're old schoolfriends, and he looked me up and came to study in my department. They wanted him to quit but I thought I ought to go instead.'

'And now you're looking for work to tide you over?' asked Ianto thoughtfully.

Remus nodded.

'Sounds fair enough to me,' he said. 'I know they're sticklers for propriety when things could be made public but are perfectly happy to turn a blind eye at other times. Sounds like you were unlucky.'

'Maybe, but I knew what I was doing,' Remus said with a shrug. 'It's well worth it… how do you know about the university's doings, anyway?'

'_My_ partner works there,' Ianto told him. 'They've been nothing but shitty to him for ages. Though,' he added with a grin, 'it's because he's a socialist and tries to ferment revolution at every possible juncture.'

Remus laughed. 'So anyway – I'm singularly unqualified for any sort of work other than this, or admin.'

'That's rough,' Ianto said softly. 'Please consider this interview finished, and yourself employed. I have a few other questions for my own satisfaction.'

Remus was slightly apprehensive.

'Firstly – your favourite book.'

Remus grinned, relief mixed with pleasure at the prospect of working for this pleasant man who clearly shared one of his passions.

'_Middlemarch_… what's yours?'

'_The Secret History_, by Donna Tartt. You've read it? Excellent! That was quite the English lit lecturer's choice, by the way. Favourite author?'

'Oh – George Eliot, and I like Thomas Hardy.'

Ianto groaned and rolled his eyes. 'He's such a misery! Favourite poet?'

Remus bit a fingernail. 'It's difficult,' he said. 'Maybe Keats or Shelley? Wilfred Owen?'

'That's more like it, something a bit modern. What's your favourite poem by him? Owen, I mean.'

'I couldn't possibly choose one,' Remus told him after a little thought.

'Correct answer! I shouldn't have asked you your favourite book. My boyfriend says I'm a literary fascist. Hopefully it's affectionate.'

'Have you read _Regeneration_?' Remus asked him.

'Oh yes,' Ianto said emphatically. 'Loved it.'

Remus smiled. 'Me too.'

That segued delightfully into rhapsodies about Pat Barker's portrayal of Siegfried Sassoon and Wilfred Owen, the men vying with each other to pick out favourite lines and scenes.

'I'm looking forward to the conversations we'll have whilst we leave the customers waiting!' Ianto said.

'Is that a test, to make sure I'll not leave them waiting?'

'They don't come here for the service! Speaking of that, actually, I suppose I should take you for a spin on the coffee machine.'

'That would be good.'

'When can you start?'

'I can start,' a quick calculation about how fast the Ministry would get back to him, 'on Saturday?'

'Brilliant! Well, come downstairs with me, I'll give you a tutorial, and then you can come in on Saturday at 10.'

'Okay,' Remus said, and smiled.

The coffee machine proved easy to master, and Ianto waved Remus off from the doorstep with exhortations to bring the newest Charlotte Mendelson novel with him on Saturday.

Remus walked home with a spring in his step and found Sirius waiting anxiously for his return.

'You're looking at a working man!' he announced when he had received his greeting kisses.

'Re! That's great! Well done.'

'And my boss – Ianto – he's obsessed with books!'

Sirius gave Remus a hug. 'Should I be jealous?' he murmured, mouth close to Remus's ear.

'Perhaps you should!'

'Well… since this Ianto character isn't here to beat to a bloody pulp, I'll just have to show you where your loyalties lie…'

This threat had the effect of giving Remus the giggles but it worked a treat.

* * *

'Re…' Sirius began hesitantly as they lay in bed, bodies touching. 'I get the feeling that there's something you're not telling me.'

'You don't seriously think I'm going to run off with Ianto?!'

'Oh no! Not that. Actually, it's about you getting sacked. I'm sorry to bring it up,' Sirius apologised, feeling his lover's tension, 'but I just wanted to tell you – well, I can behave myself. If there's something you'd like to talk about in relation to that or anything else in the world, you can. Don't worry about me flying off the handle.'

'Sir… I know who wrote the letter.'

'And…?'

'I will tell you, I promise. I just – I trust you, you know I do, but I'm not ready to tell you. I'm still – I want to make sure it doesn't matter anymore before I tell you. Let me start work first.'

'If you're sure… it's up to you,' Sirius told him, though he was hurt at being left out of his confidence like this.

'I don't want you to be annoyed,' Remus said worriedly.

'I'm not annoyed – at least, not with you. I still want to rip the person who did it limb from limb,' Sirius said honestly, 'but I can wait.'

'Thank you,' Remus said, and nuzzled into him with such frank gratitude that Sirius felt mean at having pressed him.

* * *

Later that day, Remus was writing a letter.

_The Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds_

_The Ministry of Magic_

_London_

_Dear Master/Madam,_

_I am registered werewolf number XZ3829735. I recently wrote to you pertaining to a change of employment._

_I am writing to inform you that I have been offered a job at the Moonlight Café, 63 Hallam Lane, Sheffield, by Mr. Ianto Jones. This letter is to make sure that it is permissible for me to accept this offer._

_Yours faithfully,_

_Remus Lupin_

_Werewolf XZ3289735_

He sent it off with fingers crossed once more and went into the kitchen to do a bit of cleaning but was interrupted very quickly by the sound of an arriving letter.

_Werewolf XZ3289735,_

_This letter is to inform you that it is _not allowed_ for you to accept your offer of employment at the Moonlight Café._

_The Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds_

He held the letter between nerveless fingers for a few moments before grabbing a quill and ink.

_The Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds_

_The Ministry of Magic_

_London_

_Dear Master/Madam,_

_I am registered werewolf number XZ3829735, writing to query your denial of my accepting a job at the Moonlight Café. I was led to believe that this would be allowed._

_It is very important that I find gainful employment. If your decision cannot be reversed, would it be possible for you to inform me the reasons for this conclusion, and the nature of acceptable jobs for a werewolf._

_Yours faithfully,_

_Remus Lupin_

_Werewolf XZ3289735_

'Thought I heard something arrive,' Sirius said cheerfully, walking into the lounge with a pen in his inky hand. 'Was it the Ministry?'

'Yes. They said I couldn't take the job.'

'_What_?!'

Remus handed him the letter. 'I wrote back asking them to reconsider, and if they won't, to tell me what jobs I _can_ have.'

'Oh Re,' Sirius said, and touched his hand gently. He wanted to rant and rage, to shout and then to rush down to London and punch whatever faceless bureaucrat had written such a letter, but he knew it wouldn't help. He also knew that reaction was at least partly due to guilt.

Instead, they sat together on the sofa and awaited the reply.

Crack.

_Werewolf XZ3289735,_

_Our decision is final. You are not permitted to take up this job._

_Unfortunately, we are unable at this time inform you of acceptable employment. You should continue to apply for jobs and notify us before accepting any offers._

_The Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds_

'Would they rather I fucking starved?!' Remus cried.

Sirius looked at him; his sandy brows were drawn together, his face was pink and his eyes were sparking. He was so beautiful that Sirius could not understand how the answer to that rhetorical question was in fact _yes_.

The Ministry would rather creatures like Remus did not exist. Since even they balked at hunting down and murdering law-abiding people like Remus, ignoring their needs was second best.

_Just a job_, he thought miserably. _Re just wants to work, and they won't let him. _In that moment he finally fully understood just how much the establishment hated Remus's kind, and he caught a glimmer of how that would feel.

He sat very still on the sofa, at a loss.

'Say something, won't you?' Remus snapped.

Sirius recoiled as though he had been stabbed.

'Oh Sirius, I'm sorry,' Remus said immediately, and reached out a tentative hand. 'It's just…'

'I know,' Sirius said, 'well, I don't, but… Re, I'm so sorry.' He squeezed his hand.

It's just… sometimes it's hard to remember who it is who is hurting you, and who is trying to help you, even when there is nothing they can do to help. And when you can't retaliate at the people who hurt you because the only person there is someone trying to help, but you want someone, _anyone_, to hurt like you hurt.

'It's not the job,' Remus said.

'They're – I can't think of any word – they're bastards, and you're worth twenty of any one of them. Don't forget it!'

Remus tried to smile, without significant success.

'Suppose I'd better wait and see if someone else calls,' he said. 'Oh – I need to phone Ianto and tell him.'

An awkward phone call, that. Ianto was understandably confused, and hurt by Remus's weak excuse (some sort of departmental mix-up within the muggle government).

Even Sirius's hand in his own could not make that feel better.

* * *

The days dragged on. Remus went to interviews of varying degrees of formality, and was unanimously offered a job, and the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds just as unfailingly barred him from accepting those offers.

Sirius was worried. He was working reasonably hard at the university, and he found himself dallying in the library, taking excessive care over essays and reading around the subject far more than he needed to, to avoid going home and seeing Remus's determined cheerfulness.

Meanwhile, Remus was sinking. His spirits, usually resilient, were taking a battering from the constant futility of his job hunting. The house had never been so clean and tidy and he had read all the books he had been meaning to read for years. He had run out of things to occupy himself with.

Sirius had suggested outings – visits to Harry, trips to the Peaks or further afield, dinner with Jane – but Remus vetoed them one by one. He wanted to stay in, he said, in case someone phoned and this was a job he could accept.

One cold, rainy night, Sirius was making his way home from a particularly lengthy session with Beowulf. He let himself in to the flat, filled with a delicious smell, and was assailed by a smiling Remus who handed him a glass of wine.

'Hello, handsome,' Remus said.

'Hello yourself,' Sirius replied, not sure what had inspired this good mood but hoping against hope that Remus's quest had finally been successful.

'I made curry.' Remus grabbed Sirius's hand and dragged him into the kitchen to sniff the curry on the stove.

'Gorgeous!' Sirius exclaimed. Then 'you're in a good mood.'

'I've come to a decision,' Remus told him with a bright brittle edge to his voice. 'I'm going to take the job at the Moonlight Café.'

'But – the Ministry…'

'Fuck them,' Remus said defiantly, his eyes glittering and his voice hard. 'Fuck them all. I don't care.'


	25. Disappearance

Poor pups, the things I put them through...

* * *

Sirius was wide-eyed.

'Is that a good idea?'

'Yes,' Remus said firmly. 'They won't find out, will they?'

It wasn't a question that required answering. Sirius knew well that although easy-going as a rule, sometimes to a detrimental extent, when Remus dug his heels in he was not persuadable. It had happened at school, when he and Severus Snape had been potions partners, leaving James and himself to muddle through. He had endured all manner of taunts (some of which still made Sirius sick to recall) and cajoling but had remained firm. He and Severus were going to be partners throughout the NEWTs.

It had all gone wrong, though, when he had nearly got Snape killed by Remus.

Sirius wrenched his mind back to the present.

'You know we've got money for a while yet,' he said softly.

'It's not just money!' Remus exclaimed. 'I have to get out! I have to do something! And if I can't teach, well, I don't care what I do.'

Guilt seared through Sirius once more. _You'd have thought I'd have got a bit used to it_, he thought miserably. Knowing as he did, though, that Remus hated him feeling guilty, he kept quiet.

_I don't want to argue with him, _he thought. _This is my fault, no matter what he said – I came here and I ruined his life. But I hope I make amends in some ways, and one of those ways is to support him and let him know that I'm on his side. I'm always on his side._

He gave Remus a hug.

'Have you phoned Ianto?'

Remus was obviously relieved that Sirius was not going to call his decision into question any more.

'Yes. He was a bit taken aback, but pleased. I'm starting in a couple of days.'

'Good,' Sirius said, and smiled. He was worried still, far less blasé than Remus about his chances of working unobserved by the Ministry of Magic, but he had made up his mind.

Remus, meanwhile, was uncharacteristically nonchalant about going agin the government like this. Normally so thoughtful and considerate, weighing the pros and cons before he decided to do something, he had made his choice and he wasn't prepared to agonise over it. He could sense Sirius's worry but told himself that Sirius was simply being overprotective.

* * *

The next few days were blissful, like they had been at the beginning of their relationship. Remus was far more relaxed, no longer straining to appear cheerful, and Sirius had managed to shrug off his anxieties. They enjoyed their time together, cooking together, making love, talking books. They went walking one day, getting horribly lost but finding themselves in an ancient little pub that served decent food and better beer.

So it went that Remus was happy on the morning of his first shift. He dressed up reasonably smartly, put _When We Were Bad_ in his bag for Ianto along with his packed lunch, kissed Sirius a lingering goodbye, and strolled off down the road lightfooted.

Ianto greeted him with smiles, exclaimed with delight on being lent the novel and bundled him into a stripy apron.

'Very nice!' he said approvingly, and set Remus to work.

He managed pretty well, though not effortlessly. Unused to this sort of work, not always particularly dexterous (in fact sometimes quite gauche), he dropped a couple of cups and narrowly missed dousing a hippie in peppermint tea.

Fortunately, Ianto's clientele were fairly forgiving, as was Ianto himself. The hippie just smiled beatifically and made a couple of mystic hand passes to 'release his raging energies'.

A potentially dark spot occurred when one of Remus's third year students came into the café with a couple of friends. She did a double take to see her donnish ex-lecturer serving coffee in a tearoom, but was entirely lovely. She told Remus she missed his classes, that his replacement was nowhere near matching him, that the university administrators were stick-in-the-mud old fools, and tipped him lavishly. Still, Remus had to wipe a tear away surreptitiously once she went to sit down.

Ianto had seen this all (he was down in the café making sure his newest member of staff was coping with his new job) and he commanded Remus to take a break. He made him a coffee and ushered him outside before giving him an understanding smile and leaving him alone to sit on a brick wall and smoke and pull himself together.

By the end of his shift, Remus had got pretty nifty with the coffee machine and was fairly pleased with himself. He had befriended the other staff and got the hang of the till.

'I'm really glad you could work,' Ianto told him. 'I just hope you don't get bored with it!'

Remus shrugged. 'I'm sure I won't,' he said, though he wasn't entirely. 'Thank you for letting me after messing you about like that.'

'Ah it's alright. I know the Department for Work and Pensions rejoice in paperwork and bossing people about.'

Remus nodded uncomfortably.

'When's my next shift?' he asked.

'I haven't done the rota yet, but Tuesday is a bit empty, if that's okay?'

'Course it is,' Remus said and he removed his apron. 'I'll see you then.'

'Take care,' Ianto told him.

It was evening, the sky streaked with almost unnaturally beautiful colour and high thin clouds. It was still sunny but cold, and Remus shivered and walked faster.

Sirius had made dinner when he arrived home. He hugged him and asked him about his day, handed him a glass of wine and sat him down in front of a plate of stew.

He hadn't forgotten that Remus was going to tell him who had written the letter that had lost him his job, but he felt he shouldn't ask until dinner had been eaten. He kept the conversation light until the last pan had been washed up and left to drain and they went to sit in the lounge.

Remus was tense. He too was thinking about the letter, and Severus. He knew he needed to tell Sirius – he felt the distance that the whole episode had put between he and his lover, and hoped that the confession would bring the distance and the guilt to an end – but he was still nervous and, yes, a little frightened of Sirius's reaction.

'Before you ask,' he said calmly, 'I will tell you who. But I want you to know – I've put this off as long as I can, because I know how angry you'll be. The fact is, Sirius, I can't afford you to be angry with this person; I can't have you flying off the handle at him. I rely on him, and I can't have you drive him away.'

'You rely…?' said Sirius wonderingly. 'You – oh. _Fucking goddamn him to hell!_'

Remus looked at him, sitting on the sofa. Every muscle coiled like a spring so that he trembled from head to foot, and his face…

_I was right to be frightened_, thought Remus.

'The bastard,' Sirius said softly, then 'the bastard,' louder.

He got to his feet.

'I'm going for a run,' he said, his voice trembling like his body, his fists clenched so hard that Remus could see the knuckles livid white. Neither of them could look the other in the face.

'Sir -'

'I have to get out or I'm going to find him and kill him.'

The quietness, the suppressedness of the anger crackling round the room made it infinitely more threatening.

Remus let him go without a word.

* * *

Sirius pounded along the roads, not slowing down as he ascended the hills of Sheffield. Up through Crookes he ran and out into the Rivelin valley, and he didn't stop until he reached the great rock that overlooked the river.

He stood there panting desperately, caught his breath, and opened his mouth and screamed at the moon. No words, just rage.

He screamed until his throat was raw, his body arced elegantly backwards, and all he could think was hate.

He hated Snape for doing this, he hated him for everything at school, and he hated Remus for having to rely on him. He hated himself for being so angry that he could not stay and be with his lover. He hated the moon for changing his Remus every month, and he hated everyone who did not have look on powerlessly as a person they loved was torn apart and put back together with a little bit missing every time.

And then, it stopped. He hated Snape still, and he knew he probably always would, but everything else departed, and all he could think about was Remus alone in his flat.

_You deserted him, you bastard._

And so he took to his heels once more and ran back just as quickly, love pulling him back as surely as rage had spurred him on.

He had left without a key, and was about to knock on the door when he noticed it was slightly ajar.

_I'm sure I remember slamming it_, he thought slightly shamefacedly.

He pushed it open.

'Re? I'm back. I'm sorry I ran away. Re?'

No answer.

_Has he gone out? He'd never leave the door open would he? Although… he was probably upset_. Shame again.

Worry niggled at him, but he decided to have a quick shower and then go out looking for Remus, maybe phone Jane and ask her if she knew where he was.

He had just donned a clean t-shirt when he heard a crackling sound and then a whoosh and thud. He rushed into the lounge, his mind full of Remus, when he was brought up short.

'_You_!'

'I assure you, I am no more pleased to see you than you are to see me,' commented Snape dryly.

'What the fuck are you doing here?'

'Not very polite, Black.'

'I've just heard something pretty shitty about you, you know,' Sirius snarled. 'Something even more shitty than what I've come to expect from you.'

That disturbed Snape's equanimity somewhat, but only for a second.

'Someone who claims to be as attached to Remus Lupin as you ought to recollect that it is less than a week until full moon. I have merely come to deliver his Wolfsbane. If I am not welcome, then I shall leave.'

'No – wait. I'm sorry,' that word wrenched out like a healthy tooth clinging to the gum.

'Ah. You don't hate me enough to eject me when I can do you a favour.'

'If it was _me_ you were doing a favour, I'd throw you out quick as winking,' Sirius told him, imperfectly controlling his antipathy.

'Charming,' Snape murmured. 'Where is Lupin? This ought to be drunk directly.'

'He's – he's not here.'

Snape looked genuinely startled, as well he might. Remus took his responsibilities as a werewolf far too seriously to just disappear on a Wolfsbane night.

'Where is he?' he asked, and even Sirius could catch the note of worry in his voice.

'I don't know,' said Sirius, hanging his head.

'Ah, you lovebirds have had a fight.'

'If we have, it's _your_ fault!'

'Now, now, Black, play nicely,' he said, but distractedly, as though his heart wasn't in Sirius-baiting. 'Have you no idea where he might be?'

'No,' Sirius said unwillingly. 'I was going to phone his friend, Jane.'

'I think it's best that you do,' Snape said soberly, and he sat quietly as Sirius made the call.

'No idea,' Sirius said after hanging up, and took a couple of breaths to try to slow his heart down a little.

'Come on, Black. Where we he go?'

'He might have gone to the place he works at… one of the parks… the university's library – hang on, I'll see if he's taken my card.'

'No,' he said on his return from checking his wallet. 'He can't have gone there. Perhaps I should go down to the café he works at.'

'We need to find him,' Snape said, his loathing of Sirius forgotten in the more immediate trouble. 'This needs drinking soon, but…'

He broke off.

'But what?'

'Nothing,' Snape said. 'Just thinking aloud.' He did a half-hearted glare to stop any further questions, but it was the concern on his face rather than the glare that quelled Sirius.

_My god,_ he thought irrelevantly. _He really cares about Re._

'I'll run down to the café,' he said decisively. 'You stay here. I have one of those muggle mobile telephones – I'll write down the number, and you call me if he comes back.'

He suited the word to the action, grabbed his coat and then paused by the door.

'We'll find him,' he said with certainty, and then looked embarrassed and left quickly.

Snape was left alone in the flat to brood on the possible fates that had befallen Remus.

_If something has happened, then it's all my fault_, he thought miserably, and angrily smeared at a rogue tear that had found itself in his forbidding eye. _If _that_ has happened…_

No amount of wiping could contain the deluge that followed that pioneering tear. Only the thought of Sirius coming back and seeing him crying could go any way to holding them back.

So it was then when he heard the key in the door and started up expectantly, his eyes were only faintly pink and Sirius was in no mind to notice them.

'He wasn't there,' he said, his face red from more running but filled with fear. 'And I guess he's not back.'

At that moment, Severus Snape resented him more than he ever had before. The reason? For being allowed to be worried about Remus, for being the one who might know where he had gone, for being the one who would be comforted for his loss if something had happened to the werewolf.


	26. Panic and Plots

Yo dudes, here's 26. Thank you so much for all your kind reviews. It gladdens my soul to think of you spread out over the world and reading this silly story of mine.

* * *

Remus was sitting on the sofa, staring into space. He knew he'd done the right thing, the only thing that could be done, but he felt empty.

Not entirely empty. He felt hurt. How could Sirius run out on him like that? How could he not tell that Remus needed him there?

The rational, compassionate, Remus-ish side of Remus understood, though, and felt intense pity for Sirius. Sirius was a man with a white-hot temper that needed an outlet. By removing himself from the situation, he was protecting Remus from seeing how angry he was, and also from doing something he might regret to Snape, something that might jeopardise Remus's own safety.

_In fact… it's lucky Sirius has gone out. Severus is due in about an hour or so, and Hecate knows what he'd do._

And so, he picked himself up off the sofa with a weary sigh, tidied away a few bits and pieces, and tried to focus his mind on a book.

His patchy concentration was marred, however, by a distant crash, and then the sound of footsteps thumping up the stairs. He looked up from his book with a frown: his neighbours were usually quiet. Then he heard the footsteps stop outside his door.

_Fuck_.

He stood up as the door crashed open. Four figures stood there in heavy black robes.

'Stupefy!'

Remus Lupin fell like a stone and knew no more.

* * *

_Why am I sleeping on the floor? Why – ouch. Ouch. Why am I hurting?_

He opened his eyes.

'I'm not at home,' he said aloud.

He was in a small room, bare breeze blocks for walls, no windows. There was a heavy metal door, firmly shut. A bucket stood in the corner. Nothing else.

He stood up slowly, his head spinning, before rushing over to the bucket and being thoroughly sick. His stomach clenching painfully and his head still feeling awful, he gently lowered himself onto the floor.

_Where am I, and how did I get – oh. Those people. People came and knocked me out. I've been kidnapped! Don't be stupid, Lupin, why would you get kidnapped? But then why am I here? Have I done something wrong? – shit. Ianto, the café. The Ministry. I bet that's where I am. They must have found out._

A cold shiver ran down his spine as he remembered. Panic rose in him like a laugh at a funeral and he clapped a hand over his mouth as he fought it.

'Oh shit,' he whispered.

Remus had, unsurprisingly, heard the stories about the fate that befell werewolves who ended up in the custody of the Ministry of Magic. It was all he could do to stop himself from screaming.

When he was a very little boy, he had been warned what would happen if he caught anyone when he was a wolf. The horror of hurting anyone had been sufficient to make him careful, but those stories had stuck with him.

He had heard terrible things… torture with beatings and silver and knives and _crucio_… fights with other werewolves at full moon for the amusement of the guards… becoming the subject of vivisection and other unmentionable experiments. He had heard of werewolves who had been locked up here forever, forgotten in their cells. Some had starved, others had succumbed to the cruel treatment or to infections. He had heard of werewolves sent to Azkaban for minor infractions. He had heard of slavery.

He closed his eyes. _It will be okay. Sirius will come. Now think of something else._

He began cataloguing his hurts. His head – he could feel a bump coming up on one temple and – what was that? – they'd shaved his head! He ran a hand over the prickles.

'I had been meaning to cut it anyway,' he said to no one, and then started laughing and found he couldn't stop, even when a guard opened the door to his cell and walked in.

'Werewolf XZ3289735, stand up.'

Remus looked up, still laughing.

'No!' he choked out. 'My name's R-Remus Lu- ha ha! It's R-r-r…'

The guard flicked his wand at the hysterical werewolf and calmly cast a _crucio_.

Remus yelled, then clenched his teeth and trembled as every axon in his body conveyed a message of pain to his brain.

'That's better,' the guard said malevolently. 'Werewolf XZ3289735, stand up.'

Panting, Remus stood. It seemed the preferable option.

'These are your new clothes. Get changed.'

The guard didn't bother turning away, so Remus shed his clothes deliberately, standing defiantly naked in front of him before pulling on his new attire – scrubs-like garments in grey.

'Now show me your number.'

Remus complied, baring an upper arm to show the small, regular line of writing that denoted his status and which he always hid.

The guard prodded it with his wand, sending an exquisite torture throughout Remus's skin. When, at last, he took his wand away, Remus's legs were shaking. He looked down at his arm. After the number, there was a big red letter 'P'.

'Stands for 'prisoner',' the guard said. 'On your release, we'll wipe it. That is, if you get released.'

The expression on Remus's face was apparently humorous, because whatever he saw there made him laugh, and he was still laughing as he picked up Remus's own clothes and left the room.

Remus stood in his cell, arms wrapped round himself in a futile effort to stave off the cold, and wondered what on earth was to become of him.

* * *

'There is something you need to know, Black.'

Severus's face was blank, as impossible to read as the Mona Lisa's.

'The Department have been catching half-breeds, werewolves and the like, recently. It's some sort of Ministry-approved clampdown.' He saw the horror on Sirius's face, and deliberately continued. 'But not Remus – he wouldn't do anything they don't allow. I'm sure he's just gone off somewhere, and he'll be back soon.'

The colour drained from Sirius's face and he sat down heavily.

'What have they been doing to the people they catch?' he asked.

Snape looked at him narrowly.

'What has that ridiculous werewolf been doing?' he demanded angrily.

'He started work without permission. They kept saying he couldn't take any job he'd been offered. In the end, he started working anyway. He didn't think they would find out.'

'And you didn't try to stop him?'

'Of course I did, Snape! But you know what he's like sometimes…'

Snape nodded brusquely.

'You didn't answer my question,' Sirius said tentatively. 'What have they done to the werewolves they catch?'

Snape looked down at his hands, stained in many places with chemical splashes.

'Mostly they just lock them up,' he said evasively.

The evasion went unnoticed. Sirius was pacing about the room babbling half-formed plans about rescuing Remus. Snape, meanwhile, sat very still and tried to quench his panic.

'We don't know he's been captured,' he said suddenly, and Sirius stopped his incessant motion with a deadened look in his eyes.

'Why else would he miss taking his Wolfsbane?' he said dully.

'We don't _know_. We should go to Hogwarts. It is possible the Headmaster may have had news about Remus's whereabouts.'

'You're right. Albus will know what to do. Let me just write a note, in case he does come back.'

Snape nodded, and left.

_Dearest Re,_

_I'm so sorry about earlier. I hope you can forgive me._

_I was worried about you, so I went with Snape to Hogwarts to speak to Albus. Floo there as soon as you get back so I know you're safe and you can take your Wolfsbane._

_I love you._

_Sirius_

He was leaving the note by the front door when the doorbell rang. He started, then leapt up and wrenched it open expectantly.

His heart sank. Jane.

'So you haven't found him?' she said.

'No,' Sirius admitted.

'Any ideas where he could be?'

Sirius was virtually dancing with impatience to get to Hogwarts as he replied.

'Snape – someone from school – reckons he might have been taken by the Ministry, because he had an illegal job. He's gone to the school to talk to the Headmaster, and I'm going too.'

'I'm coming,' Jane said calmly. 'Shall we drive? I have my car parked outside. I rushed down here when you were so cagey on the phone.'

'But – you – it's – well, I shouldn't think you'd be allowed.'

'Because I'm a muggle? Fuck that, Sirius. I love him just as much as you do, even if I don't want to shag him.'

Jane's red hair was standing on end and, despite her small stature, she could be pretty commanding. Sirius caved.

'We're going by floo,' he said. 'Come on.'

Jane opened her mouth to question this, then shut it and followed Sirius into the lounge where the fire was still burning. He took her hand, put his wand between his teeth, and then dragged her after him into the fire.

'Don't let go of my hand,' Sirius warned, before following Snape to Hogwarts.

* * *

Dumbledore and Snape were waiting for them when they stumbled out of the grate, Jane coughing ash.

'Who is this?' Snape demanded with a glare. 'What took you so long?'

'Severus, Severus,' Dumbledore said mildly. He held out a hand to Sirius, not to shake but to give a comforting squeeze, although his blue eyes had lost their twinkle. He then proffered his hand to Jane.

'I'm Albus,' he said kindly. 'I take it you are a friend of Remus's?'

'Yes,' said Jane, 'I'm Jane, and I'm a muggle. Now, what about Remus?'

'Goodness,' Dumbledore said distractedly, 'a muggle in Hogwarts.'

'I've spoken to the Headmaster,' Snape said, focused as ever. 'He thinks there is a very good chance that I am right. Werewolves, vampires, half breeds of all kinds – they are being arrested on the slightest pretext and imprisoned. I think it unlikely that they are being sent to Azkaban, as the Ministry fear a certain – _sympathy_ – growing up between they and the Dementors. Unfortunately, Fudge is being as obstreperous as ever, and has previously been refusing to talk to the Headmaster about this. Perhaps, though, he should be our first port of call.'

'I'll wring it out of him!' Sirius said loudly. 'I'll bloody well – '

'I think it best that the Headmaster speaks to him,' interjected Snape dryly. 'If he is agreeable.'

'Of course,' Dumbledore said. He turned to a portrait on the wall. 'Vulpecula, if the Minister is in his office, would you please ask him if he could give me a few minutes of his time?'

'Certainly, Headmaster,' said the red-haired witch there, and disappeared from her portrait.

'Holy suffering fuck,' Jane murmured, which raised a smile from Dumbledore.

There was a crackle as a fire leapt to life in the grate, and then a round head, topped with a lime green bowler, popped through the flames making Jane jump violently.

'Well, what is it Albus?' asked the Minister impatiently. 'I haven't got all day.'

'Ah, Cornelius, thank you for responding so quickly. I would like some information, if possible. It seems likely that one of my ex-pupils, a werewolf, has been arrested by the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds. I would like you to confirm this, and outline to us the steps that we might take in order that he be freed.'

'Not asking much, are you?' Fudge replied irritably. 'They're a secretive bunch – bloody mavericks, too. There's no way I can be seen to be meddling in their affairs, and that's final.' He made to withdraw, but Dumbledore's voice dragged him back reluctantly.

'Do you know what they do to the people that they catch, Cornelius?'

'That's none of my concern,' Fudge replied stubbornly.

'How can you not care?' Sirius burst out suddenly, unable to keep silent in the face of this callous disregard. 'You're supposed to be our leader! You're supposed to look after us, not lock us up!'

Jane took his hand gently but firmly.

'What's it to you?' Fudge said rudely. 'The way I run my ministry is up to me.'

'It doesn't seem like you're in charge!' Sirius exclaimed. 'You don't even know what's going on!'

'What's one wayward werewolf to me? I have bigger concerns, m'boy.'

Sirius was close to physically attacking him, but Jane hung on to him.

'You'll make things worse for Remus,' she whispered, and Sirius acknowledged the truth of that. He kept his mouth shut.

'Hello, sir, my name is Jane Tomkins, and I'm a muggle.'

She paused to allow this to sink in. Fudge's eyes were popping out of his head, and he was sputtering somewhat.

'Now, I have a proposition to make. You make an effort – a _proper_ effort – to find out what is going on with Remus Lupin and where he is, and I won't tell all the newspapers that there are magicians living in our midst, stealing innocent people and locking them up.'

'Young woman! This is outrageous – preposterous…'

Sirius was gripping Jane's hand tightly. Snape was surveying her with something akin to respect. Dumbledore was looking worried but hopeful.

'I assure you that no one will believe you!'

'Oh, it doesn't matter. I have contacts…' she drew out that last word in an ominous fashion. 'I will certainly find an outlet for my story.'

Fudge was bright red. He was fiddling with his hat.

'This is blackmail!' he managed at last.

'Yes, it is,' Jane said flatly. 'So I think you'd better get on, hadn't you?'

Fudge disappeared without a word.

'Bravo, Miss Tomkins,' Snape said understatedly.

'It's 'Ms', actually,' Jane said, 'but you can call me Jane.' She grinned at him, and he smiled back uncertainly.

'Severus Snape,' replied Snape. 'A pleasure to make your acquaintance.'

For a split second, Sirius was so startled at Snape's unwonted politeness that he forgot to be worried about Remus. Only for a moment, though.

'You were brilliant,' he said warmly, catching Jane round the waist and kissing her on the forehead.

* * *

Remus had no way of knowing what time it was, or even if it was light outside or dark. His cell was permanently gloomy, its walls seeming to close in on him.

He knew, realistically, he had only been in there for a few hours, though how many he wasn't sure, but he was already more bored than he had ever been in his life. It was hard to believe, knowing as he did the potential fates awaiting him, but although every now and then fear rose in him like a tide, he managed to push it away and was left with only boredom.

Thinking about Sirius was too painful to consider. He had a fairly good idea of how his lover must be feeling, but he had absolutely no way of reassuring him that he was okay.

Dwelling on things was doing nobody any good, he decided, but how on earth could he distract himself?

'I'd kill for a book,' he said, wondering if anyone could hear him, and doubting they would care.

'Remus Lupin sat in his cell,' he began. _If_ _I can't read, I'll make something up._

_Actually, fuck it_, he thought. _I'm a bloody English lecturer. I've read thousands of books. It's about time I made up my own stories, time I left that manuscript of suffering alone and started writing some fiction._

'Once upon a time,' he began, then paused. _I'll start small_.

'Once upon a time, there was a restless man called Sirius, who was driven to wander the globe. It was an exciting journey with danger at every turn, populated by reckless and exotic people.'

_No, that's no good. I don't want to think about travelling, not while I'm stuck here, and I certainly don't want to think about the reckless and exotic people Sirius encountered before he came back…_

_I could sing something?_

'La la la la la la, da da da  
Well it happened years ago  
When you lived on Stanhope Road  
We listened to your sister  
When she came home from school  
'Cos she was two years older  
And she had boys in her room…'

He broke off. Thinking about his home town was not an option. He tried something else.

'I'll sing you one-o  
Green grow the rushes-o  
What is your one-o?  
One is one and all alone and ever more shall be so!'

He made it all the way through to the twelve apostles, smirking slightly every time he reached the two lily-white boys, but the last 'one is one and all alone and ever more shall be so' fell heavily into the silence of the cell and reminded him of how lonely he was.

The pain in his arm had receded, his head felt much better and his spirits had risen. This had the combined effect of letting him remember how hungry he was, and he started to feel afraid again. They would feed him, wouldn't they?

At that opportune moment, a small window in the door opened, and a tray was pushed through. The mysterious entity on the other side of the door said nothing, merely waited until Remus was holding the tray and then let go and slammed the window shut again.

Remus looked down at his dinner, and was not impressed.

Raw bloody meat, a grey hunk of bread, a tin cup of water.

He sat down and gnawed at the bread. He didn't eat the meat – how could he? – but he kept it. He had a feeling he might be grateful for it before too long had elapsed, and that feeling unleashed the dam he had erected in front of all his fears.

He put the tray carefully on the floor. A tear fell, then another, and he finally gave himself up fully to terror and despair.

* * *

A/N

'Babies' by Pulp (Sheffielders like our Remus. I feel certain he would appreciate Jarvis Cocker's brilliance).

Poor Remus eh? I can't believe how mean I can be to him when I put my mind to it. Lost his job because he fell in love, and now incarcerated by the Ministry. Things can only get better... can't they?!


	27. One Night

A couple of you, my lovely reviewers, have been pointing out glitches which unfortunately abound in this story (though no one has pointed out the one that bugs me the most: if Remus only has an MA, he's not a doctor! Rest assured, in the revamped story, he'll have a PhD). I'm indebted to you all, and I'd like to encourage all of you to let me know about errors you find. One day, this story will be finished, and then I shall tart it up and make it as accurate and consistent (plot- and grammar-wise) as is in my power (or one of you can volunteer... I can't pay but I can lavish gratitude and adoration on you via email).

* * *

Remus finally fell asleep, tired out with sorrow and fear, despite the stone floor and his thin clothes. Meanwhile, at Hogwarts, no one could sleep.

Sirius was not coping well with inactivity. He was wandering about disconsolately like a sleepy child looking for its favourite teddy. Dumbledore was sitting at his desk, reading immensely thick books three at a time. Snape had disappeared. Jane was sitting, twiddling her thumbs and gnawing at her fingernails.

'Sirius,' she said finally, 'why don't you show me about the school? I'm sure Albus could get hold of us if something happened, with one of those paintings or something.'

'I could indeed,' Dumbledore said, pushing his half-moon spectacles up his crooked nose.

Sirius shrugged, and left the room followed by Jane.

'This is the main hall,' Sirius told her when they reached the great arched space, 'and this is the dining hall.'

Jane was delighted with the enchanted ceiling.

'Could you do me one of these for my house?' she asked Sirius, and he cracked a reluctant smile.

They headed back out, making for the Gryffindor common room, but en route they passed a wide staircase heading down.

'What's down there?' Jane asked.

'The dungeons,' Sirius said, and shuddered.

Jane took his hand gently, knowing exactly what he was thinking.

'We'll find him,' she said softly.

'Jane, we _have_ to,' Sirius said. 'You can't imagine – my world, the people in it – they do such awful things.'

'Remus is tough,' Jane said sturdily, 'and we're damned persistent.'

Sirius squeezed her hand.

'I'm glad you came,' he said, and led her along corridors and up the moving staircases to his old common room.

The Fat Lady was there, smiling down at him.

'Hello Sirius,' she said cheerily. 'Who's this lovely lady? And where's Remus?'

'I'm Jane,' said Jane, 'just visiting. Remus stayed at home.'

'Ah, I see. Funny time of day to come visiting, though.'

'We're both night owls,' Jane said, entirely polite and with a charming smile, but nonetheless warning the Fat Lady that the conversation about their odd behaviour was at an end.

'Well, come in dears,' she said, and the portrait hole swung open.

The common room was deserted, the fire in its dying stages sending a flickering glow about the room.

'It's nice,' Jane said.

'I can't count how many hours I spent here,' Sirius said. 'Remus and James and Peter and I.'

'What happened with you boys?' Jane asked. 'I know that James was your godson's dad, and that Voldemort murdered him… but who's Peter?'

Sirius dropped onto a sofa.

'It's a long and miserable story,' he said wearily, 'but I suppose we're in the mood for it.'

Jane shrugged and sat down next to him. She ran a hand through her unruly hair.

'You don't have to tell me,' she said.

'I might as well,' Sirius said. 'What else are we going to do?'

And so he told her, all about his schooldays in Hogwarts, the four Marauders and their pranks. He told her about becoming Animagi again, about Quiddich and about Severus Snape and his role as their archenemy. He explained the gradual rise of the Dark Lord and the infiltration of the Death Eaters into the school. He elucidated the reasons behind James and Lily going into hiding, and how he had almost but not quite become their Secret Keeper, and how Peter had betrayed the young family.

Jane was a good listener, and she was spellbound by his story.

When he finally finished, Sirius looked her in the eye.

'You see why things are a bit fucked up here for us, why I left for so long,' he said. 'I've got some really happy memories, but they mostly involve Jamie, and I can't think of him and be happy. I could have saved him.'

'You did what you thought was best,' Jane said. 'I know it's no consolation, but how were you to know? You trusted this Peter. He was the one who let them down, who was the means to their deaths. You were nothing to do with it.'

'My brain knows it,' Sirius said, 'but I don't think my heart ever will.'

Jane bit her thumb nail pensively.

'How come Snape still makes Remus's medicine – what's it called? Wolfsbane? – still, after all those things you did to him?'

'Remus never did things to him – well, hardly ever, and only in retaliation, and only when we were really young. By the time he was fourteen, he never did anything. I think Snape knows that, no matter how much he hates me. You know, I nearly let Remus kill Snape when he was the wolf.'

'Shit.'

'It was probably the worst thing I've ever done, and I've done lots of bad things. I was jealous, purely jealous. Remus and Snape were potions partners. I hated Snape and I hated Remus spending time with him, and so I told him where he could find Remus at full moon.'

'Snape didn't know Remus was a werewolf?'

'No, and he was always nosing around trying to find out why he had so much time off school.'

'Why was he so interested in Remus?'

Sirius smiled a bitter little smile.

'He was in love with him. Still is, as far as I can tell. He invented the Wolfsbane for Remus, you know. Apparently he claims it was an academic challenge, but that's bullshit.'

'But he wrote that letter to the dean.'

'Don't ask me to try and fathom the way his mind works,' Sirius said. 'He's a twisted bastard, that's all I know. Probably part of that is my fault too. You know, he used to be a servant of – of the Dark Lord. He turned spy for us. Very useful, but I do wonder… perhaps it's our – _my_ – fault that he went over to the Dark Lord in the first place.'

'You were a little shit,' Jane told him, 'but you're not any more. It's time you stopped feeling so guilty. Blaming yourself isn't very helpful.'

Sirius smiled disbelievingly. 'I don't know about that. I ran off when Remus told me he was the one who wrote that letter. I thought I was going to come straight and here and kill Snape if I had a way to do that. And yet – perhaps it's my fault, for being so bad to him, that he became the sort of person who would do that – betray someone he loves.'

'Sirius, please don't. This is bad enough without you getting all maudlin. Besides, you've changed. You controlled your temper; you didn't take it out on Remus _or_ Snape.'

'But if I was at home, I could have saved Remus…' and Sirius's voice cracked.

'You couldn't! More than likely they would have just roughed you up, or maybe taken you as well. At least you raised the alarm early.'

'But Remus – he's all alone, god knows where, and he must think we're not trying to find him.'

'Sirius, Remus _knows_ you're trying to find him.'

* * *

Jane and Sirius had parted outside the common room. He had headed back up to Dumbledore's office, muttering an excuse but clearly unable to be away in case there was news and he didn't hear it immediately. He had pointed her in the direction of the library before striding off.

It took a while, but Jane finally found herself at the Hogwarts Library, and she found someone else there too.

'Severus,' she said softly, and he jumped half out of his skin.

'Oh, it's you,' he said with a token snarl, and looked back down at the book he was perusing.

'Charmed, I'm sure,' Jane said. She was wary of this dark, forbidding man in his voluminous black robes, and not simply because of what he had done to Remus.

'I'm busy,' Snape snapped.

'What are you reading?' Jane asked calmly, and Snape reluctantly displayed the book's title: _Magical Law and Half Breeds_.

'Looking for a loophole?' she asked quietly.

Snape nodded brusquely. 'Not very fruitfully,' he told her. 'Wizardkind seems to hate everything that is different, and the lawmakers make sure the path is clear for persecution.'

Jane shook her head. 'We might be behind you in a lot of ways, but at least legally we see everyone as equal.'

'You don't have to tell me what a disgrace this state of affairs is.'

'I know,' she said quickly. 'I'm sorry.'

'You were excellent at dealing with Fudge. Have you considered a career in politics?'

Jane laughed; she couldn't help it.

'Not really,' she said. 'I suppose working in a university requires certain politicking skills. That must be where I learnt it. I'm sure I used to be innocent.'

'We all were once,' Snape said wearily. He had given up on his book and was leaning back in his chair. His black eyes looked tired, his skin very pale.

'You ought to go to bed,' Jane told him. 'I'd wake you up if anything happened.'

'You don't even know where I live,' Snape told her.

'Albus would be able to sort something out,' Jane said confidently.

'I have no doubt… but I do not wish to go to bed. I feel certain I would not sleep,' Snape said. 'I sleep poorly at the best of times.'

_Poor bloke_, Jane thought, suddenly remembering Anna. _Remus doesn't half get under people's skin._

'When Remus told me he was a werewolf,' Jane said conversationally, 'I nearly freaked out. It was only a few weeks ago. But now I feel the urge to fight for werewolf rights.'

'Unfortunately, being a muggle, no one would listen to you,' Snape told her flatly. 'That's the problem with being magic kind. We think we're better than everyone else.'

'You do have some handy skills,' Jane reminded him. 'I accidentally set fire to Remus's lamp with his wand – didn't know what it was - and he just put the fire out with it. Much easier than running for a fire extinguisher.'

Snape laughed despite himself, and Jane was pleased.

'I suppose I take it for granted,' he said. 'Are you jealous?'

'Oh yes,' Jane told him frankly. 'I would love to be a witch. No more cooking, no more cleaning, just wave my wand!'

'Sometimes I'm jealous of muggles,' Snape admitted in a low voice.

'Why?'

'Oh – so many reasons. No Dark Lord – well, he's not your problem. No obsession with blood purity and lineage. Muggles just seem a lot _easier_, somehow. They seem more accepting of variation from the norm.'

_I wonder what exactly he means by that?_

'There are plenty of muggle bigots,' Jane said.

'I suppose it is human nature to want what you cannot have,' Snape said, then his face became still and grave as stone and Jane felt her heart constrict. Under all that scowling was a very unhappy man.

'It will get better, Severus,' she said.

'When? All my life… This is my fault, that Remus is in prison. I have done this. I just…'

Jane sat down opposite him.

'You'll make amends,' she said firmly. 'Remus forgave you ages ago for the letter.'

'I don't understand that,' Snape said, shaking his head.

'He's a very forgiving sort of chap.'

Snape smiled at that. 'I know,' he said tenderly. His black eyes were soft, then hardened. 'And I'm going to get him out.'

'That's the spirit,' Jane told him warmly. In spite of the bad things he had done, she had no hatred for Snape – only pity.

'The way I see it,' she continued, 'is that we have three options. One, that my blackmailing of that Fudge character works, and Remus gets released. That seems unlikely to me, but we can't rule it out. Two, that we go through the official route, get him out legally…' she lapsed into silence and stared off into space.

'Three?' prompted Snape.

'Let's say that one and two don't work, or don't look likely to work. Then we might have to take the law into our own hands.' She looked down at her hands, small and white and ink-stained, and clenched them into fists.

'That sounds a very reasonable summary of our potential choices,' Snape said formally.

Neither of them said anything, but they were both thinking about option three.

* * *

It was very late. Jane had fallen asleep in the library, her head pillowed on her hands. Snape had decided to leave her to sleep and, the letters in the musty old book having turned into dancing runes before his eyes, thought he needed a promenade to blow away the cobwebs. He was doing his best to suppress his guilt, feeling as he did that it was a hindrance to work, but as he wandered the lonely corridors of the sleeping school with nothing else to think about, it nestled in the pit of his stomach and made him feel like he would vomit.

'Fuck's sake,' he muttered. 'This does no good!'

Unfortunately, to be human is to be unable to entirely ignore strong emotion, and Severus was no exception (though he tried to be). He walked quickly about the school as though he could leave his tormenting emotions behind him.

He could not. All he could do was pace, and hope that the morning brought brighter news.

* * *

Sirius and Professor Dumbledore were sitting in silence, both still awake. Albus had made a couple of kind suggestions to Sirius – 'A blanket for the sofa perhaps?' – but had been rebuffed.

Sirius sat, staring into the fire to try to will Fudge to appear – or better still, Remus. Thoughts of the worst case scenario mingled with his natural optimism, so that in his mind, one moment Remus would come bounding in with a grin, but the next Fudge would come to tell them he had died.

He generally pitched his thoughts somewhere in the middle. Remus was captured, he was in a prison, but he was alive. It would take them a while to get him out, but soon he'd be pardoned and life could go back to normal.

It dampened his optimism, to look at Dumbledore. The great white eyebrows were low over his eyes, his forehead impossibly furrowed, and his mouth distinctly turned down.

Sirius returned his gaze to the fire. Minutes passed like hours. He didn't notice the cold fingers of dawn infiltrating the room at around six. He only stirred when Dumbledore got to his feet an hour later.

'It is a new day,' the headmaster said kindly, 'and hope rises eternal with the dawn, as does hunger. Come down and have some breakfast, Sirius, before the masses descend.'

He seemed to have aged twenty years overnight, but Sirius didn't notice.

'But what if Fudge -'

'I shall know,' said Albus, in a tone that flattened disagreement. 'You must eat.'

And so, at the end of that long and terrible night, they gathered Jane from the library and went to have incongruous bacon and eggs.

* * *

Remus _did_ know, but it wasn't helping. He was lying asleep on the floor of his cell, and he was dreaming.

_In his dreams, he was being chased, though he didn't know who by. All he knew was that he was terrified of whatever it was, and he was trying to run but his feet were sticking to the floor and he could barely lift his legs. He was screaming for someone to help him, and he thought no one was coming._

_Suddenly, though, Sirius was standing there with him. He was laughing and joking, and Remus was trying to make him understand that there was something awful behind him, but Sirius wasn't listening, and then the thing caught up with them. It was trying to eat Sirius, or kill him or something, and Remus was trying to fight it but he had lost his wand and his punches were just glancing off this thing. Finally, he realised – this thing was himself. It was a werewolf, himself as a werewolf, and it was attacking them both._

_He looked down and saw Sirius, bloody and still, and he knew that he had done it and he started to scream again._

He woke up with a start, his throat raw, a scream half-complete in his throat. His heart was pounding and he was trembling with fear.

'Only a dream,' he said. 'It wasn't real.' _I wasn't really killing the man I love._

The little window in the door of his cell opened, and he jumped. A shadowy face was looking in.

'Are you alright?' asked the face in a soft voice, strangely kind.

'I – bad dream.'

'Lots of the people here have them,' the shadowy face said. 'I can get you a potion for dreamless sleep.'

'I would like that,' Remus said, an understatement.

The window shut, and then opened five minutes later and a tin cup got pushed through.

'You have to drink it down,' said the voice, 'I have to take the cup. We're not supposed to give you anything like this.'

Remus got up and drank the potion down. He recognised the taste. Severus had made him this potion when they were both boys, several times.

'Thank you,' he said, and put the cup back on the window's ledge.

'You're welcome,' said the voice, and the window closed.


	28. Some Progress

When he awoke after what felt like a long and refreshing sleep, Remus could not make up his mind whether he had dreamed the episode with the potion. Surely none of the guards would do that for a prisoner?

The dream stuck with him too. He felt absurdly guilty, though he had done nothing. It was difficult to accept, though, that he could conceivably kill Sirius or anyone, and not know he was doing it, but still be responsible.

_Still, I've lived with that for almost as long as I can remember_, he thought. _I can understand why they want to lock us up though. They don't know how much the thought frightens me, and how careful I always am. It just takes one moment of carelessness and then… I know what's at stake, and I'm sure the other werewolves do too. But it only takes one of us to forget to take precautions one night and then someone gets killed._

He shivered. It was cold in his cell. _Is this what they have planned for the rest of my life? Locked up in here?_

'They can't leave me forever,' he said, but he didn't believe his own words.

At that moment, the door opened, and Remus leapt to his feet.

'Come with us,' said a man in black robes with a little embossed badge that Remus could not read without his glasses.

'Why? What's going on?'

'We're going to ask you some questions,' said another man, who was standing just outside the cell.

Obediently, Remus followed them through a maze of corridors, no idea where he was or where he was going. The men stopped suddenly in front of a nondescript wooden door and opened it with his wand. Ushering Remus inside, they followed him in, the door closing behind them with a dull thud.

'Sit down,' said the darker and shorter of the two, indicating a chair.

Remus sat.

'You would do well to answer all of our questions as fully as you can, and make our lives as easy as possible,' Short said, not kindly, but not cruelly either.

'We understand that you have taken an illegal job against the guidance of the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds,' said the other man, the ginger one.

'I was desperate,' Remus said, trying to be calm. 'I needed the money.'

'Why did you leave your previous job at the University of Sheffield?' asked Short.

'I was offered a choice, for either myself or my partner to leave. I decided to leave and allow him to continue studying there.'

'He was your student, is that correct?'

'It is,' Remus inclined his head.

'And so, you left. Why did you not decide to stay? After all, if money was so important to you, why risk not being able to find another job?'

'I thought I would be able to find another job easily,' Remus told him. 'I didn't want to stay on at the University after being offered such a choice.'

'I put it to you,' said Ginger darkly, 'that you left that job because you saw its limitations in the field of recruiting more people as werewolves.'

'That's ridiculous!' Remus cried.

'Is it? It seems more ridiculous to me that you left a good job purely because of the circumstances you describe. Your _boyfriend_,' (with a sneer), 'had hardly started his degree – he could easily have found a different place to study.' Ginger sounded totally unconvinced by his reasoning.

'They – I – I did not – I was so angry with them – they thought they were trying to help, offering an easy way out, saving face and keeping me on. I hated that.'

'That's as maybe,' said Short with a shrug. 'So you went on to take a job at the Moonlight Café, 57 Hallam Lane. Why did you take that job?'

'It was the first one that was offered to me,' Remus told him, 'and I liked the man I would be working for.'

'Fancied him, did you?' Ginger ground out. 'Or maybe… you thought he'd make a good werewolf?'

Remus looked up at him, visibly wounded.

'I have never done that to anyone,' he spat. 'And I never would. You have no right to accuse me of that.'

'Now now,' Short said, 'You're not in any position to be talking about rights. You are under our jurisdiction, and any rights you may have had are gone. You are in our custody, accused of most serious crimes, and you'd do well to remember that.'

'What serious crimes?' Remus cried, standing up and clenching his fists. 'I know I wasn't given permission to take that job, but I needed it, and besides, I don't see why I should seek your permission! I know I'm a Dark Creature but I would never put anyone in any danger!'

'Look here,' Short said, but he was interrupted by Ginger.

'You,' he said in a quiet voice full of loathing, 'are a filthy fucking werewolf and we will deal with you as we see fit. Now sit the fuck down!'

He grabbed Remus's shoulder and tried to push him down, but Remus resisted.

Ginger stepped back and drew out his wand in one fluid movement.

'_Crucio_!' he bellowed, and instantly Remus was being stabbed with twisting silver knives of pain so that he fell to his knees.

It felt like it went on forever, though it lasted barely thirty seconds, and when it finally ended, Remus looked up at his torturer with eyes misted by pain.

'Sit down and answer our questions,' Short said.

Somehow, Remus dragged himself into the chair and forced himself to sit upright.

'You know what I think?' Ginger said calmly, quite clearly not requiring Remus to answer. 'I think you took that job in the café to find potential victims to infect.'

'It's not an infection,' Remus gasped, trying to be rational though what was happening to him quite clearly did not follow any sort of logic or justice, 'I can't make anyone else a werewolf unless I bite them at full moon. I'm always very careful that that can't happen.'

'You take the Wolfsbane potion, brewed by Severus Snape, potions master at Hogwarts school, isn't that right?' said Short.

'Yes.'

'What do you do to repay him, eh?' asked Ginger. 'A quick fuck here and there? I know what you lot are like.'

'He doesn't require payment,' Remus told him, controlling his anger imperfectly so that his voice wavered. 'He does it because I am his friend.'

'Some friend,' Short commented. 'We know he was the reason you got sacked.'

'How do you – how?'

'We have our sources,' Short said. 'So, you take the Wolfsbane, and you also cast many charms to ensure you are imprisoned in your flat?'

'Yes.'

'I'd like to know what exactly it is you have over Sirius Black to keep him,' Ginger mused. 'A member of a family like his wouldn't be taken in by a shabby werewolf like you.'

'He loves me,' Remus told him through gritted teeth. 'Not that you'd understand that.'

'Not very friendly,' laughed Ginger. 'Been slipping him potions have you? Or maybe he's Imperiused?'

'He loves me,' Remus repeated.

'Where's he now then, hmm? Run off, hadn't he, left you to make things nice and easy for us? Maybe this was the only way he thought he could possibly escape you?'

'That's ridiculous.' _He's trying to bait you. Don't let him._

'How do you know he wasn't the one who shopped you, Remus?' asked Short.

'Sirius would _never_ -'

'How well do you know your boyfriend, monster?' taunted Ginger. 'How much do you trust him, hmm?'

'You bastard -' and Remus jumped up from his chair a second time, so violently that it fell over. He didn't remember that he was hungry and skinny and had no wand, he forgot about the retribution that surely awaited him for this act, he simply launched himself at Ginger to try and make him hurt the way he was hurting.

Short cast a shield spell that knocked Remus back, and it was Ginger who cast the Crucio a second time. This time, though, he didn't stop until Remus lost consciousness after long, long minutes of agony.

* * *

Breakfast mitigated the effects of the all-night vigil to an extent, but Jane and Sirius were yawning hugely as they went back up to Dumbledore's office and Severus Snape's cadaverous features looked even more alarming than usual.

'Can we get Fudge back?' Sirius had asked.

Dumbledore had acquiesced, but he told Sirius to wait. 'Cornelius is, fortunately, frightened of both me, and your excellent friend,' he told Sirius with a half-hearted twinkle for Jane. 'He will return soon.'

Dumbledore was right, of course. The four of them had barely got back into his office and started wondering what they ought to do, when the flames awoke with a roar and the Minster for Magic's head popped out through them. He looked nervous.

'I have found the werewolf Lupin,' he began, flinching slightly as he received a collective glare. 'He is currently detained within the Ministry of Magic's secure unit for half-breeds and magical beasts, and stands accused of various crimes. The head of the unit assures me that he is guilty of these crimes, and is a danger to the public.'

'What crimes?' Snape rapped out.

'I, er, that is classified information,' Fudge said.

'When is his trial?' asked Sirius.

'He is not entitled to a trial,' Fudge said incredulously. 'He is a werewolf!'

'I was afraid of that,' murmured the headmaster very softly.

'So when will he be released?'

'When he is deemed safe by the head of the unit.'

'Who is the head of the unit?' Sirius asked, but Snape answered him.

'Ophiuchus Alhage.'

'You aren't supposed to know that,' Fudge said angrily. 'Who told you?'

Snape merely shrugged.

'So,' Jane said carefully, 'Remus is locked up in your Ministry for an undefined period without trial until this what's-his-face decides he can be let out. Does this man have anyone to answer to? A committee?'

'That is classified,' Fudge repeated.

'Can we visit him?' Sirius asked unevenly.

'I have pulled some strings,' Fudge said, 'and two people, who have been cleared by the Ministry, may visit him at 3pm this afternoon.'

Sirius nodded.

'I need names now, to ensure that clearance can be performed,' Fudge continued.

The four looked at each other uncertainly.

'Sirius Black,' Snape, unexpectedly.

'And Severus Snape,' said Jane, and the men stared at her.

'Good,' Fudge said, and vanished.

'You did not have to volunteer me,' Snape said forbiddingly. 'I know you must wish to see him.'

'Of course I do,' Jane said.

'Thank you, then,' in a low voice.

Albus smiled approvingly at her.

'I think we ought to rest. Nothing can be done until then.'

* * *

Sirius and Jane flooed back to Remus's flat. Jane left Sirius at the door with a kiss on the cheek and a promise to be back by two o'clock before she drove off to her house.

Sirius was tired to his bones, but he had things to prepare. He knew the Dickensian nature of privilege in the custody of the Ministry; those who could afford it or who had friends could live fairly comfortably. Those who did not had to rely on the guards' charity for anything more than basic conditions.

He gathered up all the food in the house that could be opened by hand; bananas, oranges, bread, Marmite, dried apricots and raisins and a big heap of chocolate (he had discovered Remus's secret stash, an entire drawer of it), and put it all in a carrier bag.

He then went through to the bathroom and collected Remus's washing things, and some clothes and blankets – anything, in fact, that he thought might be needed. Then he raided Remus's book shelf for his favourites. He slipped in his own tatty copy of _The Hound of the Baskervilles _in too, for good measure. He put everything in a holdall he found on top of the wardrobe, and then collapsed on the bed and fell asleep almost straight away.

* * *

Jane was late. She was running up the stairs two at a time, when she cannoned into someone.

'Sorry,' she gasped, and made to carry on running.

A hand grabbed her wrist, and 'Slow down,' said a sardonic female voice. 'It's surely not that urgent.'

'Oh it surely is!' Jane panted. 'I'm late!'

'You'll never get there at this rate. I don't fancy having to call an ambulance because some scatty redheaded woman is lying at the bottom of my stairs with a broken neck.'

Jane laughed despite herself.

'Okay, lesson learned,' she said. 'I promise I will go more carefully. But I really have to go. My friend's in trouble and he… well, I have to go.'

'You know,' said the woman, 'I'm a solicitor.' She handed a card to Jane. 'If you or your friend need someone.'

'Thanks for the card,' Jane said breathlessly, and glanced down, 'Shami.'

'You're welcome,' Shami said, and let go of her wrist. 'Look after Remus, won't you, and don't forget to call.' She winked unmistakably and started to descend once more.

Jane stood stock still for a second grinning, then shook her head. _You never know when you might need a lawyer_, she thought as she tucked the card in her pocket.

She reached Remus's door and hammered on it until Sirius appeared.

'Sorry I'm late,' she said before he could berate her, although in truth it was only five past two. 'I was buying cigarettes for our filthy Fag-ash Lil.'

'Good one,' Sirius said approvingly. 'Never thought I'd say that. Now come _on_, woman.'

They flooed back to Hogwarts. Dumbledore was looking somewhat more normal but Snape was frankly sepulchral.

'Have you not slept?' Jane whispered to him.

He shook his head.

'So, are we ready?' Sirius asked Snape and Dumbledore.

Both nodded, and they flooed one after the other to the Ministry, leaving Jane and Albus standing in the headmaster's office hoping that the visit would go smoothly.

* * *

Sirius and Snape walked out into the great atrium of the Ministry of Magic into the hustle and bustle of a self-important political hub. There were young people scurrying to and fro carrying massive piles of folders, older and presumably more eminent people strolling around in a more leisurely fashion, maintenance witches and wizards in uniforms.

They manoeuvred their way to the reception and announced their arrival and their purpose to one of the receptionists who looked mildly impressed and told them to go to the basement floor and ask at the reception there.

More people-dodging and a couple of minutes in a cramped lift and they were there. Sirius recited the spiel once more and they were ushered through a locked door by an official-looking man who left them to wait in an empty room.

A couple of burly bored-looking security types finally appeared. They took Sirius and Snape's wands and put them in a box. Then they rummaged through Sirius's bag and passed their wands over both men. They carefully read the blurb on the back of each book, confiscated the clothes ('He won't need them'), and put them with the wands, but otherwise left everything and exited the room.

More waiting, then another official opened the door.

'You can go in one at a time,' she said. 'Who's first?'

Sirius volunteered himself, nodded a goodbye to Snape, picked up his bag and followed the woman. She didn't speak as they passed down a multitude of walkways and several flights of stairs. The route became progressively smaller and shabbier, punctuated by security doors which were opened by increasingly complex methods.

Finally they were in a corridor lit by lamps, no natural light, with stone walls and a series of metal doors with numbers stamped on them. The woman led Sirius to one of these doors, motioning to him to stand back as she opened the little window and checked on the prisoner.

Evidently this was satisfactory, as she closed the window.

'You have five minutes,' she said before opening the door.


	29. Visitations

The rate this story is going, it is going to take longer to write than _Catch-22_ (7 years, apparently). If I have any readers left, firstly, thank you, and secondly, I hope you find this satisfactory.

* * *

Remus had flinched when the window of his cell opened, but didn't look up as footsteps brought someone inside. He heard the footsteps falter and a dull thud of something dropping to the floor but he stayed in the corner, arms wrapped round his knees, head down.

Then, 'Oh Re!' said a familiar voice and he was up and in Sirius's arms in one bound.

'How did you get in here?!' Remus cried.

'Well… Jane blackmailed Cornelius Fudge,' said Sirius with a laugh.

'Jane? Fudge! Good lord, has she been meeting magic folks?!'

'She has indeed, and she's been to Hogwarts,' said Sirius. 'We've all been worried sick about you.'

Remus kissed him on the mouth, very firm.

'You don't need to worry,' he said. 'It's not nice but I'm okay, as you can see.'

'You don't look okay,' Sirius told him. 'I've brought you some things.' He indicated the bag. 'How are they feeding you?'

'The usual way… on a plate,' Remus said impishly.

'Yeah, yeah,' grinned Sirius, and hugged him tightly again.

'How long are you here for?'

'Five minutes,' he said reluctantly. 'It was all we could do to get in in the first place. But don't you worry, we'll be back, and we'll get you out soon.'

'I know you will,' Remus said, his voice stifled somewhat as his nose was pressed into Sirius's delicious shoulder.

'I brought books,' Sirius told him, and received a tight squeeze, another kiss, and a muffled 'thank you!'

'Don't talk with your mouth full,' he scolded, laughing.

'I miss you,' Remus said. 'And it's boring here.' He decided to say nothing about his interrogation. 'I've been singing – that's the only thing I could think of to entertain myself.'

'The poor guards,' teased Sirius. 'They'll _have_ to let you out before their ears start bleeding.'

Remus elbowed him in the ribs. 'So how is Jane?'

'Pretty shocked at the brutal ways of wizards, to be honest, and so am I. Did they ask you to come with them or did they -'

'Kidnap me? Yes, more of the latter, I'm afraid. Strangers at the door, then when I woke up I was here.'

'You poor thing,' Sirius murmured, his mouth close to Remus's ear. 'Be brave… I know it's easy to say, but… well, Dumbledore's on the case, so's Jane… I don't know which of them is scarier, to be honest. Snape's doing stuff too.'

'Severus?'

'Yes. Actually – he's here. They said two people could come and, well, Jane seemed to think he'd like to.'

Remus said nothing, bit his lip and looked down.

'We managed to come here today without fighting at all,' said Sirius with a laugh.

'It's a miracle!'

The time had gone by all too quickly. The official came back into the cell and reminded Sirius that it was time up. He left Remus with kisses and then ducked out quickly so his lover wouldn't see his lips tremble.

Remus was prepared this time, so that when the window opened once more, he got to his feet, squared his shoulders and advanced to meet Snape.

'Hello, Severus,' he said, and held out a hand to shake.

'Remus,' Severus said in a low voice. 'How are you being treated?'

'Two Crucios so far,' Remus shrugged. 'I expect worse.'

Snape nodded. 'It is well to be ready,' he said.

'Severus, I'm worried about the full moon.'

It was out, something that he felt he could not tell his lover because of the pain it would cause him, but he had to tell someone.

Snape nodded again. 'I would have brought Wolfsbane but it is too late,' he said.

'It's hard,' Remus said, his eyes looking past Snape, 'to think about it and wait for it. I doubt I'll get any sort of healing afterwards either.'

'It is unlikely,' Snape conceded. 'So I have brought a potion for that.'

He withdrew a little glass vial from his robes.

'This is the largest vessel I could conjure a concealing charm on,' he said, 'but it will help with both pain relief and healing.'

'Thank you,' Remus said, and took the vial.

'This is all my fault,' Snape said suddenly. 'I'm surprised you even let me in here.'

'I decided to take a job illegally,' Remus said calmly. 'I will not have you blaming yourself.'

'I'm sorry,' Snape said, and to both men's horror his eyes were suspiciously bright. He turned away for a second and wiped them on the sleeve of his robe.

'I could say _I'm sorry_ forever, and it would not be long enough,' he continued, 'but before I leave I have to tell you, we will be getting you out, by fair means or foul.' His mouth twisted into something that might have been a smile. 'I hope you are prepared to break out.'

'I have to get out,' Remus told him, his voice cracking slightly. 'They'd let me die in here.'

'You will get out,' Severus said, 'I swear to you.'

'Thank you,' said Remus. 'I know that you will do everything you can.'

'I'll get you out!' Snape cried, most uncharacteristically. '_I will get you out_!'

The door opened and he started, then turned to go.

'Thanks for coming,' Remus said, and hugged Snape.

It was only for a second but he could feel the tense potions master quivering.

'See you soon,' he said, and Snape gave a nod before escaping into the relative safety of the corridor, leaving Remus alone to cry, just a little bit, before pulling himself together and investigating the contents of Sirius's bag.

* * *

The return to Hogwarts was extremely subdued. Sirius's eyes were red and Snape was as white as a sheet. Jane and Dumbledore greeted them gently and waited for news, but neither seemed willing to speak.

'So how is he?' asked Jane eventually.

Sirius opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it. Perhaps he was unsure that he could control his voice, perhaps he just could not find the words.

'He is bearing up well,' said Snape heavily.

'Bearing up under what? What are they doing to him?'

Snape glanced ever so slightly at Sirius, and Jane understood.

'The poor boy,' she said, 'I cannot believe what those bastards are doing to him.'

Sirius swayed a little on his feet. Dumbledore saw this, and led him kindly to a nearby sofa.

'Have you eaten since breakfast?'

'I – no. I can't.'

Dumbledore put a consoling arm around the stricken man and began to murmur consoling words to him. Jane drew Severus away a little.

'What is happening?' she asked in a low voice.

'He is being tortured,' Snape said shortly, 'and he is anxious about the full moon.'

'Fucking fuckers,' Jane said, her face like thunder. 'This is so wrong!'

'I am going to ask the headmaster to call up a meeting of the Wizengamot to appeal,' said Snape. 'I hope that they will overturn this decision. But meanwhile, I think we ought to make plans. I do not have confidence in the legal method.'

'You think it's time to start making plans to get him out?' Jane breathed. 'You can count me in. By the way, what's the Wizengamot?'

Snape stared at her for a second. 'I forget that you are a muggle.'

'Not too many non-magic friends, eh?'

'Indeed. The Wizengamot is a council of elders. They have some jurisdiction and some power – power enough to see Lupin freed, I think.'

'So some sort of High Court? At the very least they should be able to stop those animals hurting him! Honestly, you wizards need an Amnesty International.'

Snape understood neither High Court nor Amnesty International, so he kept quiet.

'So…' Jane continued. 'Breaking out, hey? And how on earth are we going to spring him from a magic prison?'

'The Ministry is not as safe as Azkaban. We can be thankful he has not been sent there, but we must be fast because it is possible they will move him.'

'Azkaban… I think the chaps told me about that. It's an island prison, am I right?'

Snape nodded curtly. If Jane did not know about the Dementors, he was not going to be the one to tell her.

'So what do we need… hmm… well, we could do with blueprints. Do magic buildings have blueprints?'

'I assume by blueprints you mean plans. Yes, there are some for the Ministry. Kept secret, of course, but perhaps the Headmaster could acquire them.'

'We could do with finding out guard numbers and things. I assume we'll want to do this at night? Will we be able to get in without setting off some sort of burglar alarm?'

Snape found it somewhat trying speaking to a muggle. They used the same language and yet they had so many different names for things.

'There will be spells against intruders,' he said stiffly, 'but I cannot imagine I will be incapable of silencing them.'

Jane grinned a little despite herself at his self-confidence. 'Perhaps we ought to find out what they are anyway?' she suggested. 'Just in case.'

Dumbledore chose that moment to go over to them. His face was weary.

'I assume you are considering the options for obtaining Remus's release?' he said. 'If you need assistance, you need only ask.'

'Headmaster,' Snape said immediately. 'Would you consider convening the Wizengamot?'

'Severus, my dear boy,' said Dumbledore, removing his half-moon glasses and polishing them distractedly on his beard. 'It is already done.'

Snape bowed his dark head. 'Thank you.'

Jane went over to speak to Sirius, to discuss plans for both legitimate and illegitimate release of the incarcerated werewolf, but as she told Sirius what Snape had said, and asked questions about magical law, she glanced over to where the two teachers were standing.

Snape was, in fact, speaking about the alternative to the legal route for securing Remus's release. He and Dumbledore saw the risks far more clearly than Jane, but they also knew what Remus's fate could be.

'I know he broke the law,' Snape muttered, 'but he did not intend anyone any harm. Indeed, what do the Ministry expect werewolves and their ilk to do, if they cannot earn a living? They are lucky that Lupin got a job illegally rather than resorting to theft or… worse options than that.'

At one point, Jane saw Albus put a kind hand on Snape's shoulder. The younger man's face was stony and his body was tense.

_Poor Severus_, she thought. _This is such a mess. I'd have thought magic folk could arrange life a bit better, so it didn't have to be like this. Perhaps I'm best off being a muggle after all._

'I agree with you, Severus; you know how whole-heartedly. I will summon the Wizengamot as soon as possible and we shall discuss this. Unfortunately, I do not have the greatest confidence in our success. Many of our members are conservative, and some of them are bigoted. It is difficult to change the minds of people like that who are unable to see past Remus's condition.'

'They're fools!' Snape burst out, and Jane and Sirius looked up. He blushed a little and continued in a lower voice, 'We are little more than animals, we are worse than those so-called half-breeds. We treat so many people as though they were inferior because they differ too far from a norm than nobody has any say over. I do not even know who decided in the first place who would be inferior, but our society has evolved so it seems like these prejudices are set in stone. I can understand why a werewolf would join the Dark Lord, even, because of what he or she faces from us, the so-called 'good' side.'

Dumbledore knew what that must cost Snape, an admission like that. He chose his words carefully.

'What you say is true, but things are changing and they are changing, mostly, for the better. Two hundred years ago, muggle-borns were shunned and looked down upon by almost everyone, not just people like Tom's followers. And now - they have their schooling here, most people see nothing to hold against them, they are judged on their merits or otherwise. Our muggle-born students have parents who are proud of them for what they are. One hundred years ago, werewolves would be destroyed as soon as it was known what they were, whether they posed an immediate threat or not, whether they were in their wolfish form or not. Now, although we do not treat them as well as we ought, things are better. Not good, nowhere near good enough, but better. Change comes, Severus. Whether it comes slowly or quickly depends on the actions of individuals who have the ability to make a difference to the prevalent mood of the society.'

Snape was looking at the floor, but as Dumbledore finished speaking, he glanced up and nodded.

'Your Wolfsbane, Severus. That is someone making a difference to the welfare of werewolves. That is something to be proud of.'

'Headmaster,' Snape said, appearing to ignore the compliment but setting it away in the small internal store of good memories in his mind, 'if the Wizengamot will not release Remus, I am going to break him out from the Ministry.'

Dumbledore tightened his lips. 'You ought not have told me,' he said.

'I need your help,' said Severus candidly. 'I need plans of the Ministry. I need to know what sort of anti-intruder measures there are in place.'

'I can help you,' said Dumbledore, 'but this must be secret or the school will suffer consequences which, whilst I am willing to court for myself, are not to be thought of for Hogwarts.'

'Of course.'

'I will start working immediately. What area of the Ministry is Remus imprisoned in?'

'As far as I can tell, he was on one of the lower floors, in an annexe to the southeast of the building.'

Dumbledore nodded and moved over to his desk. Snape watched him for a second, sitting down and picking up a quill, before he excused himself to visit the library to search for precedent in the release of law-breaking werewolves.

The light was failing, and Jane had a couple of seminars the next day. Regretfully she allowed herself to be flooed back to Remus's flat. Sirius let her out and then returned to Hogwarts, where he joined Snape, for once with no outbreaks of rancour whatsoever, to search through the library's multitude of heavy tomes on wizarding law.

* * *

Jane found, on her return to her house, that she could not work or sleep. She retrieved the lawyer's card from her pocket and studied it.

_Shami Chatterjee_, it said, _BA Hons (Oxon), MA, PhD_

_Human Rights Barrister_

_Temple House Chambers_

_Sheffield_

_Telephone: 0114 2395960_

_Email: _

The card was thick and creamy, fairly expensive-looking. Jane held it by the edges, flipped it over and over, waved it about absent-mindedly. Human rights barrister? She did not believe in fate, or destiny, but she'd had a lot of her beliefs challenged recently. She picked up the phone.

* * *

That night Remus was afraid to go to sleep, afraid of what he might see, but of course it cannot be put off forever.

_He was standing on a hilltop somewhere that he did not recognise, where the landscape was bleak and the wind was blowing. The sky was an iron grey, and there was an indefinable atmosphere of menace._

_As he stood there, wondering what was happening, he knew that something awful lay ahead._

_He heard a sudden crack behind him, and spun to face a veritable crowd. Sirius was there, and Severus, both tall and pale. Albus with his long white beard whipping about in the gale was next to Jane whose face was uncharacteristically sober. James was there too, standing hand in hand with Lily, with Harry as a baby in her arms whilst Peter Pettigrew stood behind them. He saw his mother and father and his brother Romulus, all as they had been the last time he had ever seen them many years ago. All these people he loved, all looking so terrible, their faces set like stone against him._

_Anna, Jane's friend, stepped out from their midst like a young judge pronouncing sentence._

'_Werewolf,' she said quietly, the word imbued with all the latent hatred and fear that Remus had ever felt for himself in his waking hours._

'_Yes,' Remus answered her, feeling the eyes of the crowd upon him._

_He must have answered wrongly, because as the word left his lips night fell and the full moon appeared. In the split second that he had of clarity before the agony of transformation stole his reason he started to scream at what his alter ego would do._

He woke up screaming once more and once more, beyond any hopes he may have had, that same nocturnal visitor came to give him potion that would chase his demons away until morning.


	30. Breakfasts

I hope this is satisfactory. I need a bit of scene-setting before we can get back into action again, so sorry if it is a bit slow. We're moving on, though. Hope you enjoy Shami's description of this story's creator!

* * *

Sirius had finally crashed out on Albus's couch and been covered by a hastily conjured woolly blanket at around 3am. Worn out by nervous tension, he had nodded off over a hugely dull tome of wizarding law.

Albus was relieved. Sirius had been looking ill; white watchful face with eyes sunk in purple shadows. He resolved to ensure that he ate something when he woke up.

He was worried about Severus too, of course. It was not like him to show emotion, let alone so forcefully. He knew about the potions master's hopeless infatuation with the diffident werewolf, had known for years, but had always hoped that it would burn itself out. A vain hope, he realised now. Severus was constant and, where he gave his loyalty, it took a very significant event to change that.

He was optimistic about this crisis's potential to at least alleviate Severus's bitterness about the treatment he had received at the hands of Sirius and James Potter when he was at school. The two, Sirius and Severus, seemed at least capable of being in the same room without attempting to eviscerate each other these days.

_They have finally started to understand each other_, he thought. _I wonder if they realise just how many similarities there are between the two of them. All that has past is irrelevant now, in the face of this. I only wish Remus could be here to see it._

_But then, if Remus was here, in all likelihood it would never have happened. How sad that these two men, with all their love, could not reconcile to each other for his sake until such events as these._

He sighed and went back staring at the summary he had written of all that they knew to present to the Wizengamot. It was yet another worry that he needed to find someone to act in Remus's defence. There was no way Sirius could do it, not in the state he was in, and he doubted Severus's ability to remain calm. He could hold onto his self-control in every other situation, but this? His guilt and his love may be too strong for him.

There was Jane, of course, but he was uncertain as to the laws pertaining to muggles playing a role in the Wizengamot, and besides, was she not too invested in Remus's wellbeing?

He sighed again before giving himself a stern inward lecture to the effect that he was not helping Remus's cause as best he could and went back to his summary.

* * *

The next morning dawned bright and fresh, though Remus had no way of telling. It was cold in his cell and he donned a fair few layers of the clothes Sirius had brought him, slowly and voluptuously consumed an orange, licking the juice from his sticky fingers, and then smoked a cigarette and thought about last night.

Who was that person who kept coming to him in the middle of the night just when his dreams would seem to torture him beyond all endurance? He, for it sounded like a he, was surely not a figment of his imagination, but who in here would care about the sufferings of yet another werewolf?

He shook his head. His senses told him his visitor was real but his logic was not convinced. Perhaps tonight, if it happened again, he would try and wake himself up properly so then he would know either way… no. Not tonight. Tonight was transformation.

A sick feeling rose in him and it was all he could do to keep the orange in his suddenly rebellious stomach.

Transformation. Alone, in a stark unpadded cell, no Wolfsbane to stop him tearing at himself, no friend to tend his wounds the next morning.

He swallowed hard and looked around his cell, trying to think of a place to hide his meagre belongings from the keen nose and sharp claws of his alter ego, but there was nowhere. Would he tear up all his things, the scent of human upon them? What would he wear the next day? What would he lie on while his body throbbed and bled?

He sat very still, took a few deep breaths. There was nothing to be gained in working himself up like this. He needed to distract himself from the coming night.

He sifted through the books that Sirius had brought him. There was _Middlemarch_, of course, some Dickens, a couple of modern novels and an anthology of Keats and, his guilty pleasure, several volumes with tatty covers that he had bought from charity shops; his crime novels. Inwardly he thanked Sirius yet again, this time for bringing him books that would transport him from his cell into another place entirely.

He withdrew _Strong Poison_, an old favourite, lit yet another cigarette and settled down to be thoroughly distracted.

* * *

Jane was having a better morning, though Remus was the thought uppermost in her mind. She was having an early breakfast with Shami, the barrister.

'I'm sorry for phoning last night,' she said somewhat breathlessly as she skidded to a halt outside the students' union and sent trails of water from the night's heavy rain flying about.

'I wouldn't have given you my telephone number if I didn't want you to phone me,' Shami pointed out, looking down a little ruefully at her shoes, one of which now had a quantity of water inside it. 'I have already had a shower this morning though.'

'Sorry, sorry,' Jane repeated, looking around for equipment that would be helpful and, since they were on the concourse, naturally finding none.

Shami raised an eyebrow but she looked tickled.

'So you suggested breakfast?'

'Oh yes yes, I did, didn't I? Do you mind eating here? It's not too bad and there won't be hundreds of students about at this hour.'

'As long as they sell coffee, I don't care.'

They made their way inside, ordered food and carried hot mugs of coffee to a table.

'So, you seemed to have an ulterior motive in asking me here,' Shami said, looking around the café and seeming to approve. 'I did my postgrad degree here, you know, but this place has changed beyond all recognition. I haven't been inside for about a decade.'

'Tragically, I seem to spend lots of time here. I was an undergrad here, and I never really left. Couldn't decide what to do, fell into teaching when I was a postgrad, loved it and stuck with it. It seems wrong though; like you're supposed to have these three golden years somewhere that you had never been before and never went to since, so you can preserve it as a sort of pristine memory of a perfect time.'

'You're right, although all that nostalgia is never true. I have to remind myself, when I'm talking about my university days, that it wasn't a perfect time. I was miserable!'

'Why?'

'Oh, lots of reasons. I missed my home - up here - and I was a northerner from a comp in a place awash with white upper-class privately-educated kids who had never seen an Asian person before. And of course,' she said, her eyes flickering to Jane, 'I was out from the start of my degree, which I suppose didn't help either.'

'I found it quite beneficial,' Jane said, glossing over the confidence but surveying her companion as she replied. 'People were so nosy - especially the boys! - and they all wanted to talk to me. Of course, a fair few were trying to 'turn' me, but they fell by the wayside when it became apparent that they lady was not for turning!'

'I'd have been better off stopping here,' Shami said meditatively.

'But maybe your career wouldn't have gone as well?'

'There's always that. Not much point in getting maudlin, is there?'

'Not much. You've done what you've done, and you have to look forward. At least you got the Oxbridge experience! I had a vision in my head that it would be all _Brideshead Revisited_, only with more women. You know; erudite conversation whilst dining in hall all arrayed in subfusc, sherry parties and philosophy, punting and picnics.'

'There's a bit of that,' Shami admitted, 'but I thought it was outweighed by the downsides.'

'You make me feel a lot better,' said Jane, and flashed a grin.

'Jane… as much as I'd like to sit here and shoot the breeze with you all day, I have a meeting at 10. You said there was something you thought I could help you with? I just wanted to bring it up so you didn't feel awkward about broaching it with me.'

'I do feel awkward,' Jane admitted, 'and I probably ought to be consulting you in a professional context rather than in here. But I thought a lawyer in their office might think I was mad or hallucinating or something, and besides, you giving me your card when you did - well, it seemed like I really ought to see you.'

'Why would a lawyer think you were mad?' Shami asked, leaning forward but feeling a little nervous. _Don't let this charming academic turn out to be a lunatic, _she thought.

'Because it's all so very unlikely, and when I say it, I'm going to think I'm mad. I mean, if you'd have told me a month ago all this was going to happen, I would have escorted you to hospital myself. It's ridiculous! But it's true. Shami, don't run away, will you? And don't think I'm mad because I'm not… I've just seen some realities that I didn't know existed and now my friend is in trouble and, hell, I don't even know if you can help because you're a muggle too, but I don't know any magic lawyers -'

'_Magic lawyers_?'

'Please hear me out. I really need some help, and you seem like the right sort of person, though you _are _a muggle.'

'I'm a _what_?'

'Me too, I mean, I'm not one of them.'

'Who are 'they'? Jane, breathe a bit. That's right. Now you can tell me everything and I'll do my very best to keep an open mind, how's that? Okay then, when you're ready.'

As Jane plunged into her extraordinary tale, Shami's brown eyes were wide and grew wider. By the end, her mouth was slightly open and she was a picture of incredulity.

'So you've brought me to the café in the students' union to tell me that your mate Remus is a werewolf - nice naming on his parents' part, by the way - and he's being imprisoned by some sort of magic government because he took a job and they said he couldn't?' she said, lawyerly instinct to summarise coming to the fore.

'I know how it sounds,' said Jane miserably.

'It sounds like a story cooked up by a complete nutter,' Shami said bluntly.

'I know.'

Shami looked at Jane. She had had a lot of experience with defendants and witnesses, truth-telling and lying. If she had to trust her intuition, she would say that what Jane said was the truth, but how could it possibly be?

* * *

It all seemed like that to Sirius too. When he woke and the knowledge of what had happened hit him yet again, he felt physically sick.

As he got unsteadily to his feet, his head swam and he would have fallen if he had not been caught by an unlikely person; Severus Snape.

'Are you coming to breakfast, Black?' he asked irritably.

'Am I - oh yes. I think I had better.'

'You ought to be in as good a physical state as possible,' Snape told him somewhat ominously before they walked down to the Great Hall.

'Where is Albus?' Sirius asked as the sleep that was clouding his brain started to depart.

'He left before dawn for the convention of the Wizengamot,' Snape replied economically.

'He - oh, they're convening! Does this mean…'

'It means nothing. This is the initial gathering, in which the headmaster will state the case briefly and the Wizengamot must decide if they wish to take the matter any further.'

'What, so it's a convention to decide if they will convene?' Sirius asked.

'Your scintillating intellect has cut to the heart of the matter,' Snape said, but the words which should have been accompanied by a sneer were not.

'You look tired.'

'I have been up all night.'

'What were you doing?'

'Investigating the security in place around the area in which Lupin is imprisoned.'

Sirius stopped dead and turned to him, not bothering to hide his surprise. 'You don't think the Wizengamot is going to help? You really think we're going to have to break him out? And you're going to help?'

Snape turned back to face him, scorn written all over him, and began to speak in a furious undertone.

'If you think that you can rely on them to the right or moral choice as they see it, you are wrong. Half of them are in Fudge's pocket. They will as they are bid. Though I suppose there is a possibility that the Wizengamot will vote our way, it will more than likely take a long time and I do not wish to leave the Ministry with free reign to do as they wish. And as for ensuring Lupin's release, of course I will participate. It is my fault that he is imprisoned in the first place. Now do not speak of these matters in public again! There are spies everywhere!'

He turned and walked briskly for a few paces before reeling back and waiting so that he could continue to escort Sirius, who was still shaky on his feet. They walked the rest of the way in silence.

Sirius was not hungry but he ate enough to satisfy Snape's beady eye which was fixed upon him. Dumbledore was absent and it fell to Minerva McGonagall to quell the high spirits of the students.

Harry caught Sirius's eye and grinned - of course, he had no idea what was going on. He thought his godfather was there for a visit. Sirius felt yet another load of guilt weigh upon him as his smiled wanly back. He would have to break the news.

He felt suddenly angry; angry at himself and his impotence, at Snape for his betrayal, at Albus for his absent and his inability to influence the Wizengamot, at Harry for his blithe ignorance, even at Remus for taking the job and getting captured and leaving him so alone. He could not sit passively and force down scrambled eggs a moment longer.

Leaping to his feet, he turned and fled the dining hall, going he did not know where, his eyes blinded by rage and tears.

Snape watched him go, his lips twisted in a sneer, but try as he might he could not feel the disdain he hoped. Instead, pity stabbed at him, and empathy, and then he looked down at his no longer appetising meal with rage, because the emotion he felt most was jealousy.

_Black is allowed to be upset and angry and all the rest, because _this _is not his fault and because Remus is his._


	31. Some Cause for Hope

Please bear it in mind that this is such a fast update because I supposed to be applying for jobs and revising, and so I have my prevarication hat on (it looks a bit like Morpheus' beret when he prepares to fire the EMP in _The Matrix_, if you're interested).

* * *

Albus had not had breakfast and his stomach rumbled, though he barely noticed it. He was too busy.

'Fellow Elders,' he said, and the hubbub of excitement and interest died away, leaving rapt attention from most and bored indifference from a few. 'I come before you today to ask you to consider a matter which is very dear to my heart.

'This is a formal request to investigate what I consider to be a miscarriage of justice; t the very least, it is a failure to observe proper procedure which has had serious consequences.

'Briefly, a former pupil of mine, one Remus Lupin, has been taken by force from his home and imprisoned within the Ministry without hearing or trial, or prospect of one.

'The first thing you should know about Remus is that he is a werewolf, and he has been such since the age of five, when he was bitten by Fenrir Greyback.' There were murmurs at this - disapproval, disgust, pity? Dumbledore paused a moment, then continued.

'Since the demise of James Potter and Lily Evans, parents of Harry Potter and best friends of Remus, he has been leading a muggle existence. He studied at a university, a muggle institute for learning, and became a teacher of literature.

'He lost his job several weeks ago because it came to the attention of the university authorities that he had begun a relationship with one of his students, an adult with whom he had been at Hogwarts and who he had been firm friends with.

'Needing money, he applied through the proper channels of the Ministry to both notify them and request permission to taken up employment at some other muggle establishment. He was told that he must find a job and then ensure that the Ministry would allow him to take it.

'He applied for jobs, had interviews, and was offered positions. He wrote to the Ministry about each job in turn, and each time they refused him permission to take it, without giving any explanation or guidance as to which types of employment they considered appropriate.

'Eventually, in desperation, he took a job at a muggle coffee house. He would never be required to work nights, thus meaning that he would never be in a position to endanger another through his work.

'Severus Snape, a professor at Hogwarts School, made him the Wolfsbane potion, rendering him harmless at each full moon, and I have it on good authority that every full moon he cast multiple charms and spells on his living quarters to make sure he could never escape and harm anyone. This he had been doing for many years without incident.

'A few evenings since, wizards from the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds entered his flat and took him by force to the Ministry, where he has remained ever since. No notification was given to his partner, with whom he cohabits, or to anyone else. Cornelius Fudge was loathe to divulge details of his whereabouts but eventually gave permission for him to be visited for a period of five minutes only, and for personal effects to be given to him.

'I put to you, Elders of the Wizengamot, that this is a serious matter which, having come to our attention, deserves our consideration. The capture and imprisonment of a law-abiding wizard without trial is an event on which we ought to deliberate. Therefore I ask that you vote to officially convene so that we may investigate further.'

As the last ringing syllable died away, Albus bowed to the witches and wizards who sat bolt upright in their seats.

'Albus is right!' yelled a raucous grey-haired witch. 'Can't have Ministry oafs barging into people's homes and stealing them away without a second thought!'

'Hear, hear,' echoed a good few people, and Dumbledore felt the first sparks of hope which he deliberately extinguished.

'Chap's a bloody werewolf,' argued an old man with a beard to rival even the Hogwarts headmaster's. 'Can't have chaps like that roaming about biting whomsoever they choose.'

'This werewolf hasn't bitten anyone! Hasn't even menaced anyone. Isn't that right, Albus?'

'It is indeed. In the three decades which Remus has been a werewolf, he has never harmed a soul.'

'Still a werewolf though, isn't he.'

'That's hardly the boy's fault. He never asked for that vile Greyback to bite him.'

'And he was so young when he was bitten!'

'It may not be his fault but what's done is done and now he's a dangerous beast who disobeyed the Ministry bods, and he deserves whatever he gets.'

'I want to know what authority you have that says he made sure he was safe at full moons. Can't trust the word of werewolves - sneaky buggers they are, all o' them!'

'Look Abraxia, I don't like werewolves either, but the Ministry throw their weight around like they've got some kind of divine right to boss us about, and I for one think that's wrong!'

'Aye, we need law and order, not some totalitarian state! They're not the Stasi!' said an elderly wizard who had devoted his life to Muggle Studies and, in consequence, found it difficult to maintain conversations with most magic folk. As usual, those who had heard him looked baffled for a second before concentrating on the debate, which had, as usual, descended into a free-for-all.

'We must remember the law,' called out a fluffy-haired, pink-cheeked lady who looked like somebody's grandmother but had one of the sharpest minds, and tongues, in the Wizengamot. 'No matter what the boy is, he deserves to have his case heard. Statute three of the Book of Magical Law clearly states that no citizen can be imprisoned without trial. This Remus has had no trial, therefore his imprisonment is not lawful, and we must hear the evidence!'

'That is going to mean muggles in the Ministry,' shouted Laestrygonius Evans pompously.

'And that is more important than the law?' asked Edith, the woman with the misleading appearance, in an ominous tone which Laestrygonius noticed and which caused him to subside. However, many other members were airing their opinions in belligerent tones and some had almost come to blows.

'Elders!' intoned the deputy leader of the Wizengamot, quelling the rabble quickly. 'We must take an initial vote,' she turned to Dumbledore and added in an undertone, 'before civil war breaks out. I hope you know what you are doing, Albus.

'Those in favour of convening the Wizengamot to discuss the case of Remus Lupin, werewolf, currently imprisoned in the Ministry of Magic, vote now.'

Puffs of green smoke filled the hall and the court's clerk cast a counting charm.

'Those against convening, vote now.'

Red smoke this time.

'Those abstaining.'

One or two plumes of white smoke were cast by the terminally indecisive.

The clerk hurried up to the Deputy. 'We have a decision,' he told her.

'Silence!' she cried, as the Elders were once more getting out of hand. 'There is a conclusive result.'

The clerk stood up. 'Motion to convene carried by 294 votes to 183, 3 abstentions,' he announced in a voice as dry as autumn leaves.

'Very well. We have decided. We shall meet here in three days' time to discuss the case. Wizen dismissed.'

An ear-splitting racket immediately ensued.

'Thank you Eliza,' Albus said. 'I know how contentious this is, but it is important.'

'I know,' said the deputy, her face softening. 'You would not call us together if it were not.'

* * *

Jane was sitting in her seminar trying to talk some sort of sense about John Webster, but not managing too well.

'So, er, the major themes of The Duchess of Malfi - who can tell me them?' I'm sure I've read this play. I have definitely read it. I've even seen it! Come on, woman…

'I suppose the main initial theme is love,' began one of Jane's students who she had previously cursed many times, both in her head and to her colleagues, for being always being convinced she was right. Today, though, Andy was a blessing.

'Good,' Jane nodded. 'Go on.' Please go on!

'Well, another of the themes is control. The Duchess' brothers both want to control what she does, who she marries, where she goes, and when they fail to stop her doing what they want, she suffers the ultimate punishment.'

Jane carried on nodding, her brain totally disengaged with seventeenth century melodrama, preferring that of the twentieth.

I wonder if Severus has figured out a way to rescue Remus? she wondered. And will they let me go with them? Not that I'll be much help, not having a magic wand! But they can't leave me behind. I wish I'd sorted something out with Sirius before I left, so that I can get back. I completely forgot that I couldn't return on my own. After the next lecture, I'll go back to Remus's and maybe Sirius will be about. I doubt it, but I have to try. And you never know… I just might run into Shami…

'Oh, sorry,' she said, coming abruptly down to earth to realise that her twelve students were all looking at her. 'What was the question?'

She somehow managed to deal with the undergrads' concerns, set them an assignment which, the moment she had finished talking about it, she forgot, and then packed up her things and sent the twelve away five minutes early with a sigh of relief.

Worse was yet to come, however, in the shape of a lecture to the freshers. Jane was not a fan of lecturing at the best of times; she had complained many times about it being too formal and structured, too didactic for her subject. What she did not complain about was that she found it somewhat intimidating and, when she got an awkward heckler, downright scary.

Still, it had to be done, and she took her class through a most pedestrian resume of Othello, leaving the back row openly snoring and even the keenest front-row students chewing their pens and looking vacant. She could not even summon up any enthusiasm about Iago, one of her favourite Shakespearean characters; she wanted to whip through the course material as quickly as she could and escape to try to find Sirius.

The lecture was so boring that not a single student had a question to ask of her and she unplugged her flash disk before taking to her heels and racing down to Division Street.

Fingers crossed, she hammered on Remus's front door for five minutes solid before realising that there was nobody in. She could have cried with frustration, except she wasn't the crying type.

Apparently, she was the burglaring type.

Fifteen minutes later, with many an anxious glance around her for police or Shami or Sirius, none of whom she wanted to catch her, Jane was inside Remus's flat. Growing up with a delinquent older sister had been helpful after all.

'Now,' she said aloud, making sure the front door was secured again, 'how did I get to Hogwarts before?'

She remembered some sort of powder, and the fire, and Sirius saying something.

'First things first. Magic powder stuff.'

That was easy - it had been left on the mantelpiece in a little plastic bag. She wasn't sure about fire though; she recalled that Sirius had made the fire with his wand.

'I'll have to make it the old-fashioned way,' she told herself, 'then chuck that powder in and see how it goes.'

She did just that: matches, newspaper, kindling, logs. In less than ten minutes she had a fine blaze going in the grate. Then final step was floo powder, of course, and she threw a liberal handful of that on her conflagration, which promptly turned green. She took that as a good sign.

'Hogwarts, Dumbledore's office,' she cried, and slipped a cautious foot towards the fire. It did not catch; didn't even feel hot, so she clambered into the grate and was whisked off with a deserved sense of achievement.

* * *

Sirius was sitting and shivering by the moat when Harry found him.

'Hi Sirius!' he said excitedly. 'How are you? Where's Remus?'

'Hello Harry,' Sirius said heavily. 'I've got some bad news for you.'

He told his godson a brief summary of the most recent events, hating himself with every word.

'So what are you going to do?' asked Harry when Sirius reached the end of his tale.

'Professor Dumbledore is trying to persuade the Wizengamot to consider Remus's case,' Sirius told him.

'You don't sound very convinced that that will work,' Harry said, surprisingly acute.

'I'm not,' admitted Sirius. 'But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, eh?'

He had no desire to divulge his and Snape's Plan B. He tried to make himself believe it was because the fewer people who knew about it, the better, but the main reason was that he did not want his godson to think he was a criminal.

Little did he know, but Harry was a little let down by the lack of verve on his godfather's part, and would have been thrilled to hear about the plot afoot to spring Remus from the Ministry. It had been several decades since he had been a twelve year old boy, which goes some way to explaining the misunderstanding.

Harry was silent. He had no idea what you were supposed to say in a situation such as this.

'He'll be okay,' he managed eventually.

Sirius was staring off into the distance, but when Harry spoke he started as though he had forgotten his presence.

'I hope he will,' he said flatly. Then he made an attempt to pull himself together and act like the grown up. 'How's school going?'

'It's okay. Potions is rubbish though. Snape's gone absolutely mental at the moment. He even gave Draco a detention for dropping a knife on the floor. Practically every Gryffindor has had at least one detention in the last week. Mind you, he doesn't stay at the detentions, he only starts you off with a load of lines or chopping or something and then he buggers off somewhere and comes back later to check you've done what you're supposed to. It's still bad, it is detention after all, but there's always some people around and so we have a decent time.'

'Professor Snape is having a difficult time at the moment,' Sirius said only a little grudgingly. 'He's trying to find out ways to, er, help Remus get out of gaol.'

Harry's eyes were comically round. 'You're joking!' he sputtered. 'Snape! Trying to help someone!'

'He and Remus are friends,' said Sirius carefully. Merlin only knew he did not want to get into a discussion as to the precise connection between the two.

'Blimey!' Harry said, so emphatic that Sirius had to laugh.

'I know. It's bizarre isn't it? But Re always does his best to see the good side of everyone.'

'Snape hasn't got a good side,' Harry declared with a mutinous look on his face that reminded Sirius powerfully of his father, with the stubborn light of Lily's eyes in his own.

'Well, I didn't think he did either but apparently so. Harry, I'd rather you didn't tell everyone about Remus and the Ministry and Professor Snape if that's okay? Tell Ron and Hermione of course, but… I don't like to think of people gossiping about Re.'

'Fair enough,' Harry said with a shrug. They sat in silence again.

'Defence Against the Dark Arts is crap too,' Harry said suddenly. 'We've got this idiot called Gilderoy Lockhart that half the girls are in love with, but he's a total moron.'

'Is he that blonde one from the staff table?' Sirius asked, amused despite himself.

'Yeah. He released a cage of pixies in our first class and then couldn't get them back in so he legged it and left us to sort it out. He doesn't know anything. We're supposed to read his books, but I had a look in one of them, and they must be lies. No way could he defeat a chimera!'

'I'll look out for him,' promised Sirius.

'I hope he only lasts a year,' Harry muttered. 'Is it true there's a curse on that job, so you can only stay for one year?'

'I don't know,' Sirius told him frankly. 'I've heard it too, but I'm not sure. I do know that no Defence teacher lasted more than a year when I was at school.'

'Do you think there is a curse? Do you think it was Lord Vol - He Who Must Not Be Named?'

'You can call him Voldemort to me, Harry,' said Sirius. 'Fear of a name increases the fear of the thing itself. And he doesn't seem like a likely candidate to me; why would he be putting a curse like that on Hogwarts? What does he have to gain from it?'

Harry acknowledged the truth of this. 'I have to go,' he said awkwardly. 'Got History.'

'Still Binns?'

'Oh yes.'

'You have my sympathy,' Sirius said with a smile as Harry departed.

He found himself in something of a better mood for the exchange, and he went back in to see if Dumbledore had returned.

* * *

Dumbledore was sitting blamelessly in his office, snoozing in his chair after his long sleepless night, when there was a knock at the door. He was just welcoming Sirius and preparing to tell him about the meeting of the Wizengamot when fire crackled into life and made them both start and look round.

An ashy Jane, red hair powdered grey, was exiting the fireplace.

'Sorry,' she said, looking down at the carpet under her which was also getting dusted with ash. 'Bit of a accident.'

'Merlin's toe!' ejaculated Sirius.

'You mean to say you flooed here alone?' Dumbledore said, eyebrows shooting towards his hair. 'My word, how extraordinary! You got lost?'

'Oh no,' Jane assured him, 'got here okay but I tried as I was about to step towards your grate and, well, you can see the results,' she ended ruefully.

'Goodness gracious me,' said Dumbledore distractedly as he reached for his wand and then performed a quick cleaning spell a little too vigorously, his mind on all the various grim fates which could easily have awaited Jane but which she had so obviously avoided.

'Th-thanks,' Jane puffed, the scouring spell having left her with no air in her lungs, a bright red face and hair like wire wool.

'How did you get floo powder?'

Apprehensively, she replied, 'oh… about that… I locked the front door afterwards, I didn't hurt it at all. I just had to get back here.'

She looked worried, but Sirius let out a bark of laughter that told her his respect for her, already high, had gone up several more notches.

'You're just in time - Albus was going to tell me about the Wizengamot,' Sirius told her as they sat down and listened to what the venerable old wizard had to say.

He kept his account brief and more sanguine than he himself felt, and was gratified to see hope springing into the two faces in front of him.

'I'll go and tell Snape he can stop obsessing about breaking into the Ministry,' Sirius said, bouncing to his feet like a puppy.

'I think it best to retain a fallback,' Dumbledore told him soberly. 'But by all means let him know what has happened.'

Sirius tore off in the direction of the door, Jane in close pursuit. She turned to salute Albus briefly before closing the door with a bang that was the signal to him to let his face crumple from cautious optimism to fear and worry once more.


	32. Ancient and Modern

As always, apologies for the lengthy delay, but I hope this was worth the wait. I've got finals coming up in May so I imagine you can expect procrastination-born updates more frequently. I can't believe how long and unwieldy my little story has become (and how riddled with mistakes. Sorry) and how long it's taken. The end is (distantly) in sight.

* * *

Sirius, Snape and Jane were sitting in Snape's office, a few trestle tables conjured out of nowhere, copies of Ministry blueprints and books about security spells strewn around and interspersed with case histories of people missing, believed taken by the authorities.

They had divided the labour. Snape was scanning the blueprints narrowly, tracing possible routes of entry to where they believed Remus was being held and making educated guesses as to the quantities of guards who would be present. Sirius was researching spell work; opening and releasing spells, spells for detection of foes, spells to conceal them from the guards and the security charms that laced the Ministry. And Jane was looking through previous cases and trying to decipher the maze that was magical law.

She finally threw down her pen after reading the same sentence for the fifth time and finding herself still baffled.

'Boys, we need a lawyer.'

Both men looked up at her blankly. Sirius had an ink-stained mouth from chewing his pen and Severus looked like death.

'This is a complete mystery to me and I can't possibly do it justice.'

'But magical law is based in many ways on muggle law,' Severus said plaintively.

'That's as may be, but I don't know anything about muggle law either. If you wanted an analysis of the quality of the prose, I'm your woman, but I'm botching this horribly.'

'I don't know any lawyers,' Sirius said, looking at Snape who shook his head.

'There aren't many any more, because it's so easy to try people by checking their evidence with magic. The only ones left pretty much all work for the Ministry.'

'But that's no help at all!'

'Why haven't they checked Remus's story with magic then?' Jane asked.

Snape shrugged. 'Probably because they don't care whether or not he is actually guilty. He is a werewolf. It would appear the law is suspended when dealing with someone they consider not a full citizen.'

'Fucking wizards,' Jane muttered under her breath, then she spoke up more brightly. 'What you said, about magical law being similar to muggle law? Earlier I met a barrister. She lives above you and Re, Sirius. She is a muggle but she specialises in human rights and…'

'She'd never believe this.'

'Actually, when I told her, she started off looking like she thought I was mad but by the end, well, she said she needed to go off and have a think and she'd ring me. She hasn't yet,' Jane said, looking abstractedly at her mobile.

'Muggle technology does not work at Hogwarts,' Snape said automatically.

'Oh. Right. Well, anyway, I told her and all I'm saying is that I didn't think it was hopeless.'

Sirius looked at Snape as to a leader.

'What do you think? She's a muggle, she doesn't know magic law, but…'

'We could certainly do with some assistance in her field,' Snape said. 'I suggest that if she appears amenable, you bring her to Hogwarts. It is my experience that muggles require proof before they believe in something they were brought up to think fantastical.'

'Is is really alright to bring her here?'

'Dumbledore won't mind if it's for Remus,' said Sirius, looking somewhat more hopeful. 'And really, it's best we go through the proper route first because we go in wands blazing, sort of thing.'

'Okay so, let's say I talk Shami round,' Jane said. 'We get her to go to the convention of the Wizengamot and she can do the talking for us, she must be good at that. Then, if that doesn't work, we can get illegal.'

'You seem quite sure that she would be willing to represent us,' Sirius said suddenly.

'Oh! Yes, I suppose I am. It's that silver tongue of mine. And, do you know, I rather think she might have an ulterior motive,' said Jane with one eyebrow raised and something of a grin lurking about her mouth.

Sirius laughed. 'Emotional blackmail in a good cause,' he commented.

Snape had been looking at the pair of them, watching the exchange.

'I think you ought to return to Sheffield to see if this woman has contacted you,' he said. 'I think you,' that to Sirius, 'ought to accompany her. She ought not to make a habit of flooing alone.'

'I managed, didn't I?'

'Come on, Jay. I'd like to meet her as soon as I can anyway… that is, if she phones.'

'Oh alright,' Jane said with a moue.

* * *

They sat and worked together in Remus's lounge, parchment spread over the floor like an avant-garde carpet.

Jane checked her phone at least every five minutes despite the fact that she had set it to the loudest possible ring. The legal gibberish was making no more sense to her than it had at Hogwarts and even Wikipedia on Remus's computer could not help.

'You lot need to embrace the internet,' she told Sirius after a fruitless Googling of an unfamiliar word. 'You're stuck in the dark ages!'

'You can search things with magic,' Sirius told her vaguely. He had his wand out and was mouthing a spell to detect and identify life within fifty metres.

'Still, I'm sure that the combination of magic and computers would be absolutely - ARGH!'

Her phone had started ringing at about one hundred decibels and she fumbled for it.

'Hello? Shami? I'm so glad you phoned!… Yes, I enjoyed it very much, sorry for going off on one… Well you see, it's all a bit - yes, I know… I promise I'm not crackers, and I can prove it… I can take you to the school they used to go to… Yes, magic and wizards and witches and magic wands and everything… I can't believe it myself but I've seen it… You will? Brilliant! Do you want to head round to Remus's? Yeah, we're in… Excellent… See you then.'

She rang off and grinned at Sirius.

'She's coming round in about fifteen minutes. She's not convinced I'm not some fantasist but she's coming. She told me she just has to tell someone where she's going in case I abduct her!'

'Great!'

They sat in silence for a minute, both trying in vain to fight against the new hope that this unlikely ally had awakened in them.

* * *

Remus shut his book with a sigh.

_I wonder what time it is_, he thought.

As he was reaching for yet another cigarette, his door was flung open. A group of wizards in robes stood there.

'You're coming with us,' said one, and two others strode into his cell, grabbed his arms and manhandled him out into the corridor, down disorientating passages, before dragging him into a room that looked much like the one from before.

He sat on the chair at their command, trembling, afraid of what was to come and afraid of how he would react. So close to the full moon…

He took a few breaths.

'Why did you take the job, werewolf?' demanded one of the men without preamble.

'I told the others - I needed money since I left my last job.'

'What was the plan?'

'What - what do you mean?'

'What was the plan?'

'I - there wasn't a plan - I needed money.'

'Listen to me,' said the man, thrusting his face into Remus's, his eyes boring into him, his voice a malevolent whisper, 'we know that you were up to something. If you tell us, we'll be lenient on you. If you persist in this ridiculous show of ignorance, we'll be forced to attempt other methods of making you talk.'

'I promise you,' Remus said steadily, 'that I had no hidden agenda. The only reason I took the job was the money. I kept writing to the Ministry but they wouldn't let me take any job at all, and so I - I decided to go ahead anyway. I know it was wrong, but I had to.'

'Your boyfriend's pretty rich though, isn't he?'

'His family were rich, but he didn't have much money left. A lot of it didn't get left to him, and what they gave him he mostly spent.'

'You sure about that?'

'Of course I am!'

'We have deeds to a house in central London that belongs to him. Didn't tell you about that now, did he?'

'No, he didn't. If that's true, he can't have known.'

'You sure about that?'

_They're trying to taunt me. They're trying to make me doubt Sirius; they're trying to break me. He would have told me if he'd have known - what possible reason could he have had for keeping that from me?_

'He would have told me.'

'Maybe, maybe not. I wonder what other secrets he's been keeping from you.'

'Sirius doesn't keep secrets from me.'

'He's a good-looking man, or so I've heard. Didn't seem the type to be a queer. Ever wondered what he's doing with you anyway? Look at you. You look ten years older than your age, you're an unemployed middle-aged man with no prospects… what else? Oh yes. You're a murdering filthy evil beast.'

_Sirius loves me. He loves me._

'I am not a beast.'

'I think we're all going to see that that's a lie in a few hours, aren't we? What other lies have you been telling us, werewolf?'

'I haven't lied to you,' Remus said, and was appalled to hear his voice start to shake.

'What do you think, boys? Has the monster been telling porkies, hmm?'

'I'm not a monster, and I'm not a liar.' _I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a liar._

'If you're not a monster, then you won't mind us leaving you here for a while. And I'd say that you could do with some company.'

With a last grin that showed his teeth, the man left the room, and the others followed, slamming the door. Remus sat on the chair breathing hard. He wasn't alone for long.

The door swung open and someone was shoved in before it shut again.

_They can't mean to leave us in here together, _Remus thought in panic as the man straightened up and turned to face him.

'Hello Remus,' said the man.

It was the man, the man who had given him potions, the man whose voice he had recognised. There was a reason he had recognised his voice; because it was his own. He stood up and it was like a mirror. Two tall men with the same face.

'Romulus.'

'Are you going to tear me to pieces or are you going to give them what they want?'

'Rom - I -'

'Well?'

'You work for them! They're not going to let anything happen to you, surely.'

'Don't underestimate them,' warned his twin. 'They want you. Either you confess to whatever it is you've done, or you eat me and then they kill you.'

'But - this is ridiculous! I don't know what it is they want me to confess to!'

Romulus shrugged his shoulders. 'Not my problem. Although it will be if I don't get the fuck out of this room before you change.'

'I - Romulus! How are you?'

'I'd feel a little easier in my mind if I wasn't stood in a room with a werewolf on the afternoon of a full moon.'

'This is hardly my fault,' Remus retorted. Romulus's tone had been cutting.

'Whose fault is it then?'

'Bloody hell Rom, you're the one with the demented paranoid employers who've thrown you in here to try and get something out of me.'

'You're the one who's keeping secrets from the Ministry and who broke the law in the first place!'

'I'm not _keeping secrets_! I have no idea what they want from me!'

'Then make something up before moonrise, won't you.'

'Rom, you can't honestly think they're going to leave you in here.'

'They appear to think that because we have the misfortune to be related that I somehow have responsibility for you.'

'What? What? I can't believe - oh, this is too much.'

Romulus sat down heavily. Now that Remus had had a moment to realise, he noticed they did not quite look the same, not as they used to when they were children. True, they were the same height, but Romulus was not nearly as skinny as he himself, and his hair was far less greyed. His face bore far fewer marks of a life lived with difficulty and, of course, his eyes were a different colour; a soft grey instead of wolfish amber.

_That's what I'd look like if I hadn't been bitten, then, _he thought fleetingly, before turning back to the more pressing matter.

'Rom, honestly, I don't know what it is I'm supposed to have done. I mean, I know about the job thing but I don't know what else there is. Do you have any idea?'

His twin looked up at him and shook his head.

'Well I'll have to tell them something, and I imagine the more evil it is, the more likely they are to believe me,' he said bitterly.

Romulus said nothing, just sat with his head in his hands.

'Think, think. What might I have been planning? Fuck. I'm going to be here forever if they believe me - or get shipped off to Azkaban. Fuck.'

He too sat down and fought off the urge to cry before beginning to fabricate a convincing plot that would incriminate him hopelessly but save his brother from sharing his own fate or one even worse.


	33. Afflictions

'It's called flooing,' Jane said in the manner of one who had been travelling by fireplace all her life instead only the past few days. 'It's perfectly safe.'

Shami looked at Sirius, his drawn, anxious face having somehow helped her to trust him, and he nodded agreement.

'We can all go together, though it'll be a bit of a squeeze.'

Shami thought about the time she had clambered into her wardrobe and knocked on the back with her fists to attempt to get into Narnia.

_It's real, or at least these two say it's real, and they seem pretty sane. It might be entirely ridiculous, but if there's just a chance that it's the truth… well, I want to see it._

'Fine. Let's go.'

Sirius smiled and Jane caught her hand.

'You won't regret it,' she whispered as Sirius started a fire. 'It's the most incredible thing you could imagine.'

'I'll have one of each of your hands,' Sirius said. 'You're not going gallivanting solo again, Jane!'

Shami looked at her quizzically but Jane just grinned and shook her head. Sirius threw the powder into the grate and took their hands and the unwieldy group stepped into the flames.

They stepped out into Dumbledore's office once more and Jane brushed Shami down as she appeared unable to do anything except stare open-mouthed at all of Dumbledore's unearthly apparatus. He himself was absent and so the three set off to Snape's rooms.

As they walked, Jane gave Shami a verbal picture of the man she was shortly to meet.

'He - well, to be honest he looks like a vampire, though I don't think he is - Sirius, is Severus a vampire?'

Sirius turned round with a distracted grin. 'Not as far as I know.'

'Good! Anyway, he's tall and pretty pale, I shouldn't think he's the outdoors type - in fact that's an understatement. He seems to only own black clothes, proper long buttoned-up wizard robes and he's got long black hair.'

'He sounds terrifying,' said Shami wryly.

'Oh no, not at all, though he is a bit forbidding. Seems entirely humourless although I think that's an act; I think he's just very, ah, impenetrable. Hidden, secretive, you know. Like he's afraid of letting his guard down. Scared of making himself vulnerable or something, I suppose.'

'Poor Severus… but you don't sound like you're angry with him or anything. Isn't he the one who wrote that letter? To the university, I mean.'

'Yes, he is, but it's all a bit complicated. He carries a bit of a torch for Remus… in fact I rather think he might have loved him all his life. Still waters run deep and that. I think he's got it bad, but he's infernally jealous and of course he had no idea that the uni would sack Re, let alone that he'd end up in some magical Guantanamo.'

'Is it really that bad then?'

'I haven't been and,' Jane lowered her voice, 'neither Sirius nor Severus would say much about it. I think it's a dreadful place. And of course they stole him from his home without warning and chucked him in prison without a trial or anything.'

'Just because he's a - I'm finding this a bit of a struggle, excuse me - because he's a werewolf?'

'Pretty much. It seems werewolves aren't allowed to so much as sneeze without explicit permission or the Ministry gets all Soviet on them.'

'Goodness me,' Shami said, and then let out a hollow sort of laugh. 'It would appear that humans everywhere can't resist behaving like animals.'

Sirius turned sharply round as he caught the last word and Jane hastened to explain.

'The Ministry, Sirius. She's on our side!'

'Sorry. Bit touchy at the moment.'

They had been steadily descending during this time and they had fetched up outside Snape's lair (as Sirius had privately dubbed it. This in itself was progress as he had not shared the nickname with anyone).

'Come in,' said his voice at their knock and they trooped in.

Introductions were hastily made.

'So Jane has filled you in. Thank you for coming,' Snape said.

'It seems like time is of the essence,' Shami replied, studying him as she spoke, 'so let's start. You say that you understand our laws and yours are very similar?'

'To an extent. I have looked out a book for you which compares the two. Unfortunately it is rather extensive but it is the best I could do. None of us have any expertise in that field.'

'Alright, well, I'll get cracking. Is there anywhere I can work?'

Snape indicated a table which was tidy, a pile of parchments on one side and doorstopper books on the other. There was a quill, which Shami looked at with secret delight, and a pot of ink, and so, lawyerly, she sat herself down and immersed herself.  


* * *

  
A few minutes after his imprisonment with his brother, Remus stood up and started hammering on the door.

'I'm ready to confess!' he shouted.

He could feel the first stirrings of a natural transformation within him and knew he could not wait any longer.

A guard came to the other side of the door.

'Better tell me quick, wolf, else your brother's had it.'

'Fine. I'd heard there was a way of infecting people so they didn't even know they were infected. You don't have to bite them or anything, just make sure they, er, drink a bit of werewolf blood. So yes, when I got sacked I was so angry that I decided to do it. I wanted to infect loads of people. That's why I got a job in the café.'

The door swung open.

'Lupin!' the man barked, and both men stared at him. '_Romulus _Lupin! Come here!'

'Bye,' said Remus sadly as his brother left the room without a backward glance.

'Don't think we're not going to interrogate you,' said the guard menacingly. 'But no one wants to be in a room with you on the night of a full moon.'

'I'm not surprised.'

The door slammed shut and locked magically, Remus could hear incantations being cast to keep him prisoner. He shivered. His sense of smell had grown more acute, and he could smell his brother's presence still and he could hear people talking outside, though he could not tell what they were saying.

Miserably he sat down in a chair to wait. Though he was frightened of his transformation, he had been through it many times and it was not yet imminent enough to drive all thoughts of the fate he had just made for himself from his mind. He bit his nails and tortured himself with thoughts of what would happen to him on the morrow.

________________________________________________________________________

'Did he tell you anything?' the guard asked Romulus, who shook his head.

'No, he didn't say anything until he talked to you. I would never have believed it… my own brother…'

'He's not your brother any more. He stopped being your brother the night he got that bite and turned into a monster,' the guard said bracingly and clapped him on the shoulder.

Romulus nodded.

The guard went off to make his report and he stood in the corridor, not sure what to do. He knew he ought to be back at work but at the same time…

He heard the screams begin and he trembled head to foot, feeling sick with misery.

The night he got that bite… Of course he remembered it.

They were little, and their father had been reading _Call of the Wild _to them and so, one night, when they heard the howls, they wanted to see what was making them. They had crept out of the house hand in hand… together they had seen the gleam of yellow eyes… and he had turned to flee, trying to drag Remus with him, but it was too late. The wolf had pounced.

The screams stopped abruptly - someone had cast a silencing charm - and he started to walk back down to the bowels of the Ministry.

That night. If only he had - no, it was thirty-odd years too late for that. He set his jaw against the emotions that felt like they would choke him and kept walking.  


* * *

  
Remus had forgotten about his confession and his brother. He was on hands and knees on the floor, his back arched and every muscle tensed to almost bursting with the pain that his transformation always brought him. Tears coursed down his cheeks and his heart beat wildly as his nervous system went into overdrive at this wholly unnatural strain on his body.

He had always wondered how his constitution could stand this freakish conversion but he concluded that part of the curse of being a werewolf was that, though every month it felt like he was being torn apart from the inside out, his body withstood it to keep him alive so that it could happen again and again and again.

It was so relentless.

When people asked him how it was to become an entirely different species in a couple of minutes, he always underplayed it. He had no use for pity; after all, well-meaning humans could do nothing to ease his suffering and upset them. He preferred not to upset people when there was no use in it.

The other problem was that language had no words that could accurately convey the horror of the transformation. There was the waiting, the changes in his senses and his mind, then the prickles of what was to come that ran through him like electricity, and then it was only pain.

And so, alone, he succumbed to his curse and became the beast that he hated so much and was yet so much a part of him now after all this time and he paced up and down the room, driven to distraction by the scent of human that still lingered there.

* * *

  
Shami still had her head down and was writing notes as she had been doing solidly for the last three and a half hours. Snape was impressed by her powers of concentration, but his own were waning. He could see Jane yawning every now and then as she helped Shami cross-reference and index, and Sirius was looking heavy-eyed and overwrought as though he might collapse any minute.

He silently got up and brewed a pot of coffee the muggle way, distributing cups of sweet black coffee to the workers and retaining one himself.

'I intend to drink mine outside for some air,' he said to the world at large but looking at Sirius. He had seen colleagues look that way during the war - on both sides - and although worrying was beneath him, it was disquieting to think that Black might break down in his office.

'I'll come,' Sirius said obediently.

Shami did not even look up as she conveyed her intention to keep working. Jane looked up longingly but she stayed put as the two men left.

The night was cloudy and thin rain was falling but regardless they went out walking over the bridge and down the hill a little. The full moon made intermittent appearances and they both shrank from mentioning what was uppermost in both their minds.

'How is your work going?' Sirius asked eventually, neutrally.

'I believe we should be able to reach Lupin undetected. Getting out will be somewhat more difficult as I do not think we shall be able to free him without raising the alarm.'

'Shit.'

'I am doing my best,' Snape snapped, tiredness and concern overcoming their fragile bond for a moment.

'I know you are,' Sirius said unexpectedly, and sipped his coffee. 'You know, when I found out what you had done I thought I would kill you.'

'I would not have blamed you,' Snape said in a low voice that was so forlorn it penetrated Sirius's own preoccupation.

'But you know, I can see why you did it. I would probably have done the same.'

Severus was astounded by this confession and could think of no reply.

'Remus doesn't understand that. Despite being what he is - or maybe because of what he is - at his core he is forgiving and he would die before he behaved selfishly. He's awfully rational really, and sensible, and he usually does what he thinks is right, not what he wants to do. You could break his heart but he would do his very best to be brave and let you be happy without worrying about him. He would take defeat gracefully. I - I'm not like that.

'I could blame my upbringing but his was even worse than mine. I think perhaps it is just inbuilt, that my heart rules my head, and there's not much I can do about it. But you know, being with him… it makes me want to be more like him. And, well, I know this is twenty years too late and it probably doesn't mean a great deal but - I'm sorry about school. I knew it was wrong at the time but I didn't care. Now, though… I'm not looking just to salve my own conscience… I want you to know that I really am more sorry than I can possibly say.'

'It was not just you who behaved badly at school and afterwards. I regret too how I behaved… but you know that whatever I did to you, it was by no means the worse thing I have done in my life. Nowhere even close. But for what it's worth, I am sorry too.'

Sirius wrapped both hands around his warm mug. He could not see Snape's face but his voice was thoroughly wretched and he suddenly felt an intense rush of pity for this proud, lonely man whose life had been so sad and so full of evil. If Remus could had loved him back perhaps he would have been different.

_But then, he wouldn't love _me_, and I would be the wretched one_.

For his part, for the first time that he could remember, Snape could not feel the hatred for Sirius that he was so accustomed to, and it was a strange sort of void. He was still undeniably jealous but it felt somehow distanced from him, as though it was no longer poisoning him.

The moon came out once more from behind the clouds and by common accord they turned and went back inside.

Jane had given up the struggle and was asleep at the desk, her coffee half-drunk, but Shami worked on.

'You're a machine,' said Sirius lightly.

She smiled tiredly at him.

'I think I'm getting the hang of this. You were right; it really is similar to muggle law except you lot seem even worse at keeping to it than we are.'

'Do you think you will be ready for the hearing?'

'When is it?'

'Day after tomorrow.'

'I should think so,' she said determinedly. 'But now I think I need to go home and sleep. I've got work - I'll have to book the day after off as well - and I need a bit of rest if I'm to carry this on tomorrow night.'

'I'll floo you back,' Sirius told her wearily.

'You ought to stay at home tonight and rest,' Snape said.

Sirius looked momentarily mutinous but then realised this was the sensible course and nodded.

'I will see you tomorrow morning then,' he said to Snape who nodded.

'It was good to meet you, though obviously better circumstances would have been preferable,' Shami said, proffering a hand which Snape paused before taking and shaking it.

Sirius suppressed a grin at his face, shocked at this physical contact, before gently waking Jane and flooing them all back through Snape's fireplace to the muggle world, leaving Snape behind to suppress a multitude of intrusive thoughts and carry on working as the rest of the world slept.


	34. Continuing

When the moon set that night, the only one still awake to see it was Snape, but he was hunched over maps, scowling and annotating. By the time the sun came up though, Sirius was awake and showering, Shami was wearily making herself an extra-strong cup of coffee and Jane was trying to drown out her alarm with a panoply of groans.

Remus was awake as well. As soon as the sun rose one of his captors had stalked into the room, now the worse for wear, and hit him with a waking charm that burst over him like a bucket of cold water.

It had been a bad night and as soon as he awoke he vomited. That there was blood in it caused him only a frisson of alarm; he felt too unwell to think about it.

His every fibre ached, synapses transmitting an unrelenting message of pain. He tried to lay still but the guard that had awoken him wanted him on his feet.

A couple of crucios later, he was up, retching emptily and swaying on legs that felt as though they had been filleted. The guard made a disgusted moue before quickly cleaning the room and leaving, only to return with more men that he recognised.

'You look like shit, wolf,' said Ginger.

'Please… could I have some water?' Remus muttered.

'Why would we give anything to a monster like you? We heard about your plans,' Short told him.

Remus was silent. In truth, he had no idea what he could say to alleviate his position and besides, he felt too appalling to try.

'You're not going to deny it then?'

'I - you - I had to say something, for Rom.'

'So now you're saying it wasn't true? I always knew you lot were liars. But surely you don't give a damn about your brother, beast. I know he doesn't give a damn about you. He hates you and your kind.'

'I couldn't… let myself hurt him. Whatever he thinks about me.'

'So, here we are again. You still maintain that you took the job because you needed the money, on account of being sacked for fucking Black,' Short said mockingly.

'Yes.'

'But you see, now you've told us you were planning to infect a load of muggles. So what are we to believe?'

'Can't - infect people… I'd have to bite them…'

'But you told us you'd found a way, wolf,' Ginger said, studying his fingernails in a supremely disinterested fashion. 'What way?'

'It was a lie. I had to protect Rom.'

'_Lying bastard_,' spat Short, and hit him with another crucio.

Remus's legs buckled and he hit the floor. His tormentors had no intention of leaving him and, with pain, they dragged him back to standing once more.

'We'll give you a drink and let you rest once you tell us what you were planning. Where did you find out how to infect people without biting them?'

'I told you… I made it up…'

'Crucio… Tell us.'

'I can't - I honestly -'

'I don't want to hear any more of your lies,' Short hissed at him. 'You'll tell us what we want to know, I promise you.'

'Why don't you - give me Veritaserum?'

'You think we'd waste that on something like you?' Ginger laughed. 'When we can get what we want from you without it.'

'I'm telling the truth,' Remus said, and dropped onto his knees and began to cry. 'I can't tell you anything - I made it up - what can I do to make you believe me?' He took a great sobbing breath. 'I never wanted to hurt anyone! I wanted to live my life quietly! I just want,' tears were running down his cheeks and his breathing was loud and painful to hear, 'to live with Sirius. I want to get old with him. I want to die holding his hand when I'm ancient. That's all! What's wrong with you? Why don't you understand that? If I wasn't - I might be a werewolf but I'm a human being!'

Short and Ginger exchanged glances.

'You are not a human being,' Ginger said coldly and crucioed him into oblivion.  


* * *

  
Snape was attempting to order Sirius, who was back at Hogwarts, to eat some breakfast.

He had managed to drag him to the dining hall and, although he felt it below his dignity, had poured a bowl of cereal for Black and shoved it in front of him. Black was looking dreadful.

Of course, Snape was under no misapprehensions about his own appearance, but Black had always been good looking and rather vain. At least he had washed that morning, but he still looked pale, his eyes were darkly shadowed, and Snape had noted a stumble as he came through the floo network to his own office.

He drank his own coffee and tried to think about the research he had done during his sleepless night. His concentration was waning, which he blamed on lack of sleep, and his thoughts kept coming back to Remus and his lonely full moon night.

_I hope he has had a chance to take his potion. I hope he is alright._

Snape drew the line at encouraging Black to eat, but he was relieved to see him eating a few spoonfuls and drinking several lukewarm cups of tea.

'I have several classes to teach today,' he said. 'You may stay in my office to work.'

Sirius nodded and left to find Dumbledore. Snape sat back in his chair for another cup of sweetened coffee, blinking tiredly and hoping that the Gryffindors would behave themselves, for their own sakes.

* * *

  
'Do you think I could go and see Remus again?' Sirius asked, words spilling into each other in his eagerness.

Dumbledore shook his head. The two were sitting alone in the head teacher's study; though many of the portraits were watching curiously they had been sworn to secrecy.

'I am afraid I could not arrange it. I have already asked Cornelius; I felt that you ought to see him, and of course Jane's Shami. Unfortunately they disagreed. They said he was not fit to have visitors.'

'I hope they're looking after him,' Sirius said, tears springing into his eyes that he hated but could not stop.

Dumbledore said nothing but laid a quiet hand on his shoulder. That was enough to set him off, and they stayed there with only the noise of Sirius's stifled weeping between them until, thoroughly embarrassed but feeling somewhat better, he regained his self-control.

'You must be brave, Sirius,' said Dumbledore kindly. 'You and your friends are doing all you can. I must tell you, it is my belief that Severus is willing to go as far as you to retrieve Remus. Together you will manage it.'

'I don't know why I spent so long hating him,' Sirius said, scrubbing at red eyes.

The headmaster shook his head and looked wise.

'I must be going, I have many things to sort out, but before I do I need to tell you; Sirius, if we cannot get Remus out legally but you manage to rescue him, you must bring him here. The Ministry would be able to seize him back from any muggle place, but here… we have many wards protecting us. The castle and its inhabitants answer to me. He and you would be safe here.'

'Thank you,' Sirius whispered, petrified of crying again. Dumbledore seemed to know this, because with just a hasty farewell he disappeared off through his fireplace.  


* * *

  
'I can't believe you're defending him! He's pure evil; he's the reason the play's a tragedy!'

'Without him, there would _be _no play. He's the only one really worth watching and the rest of them are just players in his scheme.'

'But - but - he makes Othello kill his own wife that only a few months ago he adored!'

'Iago might have played on his fears but ultimately the only one responsible for Desdemona's murder is Othello. The only thing you can actually hang on Iago is the murder of his own wife, which by Shakespearean tragic standards is not a great deal. In terms of what he did, he's no worse than Othello.'

'That's the point though, isn't it? Iago's just a - oh, a facilitator, giving voice for the audience to Othello's deepest fears, a personalisation of Othello's id.' The others collectively rolled their eyes. 'The real villain of the piece is Othello's jealousy, which is why he's a tragic hero in the first place - it's his fatal flaw.'

'I just don't believe that jealousy is enough. I don't think what happened would have happened without Iago.'

'Don't you? I think it smacks of inevitability.'

'No. Othello trusted Desdemona until Iago got involved. He _loved _her until Iago starting pouring poison into his ears.'

'Don't you think that it's Othello's own fault that he listened to and believed his friend instead of his wife? Iago might be convincing but he's not a hypnotist. Othello believed him because he _wanted _to.'

'Dr. Tomkins? Dr. Tomkins? _Jane_?'

'That's a very interesting point,' Jane said and nodded, but she had the grace to look somewhat shamefaced. 'Does someone want to summarise, er, what you've been saying?'

Her students looked at each other with raised eyebrows but proceeded obediently to outline their arguments for her.  


* * *

  
Shami had no idea that she had black biro ink on her lips, and a little on her chin. It made her look a little demented, not a reassuring quality in a lawyer, but happily she was not with a client.

One of the partners was utilising his seniority to gain an audience for a monologue about a case in which he had, by the sound of it, overcome daunting odds to secure a acquittal of an unpleasant-sounding character back in the late fifties. Since Shami was relatively junior, she was forced to sit and listen and nod politely, and she took out her frustration and boredom on an innocent biro that had had the misfortune to be lying on her desk.

The old windbag was so wrapped up in his eulogising of his own legal skills that it stopped him noticing either the chewing or the ink (in fact he was not even looking at her and would have been hard-pressed to say who he was talking to if he had been asked). Eventually he bustled off, no doubt to find some other victim, and one of the secretaries came in, told her that her eleven o'clock had cancelled, her only other appointment that day was at two, that her day off had been agreed to, and that she looked like she had been drinking tar whilst on a trampoline.

Shami scrubbed at her face until it was sore, absent-mindedly staring through the mirror and worrying about tomorrow's hearing. She felt as confident as a conscientious lawyer could feel after one night's preparation in a field entirely new to her. In a magic castle. That you got to through a fireplace.

She had defended many cases before that she had secretly felt were hopeless, and generally they had turned out to be so, but never before, not even with her very first client, had she felt so very out of her depth.

_I was mad to tell Jane I'd do this. It's ridiculous; I've got only the faintest idea what I'm doing and if I mess up, heaven only knows what will happen to this poor Remus._

And yet… she knew that she had been asked because the others had even less experience than she, and that she had perforce to do her best. She squared her shoulders, ran a hand through her hair and went to prepare for her two o'clock.  


* * *

  
Remus woke up shivering on the stone floor of his cell. Though he still felt dreadful, he was unspeakably relieved to find himself alone.

He steeled himself before crawling over to his bag and rummaging in it for Snape's potion. For a few sickening moments he thought that someone had confiscated it but then his fingers closed around the little vial and he sat down on his blanket, uncorked it and let it drop onto his tongue.

It had the consistency of honey and tasted far better than Wolfsbane and, as soon as he swallowed, he started to feel better. It spread through him like a tot of whisky on a cold day and he felt his hurts fade to the back of his consciousness until he was barely aware of them.

He also felt suddenly very sleepy, and just managed a few sips of water before rolling himself up in blankets and surrendering to the delicious heaviness in his limbs.

_This isn't just healing potion_, he managed to think with a dopey grin on his face before the cell and all his suffering slipped away and he fell asleep.  


* * *

  
The dungeon room where Snape attempted to teach the students of Hogwarts the ancient and subtle art of potion brewing was in chaos.

He had disappeared into his ante-chamber a quarter of an hour before and the noise level had gradually risen and risen until the first years were shrieking and making miniature explosions in their cauldrons.

The racket had penetrated the thick stone walls and disturbed Sirius who looked up from Snape's blueprint notes with bleary eyes that took a few moments to place his surroundings.

When the sound of a class in anarchy grew even louder, he stood up with a groan, stretched, and went to see what exactly was happening.

He opened the door and scanned the room. The first years paused in their merrymaking but, failing to recognise him, carried on.

Sirius spotted a small boy in enormous glasses in the front row who was not participating but instead attempting to work, reading a book with his fingers in his ears. He jumped when Sirius bent down and waved a hand in front of his face.

'Hello,' he said kindly. 'Where's your professor?'

'Who are you?' asked the boy suspiciously.

'I'm a friend of Professor Snape's,' Sirius told him without hesitation.

'Oh. He's our professor. I don't know where he's gone though. I'm a bit worried… we've only got seven months til our exams, we can't really afford to miss a lesson like this.'

With difficulty, Sirius bit down a laugh and nodded gravely.

'Yes, I quite see that. Which direction did Professor Snape go off in?'

The boy pointed to the room's other door, then stuck his fingers in his ears once more and went back to his reading. Wondering about the younger generation, he opened the door to Snape's ingredients cupboard and there was the potions master, sound asleep, perched on a stool with his head back against a shelf and snoring softly.

Sirius grinned, wishing for a moment that they were back in school as a hundred potential pranks flashed through his imagination. Then he shook his head sternly, closed the door and set to waking his old enemy.

'Snape,' he hissed, as if that would work when the ear-splitting din on the other side of the door had not.

He took hold of his shoulder and gave him a gentle shake.

Snape immediately leaped to his feet, bashing Sirius's head with his own on the way up and clutching for his wand. It should have been funny but somehow it wasn't, not really.

'Severus…'

The potions master looked furious but controlled his tongue and Sirius realised the anger was only meant for himself. Snape nodded before bursting out of the cupboard like an enraged bat, terrifying his wayward class into instantaneous silence.

Sirius could hear his cold tones shaking a little as he gave the class a tongue-lashing they would never forget. Order duly restored, a dense silence filling the classroom, he reappeared.

'Did you sleep at all last night?' Sirius asked at once with tact unusual for him.

'No.'

'You ought to try tonight.'

He made to leave and had his hand on the cupboard's door handle when Snape cleared his throat and he turned around.

Snape's face was twisted and he appeared to be doing battle with himself.

'Thank you,' he managed eventually. It was spat out rather than offered gratefully, but Sirius was nonetheless impressed. He shrugged and managed a sort of half-nod before leaving the cupboard, passing the subdued hordes in the classroom and returning to Snape's study.  


* * *

  
Remus was happy, and asleep.

As well as a healing and sleeping draught, Snape's potion also contained a few drops of one of his own concoctions, a clever and highly complex concentrated philtre.

Remus was stretched out on his blankets, dreaming that he was snuggled next to Sirius in his own white bed. They were talking and laughing, telling stupid jokes punctuated by kisses. He had a cup of tea steaming next to him and Sirius was feeding him chocolate that made their kisses even sweeter.

Snape had made the dream potion to alleviate his own nightmares, and was gratified by his results.


	35. A Sleepless Night

Yeah, so, this has taken quite a while. The plot is still whirling around inside my head, though I'm torn between two endings (Too fluffy? Excessively angsty? Are there such things?), it's just apparently very very difficult to get the words down. I blame work. If you're still following this, thank you for hanging in there, but I'm afraid I can make absolutely no promises regarding the timescale that will be involved in finishing this, other than it will probably be complete by 2015 or so.

* * *

Evening was drawing in and Albus Dumbledore was sitting in the semi-darkness of his office when he was hailed by Phineas Nigellus.

'Headmaster,' said the portrait respectfully, 'I have information pertaining to the werewolf.'

'Remus?'

'Hogwarts must have changed greatly if there is more than one werewolf in peril known to you,' Nigellus said wryly, but he was a little bit in awe of Albus Dumbledore and so he did not expound on his opinion of half-breeds and the like.

'What is it, Phineas?'

'As you are aware, I have a portrait in the office of Ophiuchus Alhage, who is the minister in charge of the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds.'

'I am aware of that, yes.'

'I was witness to a discussion between Alhage and a man he addressed as Smith, who I can only assume is one of his employees. It would appear that they are very angry about the intervention of the Wizengamot into what they believe to be their private business, and they seem likely to inflict this anger on your werewolf.'

'What did they say, Phineas?' asked Dumbledore.

'In a nutshell, that if there should be what they perceive to be an unfavourable result tomorrow when the Wizengamot convenes, the werewolf will be, ah, _disappeared_.'

'Disappeared?'

'Although they were not specific as to what they meant by that, the impression I received was that the werewolf was to be put to death.'

'I see,' said Dumbledore, and he did.

* * *

He waited a while, allowing Shami and Jane time to arrive, and then made the long walk down to Snape's subterranean offices where he could find them all together.

Snape and Shami's dark heads were bent together over a book, candles clustered around them, Sirius was studying plans of the Ministry opposite them and making notes, and Jane was reading another book on Snape's sofa and describing gestures in the air as though she was conducting an imaginary orchestra.

She noticed Dumbledore first, and jumped to her feet.

'How are you?'

'I am well, thank you Jane,' he said, though he did not mean it.

'Something's happened, hasn't it?' Sirius said, and the pen in his hand was shaking.

'I have come to tell you that whatever happens tomorrow in the Wizengamot, you must rescue Remus. I have reason to believe that the Ministry will not give him up even if the law says they must. You must rescue him.'

Sirius stood up.

'"Reason to believe"? What does that mean?'

'I have sources, Sirius, and they have told me that Alhage has no intention of submitting to rule of law. I am sorry I cannot tell you more.'

'You know more than you're telling! What are they going to do to him?'

'Sirius,' said Dumbledore softly, looking very old and very frail, 'Remus is in danger. I cannot tell you how I know, but I _know_. Please, trust me. You cannot leave this up to Shami and I, though we still have to attend tomorrow.'

'Thank you for telling us, headmaster,' Snape said formally. 'We will certainly act on your information.'

Albus Dumbledore knew he could trust his most inscrutable teacher, and he nodded, trying to project his certainty with his eyes. Severus would do whatever was in his power to right this wrong.

* * *

'Severus, we _know _the plan,' Jane said exasperatedly.

It was 4.30 in the morning, pitchy black outside, and the four of them were sitting in Snape's office, Jane and the two men together on the easy chairs and Shami at the desk working feverishly.

'We cannot be too prepared,' said Snape forbiddingly, in the manner that struck sheer terror into the majority of his pupils.

It did not work on Jane, however.

'We don't even really know what we're facing when we get in there,' she said. 'All we know is, we're flooing into the Ministry and heading down towards the dungeons, or whatever they're called, and we're going to batter anyone who gets in our way. You've got the route all mapped out, we all know it's down to the bottom floor and then straight on - left - straight - left again - middle - straight on - third right after the atrium, then ask at the reception and beat them into submission til they tell us where exactly Remus is. We spring him then run like hell.'

'_We _spring him and run like hell,' said Sirius. 'As in, me and Snape. You, on the other hand, go back to Sheffield, sort out some stuff for us and bring it back to Hogwarts ready for us to go into hiding if necessary.'

'Actually, that's already sorted,' said Jane. 'Dobby?'

With a crack, a tiny house elf with a preposterous hat and mismatched socks appeared in front of them.

'Dobby is doing all you asked for, miss muggle Jane miss!' said the house elf.

Snape raised an eyebrow.

'We met when I went to find food, didn't we Dobby? He's a most obliging chap, I must say. Thank you ever so much Dobby, you've been awfully helpful.'

'Most pleased to help you, miss!' he squeaked, then bowed low and vanished.

'I _love _house elves,' said Jane. 'So that side of things is all sorted and I am free to come with you to get Remus.'

'But you're a muggle. You'll set off alarms when you enter the Ministry building. Besides, you've got no magic to protect yourself.'

'If Jane is carrying a wand, there will be enough magic inherent for her to avoid tripping the muggle detectors,' said Snape unhelpfully.

'Well, quite,' said Jane. 'And besides, I've been researching. I looked up muggle magic in one of those books of Severus's and it said that sometimes, if you borrow the wand of someone you love to try to help them, something might happen. Don't you remember, when I picked up Remus's wand when I first found out about you both, I managed to set something on fire? And I didn't even know what I was holding then. I'm not saying I can do magic or anything, but Remus can, and I have his wand, and I want to help him.'

She sat back in her chair and eyed both of them balefully.

'I am interested in this magic,' Snape said after a few moments. 'I have heard of such things but never credited them.'

Jane picked up Remus's wand from where it lay by a pile of books. She stared down at it, tense with concentration. Her corkscrew hair seemed to crackle with static. She closed her eyes and flicked the wand.

One of Snape's bookcases caught fire.

'Well, if anything needs to be immolated then I'm your gal,' she said sheepishly as Snape doused the flames and repaired his books. He did not look angry; rather slightly amused, and she thought she had won him over. '_Please_, Sirius.'

'I'm just worried about you, that's all,' Sirius told her. He looked defeated and although she felt guilty that she had pressed the issue, she could not suppress the thrill of anticipation that jolted through her.

'I know you are, but Sirius, if - if something happens, that wouldn't have happened if I were there, I couldn't forgive myself. I can't sit safe here and wait for you, I _can't_.'

Snape looked at Sirius. 'You must understand that. If she were a witch, the Hat would most certainly have Sorted her into Gryffindor.'

Sirius nodded and the subject was dropped. Jane rose to her feet and walked over to where Shami was bent over Snape's desk.

'How's it going?' she murmured.

'Well I'm so exhausted I'm worried I might be hallucinating, but I think I've got the bare bones of a case for your Remus; I'm just trying to flesh it out.'

Jane put her hands on Shami's shoulders and kneaded gently.

'I'm very grateful,' she said.

'So am I, if you really want to know. Besides being completely terrified of course. In my normal work, if I can't defend someone, they'll get repatriated, and of course it's anyone's guess what might happen to them once they're back, it's not so final as what will happen if I screw up here.'

'You won't screw up. You might not win, but it won't be your fault. Without you we wouldn't have a prayer.'

'That's what I keep telling myself.'

One of Jane's hands had drifted into Shami's short black hair that lay like a shiny cap on her head. The lawyer closed her eyes and leaned back into the caress and they stayed like that a while as Sirius and Snape went obsessively through their plan once more.

* * *

None of them could sleep at all. They had decided amongst themselves that their plan had a greater chance of success if they attempted it during the hours of night when the Ministry of Magic was comparatively empty, and so they had nothing to do until the day had passed, but they sat around drinking coffee and looking things up for Shami until Dumbledore came to collect her at around eight. The sun was rising but outside was still grey and it felt a great deal earlier.

Shami drained her coffee and stood up, rubbing her eyes.

'I don't look like a barrister,' she commented wryly, looking down at her rumpled attire.

'If you would permit me…?' Snape said, and with a couple of passes of his wand she was transformed - hair freshly washed and brushed, clothes clean and ironed.

'You even cleaned my teeth!' she said wonderingly. 'I could do with a wand of my own.'

Snape handed her a potion. 'This should not be used more than a couple of times in a row, but I think you would find it helpful.'

She drank down the goblet-full and then blinked a few times. 'Blimey.'

'It is a stimulating draught.'

'I feel pretty much ready to go!' she laughed, and in truth she looked much better.

Snape looked slightly smug as he handed her a phial containing more of the potion, then sobered again.

'Good luck,' he said.

Sirius seemed unable to speak. He simply took Shami's hand in both of his and wrung it for a moment as he looked into her eyes.

'I'll do my best,' she told him gently.

He dropped her hand and stepped back, leaving Jane to hug her.

'Thank you so much,' she whispered in Shami's ear, and kissed her on the cheek. 'You'll be great.'

With that, she followed Dumbledore out of the room. The three left behind could not look at each other. Jane dropped wearily into a settee, Snape moved off to look once more at the blueprints of the Ministry, and Sirius stood in one spot as if he had been Immobilised.

* * *

'We will use the visitors' entrance to the Ministry, as you are not a witch,' the Headmaster told Shami. 'Take my hand, and I will apparate us there.'

She did not know what he meant, but her stomach felt like it was full of wriggling creatures and so she simply nodded and held out a hand that shook somewhat. He took it in his, lifted his wand and muttered some words under his breath, then gripped her hand more tightly and turned on the spot.

Shami felt as though she was barrelling at great speed out a tube of toothpaste; she could not breath, she could barely think, and then all of a sudden the feeling stopped and they were standing in a red telephone box in a strange city.

She gasped a lungful of stale piss-scented air as she took in the nondescript telephone, the calling cards of prostitutes and the normal-looking people passing by outside without giving them a second glance.

'This is so strange,' she said, and the headmaster of Hogwarts twinkled at her before lifting the earpiece of the telephone. 'Isn't that broken?' The wire of the telephone was dangling to a nonchalant end in midair.

He shook his head as he dialled a number.

'Albus Dumbledore, Wizengamot member, accompanied by Shami Chatterjee, visitor to the Ministry, legal counsel for Remus Lupin.'

A swilver badge clattered out into the change tray, and Dumbledore motioned that Shami should pick it up and put it on. She pinned it to her lapel as, without warning, the floor of the box began to drop away and they were lowered into a vast chamber.

'Good lord.'

The room was enormous, many times bigger than the court rooms she was used to. It had, for a centrepiece, a golden statue of a man and a woman and three non-human creatures.

'Is that a _centaur_?' she asked, and Dumbledore nodded.

They walked on to a long curving desk, staffed by a bored-looking wizard reading a newspaper.

'We are here for the convention of the Wizengamot,' Dumbledore told him. 'This is Shami Chatterjee; she is a visitor.'

'Know your way, do you?' asked the man.

'Oh yes.'

'Sign in please,' the man said to Shami, and shoved a heavy book towards her. When she had filled it in, the man went back to his paper and so, assuming the formalities were complete, the pair left.

They crossed the great hall and stepped into a lift. Pieces of paper folded into rough aeroplanes were flapping about by the ceiling. Shami stared up at them.

_This is like the time I dropped acid and then had to go to a lecture_, she thought and, though still feeling as tense as the strings on a violin, she could not suppress a snort of laughter at the recollection, and at the thought that this was all real and all happening to her.

'We forget, we who live in this world, how alien it must seem to others who are seeing it for the first time,' said Dumbledore kindly.

The lift stopped at several floors before, quite a long way down from the entrance hall, it stopped at the one they wanted and Dumbledore got out. There were more corridors, these ones silent but for the swish of Dumbledore's robes and the tapping of Shami's shoes on the polished floor. They passed several people, all looking grave. No one spoke to them.

At last, it appeared, they had arrived. A set of double doors swung open without visible help, and through them was a great amphitheatre set about an oval floor. The benches that lined the walls were packed with elderly men and women, the hubbub enormous. Shami glanced about but there was no sign of Remus.

'Shami, your place is down there,' said Dumbledore, and he gestured to a pair of tables down in the centre of the room. Sat at one of the tables were a pair of wizards and a witch, the other was empty.

Shami swallowed hard and, gripping her briefcase with a sweaty palm, made her way down the vertiginous stairs to her table. She set out her papers, fished at the bottom of her bag for pens, then sat herself down. Trials were always anxious times but this one… ignorance of the rules that governed this court, and a cold dread of what would happen if the decision did not go her way, as well as the sensation of being watched by hundreds of pairs of eyes, was flaying her nerves almost to breaking point. She took deep breaths and tried not to be sick.

Dumbledore stood up at his lofty seat. He smiled down at her before pointing his wand at his throat. The conversation of the people in the room died away to nothing.

'Fellow Elders. This is a convention of the Wizengamot to discuss the case of Remus John Lupin who is currently being held at the Ministry without trial. He is charged with taking a job against the express order of the Ministry.' His magically enhanced voice echoed through the chamber. 'As I have a particular interest in the case, I will be handing over to the Deputy Chief Warlock, Mistress Eliza Birch.'

He sat down again and the witch at his side took to her feet.

* * *

Remus was, of course, completely oblivious to the efforts on his behalf, and he was in no state to appreciate them. He had been rudely awakened from his magical sleep with kicks and Stinging Hexes and was once more being questioned about his fictitious plans to create more werewolves.

'You will tell us, wolf. Don't think you can hold out. _No-one _holds out forever. You're only making things worse for yourself.'

'How can I be? No matter what I say, you'll just send me to Azkaban,' Remus gasped, choking on blood that was flowing from his freshly-broken nose.

Ginger laughed at this.

'He's got a point.'

Then more Crucio.

The pain fled suddenly. Remus gasped in a breath, huddled on the floor, then looked up to see his tormentors conferring with another man. They were discussing something very earnestly, and seemed to reach a satisfactory conclusion. They walked out and slammed the door without a glance behind them, leaving Remus to wonder what new hell they had planned for him.


	36. Wizengamot

So apparently it's been a year since I updated. I'm overcome with shame, but it's been a terrible year. I've known how this will pan out for ages, but there's one aspect that I can't decide about... I'll try to make my mind up! Hope this is (in any way) worth the wait.

* * *

Mistress Birch cleared her throat then cast a Sonorus charm.

'Dumbledore has already had you vote on whether to convene on this, and you decided that it was indeed a matter for the Wizengamot. I will briefly go over the facts and then we will hear from some interested parties.

'Currently, Remus Lupin is a prisoner of the ministry. He had been living amongst muggles and had had no contact with the magic world until his old school friend turned up at the university where Lupin teaches. They, ah, entered into a relationship. Unfortunately the university authorities became aware of this relationship and, since Lupin was in a position of responsibility as this friend's lecturer, he had to leave his job. He attempted to gain employ amongst the muggle world once more and was successful, but was denied permission to work. Despite this, he accepted a job at a cafeteria. He was consequently detained.

'We have a duty to this man to hear his case. He has been arrested and kept prisoner since his detention under the authority of the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds with no trial or any consideration of his case by anyone but those who took him into custody.'

She paused for a few moments as signs of the Wizengamot's displeasure echoed around the hall - boos and hisses. Shami was forcibly reminded of the House of Commons and, despite her nerves, bit back a smile.

'We will first hear the case against Remus Lupin. I see that present we have Ophiuchus Alhage with some members of his department, and,' Dumbledore whispered in her ear, 'Madam Shami Chatterjee, muggle barrister for Mr Lupin. Master Alhage, the floor is yours.'

Alhage got slowly to his feet. He was a tall thin man with grey hair and a steely gaze. He gazed around the Wizengamot, his eyes resting on Shami for a long chilling moment, before he cast his Sonorus.

'The case against Remus Lupin, werewolf XZ3289735, is a simple one. He broke the law pertaining to werewolf control and regulation and as such, my department took the appropriate action against him.'

Shami was listening intently but also watching the witches and wizards around the auditorium scribbling away on parchment with quills in every colour and size.

'Quite frankly, and with all due respect to the venerable Wizengamot, I cannot see what benefit we gain from gathering and discussing this case. The werewolf is a registered half-breed, a magical monster, and as such has no rights under the laws of the Ministry of Magic. Despite this, he and others of his kind are permitted to live free within certain limits designed to reduce the danger the lycanthrope poses to wizard society.

'Lupin breached one of these laws, an important one, by undertaking paid employment even though he was explicitly barred from this particular job. His employer was unaware of his condition and as such no precautions could be put into place to prevent him passing on his malady. In order to maintain public safety, my department seized and imprisoned the wolf; not only are we permitted to take this line of action but we should be neglecting a vital duty if we had not.

'Lupin clearly has a problem with authority. This, in one so dangerous as he, could easily have fatal consequences. The steps taken by my department are simply the minimum required to keep wider society, wizarding and muggle, from harm.'

Alhage sat down and gathered his robes about him, giving a brusque nod to Mistress Birch.

'Thank you,' she said. 'I will give you a few more minutes for note-taking and then Madam Chatterjee will speak. Then you will have the opportunity for questions.'

The hall was quiet except for the scratching of the quills and the odd murmur from someone to their neighbour. Shami glanced through her notes once more. She felt the hammering of her pulse and the trembling of her limbs, the dry mouth that she always felt before presenting her case. She took a sip from a glass of water in front of her and tried to breathe deeply and clear her mind.

'Madam Chatterjee,' said Mistress Birch finally. 'We will hear Remus Lupin's side of the story.'

Shami stood and squared her shoulders. She felt a final rush of adrenaline and then the almost preternatural calm which always washed over her before she addressed the muggle courts. She was ready.

Professor Dumbledore touched his wand gently to her throat and, when she spoke, Shami heard her voice magically magnified ring out through the vast space.

'Witches and wizards of the Wizengamot, you know that I am Shami Chatterjee and that I am a muggle. You also know that it is by your standards unusual for any third party to speak on behalf of a prisoner or a person accused of a crime. I will first explain how these circumstances came about so that we can afterwards concentrate on the points of Remus's case without distraction.

'I am a friend of Remus Lupin's greatest friend, who is also a muggle woman. She asked me to intervene in this situation as she knows that that, in the muggle world, is my job and my area of expertise. I am a criminal barrister, prosecuting and defending muggles who have been accused of breaking their laws. She informed me that her friend had been imprisoned and, through other magic friends, we discovered that normal practice for people like Remus was not for an open hearing of the case for and against him, but that he would simply remain imprisoned for whatever duration the Minister of the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds dictates. We also learned that he would receive any punishment, up to and including capital punishment, that the Minister deems appropriate.

'And so today you find me addressing you. I hope that you will be patient with me, as I am of course in ignorance of many details of the world in which you live, but I also hope you will listen what I have to say on behalf of Remus without prejudice arising from my lack of magic.

'Remus Lupin is a werewolf. This is an undeniable fact. He was bitten at a very young age and barely remembers a time when the curse of the moon did not hold sway over his life. He attended Hogwarts school with his peers, the only precaution a safe place for him to transform every month. He made friends, passed his exams, and went into the world a sensible and responsible young man. He joined the fight against He Who Must Not Be Named, along with his great friends James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew and, once that great threat was defeated, took a momentous decision.

'He knew that he could never be accepted in the wizarding world because of his lycanthropy. Most magic people distrust werewolves, no matter their character or behaviour during the 98 per cent of their lives in which they look, act and feel like any other person. Remus knew that and so he decided to work in the muggle world, rather than the magical one.

'Receiving the appropriate permissions, he studied a muggle discipline, English literature, working his way through university, learning his subject and making a life for himself, until he owned a home and had a stable job lecturing to young muggles about English literature from the nineteenth century.

'However, though he barely realised it for years, something was missing. In short, he yearned for someone to love him and care for him, accept him for who and what he was. This is a basic right, even for werewolves; they do not need to seek permission to find a partner, merely to marry or procreate. He did not intend to do either of these things, especially as his partner was another man. In short, when they regained contact, he fell in love with his old friend Sirius Black. His love was reciprocated and the two began a romantic relationship.

'All well and good. However, the relationship came to the attention of the university authorities who had reservations about a love affair blossoming between a member of staff and a student, despite their shared history and equal age. They gave Remus and Sirius a choice; one of them must resign their place at the university. Remus Lupin was not sacked or given his notice. He received no official warning. The university meant for Sirius to leave - after all, he had only been a student for less than a term - and for Remus, their trusted teacher of over ten years, to stay. However, Remus had a measure of pride, and so he resigned, allowing Sirius to continue to study.

'To meet his everyday expenses, Remus needed money. In short, he must find another job. In the lag time before another academic job became available - please note, nothing on his record would preclude him from finding similar employ in another university - he applied and won offers for less exalted jobs.

'He has always submitted with grace to the demands of the Ministry, and so on this occasion. With every job offer he received, he wrote to the Ministry to request permission to work, and every letter received a negative. He may not take up this job, or this, or this. Bear in mind that these jobs required work only during the days and his hours would be long over before moonrise. Remus became desperate.

'I cannot excuse he next course of action, I can only explain it. The need to earn became more and more pressing, but the Ministry denied him any opportunity to earn an honest wage. And so, Remus disobeyed. He took up a job in a café in Sheffield.

'So what happened next? His home was invaded by Ministry strongmen. They burst in and seized him without word of explanation, and imprisoned him within the bowels of this very building. He has been permitted to spend five minutes with his partner Black, and five minutes with one other friend, the respected Potions master of Hogwarts, Severus Snape. That is all. I, as his legal counsel, have not been allowed to consult with him. I cannot make report on his mental and physical state, nor can I explain to you these events in his own words. I am simply telling you the facts of this case I have learned from his friends, including Professor Albus Dumbledore.

'I am here today because I believe that Remus Lupin has been a victim of laws which will not permit him to live honestly and within the bounds of the laws. I believe that the very laws must be at fault for such an honest, upright and generally law-abiding man. He is, through no fault of his own, a werewolf. He has been for thirty years. Yet he has never harmed anyone, never infected anyone with his affliction. This must surely tell you how responsible and careful a man he is.

'I stand before you today asking one question. If such a _good _man as Remus Lupin can fall foul of the law, if he can be summarily taken by force from his home and thrown in prison, if he can await a fate which is decided by only one man, is there not something very wrong with the system as it stands? If such a man can, without endangering any person magic or muggle, be forced into a course of action and then for his very life rely on one man's whimsy, is that not _wrong_?

'Yes, Remus Lupin has broken one of the laws of the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds, but I believe he had very compelling cause and that the punishment to which he is now subjected, and will continue to be subjected, is out of all proportion to the nature of his very slight offence.

'Thank you for your attention.'

She sat down and exhaled a long, shuddering breath. Dumbledore patted her on the shoulder. He was not smiling but behind his glasses his eyes looked like they were twinkling.

'Very good, Ms Chatterjee,' he murmured as the Wizengamot members' quills skated over their parchments.

'Please, call me Shami,' she said, and impulsively took his hand and squeezed it in her own.

* * *

'Are we ready?' asked Jane. She was dressed in black trousers and jumper, her bright hair mostly covered with a black scarf.

Snape nodded at her. He was also dressed in his trademark black, though not wizard garb; he was also wearing trousers and a shirt. His face was alarmingly pale and his almost-black eyes were burning.

'Come on Sirius,' Jane said gently.

Sirius stood up. He too looked tired and wan, worn out by worry and sleepless nights.

'Let's go through the checklist,' said Jane, and pulled it towards her, counting off the items as she read aloud. 'Wands. Blueprints. Distracter firecracker thingies. Smoke grenade thingies. Healing potions for Remus. Identity papers - just in case we get arrested. Bandages. Mobile phone. Rape alarm...'

'The plan,' Snape said in a low voice. 'We all know the route through the Ministry to the cells? Good. When we are attacked -'

'If, surely,' Jane interjected.

'When we are attacked,' Snape continued, 'Jane will take Lupin. I will cast shielding charms for all of us and Black will use offensive magic. Jane will use the distractions to try to confuse the attackers whilst taking Lupin to safety. Then you or I Black will attempt to summon the Headmaster. Jane will arm Lupin if he is capable of spellcasting. How can we get out of the Ministry?' This last to Jane.

'There are floos in the main entrance and by the lifts on each floor. There are apparition stations at various points along major corridors which we can use if Remus can manage it. There is the non-magic exit off the main hall near the reception. There is a portkey room on floor four though that's a last resort because we don't know where we'll end up.'

'And if you have to take a portkey?'

'If Remus can, he will send a message to one of you and let you know what has happened. If he can't, I will hide us and we'll wait until we hear a message from one of you two, if necessary stealing supplies from wherever.'

'And you know it should not come to such an eventuality, because -'

'I've got tracking charm that only you can detect, yes.'

'And if Black and I are both imprisoned?'

'We wait for at least two nights. If neither of you come to get us and Remus can manage it, he will cast a disguise on himself and we will claim to be muggle travellers. If he is not capable, I will leave him in a safe place, head for civilisation and sort out some way of getting us both back to my house.'

'Have you got muggle money?'

'Yes, and the medical kit, blankets, food and clothes you shrank into that tiny package for me,' Jane told him, fishing out a chain from down the front of her top and showing him. 'To return it to normal size I just tap the charm with Remus's wand.'

'That should work, but if by some chance his wand is confiscated or broken…?'

'_Fac magno_.' Jane mouthed, careful not to touch the tiny bag on the chain at the same time.

'Good,' said Snape. 'I think we are ready. All that we should do…'

He retrieved a bottle from his pocket and poured a small amount of the potion it contained into three glasses.

Jane drank hers down before he could warn her, and she squealed as smoke came blasting from her ears.

'Pepper-up Potion,' said Sirius. 'Just the thing after no sleep.'

When they had finished the potion, Snape cleaned the glasses then poured another measure from a different bottle, a beautiful rich golden-brown liquid.

Rather more circumspect this time, Jane looked inquiringly at Snape before drinking.

'_Felix Felicis_. Liquid luck.'

Sirius and Snape's eyes met for a moment and an understanding passed between them.

'We'll need it,' said Sirius.


	37. Questions

Thank you so very much to everyone who has read this, and extra special thanks to those who have reviewed! We're approaching the end; I think maybe another two or three chapters and potentially an epilogue. We'll see.

* * *

The Wizengamot gradually finished writing their notes and Mistress Birch stood up once more.

'On behalf of all of us, I thank Master Alhage and Madam Chatterjee for addressing us about the case of Remus Lupin. Now, the floor is open. Do any of you have questions?'

'Ms Chatterjee,' says an old woman in violet robes, 'you do not deny that Lupin broke our laws. What would you have us do? Punish him? Change the law?'

Shami stood up once more.

'I believe that even were Remus freed this moment, he would still have suffered more punishment than he deserves. I believe that the law he broke is unfair; you cannot stop people living their lives and earning money in the wizarding world and then deny them the opportunity to work in the muggle world without expecting negative consequences. Werewolves need money like everyone else, to find a place to live and to eat. I believe he should be released immediately and that the laws governing werewolf employment need review. Of course people need to be protected but the more prohibitive werewolf laws are, the more you drive them to break those laws.'

'So you would change the laws,' said the woman.

'It's not up to me what the laws of the magical community are. I simply see that in this circumstance, a good man has been driven by desperation to break a law which appears to simply criminalise normal and safe behaviour. I, a muggle, am standing before you because otherwise he would have no recourse to legal representation. However, it is a fact that werewolves live among you, and the less opportunities they have to make a living, the more they will resort to lawbreaking.'

The old woman nodded in satisfaction and sat down. A fairly young man on the opposite side of the auditorium stood.

'I would like to confirm a point; that is that Lupin's previous employers sacked him purely because of his relationship with Black.'

Shami stood back up.

'That's right. Remus was a member of staff and Sirius is a student at the university. This was deemed inappropriate.'

Another man, this time with a beard to rival Dumbledore's, got to his feet.

'My question is for Alhage,' he croaked, and Shami sipped her water gratefully. 'How did you expect Lupin to live when you forbade him from taking any work.'

Alhage got to his feet and looked balefully at the man.

'My role is simply to enforce the law.'

'But you also make the laws?'

'That is correct.'

'Then my question still stands.'

'Sir, my duty is to protect the normal members of society. That requires restrictions on werewolf employment. Quite frankly, it is no concern of mine how a werewolf chooses to survive, as long as he does not resort of criminal activity.'

'Master Alhage, forgive me for my persistence, but you have not answered the question.'

'There are legitimate jobs for werewolves to undertake.'

'Can you please give us examples?'

'Perhaps it would be more relevant were I to enumerate the restrictions. A werewolf may not work in a situation where he may be required to work on the day or night of the full moon, or the day following. He may not be alone with a single other person. He may not have unrestricted access to members of the public. He may not travel. He may not have responsibilities which could conceivably mean the power of life or death over a person. There must be no risk of blood contamination. He may not work with children'

'Thank you for clarifying that, Alhage. I wonder, on what grounds did you deny him employment at a muggle cafeteria?'

'There is clearly a risk of blood contamination, and potential for the werewolf to be alone with one other person.'

'I see. Can you name a form of employment which would be legal for a werewolf?'

The bearded man stood for a full five seconds while Alhage racked his brains, before retaking his seat.

'Thank you,' he said. Alhage shot him a murderous look and also sat down.

* * *

Remus's recovery from the full moon was taking longer than usual, and not just because of not having Wolfsbane. He was grateful for Snape's painkilling potion, but the effects wore off leaving his muscles and joints burning, and his many self-inflicted wounds stabbing with pain. He had only been given more dubious meat to eat and had made do with an orange from the things that Sirius had brought him, but had vomited it almost as soon as he had eaten it.

He curled up miserably and tried to remember the events of the last hours. Of course, he had been tormented once again because of his lie.

_I had to lie, to save Rom, _he thought miserably. _Why can't they see that? I had no choice. But it seems now I've given them something, they won't let it go._

He bit his lip. His body hurt. He was covered in smears of blood and bruises. He knew he smelt bad. Still, he was used to those degradations, once a month. What he was not used to was the knowledge that he was a prisoner with seemingly no hope of release.

_Dumbledore will be trying to help me, and Sirius… and Severus. They'll be doing everything they can. But still… what if they send me off to Azkaban?_

He was roused from dwelling on this fear with the grating noise that meant his food hatch was being opened.

'Remus,' hissed a familiar voice. 'Come here. I can't help much but, well, I've got a healing potion. Oh, and a cup of tea.'

Remus gritted his teeth and forced himself to his feet, the thin blanket around him.

'Thank you,' he said, and approached the door. 'But - who are you? I mean, I know you, but…'

The voice, a male voice, laughed grimly and the shadow that fell on the two mugs at the door moved away.

'Try not to think about it,' he said. 'Do not even wonder. It's dangerous. Just drink your potion.'

'If you're trying to help me, can't you get me out of here?' whispered Remus hoarsely before picking up the healing potion, draining it, and then wrapping his hands around the mug of tea.

'Remus, I can't, I only wish I could,' said the voice and he did sound dreadfully sorry. 'There's no way I could get you out of the cell and then out of the Ministry and hidden away without being caught. All we'd achieve would be that I'd be banged up as your next-door neighbour and they'd probably give you an even worse time after that.'

Remus clenched his jaw as he swallowed back despair and then took a sip of tea. It was hot, strong and utterly delicious.

'I think there's something going on upstairs to do with you though,' he said. 'Something to do with the Wizengamot. Don't ask me what because I've no idea, they don't let me into their plans, but I've heard Dumbledore's in the building today with some muggle, a woman.'

'A muggle woman?' Remus repeated incredulously and thought immediately of Jane. 'A small loud redhead?'

'Don't know. Still, I'd say if Dumbledore's on the case then you've got as good a chance as any.'

A distant door creaked then banged and the voice muttered a curse.

'Time to leave. Chin up, boy.'

And then he was gone and Remus was left alone to finish his tea and try to extinguish the sparks of hope the stranger's visit had kindled.

* * *

The three who were coming to attempt to free Remus were arriving through the flooing fireplaces in the atrium of the Ministry of Magic. Snape travelled first, then Jane. When she stepped out, she knew she should betray no surprise but could not prevent a sharp intake of breath at the magnificent space with its shining fountain.

'You shouldn't set off any alarms arriving through the floo network, even though you are a muggle, because you're carrying Lupin's wand,' Snape had told her, 'but do try to look nonchalant.'

She had rolled her eyes at that, thinking it obvious, but she was glad he had reminded her. She had expected some version of the Houses of Parliament, which she had visited once on a school trip, with perhaps a few touches of magic - floating candles, that kind of thing - but this was far more magnificent and entirely alien.

She gulped, wiped her sweating palms on her trousers, and walked over to Snape to await Sirius. He followed a few moments later, and they set off in the direction of the lifts.

The place was swarming with men and women in robes of many colours, some wearing the pointed hats that Jane had hoped for when she had first heard about the world of magic. Pieces of paper like small birds fluttered overhead and she wondered what they were for, but could not ask for fear of being overheard. Even the lifts were like nothing a muggle would ever have built and it really hit her for the first time what they were planning to do. The nerves that the novelty of the ministry had made her temporarily forget rushed back with reinforcements.

_I can't believe I'm here. This is ridiculous! I can't possibly hold my own against anyone here. Why on earth did I insist on coming? I'm going to be no help at all. And how can we ever smuggle Remus out with so many people around? If only we could have waited for night. Oh god, oh fuck, I can't handle this._

She took a few breaths, trying to control the hammering of her heart as the lift descended, and gave herself a good talking to. If she had only known it, the Felix was kicking in and suddenly their quest did not seem half so outlandish.

_You're here for Remus. That's why you came. You'll be okay and so will he. Come on woman. Pull yourself together. The boys know what to do, and anyway, you can always set someone on fire before they take you down!_

She glanced at Sirius and Snape, and noticed they also seemed suddenly calmed. Sirius winked at her and she grinned back.

The lift had stopped at many floors, emptying people and the paper birds, and they were the last to alight with only a few memoranda following them.

Jane noticed both men take out their wands and hold them loosely by their sides. She did the same, and with her other hand checked the bag of supplies hanging round her neck. They set off into the corridors.

These were dimly lit passageways, a contrast to the magical brightness of the entrance and the lift. Lamps burned with blue flames which flickered as they passed, throwing eerie shadows in front of them. It was soundless down there, no signs of life. The papers they had shared the lift with were long gone, having fluttered away to their destinations. Even their tread made no sound, their footfalls muted by carpet. The walls were plain grey with no pictures and only the occasional mysterious door to break the monotony.

Snape led the way with confidence, occasionally turning back briefly to check they were still following. The quiet claustrophobia of the subterranean catacombs dented even Felix's powers of confidence and none of them wanted to break the stillness even if they had not needed to keep silent.

* * *

Mistress Birch looked around. There were no hands aloft.

'Let us take an initial vote,' she said in her magically magnified voice. 'We will begin with the question of Master Lupin's law-breaking. I will ask for a vote whether or not you believe Lupin broke the law as it currently stands. This has no bearing on what you may think of the laws, or what punishment, if any, you feel is appropriate for Lupin. Very well. Those who believe on the evidence they have heard that Lupin broke the law by taking employment which had been specifically debarred from him as a werewolf, please vote now.'

The hall was filled immediately with puffs of green smoke. The harassed-looking counting clerk cast his spell, then caught Madam Birch's eye and nodded.

'Those who believe he did not break any law, vote now.'

A very few puffs of red smoke were conjured.

'And any abstentions?'

This time, a sparse showing of white smoke.

The counting clerk trotted up to Madam Birch and showed her the figures he had jotted down before standing and announcing the result.

'We find that Remus Lupin has been guilty of law-breaking by a majority of 473 to four, three abstentions,' he said.

'I must ask that anyone who believes Lupin to have broken other laws to speak now,' said Birch. No one spoke. 'Very well. We now come to the crux of the matter; whether or not Lupin was justified in his actions, if he was driven to act in a way which in any fully human citizen would not only not be a crime but which is a normal course of everyday living. If we come to the conclusion that he _was _justified, then a potential law change will be debated at a later date.'

'I would remind you all of the ancient dignity and immense responsibility of the office of member of the Wizengamot, and the importance of all members in having their voices heard and their views considered,' she said hopefully, and braced herself. 'The floor is open.'

* * *

Remus had long since finished his tea and was again trying to engross himself in one of his books, but he was struggling to concentrate and at the sound of footsteps he glanced up, then got to his feet as his door began to open.

'Hello, wolfie,' said Ginger. He was accompanied by Short, and another man with dark hair and a thin, cruel mouth.

Remus stared at him, and he smiled back.

'_Crucio_,' Short said. He turned to the dark man as Remus was writhing on the floor. 'The werewolf's manners are appalling. I apologise. We haven't managed to improve them yet.'

'You'd better be quick,' said Dark scornfully.

Remus sat up shaking and rubbed a hand over his denuded head.

'Alright wolf. You're going to tell us exactly what you've been playing at, how many poor muggles you've infected with your disgusting blood, what you're planning, or you're going to Azkaban double quick.'

'I told you, I haven't done anything. I told you that. I lied before… you were going to leave Ro- my twin with me when I transformed. I couldn't let myself hurt him. I had to tell you what you wanted to hear.'

'Look, we're reasonable men,' Dark told him, but the blank expression on his face belied this. 'If you don't tell us in the next ten seconds what we have asked, we will pack you off to Azkaban, and we'll see just how dangerous you are with the Dementors looking after you.'

A couple of seconds elapsed. Remus sat stubbornly with his mouth closed.

'_Crucio_,' shrieked Ginger once more, and the pain tore through Remus's limbs, feeling like it would burst his heart, like his brain was bleeding. He felt himself vomit, then lose control of his bladder, and the last thing he heard before he lost consciousness was Dark berating his tormentors for their lack of results.


	38. Further Exploration

Shami's mouth hung open for a moment in astonishment as the Wizengamot erupted into a hubbub that made the House of Commons look positively refined. Ancient witches and wizards were on their feet, yelling at their peers, shouting threats across the room, shaking their fists at each other. She turned to Dumbledore.

'Is it always like this?'

He twinkled at the muggle barrister's bafflement.

'Quite often, my dear. They need to blow off steam a little. They'll calm down in a while and then we can get on. Aniseed ball?'

He offered her a brown paper bag. She accepted the sweet and sat sucking it and observing the astonishing sight.

'How do you think the others are getting on?' she asked eventually in a low voice.

'We have not been interrupted by alarms, so as yet they have probably not been caught,' Dumbledore told her. 'I'm sorry I cannot give you more encouragement than that.'

'If they get - captured - is the first thing we'll know about it when they don't come home?'

'I have many friends in the ministry, Shami. I would hope we would be informed.'

'What would happen to them?'

Dumbledore sucked his aniseed ball for a few seconds.

'Sirius and Severus would very likely be sent for a term to Azkaban, the wizard prison.'

'And… Jane?'

Dumbledore shook his white head. 'I cannot say, my dear. I can only tell you that is she with two extremely gifted and extraordinarily daring wizards, and from what I have seen of her, she is herself a resourceful young woman. We must do what we can here, and hope that we succeed.'

Shami sat and thought about the man they were all working to help, the man she had never even met. She wondered what he was like, what it was like to meet a werewolf. Jane hadn't seemed bothered by it, though, and she had said that most of the time he was just another man, albeit an uncommonly decent one.

The noise was dying away now, the witches and wizards gradually retaking their seats and although there was a lot of muttering and gesticulation, this too quietened until the huge room was silent and all the members of the Wizengamot were sitting looking expectantly at Mistress Birch.

'We will have a preliminary vote. You have found the werewolf Remus Lupin guilty of breaking the law regarding employment of lycanthropes. Now you must decide whether or not his breaking of the law was justified. I remind you that we will require a majority with at least a thirty vote margin either way, and if we cannot reach a decision today we will reconvene and require further discussion. So, all those who believe Lupin was justified, vote now.'

The familiar green smoke billowed, followed by what seemed to Shami roughly the same amount of red smoke, and then the plumes of white that signalled indecision. The clerk trotted up to Birch and she read aloud the figures.

'163 believe he was justified to 209 against, 88 abstentions,' she announced, and Shami's shoulders slumped as the sound of the Wizengamot arguing furiously broke out once more.

'There will be a further chance to speak once they pipe down,' Dumbledore told her, 'and then we'll vote again. This isn't over yet.'

* * *

For the first time in what seemed like hours, human voices were audible. Snape led them into an alcove.

'We have arrived at the main offices of the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds,' he murmured. 'Follow my lead.'

He stood up straight and tossed back his curtain of black hair. There was a commanding glint in his eye. Jane and Sirius followed suit, doing their best to appear as remote and superior as Snape, holding their wands at the ready.

Snape stalked into the office reception and stared haughtily at the bored wizard sitting behind the desk.

'Can I help you, sir?' asked the bored wizard nervously.

'I am here with my assistants to see a werewolf regarding a potential breach of wizarding law.'

'Er, if you could just take a seat, someone will be right with you to discuss the steps necessary to seeing one of the detained creatures.'

Jane felt Sirius tremble with rage at hearing Remus described in this way, but he maintained a stony silence.

'Don't you know who I am?' thundered Snape, directing the full force of one of his finest glares at the unfortunate wizard.

'I, er, I don't know, sir, I…'

'We will proceed,' he said, his voice dripping with contempt, 'and I will do my best to forget your deplorable ignorance and pitiful conduct.'

Snape turned sharply on his heel and swept down a corridor next to the man's desk, Sirius and Jane in his wake. As they rounded the bend, Jane grabbed Snape's hand and squeezed it.

'You were brilliant, even if you're bloody scary,' she muttered.

'We should have some time before that individual gathers up the courage to report me to a senior,' Snape said, but the faintest hint of a smile that he gave Jane signalled his pleasure in her praise.

The corridors were no longer carpeted; instead the floor was old stone flags and the walls were brick. It was cold and dim, the blue-flamed lamps sparser. Sirius and Snape recognised their location from their previous visit and, after a whispered discussion at a fork in the corridor, carried on. They held their wands ready in front of them and Jane did the same, glancing nervously behind her.

The corridors got narrower and darker and they were forced to go in single file. Sirius took the lead now, followed by Jane now, with Snape at the back.

Finally they reached a door, wooden and with heavy studs and an ostentatious old-fashioned lock. One again Sirius and Snape discussed this while Jane listened and kept watch.

'When we use magic, we give ourselves away,' said Sirius. 'It'll be like sending up a flare, a flare that says "We're here!".'

'Nonetheless we need to get through,' Snape reminded him.

'Do you have any idea what magic they used to lock it before?'

'It was already open when they brought me along here.'

'Yes, me too. Is there anything about it on the blueprints or in your notes?'

'The books are unsurprisingly vague about the specifics,' Snape said as he rustled through pages densely covered in his tiny handwriting. 'They generally just write about how the intruder is bound to be frustrated by the security of the ministry's protection, and how the used of unauthorised magic is instantly detected.'

Sirius rolled his eyes. 'Fuck. Well, we'll have to break it open then.'

'When you say 'unexpected', what do you mean exactly?' Jane interjected suddenly, still facing away as she peered down the corridor. 'I mean, is it possible it's just - locked? With a lock? A muggle one, I mean.'

Snape shrugged. 'I imagine it's extremely unlikely.'

'I mean, those goons who guard this place, I bet some of them struggle with a lot of spells. Plus I should think the cells are heavily magically guarded. Maybe it is just a key for whatever poor bastard feeds the prisoners.'

'Why do you - oh… I think you should give it a go,' Sirius said, his eyes brightening in the gloom. 'After all, you're dosed up on Felix.'

Snape watched confusedly as Jane wriggled free a couple of hair grips from under her scarf and bent them straight, before kneeling in front of the door and squinting into the lock.

'It's locked with the lock as well as any magic at any rate,' she said, and poked the hair grips into the keyhole.

A couple of minutes went by, the only sound Jane's makeshift tools scraping the metal as the liquid luck pulsing through her bloodstream steadied her hand. Snape swallowed his impatience and padded back down the passageway to check for ministry employees, and was summoned back by a muffled yelp of triumph.

The door stood ajar.

Sirius clapped her so hard on her back she staggered, and she turned round grinning and gave him a punch in the arm that made him groan quietly.

'Save your violent tendencies for when they are needed,' Snape told them dryly, but he too felt a sudden leap of the heart, a momentary confidence that in fact they might succeed.

They carried on walking, passing a number of heavy metal doors with little rectangular doors cut into them at waist height, until they turned a corner and came to a halt.

'This one?' breathed Snape, and Sirius agreed.

'Remus,' Sirius called gently. 'Remus?'

The three strained their ears listening for a reply, but all was quiet.

'Probably a silencing charm,' Snape said. Each of them thought, but did not add, _If he's still in there. If he can speak._

'Once we're in there, grab him and _run_,' Sirius said fiercely to Jane.

He and Snape raised their wands in readiness but whirled around at Jane's gasp.

There was someone coming down the passage towards them.

* * *

When the Wizengamot had calmed down once more, Mistress Birch told them that they could ask more questions, if they wished. A tiny old man with a huge pointed purple hat and a luxuriant moustache hopped down from his seat.

Gripping the rail in front of him, he asked in a high clear voice, 'What is happening to the werewolf Lupin at the moment? Where is he?'

Birch turned to Alhage, who said, 'I cannot share that information.'

'Can you explain yourself?' asked Birch.

'There is some evidence that this werewolf took the job he did because he planned to attempt the infection of muggles.'

'Where does that evidence come from?' asked a tall witch with a monocle.

'The werewolf confessed,' said Alhage lazily.

Shami felt Dumbledore tense beside her.

'Do we have any evidence of this confession?'

'I am not obliged to share that with you.'

'So you've done Merlin knows what with this man because of a confession for which we have only your word, and which was made after he'd been snatched from his house?'

'In essence, though I dislike your tone. If you would prefer that the werewolf roam freely recruiting normal people to its twisted way of life, you must not have a very high regard for human life.'

'We've heard nothing about this man that would suggest he would be at all likely to do anything like that!' said the witch with the monocle indignantly. 'All we have is this so-called confession. How did you get it, eh? Did you beat it out of him?'

'Enough,' said Birch.

Shami stood up.

'If Mistress Birch will excuse me, I believe that the route of questioning is a valid one. Mr Alhage, could you please explain to us the circumstances under which Remus gave this confession?'

Alhage sneered at Shami. 'The department is not under the jurisdiction of the laws pertaining to the holding and trying of potentially criminal wizards and witches. As the creature falls into the category of non-human, the circumstances are irrelevant.'

'They may appear to be irrelevant to you, Mr Alhage, but I believe the members of the Wizengamot are eager to hear whether Remus gave his confession of his own volition or whether it was in some way forced from him. Although I have not been allowed to actually meet him, I have not heard anything which might suggest that Remus wished to inflict his unfortunate lycanthropy on anyone else and I do not believe that it is in his character to wish to do so.'

'She's right Alhage! Your lot skulk around underground doing whatever you bloody well like!' shouted a short and dumpy witch with grey spiral corkscrews of hair escaping from her hat.

'So, do I understand the situation? You report to us that Remus took a job which, he has apparently told you he wished to use as a means to increase the numbers of werewolves. You offer us no proof whatsoever of this, and you refuse to even discuss whether his confession was voluntary or whether means which would be illegal applied to non-werewolves were used to force it from him.'

'That is correct,' said Alhage, arching an insolent eyebrow and sitting back in his seat.

Shami also sat down. She was used to feeling professional disaccord with the barristers acting against her, but never had she wanted to vault over and punch one of them in the face.

'A good opportunity to have another vote, I believe,' said Eliza Birch.

This time, once the clouds of smoke had been counted, the result was slightly improved.

'227 believe Lupin was justified, 201 against, with 32 abstentions.'

This time, Shami was expecting the outburst that followed, and she sat and waited for it to end while she bit her lip and hoped. She felt completely adrift; no matter how many times she had cursed the English legal system with its clunking procedure, overcrowded courts and remote judiciary, she would have given anything to be back in the Crown Court trying this case in front of a jury of muggles with a defendant safely on display in the dock.

The Wizengamot's frantic debating went on longer this time. Remus's case appeared to be attracting more people now, to both sides. From what she could hear, Shami thought it had boiled down to one essential; whether or not werewolves were evil.

It did finally diminish though, and Eliza Birch could make herself heard as she invited further comments.

'Some of the idiots here seem to think that Lupin's guilty purely because he's a werewolf. All we hear is people who don't know him making assertions about him. How can we know if any of it is true?' demanded an immensely large woman. 'We need to hear from someone we know who knows this lad, someone we can trust. He went to school at Hogwarts eh - I reckon we should hear what Albus thinks!'

There was a further roar at this and it seemed to be fairly unanimous. The Wizengamot wanted to hear their leader.

Birch turned to Dumbledore and said something. He replied instantly and she nodded, and held up her hand for silence.

'We will hear from Albus Dumbledore. He delegated the direction of this convention to me due to his personal knowledge of Remus Lupin, but I believe we can hear from him more about Lupin's character and life history.'

There was murmuring in the hall, and much nodding of heads, and Dumbledore got to his feet.

'I have known Remus since he was a boy of ten. He had been a werewolf since he was a small boy, around five, and he could not remember a life before. Before I was the headmaster of Hogwarts, werewolves did not come to the school but, when the time came for the letters to go out to the new pupils, I sent one to him as well. His parents agreed that he could come, if precautions were taken, and so he caught the Hogwarts Express with all the other students.

'Remus was sorted into Gryffindor and there he made three great friends; James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. Together they formed a gang which became known as the Marauders. Sirius and James would play tricks and get into constant mischief, and sometimes Peter and Remus would join them. Their exploits were never serious and rarely malicious,' (he mentally crossed his fingers), 'and certainly Remus's part in them were typical schoolboy naughtiness, nothing more.

'He worked hard at school. He wasn't a naturally brilliant boy but he had brains and he liked to use then. He passed all his exams well and was quietly popular, on good terms with most of his fellow pupils. He had a certain amount of calming influence on Sirius and James, which culminated in him being made a prefect. He was very good with the younger students, and would occasionally teach lessons if teachers were indisposed.

'After school, along with his three friends and Lily Potter, then Evans, he joined the Order of the Phoenix and the fight against Voldemort. He was a ready made envoy to the werewolves, and he did whatever was required of him carefully, thoroughly and without fuss.

'After the fall of Lord Voldemort and the imprisonment of Peter, he and Sirius went their separate ways. Perhaps they had shared too much. I had not heard from him for a long time until recently, when he and Sirius wrote to ask to see Sirius's godson, Harry Potter. When we met, they had begun their relationship and both were as happy as I had ever seen them at school. Remus, despite the grave handicap of his condition, had made a place in muggle society, performing an important and skilled job admirably. Sirius had come to the university at which he taught, hoping for a reunion with his friend.

'Remus has always had a special place in my heart, among my many ex-pupils. He had born the burdens that life has given him stoically and with good cheer. He has always been a conscientious individual who has taken great care to ensure that no harm could come to others from himself, both as a werewolf and as a man. He has taken on a great many responsibilities in his life and has always given of his best to ensure that he did not let people down. He is eminently trustworthy, always thoughtful, and above all he is kind.'

He sat down again, and a spontaneous ripple of applause went through some of his audience. He inclined his head in gratitude, and folded his hands in his lap.

'Thank you Albus - er, Professor Dumbledore,' Mistress Birch said to him and he smiled back at her.

'Now, has anyone anything more to say? No…? Then I think we need to have another vote, if everyone is agreed,' she said, and turned to the counting clerk before, once more, the Wizengamot voted on the fate of Remus Lupin.


	39. Fight and Flight

Hey everyone, many thanks for all your reviews, it makes writing this feel worthwhile. I'm enjoying writing it but I'm glad it's not only giving pleasure to me!

* * *

Sirius and Snape whirled around, wands at the ready.

'Stop right there!' Sirius commanded.

The figure in the shadows stopped, his empty hands held high.

'I'm not going to do anything to you… whoever you are. You're not supposed to be here. Have you come to take Remus Lupin somewhere?'

His voice was oddly familiar to all three and Jane took a few tentative steps forward before giving a whoop of joy and rushing towards the stranger.

Her two companions advanced more cautiously and brandished their wands when Jane suddenly skidded to a halt a couple of metres from the man and demanded, 'Who the buggering fuck are you and what have you done with Remus?'

The stranger came into the light of a lamp and Sirius gasped.

'Are you sure it's not him?' he asked Jane urgently.

'See for yourself,' she said grimly.

'Polyjuice?' Sirius muttered to Snape as they edged closer, Jane backing away from the man who looked so like her friend and yet - wrong somehow.

Snape said nothing, just stopped and stared, and it was Sirius who looked closely into the face of Remus's double, his eyes widening as a look of recognition dawned on his face.

'Who are you?' Jane repeated angrily.

'It's Remus's twin brother. His name's -'

'Romulus?' Jane finished for him and he nodded, and she gave a small grin.

'Pleased to meet you,' she said and stuck out a hand.

'Jane, don't!' Sirius barked and she pulled back her hand as he addressed himself to Romulus. 'What in Hades are you doing in this place? How did you know Remus was here?'

'I work here,' said Romulus miserably.

'You _work _here?' said Jane, disgusted.

'Yes. I was just coming to look in on Re. A commander and some of the agents have been in with him and he'll be - well, I need to check on him.'

'He'll be _what_?' barked Sirius.

'Hurt,' whispered Romulus.

Behind her Jane heard Snape make a tiny sound, an exhalation that could have been on the way to a sob, but as she looked round he was upright, his face as mask-like as usual.

'I should kill you now,' Sirius growled and poked Romulus in the chest with his wand, making him flinch.

'I deserve whatever you do to me.'

Sirius looked at him with faint surprise but his face hardened again. 'You do. How could you do this to your brother - your twin?'

'I've - there's no excuse, I know that. I've worked here so long, it didn't used to be like this but now - well, I try and help the werewolves they catch, and all the others - it's not much but maybe it helps them a bit, I don't know.'

'You try to help them?'

'Yes,' Romulus replied to Jane. 'There's a bottle in my pocket, my left one. You can show it to Snape, he'll know what it is.'

Jane glanced at Sirius and seeing him give a little nod she reached into the man's pocket and pulled out a flask containing clear pink liquid. She took it over to Snape and he looked at it carefully, shook it and watched the bubbles, and finally uncorked it and smelt is before cautiously, delicately, pouring a drop on his finger and tasting.

'Sanoluptus,' he said, and there was a flicker of curiosity on his face. 'Well brewed, not adulterated and certainly not mass produced or from an apothecary's barrel.'

'I _was _a Ravenclaw,' retorted Romulus. 'It's not all that tricky.'

'But not the easiest healing potion by quite some distance, and quite rare. One of the best remedies for injured werewolves,' Snape said.

There was a change in the atmosphere.

'Seems like you're telling the truth,' Jane told Romulus.

'I never hated werewolves or half-breeds or anything. Re's just my little brother; I don't remember a time when he didn't have to be locked away for the full moon but equally I never noticed any other trouble until he started to realise what most people think about werewolves. _That _was when he began to feel like a monster. I remember my mum and dad carrying him upstairs from the cellar after each full moon. They'd be crying sometimes, and Re would be all scratched and bleeding and filthy but he'd have a day in bed and that was it until the month after. Our parents weren't muggles but they were quite eccentric types and of course Re was their son, they knew him, they knew he wasn't a danger. And although they were worried at first about Re not being allowed to go to school, how to break it to him that I could go and he couldn't, but they said Dumbledore contacted them quite soon after he got bitten and said he could go, they'd make somewhere safe for him for him to transform at school.'

'I remember you and him going off together sometimes at school,' Sirius said. 'You used to get on well. How come you didn't see each other any more? He doesn't talk about you at all.'

Romulus hung his head. 'I was stupid. As school went on I learned more and more about werewolves and how almost everyone seems to feel about them and when You Know Who came to power, well - I got scared of him, Remus I mean. He - You Know Who - was recruiting werewolves, everyone said that, and I started to think Re would want to join him. I can't believe it now, I can't forgive myself for it, but I was cruel to him. I told our parents about You-Know-Who and his werewolf army. I told him I thought he would join up with You-Know-Who. He tried and tried to convince me that wasn't true but in the end I - I said he would join in with all the other freaks.'

The eyes of Jane and Sirius were hard as they looked at Romulus, but they believed him. As for Snape, he remembered all too well making the choice he regretted most in his life.

'I knew I was wrong almost straight away but I thought it was too late. I tried to send letters but the magic wouldn't work - of course, if he was in a safe house or under cover with the wolves he would've made sure no one could contact him. I regretted it so much and… I gave up. I took this job; I thought I could help other werewolves even if I couldn't help him. Things have got worse and worse for them but I stayed on. I hoped that any good I could do would go a little way to making up for what a shit I'd been. If I left, they'd only find someone who hated all half-breeds… so I stayed on my job. I don't know if it was the right thing to do but I did it anyway.'

Everyone stood still and silent for a few moments, before Jane darted forward and cuffed Romulus over the head.

'You're a dick!' she initially admonished him, 'but you're sorting stuff out the best way you can. Now help us.'

'Help you do what?'

'We've come to rescue Remus. They Wizengamot are all discussing whether or not he actually did anything wrong and what should happen to him, but if they decide he's actually a bad'un they'll do god knows what to him.'

She knew that Sirius and Snape were tense and ready to attack him with their wands but she believed his story and she wanted to give him the opportunity to make some amends for what he'd done to his twin.

'I'll let him out,' Romulus told her. 'It should give you a decent start. But you should Stun me afterwards so I've got a good excuse for not knowing anything about this. And - don't let me see him, will you?'

'Don't you want to tell him what you've been doing?'

'I don't know if he'll believe me, and I don't know if it's enough.'

'Fine, okay. Are you ready?' said Sirius.

Snape made to give back Romulus's potion but the man shook his head. 'Give it to Re,' and Snape handed it to Sirius.

They stood around the door as Romulus tapped the door and muttered under his breath, before scurrying off around a corner. Sirius opened it and dashed forward to where Remus was lying while Jane hung back and Snape, after a long glance at Remus, followed Romulus.

Remus was curled up, naked but for a thin ragged blanket. Enough of him was visible to see the topography of scars, scabs and fresh oozing cuts that marked his pallid flesh, along with smears and smudges of dirt and blood. His hair was still only greyish stubble and even the skin of his head was marred with wounds.

Jane looked away as Sirius dropped to his knees beside him, bent his head down and kissed Remus's disfigured skin, smoothed his prickly head, whispered in his ear.

'I've come to get you Moony, my darling. Wake up sweetheart, it's time to go. Come on love, wake up. I'm here, it's Sirius.'

Remus was stirring as tears dropped slowly onto his face and neck from Sirius's eyes.

'Why're you crying love?' he asked blurrily, but then flinched and scrambled away in a panic, clutching his blanket and half-stumbling half-crawling frantically towards a corner before he woke fully and realised who it was.

'Oh fuck Re,' Sirius said and choked back a sob as Remus flung himself back towards him and into his waiting arms.

'Oh Sirius! You're here! Why are you here?' Remus asked, and he too began to cry. 'You're not in prison too?'

'No I'm not sweetheart,' Sirius murmured into his hair. 'We've broken in, me and Jane and Snape. We're leaving.'

He held Remus close for a few moments, trembling and biting back sobs. 'I'll never ever let anything like this happen to you ever again.'

'Guys,' Jane whispered urgently. Snape had returned and was looking up and down the corridor nervously. 'I'm so so sorry to interrupt - and Jesus it's wonderful to see you treacle - but we have to skedaddle before they realise we're here and send in the heavies.'

Remus looked up at her. 'I can't believe you're here too,' he said dazedly.

'Wouldn't have missed it for the world,' Jane told him, bending over and kissing his cheek before throwing Remus's possessions willy-nilly into the bag that Sirius had packed not so long ago, and tossing him a pair of trousers and a t-shirt. 'Now for god's sake let's do one.'

Sirius gave Remus the potion his twin had made and helped Remus dress as quickly as he could as Snape shrank the bag and gave it to Jane before handing another vial of potion to Remus.

'Thanks,' Sirius said.

'Pepper-up,' Snape told them brusquely and turned quickly away.

'Okay then love, up you come,' said Sirius as he and Jane helped Remus to his feet, smoke still pouring from his ears, his face quite bemused.

'I'm going to help you along and Sirius and Sev are going to be our guard of honour,' Jane told him with a grin, and Remus looped a heavy arm over her shoulders.

'You really shouldn't be here,' Remus muttered anxiously to her.

'We couldn't leave you here now could we?'

'But - if you're caught -'

'Don't worry about it. Concentrate on walking and we'll be out of here before you know it.'

They began their awkward departure, travelling away from the route they had come into unfamiliar territory. Remus was limping heavily and still looking bewildered, wincing with pain with every step. Jane tried to give him back his wand but he stared at it in his hand and let it drop with a clatter so that she had to stoop to get it while trying to prevent him falling.

They were out of the cell door and moving along the corridor when they heard a muffled shout and angry voices. Jane tried to hasten Remus along as best she could while Snape behind them waved his wand like a orchestra conductor as he murmured an unbroken flow of spells to hold up progress if they were pursued.

'What's happening?' Remus asked Jane confusedly, but she shushed him and tried for a reassuring smile.

The passages around them began to become wider once more, the lamps more numerous and brighter and the doors were normal wood rather than heavy security ones. They carried on, Remus getting paler and struggling more, Jane very red in the face but determinedly hurrying him on.

They had just gone over a sort of corridor crossroads when there was another shout, and the sound of running, and more voices much louder than before. Again Snape cast every charm, hex and jinx he could think of and he was gratified to hear the voices get louder and angrier as the unmistakable sounds of people walking into his spells echoed off the stones.

'Leave me behind,' Remus told Jane. 'They're going to get you otherwise. You'll - you'll never get back to Sheffield if you try to take me with you.'

'I don't want to get back if I don't take you with me, so you concentrate on not falling over,' Jane told him fiercely as Snape continued casting protective spells and Sirius peered ahead through the gloom.

They had carried on further through the stone passages, Sirius navigating with occasional snatched glances at the Ministry blueprints, until they burst out into the atrium where the lifts had dropped them what felt like weeks earlier. Any hope that blossomed was quickly sunk as from several doors and corridors people in dark robes with wands held threatening rushed forward.

'Jane! Go, go! Take him!' Sirius shouted as Snape cast some spell that made something silver, something huge, erupt from his wand.

She bundled Remus into a waiting lift, setting fire to a couple of their advancing attackers until the doors slid closed and only the metallic sounds of spells bouncing off them could be heard.

'Sirius… Severus,' Remus panted from the corner before he slid to the floor.

* * *

Shami watched anxiously at the Wizengamot once more sent their voting smoke into the stuffy air of the chamber and she was on the edge of her chair as the counting clerk signalled to Mistress Birch.

'We have a result,' announced the temporary leader, and Shami felt like she might be sick. 'We have decided that Remus Lupin, werewolf, _was _justified in his actions despite their illegality, by 308 to 127, 25 abstentions. We will therefore need at some point in the future to reconvene to assess the laws governing the behaviour of werewolves and other half-breeds and magical creatures. However, today we have one further matter to discuss; what further action, if any, should be taken against Lupin.'

Mistress Birch turned to Shami again. 'Have you anything to say?'

'Only this. You have found in your wisdom that the law that Remus broke was not a fair one, and that he had no choice if he wished to continue to have a place of shelter and food to eat but to break it. Therefore, I would ask that after his suffering at the hands of the Ministry he bet freed immediately and no more be heard about these events.'

'Master Alhage?'

'As the muggle says, you _in your wisdom _have found the wolf basically innocent. I only ask you to consider the potential damage he could have done and implore you to at least act in some way to prevent him from ever doing such things again.'

Mistress Birch was about to speak again when a great silver beast burst straight through the imposing double doors of the chamber and galloped up the tiers through the air.

To Shami it was like a ghost come to life, but so bright and so beautiful that it was difficult to look at it for too long.

The huge canine stopped right in front of Dumbledore and opened its shining mouth.

'Headmaster, we have hopefully succeeded but Black and I have been ambushed in the basement.'

The fire in Dumbledore's eyes made Shami feel frightened, but like most of the Wizengamot she felt she had no choice but to follow him.


	40. Defence Against Dark Arts

This is quite the landmark - chapter 40, no less. A couple to go, but I'm hopeful there will be a reasonably happy ending... I apologise for not replying personally to all the delightful reviews I have been receiving, but please take my grateful thanks. If you were here, I'd kiss you all full on the lips! (But only if you wanted me to). And yes, feel free to give feedback; I love it more than nicotine, caffeine and alcohol added together.

* * *

The lift doors began to open on the ground floor of the Ministry, but as Jane peeked through the gap she saw legions of black-clad wizards advancing on them with wands raised.

'Fuck,' she whispered, and hammered on the button to close the doors again. Spells again began to ricochet off the doors and she poked Remus's wand through the space and concentrated hard.

There was a barrage of crackling and flashes like muggle Guy Fawkes' night and then yells and angry spell-casting that dimmed when the doors clanged shut.

'It looks like we're in a bit of trouble Re,' Jane said softly. 'Think you can apparate?'

Remus just shook his head, eyes huge and frightened in his bloodied face.

'Portkeys it is,' Jane told herself and pressed the button for the fourth floor.

* * *

Snape and Sirius were back to back, wands whipping through the air as they threw out protection charms and disarming spells, blocking the attacks of the Department's enforcers. The air was alive with electric energy, the bright streaks of spells inflaming the basement like a discotheque. The Felix was helping as much as it could; over and over they should have been incapacitated but with the extra luck their reflexes were faster and their recall of defensive magic perfect.

Still, there were only two of them, and more and more wizards and witches poured in to try to subdue them. They were being forced gradually into a corner until finally they were side by side, backs against the wall, still fighting ferociously but knowing they had very little time left.

Sirius had no idea what a lot of the spells he was avoiding were. He crossed his fingers and hoped that neither of them would be hit by an Unforgivable before - well, before he could kiss Remus one more time at least.

Snape was much better informed. Having been on the wrong side in the previous war, he knew to what depths the Ministry of Magic was capable of sinking, justifying its actions on the premise of the lesser of two evils. He knew that they could not hold out much longer, but somehow that fact did not seem really to matter. What mattered was that Lupin could be spirited away by his muggle friend and, if he was at all capable of it, that Black should be reunited with him.

And so this was the thought running through Snape's mind as he unleashed a fury of magic on the Ministry goons, Sirius beside him before, as he knew it would, sooner or later, the torrent overcame him and Black was hit.

As Sirius crumpled to the ground, Snape felt rather than saw the arrows of magic still hurtling at them as though time had slowed and he had all the time in the world to think. He trusted to the Ministry - as he had sworn he never would - that Black was only stunned and not killed and, knowing that he himself had not enough time to protect both of them, he cast a resonant green charm around Black's prone form and succumbed to the onslaught.

He had not heard the noise of the lift arriving or seen it disgorge its passengers in the moments before he fell but, in the sudden silence that followed, the Ministry employees turned to see Albus Dumbledore, flanked by Mistress Birch and Shami Chatterjee.

'What has happened?' Dumbledore asked, and somehow no one wanted to meet those icy blue eyes.

Alhage had exited from another lift and was discoursing quietly with a couple of black-robed wizards.

'It appears that these two were attempting to break the werewolf out,' he sneered as Dumbledore knelt beside the two motionless bodies of his former students.

'And now? What is going on? Where the hell is Jane? And Remus… are they dead, Sirius and Severus? What the fuck have you done to them?' demanded Shami of Alhage.

'I would think these are valid questions,' Dumbledore said and even Alhage quailed. 'However… have the magimedics been summoned?'

'They're on their way, sir,' said a small anxious witch.

In the meantime, the lifts had continued arriving and more and more grizzled members of the Wizengamot had been stepping out and then gawking the sight that awaited them. The basement was becoming crowded and Dumbledore looked to Birch.

'We will await the arrival of the medics and then return to the convention, but - are there any others?'

She looked at Shami.

'Yes - at least, my friend Jane was coming with these two, and - did they get Remus out?'

'The werewolf has apparently been sprung from his cell,' said Alhage.

'So they are somewhere within the Ministry, I assume… that is, unless they have received the same treatment as these two unfortunates?' demanded Birch.

'As far as I am aware, they are still here. Somewhere.'

'Eliza, I will join you when I can,' Dumbledore told her and vanished back into a lift, leaving the gobsmacked Deputy Chief Mugwump to oversee the conveyance of Sirius and Snape to the sickbay.

* * *

Everything was quiet on the fourth floor apart from flashing orange lights at increments along the corridors. Jane glanced up and took them in, guessing their purpose and trying to keep hurrying Remus along.

'Come on love,' she told him frantically as they made their hopalong progress. 'Nearly there, that's it.'

She thanked all the figureheads who had taken the place of gods in her atheist life - coffee, Morrissey, Chaucer, cats, Germaine Greer - that Sirius and Severus had been so conscientious in instructing her on the Ministry's layout. She felt sure she could have made her way to the Portkey Store in her sleep, and so used most of her mental energy in keeping her eyes peeled for any marauding security officers, no longer feeling bizarre for holding out a wooden stick in front of her as a weapon.

They were in luck. Every corner they turned only unscrolled into more empty passages, no alarms went off, no doors opened, and rather sooner than it felt like she found herself in front of yet another door.

There was no sign on it, no visible lock, but as she looked back down the corridor and counted the doors again she knew it was the right one. She opened it and half-carried Remus inside, closing it behind her and then stared around perplexed.

Although the two wizards had given her a brief explanation of portkeys ('You touch them and they take you somewhere else') and she had seen many new sights in the past few weeks, she was still surprised to see a huge room with thousands of ornate glass-fronted shelves and beautifully calligraphed labels containing what looked to her eyes like rows of -

'Junk?'

Remus managed a weak smile. 'To stop them standing out,' he told her and coughed.

'So what, I should just grab one and cross my fingers?'

'Yes, but grab me first or you'll get taken off on your own.'

'Your lot are weird,' Jane told him as she handed Remus his wand and rifled through her bag for something to break the glass with. 'So any way of telling where we'll end up?'

Remus stared at the nearest labels to him. They were difficult to read, the letters curling and mingling into each other, but he could just about make out the string of characters on a label underneath an empty beer can. They read 54º38'08"N 0º45'43"W, and he wrinkled his nose curiously.

'I don't know what they are, just a load of numbers and letters,' he said to Jane, and she peered in to take a closer look.

'I'd say they're co-ordinates,' she said. 'Damn, I wish I'd done geography instead of wasting my life on dead scribblers. Okay, now I do know that Greenwich is at a somethingitude of zero, the top to bottom ones… so I suppose… which is longitude and which is latitude? Bugger bugger bugger. Come on woman, think. What does it go up to? Er… oh yeah! Flatitude! So Greenwich is at a longitude of zero, not west or east… this is promising - Re?' she broke off, startling Remus who had been sitting propped against a shelf with his eyes closed. 'Do you think a portkey might end up taking us to the middle of the sea?'

'I'd think it's unlikely, but lots of very unlikely things have happened recently,' Remus told her, his eyes fluttering open. 'I shouldn't think so; why would anyone make a portkey to go to the sea? I 'spect it'll be fine.'

'That doesn't exactly fill me with confidence,' Jane muttered, looking at the co-ordinates of the other nearby portkeys. 'But I suppose we don't exactly have a -'

She was interrupted by the crash of the door being flung open and a couple of black-clad wizards dashing into the room, wands pointing right at them.

'Don't move a muscle! You are under arrest, muggle! And as for you, wolf…'

They walked menacingly forward. Remus had his hands up, his wand on the ground in front of him.

'We've had direct orders to kill you on sight,' said one of them, and as they drew closer Remus could see it was Ginger. He could not stop his hands shaking.

Jane edged forward then sprang in front of Remus.

'You can't just bloody well go round killing people!' she hissed, and the men looked slightly startled at being accosted like this by a small red-headed muggle with no visible weapon.

'We'll not hurt you, unlike that beast you're trying to protect, if you be sensible and move away,' said Ginger's companion.

'As if I'm just going to step aside and let you shoot - whatever - get him with your stupid wands,' Jane said scornfully. 'You don't want to hurt me or my lot will get seriously pissed off and, I don't know, napalm your fucking parliament or prison or whatever this damned place is.'

'Look, we've got ways of incapacitating you, some more painful than others, so I'd suggest you do what we say. We're going to kill the werewolf anyway.'

'Jane, for heaven's sake, just let them do it,' said Remus behind her and she shook her head vigorously.

'You've got until the count of three,' said Ginger softly. 'One.'

There was absolute quiet. Jane was calculating the distance between her and the men - could she get there before they fired off a spell at her?

'Two.'

No, too far, and she'd have to turn her back on them and bend to get Remus's wand, not enough time. He wasn't moving and she knew he wouldn't attack these men if it might put her in danger. And there was no time to smash the glass and get the -

'Thr-'

* * *

Shami watched as the witches and wizards in white robes knelt over the two fallen men, passing their wands over them and speaking quietly amongst themselves. They conjured two stretchers out of thin air, a feat that impressed her a great deal, and floated them on before standing up and making to leave.

'Are they going to be okay?' Shami asked anxiously. 'What's the matter with them?'

'This chap'll be fine,' said a gruff witch, indicating Sirius who was indeed beginning to stir. 'Not so sure about him. He's been hit with quite the cocktail of hexes. We'll have to do some more tests before we know anything.'

'Where are you taking them?'

'St Mungo's, love.'

'Where? Oh, I don't know about these things, I'm a muggle.'

The woman stared at her curiously. 'It's the place of healing for magical people. If you managed to make it in here I'm sure you'll be able to get in and visit, and we'll be able to tell you more about this 'un.'

'His name's Severus,' said Shami inconsequentially, looking down at Snape's white face and wondering what had possessed him, to let himself be hit by so many curses.

Sirius's eyes flickered open before they got him into a lift and he saw Shami standing there.

'Where's Re?' he asked her groggily.

'I don't know,' she told him. 'I think he's gone off with Jane, but… nobody knows.'

'Snape?'

'He'll be okay,' she lied, and had to swallow hard as the magimedics took them off to the mysterious St Mungo's.

* * *

The door had smashed open once more and a streak of blue had raced forward and somehow interposed itself between the Ministry men and Jane and Remus. There were more blurs, almost too fast to see, and first one then the other man toppled rigidly over, surprise still etched on their faces.

'Who's that?' Jane called, barely able to believe that she and Remus were both still alive and still conscious.

The man came forward, stepping over the fallen men, and gave a very familiar grin.

'Oh my god!' Jane said. 'Romulus! Shit! Thank you!'

Remus was struggling to his feet.

'Rom?' he said wonderingly.

Jane busied herself with her bag, facing the shelves, but as noisy as she tried to be, she could still hear.

'Remus I - I know it's no good, it's nothing, but I'm so sorry for everything.'

Remus limped over to him.

'It was you, you were the one who came with potions and tea, but - I thought it couldn't possibly be, I thought you hated me and - what I am.'

'I've been such an idiot,' said Romulus and his voice, like Remus's but not hoarse, vocal cords undamaged from monthly screams and howls, sounded thick as if he was trying very hard to hold back some emotion that was threatening to overwhelm him.

'But you - why were you so - how could you be so… why have you come and done this when you looked at me as if you hated me, and you spoke to me like a - an _animal.'_

'I had to be - otherwise I couldn't have stayed on. I've - well, I thought it was some small way I could try to make amends, to you and to all the others they catch. They would get some other brute in, someone who'd like hurting werewolves just because they could. I just thought - it was better that it was me. At least I could help you a little bit.'

'So you don't believe any of it - what they said about me, I mean.'

'Of course not. I know you're not capable of anything like that. I know you never want to hurt anyone. I'm the one who's the monster, the one who could be so awful to his own brother.'

'Really?' Remus whispered.

'Re - I wish there was something I could say to persuade you, I wish I could say how sorry I am for everything I've done to you…'

'You've made a start, haven't you?' said Remus's muffled voice, and Jane guessed they were embracing.

'Now you've got to go,' said Romulus. 'These will wake up soon,' he nudged the men with a disdainful foot, 'and you'd better be long gone.'

'Do you know what's happened to Sir and Severus? Remus asked him.

'No, I'm sorry, but if I can get a message to you I can. Now go! I'll see you again I hope - that is, if you want to.'

'I'd love to,' Remus said, and hugged his twin once more. 'Thank you… goodbye.'

'Thank you,' Jane echoed. 'See you soon.'

She handed the wand to Remus again as he pulled away from his brother when the door opened once more and yet more wizards rushed in, and once more magic filled the air.

Romulus brandished his wand, deflecting their spells and casting protections as best he could. Remus made to rush to his side but Jane caught his hand and Romulus shouted, 'Go, go!' and she smashed the glass with her foot, squeezed Remus's hand tightly and reached out to touch the beer can.


	41. The Truth

Apologies for tardiness in posting the next chapter. Things are a little tricky, what with all these threads to try to tie up satisfactorily at the same time. And so I've slipped back into far more reading than writing; it's the easy option! Hope this is okay. Not long to go now.

* * *

Dumbledore arrived into the portkey store as Romulus was battling three Ministry men. He quelled them with a word and a hand outstretched.

'Remus?' he said to Romulus, who understood that he was not being mistaken for his twin but instead asked where he might be.

'Portkeyed out with Jane.' He indicated the space where the beer can had stood, shards of glass carpeting the shelf and floor below.

Dumbledore nodded and glanced at the portkey coordinates.

'I will take Mr Lupin downstairs to the Department. In the meantime, I ask you please to all stand guard outside this room. _No one_, short of the Minister of Magic or myself, is to come in.'

The men looked at each other uncertainly before agreeing. They had all attended Hogwarts after all, and obedience to old school teachers is hard to shake off. As they turned to leave, Dumbledore raised his eyebrows at the co-ordinates and they twisted like snakes and reformed to a new pattern. Romulus shot him a tremulous smile and he returned it, kindly but distracted.

'You did well, my boy.'

Romulus blushed less at the praise than with shame for the past and Dumbledore laid a surprisingly comforting hand on his shoulder.

'We have all made mistakes,' he murmured, 'but we do not all get the chance to repair them. You have, and you will.'

'Thank you sir,' Romulus replied softly.

They went together down to where most of the members of the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds were still gathered.

'Remus Lupin has left the Ministry,' he announced to the throng, directing his words to Alhage who stood surrounded by minions, a sour look upon his face. 'He has been found innocent of malicious wrong-doing by the Wizengamot but we have not yet discussed what more should be done, if anything. Until such time, he will _not _be pursued. Sirius Black and Professor Snape will remain in St Mungo's, under guard if you wish, but they will _not _be moved without the agreement of the Wizen.'

'What have you been up to then, _Lupin_? Been helping your twin escape?' demanded a man of Romulus, who hesitated.

'He has been with me,' said Dumbledore firmly. 'Now, Ophiuchus, perhaps you and I should first pay a visit to St Mungo's to check on Sirius and Severus and then return to the convention.'

Alhage obeyed without any conspicuous grace and they walked into a lift, the Department's head radiating hostility from every muscle and the Hogwarts headmaster entirely and icily calm.

* * *

Jane stroked Remus's back as he retched emptily. She didn't blame him; taking a portkey was, she thought, rather like rapidly looping-the-loop over and over again. Luckily she had always like rollercoasters.

He finally seemed to settle and, hiccupping and with tears in her eyes, turned to her.

'Sorry,' he said, and sniffed acid that made him cough.

'Oh sweetheart,' said Jane and enfolded him in a gentle hug, smoothing his hair and then kissing his clammy cheek. '_I'm _sorry. This wasn't exactly what we had planned.'

She let go and rummaged in the extraordinarily capacious bag she had brought with her before finally coming up with a bottle of water.

'Here you go,' she said, and as Remus sipped gingerly at it she looked around.

They were in the countryside and all alone, which was good. It was green and the sun was shining, which was also good. However, the craggy hills looked unfamiliar, dotted with bushes and the odd tree but no other cover, which was distinctly bad.

There was a nearby stream gurgling down a rocky bed, and what looked like a couple of standing stones on top of a nearby hill, but otherwise no recognisable landmarks, no signs of habitation, no roads or lanes or even sheep.

'Where the fuck are we?' Jane sighed, and spent a moment feeling lost and helpless before she fought it down and plunged her hand once more into the bag. She finally squawked in triumph and pulled out a heavy sack that took great effort to drag it out onto the grass.

'What's that?' Remus asked. He looked a bit better, a little more orientated, his face slightly less grey and his eyes beginning to regain their sparkle.

'It's a tent,' panted Jane. 'If we're going to sleep on the hills of god-knows-where, we can at least be under canvas.'

Remus seemed to accept that and, as Jane wrestled with the poles and pegs of an ancient ridge tent he curled up on the ground like a child and fell asleep. She looked over at him, retrieved a blanket from the bag and covered him up. He did not stir and she returned reluctantly to the tent.

* * *

Sirius was pacing the ward agitatedly when Dumbledore and Alhage arrived.

'Remus?' he asked immediately.

'Gone, portkeyed with Jane,' Dumbledore told him, and Sirius turned away briefly, his shoulders tense and his head hanging. When he turned back his eyes were suspiciously bright and he gave a watery smile.

'We have orders not to pursue the wolf,' Alhage said sourly, and Sirius glowered at him.

'How is Severus?' asked Dumbledore.

Sirius turned to him and his grey eyes were full of fear.

'I don't know,' he said. 'He's still unconscious. The magimedics did their best but - he got hit by a load of curses all at once, apparently. They - they're using his own potions, the ones that he makes for the people here.'

'He chose to do what he did, and I feel sure he would choose it again,' Dumbledore said, and Sirius nodded.

Dumbledore walked over to the bed where Snape was lying, still and white. He took one of his hands, with its long clever potion-stained fingers, and dropped a kiss on his cold forehead.

'Remus is safe,' he said in a low voice and only imagined that he saw some tension leave the unconscious man's face.

'We must go,' he said to Sirius when he had straightened his aching back once more. 'The Wizengamot will still be in session. Be safe my boy.'

He enfolded Sirius into an unexpected hug and pretended not to notice how his body trembled.

The two, Dumbledore and Alhage, took the direct floo to the Ministry and made their way once more to the great hall where the Wizengamot were sitting. They took their places quietly and listened to what was being said.

'…and so, the werewolf Remus Lupin was found by you to have acted justifiably,' said Mistress Birch. 'However the situation has become more complex. It would appear that three of Lupin's friends, Professor Severus Snape, potions master of Hogwarts, Sirius Black of the Blacks of Grimmaud Place and one muggle female, a Jane Tomkins, have taken matters into their own hands. Black and Snape are currently in St Mungo's and Tomkins has escaped with Lupin. Their whereabouts are currently unknown.

'It seems that these three were in great fear for Lupin's life. After all, prior to the Chief Mugwump drawing this matter to our attention, Lupin was held in secret captivity. Madam Chatterjee has told us that they were informed that Lupin was in ongoing and increasing danger, regardless of the outcome of this convention of the Wizengamot.

'I believe, and I urge you to dissent if you disagree, that the crux of this new matter rests on whether they were correct; whether the Department headed by Master Alhage who were holding Lupin prisoner did in fact have plans to transfer or further punish Lupin even if we found him innocent. Were they planning to disobey the findings of the Wizengamot?'

'I therefore invite you to discuss an uncommon and unconventional proposal. I propose that we question Master Alhage under influence of Veritaserum.'

Shami turned to Dumbledore, ignoring the hubbub, and said, 'What's that, and why's everyone so exercised?'

'Veritaserum is a potion, complicated to brew and restricted in its use, that compels whoever takes it to only speak the truth. Its use in our legal system is very rare for reasons which have been mostly forgotten.'

'So you've got something that stops people lying? Why on earth don't you just use that instead of going through all this rigmarole?'

'I'm sure you will hear some of the objections against its use,' Dumbledore told her. He glanced at Alhage, who looked even more inscrutable than ever.

'I'd love to get my hands on some of that,' Shami muttered. Then, 'How are Sirius and Professor Snape?'

'Sirius is fine, up and about and anxious. Severus… no one is sure of his prognosis. He is still unconscious.'

'Shit,' Shami said, shaking her head, then laying an uncertain hand on Dumbledore's sleeve. 'He'll be okay. And if he's not - I think he would - well - if it all ends alright for Remus, I think that would be…'

Dumbledore nodded and patted her hand absent-mindedly as they returned their attention to the ongoing debate.

'How can we trust the brewer of the potion?' bellowed an immensely fat wizard.

'And besides, should we not be able to rely upon the integrity of magical peoples?' a witch near him piped up.

'That's all very well but Alhage's always been a fishy fellow and you can't trust him an inch!' she was scolded by another witch.

'But - there's no free will involved - is it really _ethical_?' queried a very old man with tiny round spectacles in a querulous voice.

'Bugger ethics!' the same witch told him. 'Alhage'd torture his dear old mum if he thought he could get away with it!'

'Wouldn't we be setting a dangerous precedent?'

'Dangerous my great-aunt Hecate. We don't have to let it be a precedent.'

'And - how else will we sort this mess out?'

'That poor werewolf's got friends who are willing to go to prison for him - shouldn't we at least find out if they had a point instead of just packing them off to Azkaban?'

'Nobody's said anything about Azkaban!'

'Yes, but can you really imagine them ending up anywhere else? Breaking into the ministry, rescuing a werewolf under investigation - if their reasons aren't confirmed then you know they'll be there for years.'

As always, the noise eventually died away, and Mistress Birch called for yet another vote, this time on the legality of force-feeding the head of the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds truth potion.

* * *

Jane had, with great difficulty, constructed a fire that continued to burn. In the middle of it was a kettle and she was waiting eagerly for it to boil.

'Do you want a cup of tea?' she asked Remus, who was stirring.

'Oooh, love one,' Remus told her, sitting up immediately.

'Afraid we haven't got any milk.'

'That doesn't matter… a cup of tea!'

She smiled at his eager face and set to making it.

'Have you seen anyone or anything while I've been asleep?'

'Nope. We are officially stranded in the middle of nowhere. But at least no-one's come looking for us yet.'

'And any idea of what's - of course not. You know, I keep forgetting that you're not actually a witch.'

'I wish I could forget that! If I was, we could have got out of there much quicker, and with Sirius and Severus as well. I wish I could tell you what's happened to them. I wish I knew myself.'

She handed him a steaming enamel mug of tea and took one for herself.

'I can't thank you enough, Jane,' said Remus was he blew on the surface of his drink, purposely not looking up.

'Re my darling, how long have we been friends? I couldn't possibly have let all this happen without doing something.'

'Yes but what about your -'

'Enough! D'you honestly think I'd've sat at home while the others tried to sort this out?'

'I pity the poor woman who ends up marrying you,' muttered Remus with a grin a few moments after her statement.

'Enough of that, you cheeky bloody whelp. Do you think you'll manage some magic soon?'

'I reckon so… I wouldn't want to apparate us when I'm still a bit of a mess, don't want us to end up splinched - that's when a bit of you goes and a bit of you stays. Nasty - but yes I could manage some easy stuff.'

'Well if you can't take us anywhere, I reckon he might as well stay here. If you could manage some sort of radiator charm that would probably be appreciated tonight, but other than that we've got everything we need to survive for a bit.'

'That sounds sensible. I just - I wish we could find out what's going on.'

'So do I, Remy-boy, but unless you can dig up a cunning plan from that brain of yours, we're stuck here for now in blissful ignorance…'

* * *

'So then, we are agreed,' Mistress Birch said, looking around the auditorium at the wrinkled faces of the wisest witches and wizards of magical Britain. 'Master Alhage will be questioned under the influence of Veritaserum.'

Alhage's face was set in its usual supercilious disdain but Shami had noticed the blood draining from his face when the Wizengamot had come to their decision and wondered exactly what might come out during the interrogation. Several grim-faced people in navy robes came over and sat surrounding him, guaranteeing he did not swallow anything or attempt to flee.

The clerk had been sent with a chit signed by Birch to retrieve a dose of the potion from the Ministry's stores. He was accompanied by three of the Wizen; their role to ensure no possibility of tampering during the potion's collection prior to its consumption. The remainder had seemed to relax somewhat, summoning cups of coffee and food from tables which had appeared at the side of the room.

Shami had watched, impressed, as the refreshments zoomed across the vast space, not a single drop or crumb falling to the floor. She had stood up to get herself something in the muggle way before Dumbledore put a hand to her sleeve and asked what she would like. She sat down again, grateful not to be even more of a spectacle than she already was. Many of the Wizen's eyes were still upon her, politeness being overcome by the fascination of a muggle on their midst.

As she drank her coffee, the clerk returned with a small black box and the guards who had departed with him. They continued to stand close by as from the box he withdrew a tiny colourless object that Shami was too far from to see clearly.

'It's so small,' she breathed to herself.

'But so powerful,' Dumbledore murmured. 'And made by Severus, I should imagine. He would be - he _will _be pleased to know the role he has played. Only a few drops are needed, and then someone's secrets are open for anyone to plunder.'

At a word from one of the wizards in blue, Alhage slowly rose to his feet and made his way down the many stairs until he stood in the centre of the circular tier of seats. The same wizard then waved his wand and a chair appeared. Alhage sat down as the clerk approached, still accompanied. As he walked, Shami could see the potion was in a crystal vial, an insignificant-looking clear fluid like water. He stood before Alhage, removed the stopper, and Alhage haughtily tipped his head back a little and opened his mouth. The room was quiet as the clerk upended the bottle over his mouth and the potion ran in.

The clerk replaced the stopper, then put the bottle back carefully in the box which he closed and carried away. The three who had surrounded him returned to their seats, and once they sat the hall was completely silent as they all watched the man, still white but composed and still as marble, staring into the distance.

A few minutes passed before Mistress Birch stood and walked over to him. She cast the spell, first on him and then herself, that would make their voices carry and then conjured her own chair and sat opposite him.

'Master Alhage, you have been given Veritaserum so that we may ask you questions about the werewolf Remus Lupin. Do you understand?'

'Yes,' he replied tonelessly, and Shami felt a shiver run down her spine.

'Please state your full name.'

'Ophiuchus Cassius Alhage.'

'Your position within the Ministry?'

'Head of the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures and Half-Breeds.'

'And your date of birth?'

'March the first, 1956.'

'Good. Now tell me how this began. How did you first become aware that there was a problem with Remus Lupin?'

'Werewolf XZ3289735 came to my attention in November of this year. It wrote a letter to the Department regarding potential employment it would be allowed to take up. It was informed of its responsibility to request specific permission for each job it was offered. It did this for several days before we heard nothing further.'

'How did you find out Lupin had taken a job despite your department denying permission?'

'We received a letter from Severus Snape, potions master at Hogwarts School, who makes the wolfsbane for the werewolf every month. He informed us that it was working illegally.'

'And what happened then?'

'Members of the department went to its place of abode and brought it to the Ministry to be held within the Department for questioning.'

'During his time with you, how was Lupin treated?'

'As a beast should be.'

'Please elaborate, Master Alhage.' Birch's voice was hard.

'It was fed. It was kept captive. It was questioned.'

'How did you persuade him to answer your questions?'

'Cruciatus. Muggle-type techniques. No success until we used the beast's twin.'

'Romulus Lupin? How was he, ah, _used?'_

'He was placed in a room with the wolf minutes prior to the rise of the full moon to encourage the beast to talk.'

From where she sat, Shami could see Mistress Birch's lips tighten.

'And was that successful?'

'It told us it was planning to infect muggle customers of its workplace.'

'Did he stick to this story the following day?'

'No. The wolf denied it. Claimed it had fabricated the story to allow the brother to leave before its transformation.'

'And what did you do?'

'Continued interrogating using the previous methods.'

'With any results?'

'No.'

'So, you tortured Lupin but except for when you threatened his brother, he refused to admit anything.'

'The wolf admitted working illegally. That was all.'

'I see. And was anyone informed of his imprisonment?'

'No.'

'What did you plan to do with Lupin?'

'Continue questioning until it confessed.'

'And if he would not confess?'

'Send him to Azkaban.'

'And once his case had come to the attention of the Wizengamot? Did you intend to be guided by our decision?'

'We had planned to summon a Dementor as soon as possible.'

'Despite the ongoing investigation into Lupin's case?'

'Yes.'

'Why would you summon a Dementor?'

'To give the wolf the Kiss.'


End file.
